


Riyeht-aitlun t'Vulcan

by sweetlikepi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Bondage, Domestic Violence, Graphic Sex, Group Sex, M/M, Plot With Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sex Work, Slow Burn, T'hy'la, Tarsus IV, Vulcan OCs - Freeform, alternative universe, brothel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 88,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlikepi/pseuds/sweetlikepi
Summary: Jim becomes a ward of the Vulcan state to recover from Tarsus IV. After living in such a strict culture Jim finds himself involved in work that expresses his physical passions. Finding a new life as an adult will be difficult, finding a new life where Spock continually becomes more permanent does not make it any easier. Relationships in Jim's life come and go in the harshest of ways while he avoids the destined truth of who he is supposed to be with.A recollection of life after Tarsus IV. Where James T. Kirk's passions and traumas are often intertwined.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 28
Kudos: 63





	1. The End of the End, the Beginning of the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNBETA'd. 
> 
> While I should work on my other fanfic, this one was eating me away. And graduate school is stressful so I love writing my OTP.

Chapter 1: The End of the End, the Beginning of the Beginning

STARDATE 2248.209

Dried crops, rotted flesh, and choices that children shouldn’t make that left other children starved permeated a not so innocent’s dreams. It wasn’t just nightmares; it was reality and reality happened to be blue eyes that had barely closed only to be awoken by hoarse screams that belonged to him. The question always started with: why him? But intrusive thoughts led directly to the numerous messes the teen managed to get himself into, messes that led him to this exact moment. Azure eyes bore into the unfinished ceiling of the unfinished basement, which currently functioned as a hiding hole while other children slept.

Memories infiltrated his mind, how a teen like the blond ended up on a planet that planned on ensuring his untimely death. The trouble had begun at the stereotypes, dead father, absent mother, abusive step-father which led to the teen starting fights because he was angry and was getting beat on at home. It was disrupting class and arguing with teachers because Jim had been bored in class and instead of being placed in higher-level courses was admonished for his intolerable need to correct teachers. School ended after multiple expulsions and the tiny school district handed over Jim’s high school diploma at age 13 when the final school finally begged him to test out.

Meanwhile, Jim’s brother was still finishing high school like the exceptionally normal teen he was, which meant the younger teen had nothing to do at home. So, to entertain himself in boring Riverside, Iowa Jim began to steal the smallest items from a knick-knack shop. Then it moved to hacking some of the small store signs to say illicit phrases unfortunately his hacking skills were rudimentary at the time, and Jim definitely got caught for that crime. The punishment had been a slap on the wrists by the authorities and a few more slaps from his step-father before the man eventually locked Jim in his room for a few days.

Jim had upgraded his mother's home during that time. An old barn house left in the 19th century that barely had technological updates when it was appropriate. The long days and nights locked in his room Jim hacked into the systems and brought the place into the 23rd century. Musings of those few days were a bit nicer than remembering the day after he was freed from captivity and his hack-a-thon. Sam, Jim’s older brother, became a runaway. The young man had said goodbye to Jim after he was released, bruising on the older teen’s face indicated he had tried to defend Jim, but Frank was a bit bigger and a bit stronger. Watching Sam leave was Jim’s breaking point.

Jim had finally had it with his existence. Anger was his driver and instead of crying about all of his losses, Jim stole the keys to the car his father's rebuilt before the blond was even born. It was easy to get the car to the highest speeds possible, although Jim was small and almost too short for the peddles. There was a vague conversation between him and his Step-Father, wherein Jim definitely told the man to fuck off and Frank told him he’d call the authorities. It hadn’t been long when the hover trooper found him. The hot turn into a closed-off canyon hadn’t really alarmed Jim all that much.

What had alarmed the young teen was the oncoming cliff. Quick thoughts told Jim he didn’t actually want to die, he wanted to never see Frank again, which mean that any juvenile criminal facility was a far better option than death. So, the blond took the leap from the car, tucked and rolled to save himself from any major bone breaking. The blond could still feel the bruises and sprains from the event, or maybe that was just from the beating he received from the guards who had caught him a few days ago stealing extra food from storage.

A few light breaths broke through his memory and Jim thought some of the children were waking up so he paused in his thoughts. No one stirred more than one should while asleep so Jim fell back into his mind because although the memories were painful, not as painful as the pangs in his stomach. Jim’s mom had pulled as many strings as she could being in Starfleet Command despite Frank’s insistence with the authorities that Jim be charged with Grand Theft Auto to the fullest extent. Frank had been ignored, luckily, and the options were a reformation mining camp on Earth or a foster family and minor labor on a colony planet.

The labor colony was meant to be a stable home and enough stimulation for Jim’s mind. How that labor colony ended up becoming hell in two and a half years, well fifteen-year-old Jim couldn’t really say. All he knew is he was sent to this colony and forgotten like always, and unfortunately for everyone else on this planet, they were forgotten too. Food that survived the fungal blight had not been enough for the 8000 colonists. Four thousand people were killed the moment Governor Kodos had a chance. Jim with the help of a close friend found kids that were targets for Governor Kodos’ “revolution”, hidden in homes and under the bodies of their dead families. Jim’s own foster parents had been killed, and though it may have been the closest Jim had ever felt to being in a real family, he was sure it was more painful for those that had grown up with their parents on this planet.

Jim was back to the unfortunate present and the sun’s steady rise, streaming into the cracks of covered basement windows. Next to him, a body shuffled closer, pressing against his side and radiated heat the blond didn’t know his body had been begging for. The blond turned on his side and rolled until he was halfway covering the other teen that laid next to him. There had been a connection before the chaos a playful and curious one that had them hiding in cornfields kissing and rolling around wrestling. Now, they just clung to any comfort they could find in each other, warmth, food, and still, sometimes, before any of the younger children woke up, they shared small pecks. They didn’t hold the same weight, the pit of Jim’s stomach no longer had butterflies when they exchanged warmth between chapped lips. It was purely to remind themselves they were still alive.

As others began to stir Jim pealed himself away with reluctance and crawled out of the cellar doors of the basement. Kevin was better at handling the kids than Jim was, he was a better influence, kinder, and more prepared to handle young people gently. Jim was meant to be punished. Keeping others safe from trauma with his hardened mind was his punishment and his burden. Ensuring the safety and health of everyone so they weren’t picked off by Kodo’s guards. The blond slipped into a bush next to the wooden cellar doors and pulled out a phaser. It was almost out of juice, but Jim rarely used it, lanky and fast managed to work to get him away faster than aiming any phaser, but it was necessary if the guards were on the property it would be best to be able to use the weapon.

A quick parameter check around the burnt down home they lived under and a much longer one around the farm had Jim back to the basement with the sun completely above the horizon. The blond heard the whines of children who were hungry through the cellar doors. His own stomach ached because he had given his rations away to others behind Kevin’s back. Kevin’s brunet head poked out of one of the doors exchanging a silent and desperate look, asking Jim to do what Kevin wasn’t brave enough to do. Kevin, while older by a year or so, and bigger than Jim, had been saved from Kodos’ wrath personally by the blond and took Kodos’ beatings for it.

Jim gave a quiet nod and cautiously made the dangerous trek to town; he stored his phaser pistol away on an inside pocket of a battered brown faux leather jacket he wore. It was the first gift his foster parents had provided him. The blond tried to flatten his wavy blond hair down and spit clean the dirt off of his face. His foster parents on Tarsus had loved him through his outburst of anger and melancholy Jim had a lot of emotional trauma that had been well managed and the teen had almost begun to feel normal. The blond had been so close to normalcy that he never expected to want and the jacket had been the first symbol of that love they poured into him.

Having more intelligence than he knew what to do with didn’t mean he wasn’t lonely; didn’t mean he didn’t want the love of a parent and the discipline he desperately needed. However, it did help in chaotic scenarios to compartmentalize and plan. As Jim came upon the edge of town he focused on the task at hand. The plan was always the same, he’d use his and his “siblings” meal tickets, of which there were only three, and be allowed to gather the allotted food. While the guards had their backs turned on him, he’d steal some more and ration it out to everyone. Sometimes the plan worked, other times, Jim was beaten or worse and then managed to run away with his stolen goods.

Jim hoped he had at least looked decent enough, his foster mother had always tried to tame James’ hair, but the waves were thicker as they grew out and not always worth bothering with. The line was long today, longer than usual, a lot more murmuring than usual. Kodos’ guards ensured quiet over crowds of hungry people, lest everyone get shot. The young teen shifted to see what caused the noise at the front of the line, having been lost in his musings when he arrived at the end. The food processing turned storage facility was on fire. The storage facility where the food was. Where the rest of the supplies the colony had to survive for the next six months before a Star Fleet ship finally came.

Jim wasn’t sure if his response time was quicker or if his high intelligence allowed him to think past the hunger. Because it took no time upon seeing the large flames for Jim to start sprinting towards the front of the line where the guards held a strong blockade to stop any trespassers. As he ran others saw him and ran too, adults broke the chain of armed guards for him to slip by, the adults were faster and bigger than him. It allowed the young teen to slip past the chaos of adults and guards fighting. The food storage didn’t just hold their rations it held Kodos and his family. If Jim could get there fast enough, he could kill the Governor and it would be over with. The chaos would end.

The closer he got to the large metal building, the hotter it became, despite having just been bragging about his own mental faculties to himself, Jim was not quick enough to see an explosion coming. The large generators behind and inside the building that had caused the original electrical fire finally gained enough heat and exploded. The whole storage facility blew up, fire and debris launched out of windows, and pieces of the metal roof flew into the sky. Jim’s weak body was thrust back by the pressure, embers and metal sliced and burned his delicate skin. The crash into the ground sent him into a tumble until his head hit rubble and effectively knocked Jim out.

* * *

The world around him felt hot, but not like the fires from the explosion, and tight, but not because of childhood asthma from underdeveloped lungs. The more the blond came to, the more blue eyes blinked rapidly into the harsh light and the louder his groans became. Artificial sunlight above made him squeeze his eyes shut again, wishing to go back to the endless sleep he had been in. Jim then discovered he couldn’t turn his body away from the light because of how tight he felt. So, with a tilt of his head, Jim only opened one eye to observe why he felt so tight. Not only was he in a straitjacket, but strapped down to a bio-bed that constantly beeped his vitals.

The bio-bed was honest to god going nuts now that Jim was conscious. Maybe not only because Jim was conscious, but because he was thrashing trying to get out of a medieval torture device. A door slid open at one side of the room and quiet but hurried steps came inside the private medical room. Suddenly the lights above him were blocked and he could open his eyes a bit more to examine a woman above him, Jim couldn’t stop the snarl the fell from his lips as she checked his vitals with a tricorder. She was foreign and he couldn’t quite place it. Normally, under conditions where he wasn’t being restrained against his will, Jim would be far more curious about an alien than angry. But this was like stories that were told before alien contact where alien abductions occurred often and they poked and prodded you without your consent.

Another alien joined her; Jim had been too distracted by the woman to notice the door open again. Further examination of her dark mahogany skin, the other had pale skin that with the light above, Jim could see green veins in the pointed ears. Pointed ears, eyebrows, cheekbones, and overall gentle, both of their features were far too elegant to be Romulans. Vulcan, Jim had managed to determine eventually. The male Vulcan, short brown bull cut with small curls at the end of every cut hair, had poked and prodded him with gloves that were thicker than latex. Obviously, because they were touch telepaths, his brain supplied, a chaotic mind like his might ruin them for good if they touched his skin with anything thinner.

“Khoi-udt!” Jim spat at them in Romulan.

While the blond didn’t know any Vulcan curses, they probably didn’t exist because cursing was probably illogical, Jim knew plenty of curses in Romulan, a species the Vulcans would be offended to be associated with. Although Vulcans were known to not show emotion both of the practitioners stopped their ministrations and stared down at him. The Vulcan version of shock. Jim assumed they had an idea of who they had based on the straitjacket, but no idea he’d be intelligent enough to speak more than Standard English.

“You speak?” the Vulcan woman responded in English Standard.

“Hwiiy susse-thrai!” Jim yelled back thrusting himself towards her allowing the guttural spit to fly from his mouth.

“What is the extent of his concussion?” The man asked.

“There did not seem to be any obvious damage in our scans. However, further testing could prove to show damage to the language center of the brain,” she replied dully.

“That may allow for him to speak only in Romulan,” the other replied dutifully as though they were speaking about the blandness of the weather and not Jim’s mental state.

“How does a juvenile human know Romulan?” The woman replied curiously.

Jim was so bored of them speaking in English, bored with being trapped in these restraints for no reason. The young teen rolled his eyes heavily and threw himself back the small amount he could on the bed, hitting his already pounding head. The blond hissed in response to scrambling his brain again and went slack instead of getting angry at the dull aliens. It wasn’t their fault he hit his own head, well maybe it was because if they actually told him what was going on instead of tying him up like he was some crazy person it wouldn’t have happened. Jim puffed out and deflated his heated and tight body to stare at what were probably medical professionals.

“You don’t speak Romulan I guess,” Jim sighed out and let his eyes fall shut.

The pair stared down at the teen and he could feel the disgust radiate off of them. “We do not speak such disgusting primal tongue, no,” they chorused together like they practiced when not staring at Jim like a science experiment.

“And yet you speak Standard English. Seems logical. Connect with the species you had to save from absolute destruction of self instead of a species that came from the same evolutionary branch,” Jim argued back.

“You are an insufferable child, aren’t you?” the male Vulcan bit back.

“Am I getting under your skin, sir? That logical brain falling apart?” Jim sneered.

“Sitaak,” the woman took in her counterpart. “The juvenile is correct; it seems you should meditate on your behavior.”

The man quickly looked between Jim and the woman accusingly before the Vulcan finally settled. “T’Hal, you are astute as always. I shall hail for my replacement.” And with a curt nod, Sitaak left the room.

“So, T'Hal... Now that we’re alone, mind undoing this straitjacket?” Jim huffed.

“Mr. Kirk, you are listed as a juvenile delinquent serving a sentence until you are of adult age. Your criminal history indicates that you are a danger not only to others but to yourself,” T’Hal responded finishing her scans and notes on a PADD.

“Am I on a Vulcan ship or a Federation Star Ship?” Jim asked blandly.

“Vulcan ship. A distress signal was sent after a Federation ship with supplies was destroyed. While this ship is only meant for transporting esteemed guests between worlds, it was prudent that we intervened on Tarsus IV.”

“Okay, T’Hal,” Jim replied. “Since this ship is only Vulcans. I’m sure you yourself could easily subdue me. Where am I going to run off to? I’m in space.”

T’Hal stared at Jim unimpressed for a very long time. “I will go speak with those managing your case, Mr. Kirk. You will remain here,” T’Hal told the teen before turning on her heal swiftly and walked out of the room.

“Hah Hah very funny,” Jim sighed staring at the faux sunlight.

Did Jim expect to end up on a Vulcan starship after the horrors he had gone through? No, but what he didn’t expect more was a Vulcan with a sense of humor. It was quite curious that another day on a horrid planet in a horrid situation led him to be on a Vulcan starship, heading to gods know where. Jim briefly wondered if his mother was alerted to his condition, or if she was on some planet collecting specimens, unbothered with the condition of her son. Maybe Sam had been told, but T’Hal had a point about Jim having not finished serving his time. Just because Jim had been doing well before the fungus didn’t mean he was doing well after the fact.

The teen knew he was just as violent and angry as ever, if not more so than he had been when he joined that colony. Sure, Jim had suffered before, but Jim had spent months seeing horror after horror. T’Hal was right that he was a danger to himself and probably with the wrong trigger, a danger to others. Luckily, the blond was surrounded by Vulcans, which the young teen couldn't hurt if he tried. Wouldn’t even know where would hurt a Vulcan. Jim had studied the language but their biology was highly classified. Maybe with access to terminals that might have the information, he’d be able to hack the information, but from Riverside, Iowa, there was no chance.

The door slid open again in walked T’Hal again, with her dark black hair that fell to the small of her back and bangs parted in the middle hiding the tips of her eyebrows. Following her was an umber man, human given his round ears, and young. His features were distinctly softer than T’Hal’s, but his eyes just as severe. The man pulled a chair up and Jim released a deeply annoyed groan, appreciating his body for not making his voice crack at the moment. T’Hal on the other hand began removing restraints and finally the straitjacket. The moment Jim was free he sat up and swung his legs off the bed, rubbing his arms all over to get the ache out of them.

“Psychiatrist? Or are you working on your starship round of medical school?” Jim asked as he began to examine the cuts and bruises on his body.

“Dr. M’Benga. I’m doing a fellowship with the Vulcan Science Academy in conjunction with Star Fleet. I’m already a physician, no specialty as of late,” the Doctor explained to a distracted Jim. “But you are astute as I am going to provide a psychological evaluation.”

“And Ms. T’Hal stays as muscle?” Jim teased and winked at the Vulcan.

“You are a child, your charms are that of a hayalit attempting to become a pet for a ripened Vulcan,” T’Hal replied flatly.

“What’s that mean?” Jim snapped with a growl at her.

M’Benga laughed and nodded his head. “She’s saying you’re a useless rodent that has no purpose trying to impress a high-status Vulcan.”

Jim reeled back and stared at the doctor with harsh blue eyes. “So, I’m not the only one that’s noticed she’s got a sense of humor? Is she the only one or?”

“How many Vulcans have you met James?”

“Ick, call me Jim. . . and so far, two. They didn’t like my Romulan,” Jim pouted at T’Hal again.

“From what I heard you cursed them out in perfect Romulan.”

“Well, at least my skills are being acknowledged. How long are you keeping me in this sterile room? Did you get Kevin Reilly off Tarsus?”

“You’re going to be transferred to a regular room tonight. I cannot tell you who we have on this ship. This ship took those under extreme medical duress and criminals serving sentences. Other ships arrived with ours, one remained on planet and the other is also making its way back to Vulcan.”

“Why did a basic transport starship decide to take the criminals if there’s important people on this ship? Doesn’t that put them in danger?”

“Well, they will be the ones that decide your fate. . . And given they are Vulcans, I’m sure not much damage could occur,” M’Benga insisted.

“So, you won’t tell me if Kevin Reilly is on this ship, but you’ll tell me important Vulcan personnel are?”

“That is correct.”

Jim’s jaw tightened until eventually, he gave a smile with his teeth to the doctor, his fixation on T’Hal redirected. “Can I see your PADD?”

“No, Jim. I’m aware that you’ve successfully hacked into many different systems and have the mind to hack into even Vulcan security systems,” M’Benga responded kindly.

Jim slipped off the table, his lanky teen body aching from starvation and the pains of physical abuse. The blond hissed at the pain, rolled his head around until his neck cracked in a few places and blue eyes re-focused in on the doctor. Jim was getting sick and tired of not being allowed to know simple information, facts that could ease his anxiety and mental state. The teen was seething, all he wanted to know was if the only remaining person he cared about in the universe was alive. Quiet steps moved only a couple paces towards him. T’Hal clearly nervous that Jim was about to assault the human doctor, she had made a decision to bring in someone that Jim could actually and knowingly hurt rather than another Vulcan.

“Why do you want to know about this person? As far as I know, your guardians were one of the 4000 and you didn’t go to school there, so you had no friends,” M’Benga relayed boldly.

Jim’s nostrils flared and his boney hands balled into fists, his entire body tensed and got ready for a fight. “Yea? You think they took detailed notes about where I went and who I was with? Think I only spoke to two people the entire time I was on that death trap?”

“You tell me.”

“Where is he?” Jim growled out between rows of teeth.

“Who is Kevin Reilly?”

That was it, in a second Jim’s fist landed on the doctor’s face, cracking his nose with ease. It was as satisfying as having strong arms throw him back on the bed and pin him down. Metal magnetic cuffs were placed on his wrists and ankles, strong enough to hold a Vulcan so a teenage human really had no chance at defeating the bio bed. T’Hal stared at him, pointed eyebrows furrowed as a set of security guards came into the medical room and stood by the bed while T’Hal attended to M’Benga’s broken nose. The blond thrashed in the bed spewing out more curses in every language he could remember which led to the security guards placing body straps all the way down until Jim could only scream at the people in the room.

“Please just give him a sedative and undo those straps, you’re making his situation worse,” M’Benga said with a whistle coming through his nose.

“I cannot advise that Doctor M’Benga. Like I have told the child, he is a clear danger to himself and others. Mr. Kirk took advantage of you being human.”

“The child is distressed; he has seen horrors you cannot imagine, Doctor T’Hal.”

“FUCK YOU! This is ALL YOUR FAULT!” Jim screamed in plain Standard English, hoping to get their attention back on him, rather than speaking about him as if he wasn’t there.

“I am concerned with your nose Dr. M’Benga. You can assist him when you have healed and the child has calmed down. I will agree to sedate him because we have guests on this ship that do not need to be interrupted by his chaos,” T’Hal told M’Benga.

With a wave of her hand, one of the security guards pulled out a hypo, ensured it was the correct dosage and drug for a small teenage human before it was jabbed it into Jim’s neck. The blond ended up releasing a sob of pain and relief as warmth spread through his body. His tense muscles relaxed, jaw falling slack, and eyes surveying the rest of the scene. Jim needed to take in as much information as he could before his faculties disappeared.

“I understand you don’t want to concern the Ambassador, but he already is aware that there are children and criminals aboard this ship. One that is both will not disturb him more than I am sure he is,” M’Benga muttered in a quieter voice.

Or the voices weren’t getting quieter, Jim’s ears felt as though they were being filled with cotton. The teen released a whine and a whimper at them, feeling more uncomfortable than he had before. Losing all his faculties meant he wasn’t in any sort of control and that was all Jim had left. Control over his body and mind, except now he was slipping into a sedated sleep. Asleep he honestly hoped he wouldn’t wake from because if Reilly was dead and Dr. M’Benga had no news about his actual family, there was no point in existing at all. It was the first time Jim ever regretted not falling off the cliff with his dead father’s car.

* * *

The next time Jim woke the lights were dimmed and he was comfortable. The blanket around his body was warm and he brought it closer around himself. The teen shut his eyes closed, not ready for a day on the farm. The labor wasn’t hard, but it took time and caution. There were alien domesticated farm species Jim had to manage himself around, pull milk and eggs from. Then there were the colonizing species of plants that had to be maintained and gathered. Jim honestly was waiting for the call of the rooster and a bell for food like every morning, but it never came. His anxious mind wouldn’t let was alarming so Jim finally opened his eyes again to examine where he was.

A starship, everything that happened in the past two months and the last few days finally hit him and hard. The teen leapt from the bed and fell over as the blanket twisted in his legs. Jim released a deep groan of pain and irritation as his whole body ached from the fall. Sitting up on the cold tiled floor he pealed the blanket off of his body. On the teen's body were black silk robes a bit too big and long. It was an upgrade from the scratchy medical clothing he’d been in the last time he was awake, but clearly made for sensitive Vulcan’s not human teens with cold bodies.

Jim slowly stood up and smoothed the clothing down, which was unnecessary with this fabric as it didn’t wrinkle. Practical, Jim thought, Vulcans probably thought ironing clothing was illogical when fabrics like this existed. Looking around the room the bed was raised about a meter off the ground and there was a separate area with a mat rolled up, placed against the wall next to a small table of unlit candles and incense. Jim moved towards the closet and bathroom, both devoid of personal effects which made the mat and candle set more curious. Artic eyes under long brown lashes slipped across the room before landing on a door he hadn’t tried yet.

Slowly the teen sidled up to the door, hiding flat on the wall next to the door. He pressed the button meant to open the door, and it slid. Jim kept himself flat along the wall and listened to voices or foot movements in the next unknown room. The teen slowed his breathing to a stop to listen better, feeling like prey hiding from a predator that wasn’t aware of him yet. Except it had become aware and although the footsteps were quiet, Jim was quieter. There was nothing in Jim’s hand to defend himself, but he had his fists and that would at least startle a Vulcan that was meant to watch over him. The teen raised his arms ready to slam his fits down on whatever he could reach except T’Hal was the Vulcan that walked in and she was already looking at him as if she knew he’d be there. So much for the element of surprise.

“Good afternoon Mr. Kirk.”

Jim lowered his fists and sighed weakly. “T’Hal, got stuck with crazy duty again?”

“It is not a burden to care for your safety,” she bowed her head and walked out of the bedroom.

“Is this your personal quarters on the ship?” Jim asked as he slowly shuffled out into a living area of the small space.

“It is. I have an extra room and I am familiar to you, it was the best option,” the woman replied.

Jim’s eyes followed her movements in the room closely, zeroing in on where she lifted a tray lid and showed food of all kinds. His stomach rumbled loudly which drew T’Hal’s curious eyes. The woman stood straight and motioned a stiff hand to the table, offering the food to the starved teen.

“You are smaller than you should be given your genetic traits, you have been severely malnourished your entire life. I encourage you to eat but eat slowly as your body is used to starvation,” T’Hal invited.

Jim licked his lips, salivating more than he ever had at the opportunity to eat whatever he wanted. The teen took a step before pausing feeling suddenly suspicious. There was always a catch to an offering like this. Frank always wanted Jim to send lies to his mother and Kodos wanted things Jim didn’t even want to remember. A Vulcan, who thought he was dangerous, a small malnourished teen like him, dangerous, she had to want something.

“What do you want?”

“I do not understand Mr. Kirk.”

“You want something. What do you want from me?” Jim asked with a sneer.

T’Hal released a long breath normal than a Vulcan. She clearly was the most patient Vulcan because Jim was sure any other would have just kept him trapped on a bio-bed. She had made herself more trustworthy by having him in her private room than others had proven themselves to be in his entire life. So, Jim took a few more steps to meet her at the table, smelling and further examining the foreign foods. Some smelled delicious, others were clearly far more unfamiliar and Jim would probably leave them for T’Hal’s pleasure.

“You will meet with M’Benga, you will recount your experience on Tarsus IV. During that time, Dr. M’Benga will relay to you information about your biological family and at your request, Kevin Reilly. You must cooperate in order to earn that information.”

Jim swallowed weakly. The teen was desperate to know what happened to Kevin but to give up the horrors he experienced and hid from others, that seemed like an impossible request. The teen slowly sat down at the table and stared at the food then back up at the Vulcan woman, eyeing her closely.

“I get to eat even if I don’t tell the doctor what I saw?” Jim asked.

“Yes, you will get to eat now and as often as you can handle,” T’Hal took a seat at the table, bringing tastes of food to her own plate.

“So... I get to eat no matter what. But if I want to know about Kevin, I have to tell Dr. M’Benga what I saw and experienced?” Jim reiterated as he slowly began piling food onto his plate.

“Yes, Mr. Kirk, that is correct. In addition to having another perspective as to what occurred on Tarsus IV, we will better understand you and how to manage your case,” T’Hal expressed.

“Like if I get sent to a penal colony or just go home to Iowa?” Jim muttered as he shoved food in his mouth.

“You will not be returned to Iowa as there is not a guardian present to ensure your care. As we have been told, your Mother ended her marriage.”

Jim felt gobsmacked, he wondered when that had happened. But, more importantly, if he had no guardian because he knew his mother would never give up her career for a kid that looked like his father, the only man she probably ever will actually love. The teen took in a large breath big azure eyes staring at the plate of food almost gone. So penal colony or another foster home until he was considered adult age by the Federation. Neither was bad because neither was going home to Iowa or Frank. The teen felt his shoulders and tensions release, piling his plate again.

“Okay,” Jim said with some finality. “I’ll tell Dr. M’Benga everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khoi-udt: drop dead  
> Hwiiy susse-thrai: You are a she wolf, bitch
> 
> please leave questions, comments, suggestions and kudos <3


	2. The Decision for the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd
> 
> I want to give this to y'all early. I was supposed to post it Friday but I CRAVE attention. 
> 
> Please bear with me as the plot picks up a bit more in chapter 4/5.   
> I want to provide a good foundation so I can go balls to the walls with this story lol.

** Chapter 2: The Decision for the Beginning **

The silk clothes had been a bit too comfortable for his bruised skin and mind. Luckily there had been a human on the starship who had been willing to part with a t-shirt and jeans, for which Jim was grateful. Wearing the familiar fabrics on his skin helped ground him to reality. A reality which was Jim sitting in a stiff conference room with  M’Benga two seats away from him with a PADD and a stylus to write. The man was the only doctor left in the universe that still wanted to write his notes by hand instead of typing them. Jim noticed a screen, which was definitely used for videos and a tinted window. The teen had been in interrogations before, he knew that someone was watching on the other side, he just wasn’t sure who. 

“Who's watching?” Jim asked. The teen was unable to stop his curiosity as his blue eyes bore intensely into the window.

“A few of my  colleagues and government officials that will help determine where you’ll go,”  M’Benga replied honestly. 

“Right. Makes sense,” Jim murmured deep voice hoarse and dripping with paranoia. “Where do you want me to start?”

“What did you do to be assigned five years on a farming and rehabilitation colony like Tarsus IV?”

“Drove my dead dad’s car off of a cliff. My step-father reported it stolen, even though it wasn’t his, to begin with. So, I got charged with reckless endangerment, grand theft auto, and pollution,” Jim snorted. “My mom used her Federation status to make sure I didn’t get sent to a penal colony.”

“You’re a repeat offender correct?”

“Yes, I’ve stolen stupid things, hacked into stores systems, and Starfleet systems remotely. There’s a starship building facility nearby Riverside, so I just gave some suggestions of how they could improve a ship they’re building,” Jim chuckled. “Obviously I was caught. Mom used her Federation status so I was just  put on house arrest for that one.” 

M’Benga couldn’t help the small chuckle that left his lips. “I did hear about that one. I also heard they did accept those changes you made after about a year of arguing about it.”

“Oh good, can’t wait to fly it,” Jim laughed. 

The doctor examined Jim closely when he said that and made the executive decision to move on with his line of questioning and avoid Jim’s further derailment. “Tell me what your life was like before the fungus.” 

“I lived with Chandra and Hamal  Themisnus . They were the age grandparents would be, I think? They were really nice, treated me well. The jacket you all took from me was the first gift they ever gave to me. I worked the farm, Chandra taught me how to manage the crops and Hamal taught me about the local domesticated species. They were really kind and didn’t deserve what they got,” Jim sighed. 

“Was there enough food before the fungus?” 

“No, not really. We mostly exported most of the crops farmed which was part of the issue when the fungus did appear. Governor  Kodos took a cut of the export for himself and that’s how the food stores were created, which was fine and all... I don’t know. I’ve never really had much to eat most of my life, so I’m pretty used to having a small plate of food,” Jim relayed slowly slouching in his seat.

“How about when the fungus first appeared?”

“It showed up in my family’s crops first. Chandra tested it and brought the results to  Kodos . The Governor didn’t think it was worth being concerned with. One swift wind, the pores spread pretty quickly. The  Themisnus’s started eating maybe half the amount they normally did so I could get the same measly amount I normally ate. A lot of families did that, a lot of families got sick too.”

“Sounds difficult,”  M’Benga acknowledged, “When did  Kodos commit mass genocide?”

“That's blunt. Couldn’t figure out a better way to say that? I think you’ve been around Vulcans too long,” Jim huffed and twisted in his seat uncomfortably. “I guess probably a month ago? I think a lot of parents knew what was going to happen because I found kids hidden in houses or wandering by themselves in the forest.”

“Jim, were you there when it happened?”  M’Benga asked in a low and gentle voice.

“Yes.  Kodos ’ cronies took my parents and separated everyone from each other based on some shit... I don’t know it was never really explained. They made us watch. Lined everyone up and just... Just killed them in rows,” Jim swallowed. “Then... I don’t know,  Kodos decided that he wanted to see some of us, I guess, that hadn’t died. Just us kids... Uhm, he came and talked to eight of us after everyone had left. He had us just standing there next to our dead families. All I could think about was... I wanted to kill him. Then, while he was talking to us a few dead bodies moved and... Kevin stood up. And god... He tried to attack Kodos, he’s a bigger guy than I am and I knocked him down before he could and we just ran away as fast as possible.” 

“Kevin Rielly?”

“Yes.”

“ So, you and Kevin Reilly survived on your own together?”

“Not just us... We tried to find all the kids that people had to hide and Kevin and I took care of them.”

M’Benga looked surprised when Jim had mentioned they took care of these kids together, it was almost worth making the man get a new bandage on his wide nose. “How did you two take care of these kids for a month by yourselves?”

“I stole. A lot. I robbed a guard for his phaser-”

“You stole a weapon?”

“I had fifteen kids that I protected from  Kodos ’ murder squad. Yes. I stole a weapon, before you ask, it was not set to stun because neither were theirs.” Jim waited for an interruption, but  M’Benga had just stopped writing. The man settled himself to allow Jim to see that he was listening and closely watching Jim who was as still as possible, arms crossed tight across his body. When it seemed like  M’Benga was finally listening Jim continued. 

“When the fungus first started, they gave us these cards that indicated how much food we were allowed to have each. So, I took a couple of the kids’ cards that weren’t targeted and went to the distribution line. While in the line I took as much extra as I could get away with and fed the kids with those rations. I did all of the hard, scary work. Kevin took care of keeping the kids as clean and healthy as possible. There’s a gravesite on my family’s farm for the kids that died.”

“Do you remember all of their names?”

“No. I didn’t ask. Easier that way. Kevin would know.”

“Okay, so to double back. You’ve seen  Kodos ? Met him personally?” 

“Yea, a few times.”

M’Benga’s face showed shock again. “Did the others meet him multiple times?”

“No, of course not. I was the only one out of the 4000 people that survived that ever showed any kind of resistance to the rules. When the storage facility was on fire, I was the first one to run towards it. People were starving, they looked out for themselves.” 

“But you didn’t.” 

“I’ve seen enough shit and have had enough shit done to me. If I can protect some kids from the horrors that  Kodos put all of us through, then I’m  gonna do it. Kevin was the nice one. I was the one with the phaser and the food,” Jim sighed, blue eyes wandered to the window. 

“Alright, Jim. I don’t have any more questions. I think they’ve heard enough for now,” Doctor  M’Benga smiled a small smile, only a few teeth peeked through plump lips.

Jim’s eyes fell to his shoes. “ T’Hal said you’d tell me what happened to Kevin.” 

“Right, of course. Well, he’s alive, on another ship. Kevin has family on Earth, so he’s going to live there. I’m sorry Jim, you probably won’t be able to see him again for a long time,”  M’Benga sounded  sincere in his apology.

“Good. I’m glad, I’m bad. He doesn’t need me around.”

“Jim, from what you’ve told me. You’re the opposite of bad. Even before Tarsus, you’ve dealt with some abuse no one should ever go through. I know you had no contact with your family on Tarsus but your mother divorced your step-father after talking to your brother about what happened to you both.”

“Wow great,” Jim sighed blandly. “I don’t care what that woman does.  T’Hal told me that she’s not planning on seeing me or taking care of me.”

M’Benga sighed, “ T’Hal told you all of that?”

“She didn’t need  to, I can read between the lines. Even if they’re Vulcan lines. Am I wrong Doctor?”

“No, why don’t you go have lunch with  T’Hal and we’ll have a meeting with everyone to decide your next steps.” 

* * *

Jim and  T’Hal ate lunch silently. Watching the Vulcan woman Jim wondered briefly if the sun did her looks justice, her skin was dynamic in its depth of color, a green tint to dark mahogany. The teen knew he probably ate like pig while staring the woman down, she didn’t seem too bothered. Blue eyes finally pulled away from  T’Hal when the door to her quarters slid open and the Vulcan man from the first time he woke up, walked in. Sitaak, let the door slide behind himself as he walked towards  T’Hal . Jim watched curiously as the pale-skinned man raised two fingers up when  T’Hal stood to greet the man. Thin black tilted eyebrows raised only at a slight and  T’Hal pressed two fingers against  Sitaak’s . 

The pair stood there a moment, staring into each other's dark brown eyes. Jim knew Vulcans were touch telepaths, so he assumed they were speaking to each other in the privacies of their mind. The teen looked away to go back to picking at his food to allow them the privacy they clearly wanted. After a few moments of them being  publicly intimate in front of Jim, they both sat at the table,  Sitaak getting himself a plate and  T’Hal continuing to work on her own. 

“So, you two are married?” Jim asked quietly.

“In a way, yes Jim,”  T’Hal responded in a soft voice.

“Vulcans have a mental bond with their mate,”  Sitaak added. 

Jim’s azure eyes widened a bit, a sparkle of the pseudo  sunlight reflecting off of them. “That's so cool, so you know what each other are thinking?”

“If we wish to know,”  T’Hal’s thick lips relaxed, it was probably the closest to a smile a Vulcan could get. 

“Finish your meal. The officials and Dr.  M’Benga are ready to speak to you about the decisions regarding your criminal case,” Sitaak commanded.

“Then let's go, I’m done,” Jim sighed. 

Did he like being called a criminal at fifteen? Not at all, but he understood their point of view, he did break a doctor’s nose not thirty seconds after they gave him bodily autonomy. Jim made sure his shirt and pants were clean as he stood up, the Vulcan pair following suit. A few halls away and Jim was ushered into a larger conference room than the one he’d been in earlier that day. They sat near the entrance of the conference room because Jim preferred it. It made the teen feel like he had an escape if needed. 

Dr.  M’Benga soon entered the room and sat near Jim and the couple. The man gave a nod to the group before turning to his PADD. Before the teen’s curiosity could get the best of him the rest of the chairs were soon filled with Vulcans and one other human. Scanning them, their clothes were thicker and clearly a nicer fabric than  T’Hal and  Sitaak’s medical clothing. The human was a woman with long black hair tied back neatly, eyes a deep chocolate brown, and skin reddened and tanned from an overbearing sun. Next to her sat a young Vulcan, who barely looked older than Jim, but he had to have been older to be in the room. The young Vulcan had skin paler and milkier than  Sitaak’s , green tint seemed permanent on the tips of his ears and nose. 

“Jim,”  M’Benga began, “With us are several members of the Vulcan government. They have been informed of your more unique situation. With us are Soval, Minister of Health; V’Las, Minister of Security; and Sarek, Ambassador to Earth. With the Ambassador is his wife, Professor Amanda Greyson, and their son who is shadowing his father, Spock.”

Jim gave a curt nod, not really sure what to make of the group in front of him, three Vulcans of extremely high status taking his case so personally, it didn’t make any sense. A family with a half-Vulcan son, which Jim hadn’t even known was possible, eventually, he’d have to indulge his curiosities. But the most pertinent was why all of these practically royal Vulcans were here for Jim.  So, Jim stated as such: “I don’t understand why I’m not just speaking with a social worker...?” 

“Given that your family is of high Federation status we are taking measures to ensure this matter remains as private as possible,” M’Benga explained.

“You witnessed genocide and are one of nine survivors that have seen the face of the human who gave the order,” V’Las replied. “Being that you are the eldest of those that have seen Kodos’ face, are a criminal delinquent, and your mother is in a high command position. It is of the interests of the Federation to ensure your silence.” 

Jim’s eyes widened, blue sliding over to  T’Hal who gave him no emotion he could read, so he rested on the woman and her (possibly half) Vulcan son. The woman only frowned as if she had heard it was snowing suddenly, her son happened to make the same face, so much for all the Vulcan stoicism. The young man’s face was a bit softer and rounder than the other Vulcans in the room, eyes a bit rounder and brighter, and his skin remained artfully dynamic in how his green blood flushed his skin. 

“You will remain silent, yes?”  V’Las asked. 

Jim was pulled from his intense scrutinization of this Spock character and glared daggers at the security minister. “θoʒla p'togaʒ ibe !” the teen spat in Orion.

“Disgusting child. M’Benga, you said this human was rehabilitatable,” V’Las snapped at the doctor.

“Just because he curses at you does not mean he cannot be cared for and become a functioning member of society,” M’Benga defended.

“The child broke your nose Dr.  M’Benga , how could you see improvement in three years?” Soval asked, finally a new voice to the sudden chaos in the room. Or as  chaotic as Vulcans became. 

“As I said, Jim would improve extremely well in a structured environment where he would attend a school more suited to his abilities.”

“Hey, I already graduated High school, I don’t need more school,” Jim huffed.

“The schools on Vulcan are a much higher standard than Earth, honey. You would really enjoy it,” Amanda chimed in. 

Jim’s eyes slid to her comforting molasses-like voice, with a slight drawl that he couldn’t place. Maybe the combination of English and Vulcan really altered  one's accent. “Vulcan schools? You are trying to make me live on Vulcan?” 

“Would you rather live on another unstable colony with more manual labor than you’ve ever had to do?”  M’Benga asked. 

Jim sighed and leaned back in his seat, “What kind of Vulcan’s would take in a repeat human offender?” 

“We would, Jim,”  T’Hal expressed, her eyes glowing a bit more than maybe they should be in the presence of high  official Vulcans.

“We have not made a decision yet. It was not your right to give him that information yet,” V’Las snapped at the woman.

“Hey! First of all, I’m here in front of you, so don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room! Second of all,  T’Hal , as far as I’m concerned, is allowed to ask for whatever she wants,” Jim pointed his finger at V’Las. 

It seemed as though all Vulcan’s were seething except for Sarek, who Jim couldn’t seem to break. It was better if everyone was as unstable as him, then he would know he wasn’t the only one out of control. It seemed as though Amanda and Spock were as unphased as before, both frowning at the situation, but Jim assumed they were on his side.  T’Hal was almost vibrating mirth and pride at being defended by his tiny body, not realizing he was standing up with hands flat on the table.  Sitaak had stood as well, tense and ready to hold Jim back if he launched an attack on these Vulcan officials. 

“The child is unstable, only humans should manage this long term. It is not appropriate for Vulcans to have such chaos in their home or on our planet,” Soval growled at M’Benga, “Even the child does not understand the reasoning.” 

“Enough,” Sarek commanded. All three Vulcan men that had been standing in defense sat immediately, Jim had stayed standing, but attention fully on the Ambassador now. “It is clear Mr. Kirk is under extreme duress. However, there are many resources in  ShiKahr that may assist in his recovery. Not only medically, but our culture will calm his mind and ease his burden of pain. Were he to be sent to another colony or another home on Earth, the deterioration of his exceptional mind would be  lost. Doctor  T’Hal and Healer  Sitaak have expressed interest in housing Mr. Kirk. I believe that the compatibility between them all would bring success to not only Mr. Kirk’s wellbeing but Doctor  T’Hal and Healer  Sitaak’s household.” 

“The child will be a danger to Vulcans and Vulcan children,”  V’Las objected and to Jim, it sounded like whining. 

The teen had taken his seat again when Amanda spoke. “Ah Yes, a hundred-pound teenage human boy, a physical and mental danger to the Vulcan youth. Or are you afraid Jim will break your son’s nose like Spock broke son of Soval’s nose?” 

“Amanda,” Sarek seemed to reprimand, but Jim noticed a small tilt in the man’s lips and his son seemed to mimic the gesture. “I apologize for my wife’s passion. The decision is finalized. Mr. Kirk, your belongings will be returned to you when we land on Vulcan. You will be observed and examined periodically for improvements. If you wish to stay on Vulcan, you will assimilate to the culture and the education we are providing you.” 

Jim glanced to  T’Hal nervously who seemed overly pleased with the decision. What a scandalous display of emotion, Jim couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yes, Sir. I appreciate the opportunity you have given me. I appreciate the chance; I will not disappoint  T’Hal and  Sitaak .” 

* * *

2249.220 

Jim opened his eyes and focused on the candlelight that went out moments before. Meditation had become easy and comforting in times of internal turmoil. The Vulcan Learning Center had been a large part of the method of calming him, and most days it seemed to work. The learning domes were unique and took time to get used to, but eventually, Jim found success working with them. Being the second only human to have ever learned there Jim didn’t face as many hard lessons as the woman before him, or Spock. Then there was his home life and T’Hal and Sitaak gave Jim more than any humans had ever given.

Were they the kind of parental figures that hugged him and doted on him the way Jim had seen human mothers do? The way his previous guardians did? No. But they provided a strict household where they were often five steps ahead of him which meant he couldn’t get away with barely anything. Not to mention the intensive therapy and medical intervention for how malnourished he had become during the middle of puberty. The year had been hard, but Jim for the first time ever had weight on his body, a full stomach, a calm mind, and felt stable. Although a bit late, today was the day Jim would be meeting with those that had decided his fate a year ago.

It wasn’t often he thought of them, they played no part in his bad or good decision making. Honestly, Jim only thought about Spock in the context of school because Vulcan kids were horrible. Spock being almost finished with his schooling, preparing for the Vulcan Science Academy, meant his peers were matured enough to leave him alone. Age had made the other Vulcans wiser, wiser to not mess around with Ambassador Sarek’s son, however, they hadn’t learned their lesson with humans. Jim did not have Ambassador Sarek as a wall of protection, so any time the Vulcan children tried to elicit reactions from Jim, it usually ended in a red and green bloodbath. The legend had been that Spock always managed to finish a fight with one solid punch to the nose, but Jim wasn’t a Vulcan or even half-Vulcan, so the fights lasted longer and were bloodier. 

Luckily for Jim, it didn’t ever seem to count against him whenever he finished a fight. While  Sitaak always reprimanded him for it, as Jim was meant to be making sure he was stabilizing his mind.  T’Hal always seemed impressed that Jim managed to hold his own against other Vulcan children. Before Jim could reflect upon his past year he stood, smoothing the silk black robes he wore and stretched out his tightened boy. Meditating was good for his mind, but his body hated it so much, he felt so cramped after  an hour. 

A quick trip to his small closet, he pulled on slim black silk pants with a crease, a thin material given the environment of Vulcan. He wore a black deep V-necked wrap around silk shirt that exposed his tanned chest and tapered with his slim waist. It was a bit scandalous to show so much skin, but given that he was human, it would be excused as he would overheat if he completely covered as Vulcans did. But for the sake of modesty, Jim placed a black hooded cardigan over the silk shirt with wide sleeves longer than his wingspan. The material was silk on the inside and a more dynamic texture on the outside lines unique to Vulcan textiles. 

The bedroom door slid open and in walked  T’Hal . “You are dressed. I am pleased that everything fits.”

Jim turned towards  T’Hal and walked to her, over the year he had grown taller than he expected and now could look down at the woman he previously was the same height of. “Yes, thank you. I do like it,” Jim responded in Vulcan with a nod. Long fingers finished tying the cardigan around his waist. The looser fit hid his form better than his shirt, but still exposed his chest. For Jim was still human and still wanted to look attractive despite the logic of him not going to a meeting where it would matter. 

“You are ready to leave?”

“Yes,  T’Hal . I wouldn’t want to be late.  V’Las will think I am stealing bread from a child on a street,” Jim replied. 

“You are correct. T’Val should assume you are stealing bread from the first house to give to the child on the street.” 

Jim couldn’t help the deep chuckle that came from his chest and enjoy in the quirk of  T’Hal’s lips. The woman turned around and left Jim in his room with the understood meaning that Jim was meant to follow. So, the teen followed to the front door where he pulled black boots on and met Sitaak outside the ground floor apartment. The blond looked up at the tall building, into the orange sky and quietly followed behind T’Hal and  Sitaak . While  ShiKahr was a large city, the Ambassador’s home was only a block away. Only a few walked the streets and Jim kept his head down and the hood over his head. Vulcan’s didn’t mind visitors all too much, but Jim wore traditional clothing and it was best if he hid his human features. 

A short walk and they were inside a much nicer complex of homes. Once inside the lift, Jim removed the hood and released a slow breath to keep his nerves relaxed. Yes, Jim had done well to calm himself down over the year, but that didn’t remove the fights he had or the public and private outbursts. The lift managed to get to the top of the building within seconds. The Ambassador had the whole floor for him, Amanda, and Spock. Jim had read a lot about the structure of the buildings and the basic model of each floor and apartment. Vulcan allowed a lot of information to be available to his citizens, so there were very few topics Jim had to ask for or hack into. 

They were greeted at the lift by Amanda who waited until everyone stepped off and walked next to Jim to the main door where they entered a decorated and lived-in apartment. It was large and spacious. Jim managed to see Spock ushering something large and huge into another room before the door slid behind the beast. The teen was stopped in his tracks while his guardians were being ushered to sit and sip on tea while dinner was being finished. Spock’s eyes finally landed on Jim and the teen walked over to him with a small coy smile on his face. 

Spock clearly looked unimpressed with Jim, who was always far too curious when they encountered each other in the world. “What are you hiding in that room? Is that a pet?”

“I-Chaya is not a pet. I-Chaya is my childhood companion.”

Jim’s smile got a bit wider. “Then I suppose you wouldn’t mind introducing me to I-Chaya?” 

Spock looked over Jim’s shoulder at their guardians all speaking with each other. It looked as though the other was deciding whether or not he should indulge Jim’s whim to see his pet and go through the process of explaining to a human what I-Chaya was. Eventually, Spock couldn’t avoid the big blue eyes Jim was giving the man and gave in with a slow breath. Jim and Spock had the same techniques to manage their human emotions and expressions, although, Jim wondered if Spock could give him better meditation techniques. The Vulcan led Jim to the room and walked in first to hold off the large animal while Jim got settled.

The teen sat himself down on the bed in the room, posture straight and eyes unwavering on the large fluffy beast. The bear looking animal had long saber teeth but drooled in Spock’s dexterous hands. Spock pet I-Chaya, face more relaxed than Jim had ever seen, making eyes that even  T’Hal never made because Spock was human enough to make them. Jim couldn’t stop his own smile upon seeing Spock’s, so he dropped his  cardigan from his body to free his hands holding them out for the beast to smell.

“Are you familiar with  sehlats ?” Spock asked allowing I-Chaya to explore Jim.

The teen chuckled and shook his head as the animal snuffled his arms. “No, I haven’t seen a  sehlat before. How old is he?” 

“Fifteen. Their life span averages at twenty years old. I-Chaya is very healthy and in good shape for a  sehlat of his age.”

Jim hummed and began petting the beast, ending up on his knees on the floor to rub the  sehlat’s belly. The teen had never been allowed a pet, but on Tarsus, he had become familiar with the animals enough to give them cuddles as often as was allowed. The attention Jim paid to I-Chaya, however, was uniquely special as if the animal were a dog. Soon the blond was cooing at I-Chaya giggling to himself at the excitement and pleasure from playing with such a big  devastatingly dangerous animal. 

“ Who's a good boy?” Jim cooed more, “You are, oh you are such a good boy!”

“Why are you telling him that his behavior is good?” 

Jim looked up, tanned cheeks flushed red, and smiled a toothy grin at the Vulcan. “Because he is! He’s so big, I bet he could bite my head off, but instead, he’s just  lying there asking for more pets,” Jim laughed more eyes and nose crinkling the more  absorbed he became in lavishing I-Chaya in love. 

“Did you have any pets?” Spock asked, voice soft and quiet.

Jim sighed and sat back, letting the  sehlat rest  it’s head in his lap. The teen gently  pet the creature and avoided Spock’s gaze. “No, not really. Some farm animals, but they aren’t really  pets . They have a use beyond being companions.” 

“I understand. I have read many psychology papers on the benefits of animal companions.”

Azure eyes finally flickered up to see Spock flushed more than usual, maybe seeing Jim’s emotional display had been too much. It was almost too much for him, he felt a rush of endorphins and felt as though he was about to crash. “Yea, well...” All Jim could do was shrug. “How’s prepping for the Vulcan Science Academy?”

Spock’s eyes finally looked down at I-Chaya, long large hands playing with the fur of the beast. “My application is almost finished and ready for submission. However, I... I have not told my father of this information, so it is of great import that you do not share.” 

Jim casually looked up at the Vulcan, interests more than piqued. “Sure Spock. Tell me, I don’t know a soul to tell.”

“I am also applying to Star Fleet.”

Jim’s blue eyes grew wide and another giggle left his mouth. The smaller teen shuffled until he was only inches from the older man who sat by I-Chaya's head. Spock was dressed in formal clothing as well, but his consisted of a brown knit sweater and black canvas pants. His neck was hidden by the high collar and the arms of the Vulcan’s sweater were loose and had an asymmetrical angle as they extended longer than the length of his arms. Spock, like everyone in the home of Ambassador Sarek, was barefooted, feet tucked underneath his body. Jim smiled at Spock, calming his reactions down a bit. If he were caught being this expressive with Spock, Sarek would disapprove, Jim was sure. 

“Did you tell your mom?” Jim whispered.

Spock tilted his head and the teen watched as the man’s bangs fell from their perfect placement, exposing the tip of his pointed eyebrow. “It was her idea, in fact.” 

“Ah,” Jim hummed and leaned back to examine the flushed Vulcan. “I think it’s a good idea.”

Spock also managed to look away and examined the snoring  sehlat . “I cannot imagine I will be respected by Star Fleet,” Spock paused, obviously careful with his words. “I am not respected on Vulcan, however.”

Jim sighed in understanding, curling a finger in a group of I-Chaya's hairs. “Star Fleet will respect you more than anyone on this planet. Vulcans only know power and fear things they cannot manipulate. Vulcans have never been conquered, so you or I here... Participating in their society without a struggle, is unacceptable. It’s shocking. It’s... Scary.”

The older Vulcan stared at Jim with wide chocolate brown eyes, dancing with the minor light in the shaded windows. It was a few breaths that the teen took, trying to calm his mind from the intrusive thoughts he allowed to spill out. A moment later Jim met the wide gaze of the  nineteen-year-old and gave a roll of his eyes. Yes, sometimes Jim sounded crazy, over observant, and couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself. The flush that had originally been a present on Spock’s soft face was gone and he just looked... Well, Jim really couldn’t tell what was going on with the half-Vulcan.

“You... May have... I am intrigued by your mind, Jim,” Spock spoke quietly.

Jim felt flush at the compliment and gave a shy smirk. “You’re such a pervert,” the teen spoke in Standard English. Pervert was not a word that could be translated into Vulcan, and Spock talking about his mind was about as perverted as Vulcans got. Jim couldn’t have helped himself as he covered his mouth where the laughter threatened to spill out. “What would  T’Pring say?” 

Spock clearly grew flustered and shook his head in upset, the most emotional response Jim had ever managed to get out of the older man. “You are most infuriating.” With that Spock stood and opened the bedroom door waiting for Jim.

The blond sighed and took in the gesture that Spock was presenting. It was a clear ‘get out’ as any other. Slowly standing up to ensure he did not wake I-Chaya, he quietly walked past Spock. Skinny fingers ran through his own hair, shuffling the waves a bit to get them back into place without sparing a glance at the Vulcan he had suddenly offended. Azure eyes wandered around the apartment.  T’Hal and  Sitaak were sipping tea having as casual conversation one could have with Ambassador Sarek and Amanda was in the kitchen. The teen quickly shuffled over to the woman and politely helped her finish dinner while waiting upon the final guests. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments. I need attention.
> 
> Thoughts, ideas, critiques. I NEED IT. 
> 
> kudos are always fun <3


	3. Life on Vulcan for a Delinquent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. 
> 
> Picks up more at chapter 4 I promise. We get to see more personality and shenanigans. Also, there will be more warnings as we get to chapter 5 as well. I only like to add tags as I add chapters because I want to be sure it matches the story well.

**Chapter 3: Life on Vulcan for a Delinquent**

Sitting at dinner was awkward, to say the least. The low large square table with a lot of soft pillows for sitting on did not help Jim’s effort of proper posture. Jim was sat with Spock on his left side and Sitaak on his right as if the half-human Vulcan and his nervously strict pseudo-father would make him behave better. T’Hal, however, was never conducive to proper behavior as she encouraged Jim to express himself in more human ways than Sitaak thought was proper for a child growing up in a Vulcan household. Around the corner sat Spock’s mother Amanda and Ambassador Sarek who poured tea for all the guests at the table. Across from Jim sat V’Las and the man’s son, V’Lerk who was the same age as Jim and had been one of the few Vulcans that tried to physically fight Jim often. Soval had placed himself next to V’Lerk and around the last corner sat M’Benga and T’Hal. 

Once tea had been dispersed, they drank quietly, clearly many contemplating thoughts about what to speak about. They were all only present to speak about Jim, and the teen had no idea why V’Lerk was allowed to participate. Spock was at dinner not only because this was his home, but he was familiar with Jim’s background in a way V’Lerk should not be. It took all of Jim’s self-control to not blurt out his thoughts and ask as to why the other was present, especially because V’Lerk was hyper-focused on Jim. Amanda stood after a few long moments of silence and began serving an appetizing soup. The meal would have many components for this was a long and formal meeting, all, of course, was vegetarian. 

“Thank you, Amanda,” Jim spoke first, of course in Vulcan, really unable to take the silence. “The soup is very good.” Vulcans did not compliment others often for tasks they were expected to be good at. Homemade meals often were not expected to be complimented, but some manners could not be trained out of Jim. 

“Yes, I’m sure we all appreciate you cooking Professor Greyson,” M’Benga supplied, another human glad to have the intense Vulcan silence broken. 

“I appreciate the compliments boys,” Amanda teased, as M’Benga was still young being in his twenties. “Dr. M’Benga-”

“Please, Jabilo.”

Amanda gave a curt nod. “Jabilo, how have your studies been progressing? Vulcan physiology must be a unique challenge.”

“Indeed, understanding the unique psionic capabilities and how it can affect healing has been my major focus. I often wonder if these techniques could be taught to those that do not have control over their psionic abilities but are not psy-null, for better healing.”

“That would be a curious study, do you know of species with psionic abilities that are limited?” Soval asked, being the minister of medicine allowed him to pursue this line of thought more than any other Vulcan should have been. 

“For example, Mr. Kirk is one of few humans that is not psy-null, which also provides evidence as to why his intelligence is competitive with even Vulcans. Although, he previously had no knowledge until now and thus no control of his very minor psionic abilities. The hypothesis is that I could train him to participate in the same healing techniques Vulcans do and his cells would repair at a faster rate than the average human.” 

Jim not being psy-null was news to him. The teen dared a glance at Spock who also seemed surprised, apparently, Spock did not know everything. It seemed silly to look at Spock when that information had been shared, why had he expected Spock to know? The man was a talented telepath, or so he heard, maybe he assumed in Spock’s education of more complex telepathic techniques he would have picked up on Jim’s own mental capabilities. V’Lerk seemed unsurprised, but really the expectation that Jim would find any other Vulcan in the room to be as expressive as Spock was utterly laughable. The consensus, he was sure, was shock, but Vulcans refused to acknowledge that they didn’t know something. 

“You suppose that Mr. Kirk if he broke a bone, could meditate into a healing trance and speed up his healing?” Soval asked. 

“A crude and simplified explanation, but yes,” M’Benga chuckled. 

Jim watched Soval’s face contort at his explanation being called crude and couldn’t hide the smile he had at the reaction. Soval looked as though he was ready to begin to fight M’Benga (verbally of course). Jim would pay to see that because while Soval was a Vulcan and even the dumbest Vulcan was smarter than the average human, M’Benga was not the average human. M’Benga, Jim considered, probably would beat Soval in a battle of wits nine out of ten times. Before the pair could really get into it Sarek verbally stepped in. All eyes turned to V’Lerk as the Ambassador spoke. 

“V’Las, I see you brought your son. A welcome addition, but may have to step out during more private discussions.” 

Jim was absolutely shocked that Sarek was bold enough to embarrassed V’Las like that, but the man held the highest house and one of the most honored positions a Vulcan could have. To an outsider, it probably didn’t seem like an embarrassment, but Sarek clearly had not been asked if V’Lerk could join the proceedings and the Vulcan was bringing attention to it. Humans didn’t believe Vulcans had emotions, but the amount of shame the Vulcan culture had was almost overwhelming when one else realized what was going on.

“I appreciate that you have noted my son and wish to protect Mr. Kirk’s integrity and privacy. However, I find that V’Lerk’s experience with Mr. Kirk is important to the decisions we make tonight,” V’Las expressed boldly.

Did Jim expect dinner to get so heated only one course in? No, of course not, and yet Amanda and T’Hal acted as though an argument was not about to proceed as they began clearing away the soup and brought out the first main dish. Something Jim didn’t recognize but smelled delicious and robust with the scents and flavors was placed in front of his person. V’Las and V’Lerk were flushed greener than Spock had ever been in the teen’s presence and saw V’Las considering his next moves. As Jim understood, dinners with Sarek were always chess games that weren’t meant to be won, but where one would do their best to survive and not come out looking a fool. 

Sarek tilted his head in acknowledgment to his wife who had sat back down which allowed everyone to proceed to eat the next course. 

Everyone except for Sarek. “I have personally met with Mr. Kirk and V’Lerk, as you know, to understand the situation completely and entirely. I have also received the reports from faculty members, Spock, T’Pring, and the surveillance video. Your son’s presence, as I said, is welcome, but will have to leave us to our privacy at the end of the meal.” 

V’Las stared at his own untouched plate, apparently, Sarek had his king cornered. V’Lerk had been his winning queen, destroyed by Sarek’s knight with ease. The Vulcan sat straighter, complexion back to normal pale-green, and gave a stiff nod. “Understood. I was not aware that you have collected all possible data of the incident.”

“You would not have been made aware. It would have been inappropriate for you to have access to that information as you would have had a bias in the information collected and the conclusion of the results,” Sarek replied. 

“Are you not biased yourself?” V’Las countered.

“What bias do I have, Minister V’Las,” Sarek asked calmly. 

With quick and calm replies V’Las reinforced his place under Sarek’s roof as well as his overemotional display of combativeness. Jim thought he was being unnecessarily defensive because the teen never expected Vulcans to have so many feelings surrounding Jim’s existence on Vulcan and in Vulcan schools. T’Hal and Sitaak were both watching Jim, ensuring that he was quiet and did not react often, which was difficult as the teen still did not have full control of his reactions. Blue eyes met chocolatey brown, both curious as to where this was about to go. The pair rarely spent time around each other. Honestly, they avoided each other. They were indifferent years in school and they often react far too open to each other than was appropriate for Vulcan public. 

“Your son has a blatantly openly emotional relationship with Mr. Kirk,” V’Las spoke without fear. 

“Does your son not have emotional reactions to Mr. Kirk?” T’Hal asked.

“Jim does not have extracurricular activities that take place outside of the home. The only time Jim would have interacted with Spock would be at school. Where it is acceptable to socialize during scheduled breaks,” Sitaak spoke in Jim and Spock’s defense. “Your inference that Spock and Jim have an emotional relationship is an inappropriate assumption.”

Sarek gave an acknowledging nod to Sitaak who, although always nervous, was calm in the defense of his pseudo-son and the man trying to ensure Jim’s care. “As Sitaak provided, James has not been allowed to have the freedoms other Vulcan children have been allowed. Their in-school relationship is of no consequence and provides me with no bias. I suggest you refrain from this line of debate further to prevent any more embarrassment to your family.”

That was the final knock out. If Jim was at a dinner with humans there might have been hooting and hollering, to further solidify Sarek’s place as the most intelligent member of the table and not one meant to be trifled with. The teen had to cover his mouth to hide the smile that tried to burst out from his lips and squeeze his eyes. Jim kept azure eyes downcast so no one could see the immense amount of joy excessively expressed in his eyes. Utensil clattering began again, people chewing and being as quiet in their thoughts as possible wanting to move away from the conversation as quickly as possible.

“So, you have already decided?” Soval began to speak as T’Hal and Amanda removed the second course. 

“Thank you,” Jim murmured to T’Hal as she handed him the third course, which to a human was closest to a salad. 

“I do not understand your meaning, Soval,” Sarek spoke casually and evasively. 

Soval took a long look at Sarek and released another deep breath, dropping the conversation. After V’Las’ humiliation, it was clear that anyone that tried to defy the Ambassador or win a battle of wits would shame themselves beyond repair. Sarek was clearly trying to have a nice dinner, a quiet celebration of how far Jim had come from breaking M’Benga’s nose over a year ago. The teen appreciated the gesture. It allowed him to relax more and enjoy the meal Spock’s mother provided them all. At this point, silence was nice and calming. Because the storm was coming at the end of the meal Jim ensured to savor every bite and every moment with the company next to him.

“I do believe it is time for V’Lerk to take time away from the meeting. Spock, if you will show him to the gardens with tea,” Sarek commanded. 

As Spock did as he was told, Sarek and M’Benga pulled out PADDs from their person pulling up what Jim could only assume were files on himself. Amanda and T’Hal cleared the table of any trace of dinner only leaving a new fresh pot of hot tea. The women and Spock sat back down which gave Jim the opportunity to stand and provide all persons at the table with a new fresh cup of tea, as was customary of the youngest member at a traditional dinner. Spock then poured a cup for Jim after the teen sat down a part of the ceremony where the person to the left of the youngest would provide them tea. Jim’s piece was symbolic of his honor to elders and the exceptionalism of oral traditions. Spock’s piece was a reminder of equality at the table and comradery. It was an important end to a meal and beginning of a formal meeting.

“We are here to discuss the continuation of Mr. Kirk’s rehabilitation program on Vulcan. V’Las will have the opportunity to speak first as security minister, Soval will then speak as medical minister. Dr. M’Benga will provide a physical and psychological assessment, and we shall finish with Dr. T’Hal and Healer Sitaak who shall provide their account of how Mr. Kirk has progressed under their house. Everyone shall be heard, as always logic will dictate the result of this meeting.”

V’Las folded small fat fingers on the table, flexed tightly in clear irritation. “For the security of Vulcan and Vulcan heritage, I believe Mr. Kirk to be a danger. It is clear his adherence to the laws of our lands is often disregarded when it pleases him to do so. The child has fought at school and been disruptive with many emotional outbursts. Even now, as he sits before us, the child is dress immodestly and sloppily. It is clear the human does not care for our culture or other’s comfortability. Mr. Kirk is clearly more comfortable representing human culture than Vulcan culture.” 

Jim looked down at his attire, not a piece had slipped from how he had originally dressed, yes, his chest was showing, but even M’Benga had his chest exposed. Amanda, of course, the perfect woman and Vulcan bondmate she was, covered head to toe, but she had many years on Jim and M’Benga. Jim also knew she only dressed this way at home when Vulcan company was around. M’Benga, the teen could see, was also looking at his attire as if he might be cast off-planet for wearing a tight wrap around V-neck that exposed the black hairs on his chestnut skin. 

“As medical minister, there is not much that I can say that Dr. M’Benga will not cover. I have not interacted with Mr. Kirk since our initial greeting, but it is clear based on Dr. M’Benga’s assessment and seeing Mr. Kirk today, he is of calm mind and body. I disagree with V’Las’s assessment. Jim Kirk has clearly learned our cultural traditions and is dressed as formally as a human can who is not used to our warm climate. There have been emotional responses during our meal, however, Mr. Kirk is human, and V’Las suffered a great humiliation. For a child, a human child who understands our culture and our language fluently would find it difficult to not react. Dr. M’Benga and Professor Greyson struggled themselves to refrain from emotional reactions. 

I am pleased to suggest that Mr. Kirk finish his rehabilitation on Vulcan. I believe he will become a very productive member of our society if he wishes to remain after adulthood. Even if Mr. Kirk goes to his home planet of Earth or any other planet he wishes, he will be successful. The progress he has made from a feral child to civilized Vulcan is impressive,” Soval spoke, posture far more relaxed than V’Las’ had been. 

“You are too soft. You should meditate Soval,” V’Las criticized. 

“It would do you well to meditate on your emotions, V’Las. Your anger will get the best of you and affect your health,” Soval replied in kind. 

“Dr. M’Benga, I would welcome another voice at this table,” Sarek interrupted the argument. The Ambassador was not too keen on watching V’Las be humiliated a second time. 

“I agree. I will be as brief as possible,” M’Benga gave a nod to Jim who was still getting over the rush of emotions that came from being complemented by a Vulcan he’d only met twice. “Mr. Kirk upon first meeting alarmed me, it seemed as though he had a conduct disorder paired with C-PTSD, anxiety, and chronic depression. On top of the mental health crises, he was extremely malnourished and based on Tarsus IV records, had been before his arrest. Underweight, under height, just absolutely ill. It was a shock to me that Jim had even managed to live that long or that his mother had allowed his care to be so disregarded. 

In the past year Mr. Kirk has gone through rigorous therapy with not only myself, but another psychologist and a Vulcan healer. With the use of Vulcan meditation techniques, cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, and a slew of other techniques we have a more accurate diagnosis for Mr. Kirk. While it seemed as he was on the verge of sociopathy, it’s clear now trauma in the form of C-PTSD, adjustment disorder, and attachment disorder. I believe two more years of intensive therapy will provide a well-adjusted adult prepared to manage the trauma he has been through. I commend you, Jim, for getting as far as you have. And for not breaking my nose a third time,” M’Benga teased. Jim felt flushed and others were clearly shocked by the new information, no one knew that M’Benga’s knows had been broken a second time. 

“As for his physical state, Jim has grown seven inches this year. T’Hal and Sitaak have ensured that Jim has had a balanced vegetarian diet with nutritional supplements in order to get his body on the right track. The pain from the extremely fast growth spurt was managed, and we expect Jim to continue to grow at a normal pace now that he is at a healthy weight. Jim was afflicted by the Tarsus IV fungus and as a result, has developed an incredible list of allergies. Suffice to stay, physically Jim has finally received the correct amount of nourishment and stability he needed for proper growth and development,” M’Benga released a breath after speaking so long. 

“Dr. M’Benga, do you believe it would be prudent for Mr. Kirk to continue to live on Vulcan and with Dr. T’Hal and Healer Sitaak?” Sarek prompted.

“Yes, of course, yes. I fear that if Jim were sent literally anywhere else, we would see him degrade into a highly intelligent criminal mastermind. That is not an exaggeration. Do I think he would become a murderer? No, but based on IQ tests and his test scores at school, at this point, he would easily break out of any prison, workers camp, or foster home he would be put in. Mr. Kirk would disconnect from reality and from humanity. It would be extremely detrimental, this early into his recovery to remove him from the kind home of Dr. T’Hal and Healer Sitaak, or to remove him from Vulcan a culture that has calmed his mind and soul.” 

“I appreciate the additional information Doctor,” Sarek nodded and glanced to Jim who had brows furrowed at said doctor. Criminal mastermind did not sound like something he had ever wanted to do, but if he had just been left as feral as when they found him, he understood the sentiment. 

“Doctor T’Hal and Healer Sitaak, do you two have any additional information you would like to provide?” Sarek asked.

Sitaak gave a hum of emotion as he digested the information. “Jim has been a welcome addition to my home. Despite his ability to pull an emotional outburst from myself often, I could not see my home empty of his presence.” 

“Jim has been successful in school, surpassing many Vulcans, including V’Lark,” T’Hal teased, “Linguistically, mathematically, and scientifically an honorable child to my house. Jim has represented our home as one would expect from a biological child. I am proud to continue to care for him and monitor his progress.” 

Jim felt flushed from head to toe, never had he been complimented by his parents, any parents. The teen dipped his head to hide the emotions that welled up inside of him, hands hidden inside long sleeves so that his fingernails could dig into the palm of his hands. While crying, he was sure, would not work against his favor, it would be extremely inappropriate at the moment and confusing for the Vulcans. A warm heat pressed against his left leg which reminded him to release a breath and continue breathing. Spock, for the few times Jim had been around him, had always been a source of comfort. It was like the older teen knew when Jim needed another person who understood emotions deeply and fully in a human way and provided him that emotional comfort. 

“Spock why don’t you escort Mr. Kirk to the garden where V’Lerk was left. We will discuss more privately and your mother will fetch you three when a more conclusive decision has been made,” Sarek spoke in a lower tone.

Spock gave a nod and as he stood the older teen assisted Jim up to his feet and led him outside to the garden. The blond released a heavy sigh and quickly walked through the garden, not taking a moment to admire its beauty to fall onto a bench with a slouch. The sun beat down upon his face and heated his body. Jim did not care if V’Lerk saw him cry at this point. The Vulcan was sat across from him with his teacup and tilted his head up to Spock in question. The older Vulcan took his seat next to Jim and poured two more cups of tea, forcing Jim to take it. Spock was good at ignoring the prying eyes of Vulcans who couldn’t mind their own business. 

“Drink, it will even out your breathing pattern and calm you down,” Spock commanded.

Jim complied and took a few sips which assisted in calming his small panic attack. Cerulean eyes finally met Spock’s swimming deep brown, “Thank you,” Jim whispered quietly finally wiping away the few tears that had escaped. 

“That was a difficult meeting, I admire your ability to listen and control your emotions,” Spock praised. 

“So, he will remain on Vulcan?” V’Lerk interrupted. 

“Most likely, I suspect, yes,” Spock responded. 

“That is good,” V’Lerk gave a nod and sipped his tea.

Jim felt like his eyes were bugging out of his head. “Good? I would have thought you’d be upset since I cracked your nose pretty good.” 

V’Lerk gave Jim what the teen could only imagine as a smirk. “My father felt shame that you were more skilled at combat than I was. I was not disappointed. You, Jim Kirk, have exceeded expectations and provide stimulus none other has at school.” 

A deep sigh left Jim and then a small chuckle sparing a glance at Spock who seemed clueless as to what was happening. “I didn’t think I'd have a Vulcan have interest in me so soon. I figured at least another year of emotional suppression and at least one hair on my chest.” 

“You are desirable. Embodiment of the sun, your skin absorbs all the light and your eyes reflect it out,” V’Lerk romanticized. 

Vulcan could be a romantic language, and Jim often read poems from before Surak’s teachings, but to have such poetic language directed at him had him flushed head to toe. Again, all Jim could do was glance at Spock whose eyes were now studying his teacup as if he were going to provide a tea leaf reading to the group. The teen didn’t know why he sought out Spock every time he became unsure about these situations. It didn’t look like the older teen would be providing any guidance at this time. 

“V’Lerk, I think your father would disapprove,” Jim spoke carefully, “You are only curious especially considering my current attire that I am sweating out of.”

“My father would most certainly disapprove. My attraction is in fact illogical, I acknowledge my weakness. James Kirk, you are my weakness,” V’Lerk boasted. 

“Quite illogical. I expect anytime you see an ankle you’ll believe you’re in love with that person?” Jim asked. 

“No. Your skin now is only a catalyst for expressing my devotions. I would not have if Spock had suggested you failed to remain on Vulcan.” 

Jim sipped his tea slowly, really wishing Spock would step in at this point. The man was older than both of them, he was meant to stop an inappropriate conversation being their senior. But maybe Spock thought Jim wanted this sort of attention and that was why he let it continue for so long. The teen thought long and hard about how to shut this conversation down, possibly mentioning the other’s bondmate, the shame he’d bring to a house for being human (but that might hurt Spock’s feelings so that was a no-go). This was a terrible game of chess where the other person didn’t know the rules and still suggested they were winning the game. 

“I do not think your House or your bondmate would approve of a conversation such as this,” Jim chastised. 

V’Lerk smirked as if he had just checked Jim’s Queen, the teen definitely missed some information. “My bondmate died several years ago due to an illness. I have not been paired since her loss.” 

Jim bit his bottom lip trying to figure out his next move and found his face flushing beyond the heat as emotionless eyes watched the action. “V’Lerk this conversation is quite inappropriate considering the current situation,” Jim huffed annoyed. 

“I apologize if my timing is not well received this is the most time we have spent in each other's company outside of school,” V’Lerk sighed as if he was lovelorn. 

Spock’s nostrils flared a bit as if he suddenly understood something that was happening in this exchange. “V’Lerk, I suggest you ask your father to take you home. It seems as though your hormonal regulation is no longer in homeostasis.”

“Spock, what are you talking about?” Jim asked, far too curious for his own good. 

“It does not concern you. This is a Vulcan matter only,” Spock snapped at the younger teen. 

V’Lerk examined Spock before he seemed to retreat into his own mind to assess himself. When V’Lerk came back to himself Amanda appeared from behind the tall bushes and flowers with a kind smile on her face. Spock and Jim stood almost synchronously exchanging looks with each other. The other teen ushered V’Lerk ahead of Amanda, aware of something Jim might never understand unless he hacked Vulcan records. That was not something he was willing to try yet, but one day possibly. Jim picked up the tea tray and followed Amanda inside, setting the tea in the kitchen for further cleanup. What Jim hadn’t expected was V’Las and V’Lerk leaving suddenly and without a word.

Amanda ushered Jim back into the dining area after the pair left. Jim took his seat next to Spock again gently reaching for one of the cookies that sat in the middle of the table. At this point, Jim needed to put food in his mouth to avoid saying anything that he’d regret. Everyone settled back down, any questions left unanswered as their tea was sipped and their PADDs were put away. When Jim finally brought his azure eyes back up everyone else’s brown eyes were on him. Some full of deep emotion and vigor while others were still like a rock, and Spock’s mimicked his mother, filled with mirth and knowledge that Jim didn’t know.

“Mr. Kirk, we have deliberated and come to a decision. You are more than welcome to spend the rest of your days on Vulcan. You are still expected to continue treatment with Dr. M’Benga until he sees you are fit to make sound decisions on your own. You will also continue at the Vulcan Learning Academy until the age of eighteen at which you will be free to choose your career and living situation on your own. Given that you are not Vulcan we will not extend your adolescence beyond what is accepted by humans. I do hope you continue to heal and find yourself at peace here,” Sarek told with some hint of Vulcan emotion. It came as fast as it went, but Jim felt pleased to have finally gotten a minute reaction out of the Sarek. 

“Thank you, Ambassador Sarek, I appreciate the efforts you all have gone through to ensure my survival. Thank you T’Hal and Sitaak, I am more than pleased to continue to live in your home, under your care,” Jim responded with a bow of his head. 

“We have another topic we would like to discuss with you Jim,” T’Hal told. “Your mother’s ship is in orbit. If you would like, she has asked to beam down to the planet to spend time with you.” 

Jim felt all the good feelings that had been building up suddenly disappear and his blood ran cold. The teen shifted back and gave a long look to T’Hal, unsure how to respond. Had they been at home Jim might have left the apartment, but they were at the top floor of a building lodged inside of rock. There was no escape, and Jim hadn’t felt the need to escape in over a year. Dull blue eyes wandered across the faces at the table examining him and his reactions closely. They had already told him he could stay, but maybe that would change if he didn’t respond correctly. For whatever reason Jim stared into Spock’s deep pool of chocolate brown asking for the answer, an answer Spock couldn’t give. 

“You do not have to see your mother Jim,” Doctor M’Benga assured. “This does not affect your ability to remain on Vulcan.” 

The teen released a shaky breath as his eyes darted around more, the garden was an escape, but not actually an exit. His skin vibrated, blood pounded in his head, and fingers twitched in his cloaks. Just as the blond was about to stand and probably launch himself off the edge of the garden’s patio a firm grip landed on his arm. The teen looked to Sitaak, but the Vulcan had his hands to himself so that left Spock. The older teen looked slightly pained, eyebrows were furrowed, but eyes that were serious and kind bore down on Jim, holding him in place. Being grounded by the other allowed Jim to think about what had been said and the options that were being provided. 

“No. I don’t want to see Winona,” Jim whispered, voice hoarse and gravelly with emotion. 

“Then it is settled,” T’Hal replied. “You are not obligated to see your birth mother. You are old enough to make those decisions for yourself.”

Jim gave a weak nod and felt himself sink further into the pillows that he sat upon. “I think it would be best if we took our leave. I believe Jim needs meditation and rest,” Sitaak spoke up.

Jim’s pseudo parents stood up, helped Jim to his feet, gave the ta’al before quickly moving the young teen out of the apartment. M’Benga gave his farewells to Ambassador Sarek, Amanda, Spock, and Soval before quickly joined the throuple into the lift. As the door closed M’Benga ran a tricorder over Jim to ensure it was just a panic attack. Once it was confirmed M’Benga gently gripped Jim’s shoulders and forced the teen to look up into his eyes searching for some recognition. Once the blond stared directly into his eyes M’Benga began breathing in and out slowly and rhythmically, forcing Jim into the same pattern. 

“You were not prepared for confrontation like that Jim. It’s okay. We had not expected her to show up, and request your presence for at least another year or two. You are okay. You are not Vulcan; you can show emotion, Jim. You’re allowed to feel, you will not be removed from your home for having emotions,” M’Benga reminded. 

Jim released another heavy breath and fell into the doctor shaking harshly at the heavy feeling of emotion. The pair sunk to the floor, M’Benga providing physical contact that Vulcans were often uncomfortable with. The doctor held Jim through his panic attack while Sitaak ensured the elevator was halted. It would be disruptive if any outsiders saw Jim’s outburst. M’Benga was trying to bring Jim through his emotions so that the teen could find peace and calm before going home. It wasn’t until T’Hal and Sitaak went to the floor with the pair and touched Jim that the teen’s breath slowed enough.

Sitaak, the healer, had his hand on Jim’s mind, providing a little emotional connection that allowed Jim to know that Sitaak felt his emotions. T’Hal rubbed the teen’s back like she had many nights when the nightmares became too much to sleep through. While M’Benga assumed Jim wasn’t receiving the physical and emotional attention he’d normally get from a healthy human family dynamic, he had assumed wrong. Sitaak and T’Hal understood Jim deeper than any human could have and had already developed methods to get Jim through panic attacks. It took only minutes for Jim to finally come back to himself.

With a soft breath and rustle of fabrics, Jim pulled away from M’Benga flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry, Doctor.” 

“Don’t apologize, this is healthy. I believe a year ago you would have broken my nose a third time. I’m proud of you Jim, we all are.” 

Jim raised his eyes up at M’Benga and gently gripped the arms of his pseudo parents. Together they rose and the lift began again. “Thank you all, I don’t think I’d still be alive if it weren’t for you all.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos + comments.
> 
> Roast me, critique, suggestions, I want it all. <3


	4. The Uncontrollable Compulsion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UnBeta'd
> 
> Enjoy! :) Have a taste of personality. :)
> 
> Also some warnings: Underage person(s) in a situation they definitely shouldn't be in, underage drinking

STARDATE 2250.325

“Jim, are you ready?” A soft voice called to him from the opening of the guest bedroom. 

Jim shifted on his feet and smoothed his clothes. The teen was staying with Spock’s family as his pseudo-father went through a “medical” issue with his pseudo-mother. It wasn’t safe for Jim to be around and the seventeen-year-old was still not allowed to be left alone to his own devices. Spock was going out on a supervised date with his childhood bondmate, and each of them, being twenty years old, were allowed to choose their chaperones. T’Pring had chosen her boyfriend, Stonn, while Spock chose Jim, just so he wouldn’t have to be around them with his own mother. They were apparently going all over ShiKahr’s downtown for dinner for the worst double date ever. 

The teen took a long look at himself in the mirror, concerned about what he looked like despite knowing it didn’t really matter considering Vulcans would judge his presence anyway. Jim wore black pants that really hid his form, wide and elegant. To the untrained eye, the pants might look like a long skirt as the fabric flowed together. Jim caressed a thick orange tunic with silk and linen geometric patterns that hailed the ancients of Vulcan. The sleeves were a thin silk split to expose Jim’s tanned and muscular arms. In a few short months Jim would be eighteen and with his body mostly filled out, knew that he probably couldn’t get away with such revealing clothing without soliciting more eyes than usual. 

“Jim?” the soft voice asked again, walking into the bedroom.

Jim finally pulled his eyes away from the mirror smoothed his clothes again and looked at Amanda with a shy smile, offering her some human emotion before he shut it down. It had become natural for him to accept the Vulcan concept of hiding any visualization of emotion. The woman pulled at the bottom of Jim’s tunic and tried to push aside Jim’s thick wavy bangs so his dark eyebrows were more visible for seeing the micromovements of emotion. Jim allowed the woman to do her fussing until Jim saw Spock in the doorway as well, eyes careful to not wander too long on the exchange.

“We are leaving now Jim,” Spock told them all. 

“Spock, tell Jim he looks nice for the double date,” Amanda teased. 

“Ms. Greyson, I don’t think-”

“It is inappropriate to call this a double date, as Jim and Stonn are not bondmates and are not interested in each other,” Spock chastised. 

Jim sighed and shook his head, “I don’t think she meant me and Stonn, Spock.”

The teen quickly moved away from the woman and followed Spock towards the door where they each put on their own shoes. Jim put on lifted boots with traction on the bottom to not only keep the bottom of his pants from scraping the ground while he side-eyed what Spock wore. Despite being in the absolute middle of summer where nighttime temperatures were at minimum ninety degrees, the man wore a thick sweater his mother made for him and form-fitting pants in a thick synthetic material. It really was unfair to see Spock dressed in clothes that fit his form so fluidly, showing his broad shoulders and slim waist. Sure, Jim was dressed in some slightly form-fitting clothing with a lot of skin exposed, but there was something about Spock that just made it unfair. Quickly Jim followed him out of the apartment and outside where Stonn and T’Pring stood patiently. 

“You are aware James is dressed provocatively?” Stonn asked.

“Jim is still a child; he is not yet expected to fully conform. Not to mention the heat would be medically debilitating given he is human,” Spock defended immediately. 

“It was a compliment Spock,” T’Pring stated blandly. “Stonn was admiring his form.” 

“I’m not really a child either Spock,” Jim defended himself as they began to walk. The lifts in his boots provided him some height so he didn’t look so small next to the other two men. 

“Your brain is not fully developed; you cannot even make choices without determining consequences. I would rule you a child,” Spock responded.

“We’re basically the same age Spock. You all develop slower than humans,” Jim replied in the same blad voice as if they were not defending their adulthood. 

“James is correct Spock, we are at the same stage of development,” T’Pring finalized. 

Jim practically preened at having the young woman defend his honor and gave a small smirk up at Spock who was now flushed at the tips of his ears and nose. Spock’s hair gently touched the tips of his ears in small wisps, the man had been allowing his hair to grow out the last few months before his Vulcan Science Academy interview would occur. T’Pring, while Jim was distracted by Spock yet again, touched her delicate fingers down Jim’s exposed arms sending shocks of electricity and Jim jumped away from her. A small reactionary sneer came from Jim’s face, a feral reaction he hadn’t had to another being in a while. 

“Interesting,” T’Pring practically purred if she weren’t Vulcan. 

“What just occurred?” Spock asked as Jim moved so he was walking a few feet away from them. 

“T’Pring experienced James’ emotions,” Stonn replied.

“That is a dangerous action, T’Pring. You know as well as I that Jim-”

“Jim is what?” Jim snapped at them with the best glare he could muster under his mop of blond hair. 

Spock looked taken aback by Jim’s emotional outburst. The group paused to examine Jim’s defensive and exceedingly human posturing. Arms crossed and hip popped, leaning towards them with as threatening a sneer as Jim could make given the amount of control he still had to have in public around a crowd of Vulcans. The trio was in the unused street while Jim was giving himself extra height on the sidewalk. The teen’s eyes darted between the three Vulcans before he noticed others were beginning to pay attention to him. Slowly Jim relaxed his posture and his face slipped his hands into his pockets and moved back to the group with his head tucked down slightly.

“Just... Don’t touch me again. It’s inappropriate,” Jim seethed softly. 

“You are correct James,” Stonn chastised T’Pring, obviously jealous of the attention she paid to the human.

The group walked in silence the rest of the time it took to arrive to the middle of downtown ShiKahr and Jim lifted his head eyes wide in awe. Jim hadn’t really been anywhere but his own home, school, and Spock’s home. So being able to actually explore the city made him feel butterflies of excitement inside, but all that one could see on the outside was azure eyes taking in the buildings, decor, and people. Jim at this point could barely keep up with the group as they moved swiftly through the crowds to a restaurant where sat a multitude of different alien species. Some of which Jim knew their languages fluently, others who were beautiful and he’d never seen them before. The teen forgot ShiKahr was the tourist and Federation destination of Vulcan.

Once the group was sat down, Jim barely following them because of his wandering eyes, the teen relaxed a bit more. The restaurant had reserved a more private table in the back, they were blocked by wooden dividers, Spock and Jim on one side of the rectangular floor table and Stonn and T’Pring on the other. The teen brought more pillows around himself to settle more comfortably, finally settling into his body with a calmer demeanor than when they entered the city center. Tea was given to them by their waiter and Jim went ahead and poured everyone’s tea. While this wasn’t an official meeting or even a formal meeting, decorum still stuck around especially during a courtship meeting. 

“Jim, what are your plans after you graduate from the Vulcan Learning Academy?” T’Pring asked quietly. 

The woman would never be interested in Spock, Spock knew that, and Jim knew that. There was no pretending and no trying to encourage the young woman to find Spock interesting. And although Jim thought there were many interesting things about Spock, unexpected things about Spock. They were all secret and still would not be interesting to the woman who had found love in someone she was not bonded to. The teen examined the woman for a few breathless seconds trying to decide where this conversation was going to go. 

“I do not know,” Jim finally replied. 

“You do not plan to apply to the Vulcan Science Academy?” Spock prompted.

“I would have expected James to join Starfleet,” Stonn spoke thoughtfully.

Jim grunted in response to Stonn, “I would never join Starfleet. I’d rather go join a penal colony than work for that organized disaster. As for the VSA... I’m not sure I want to dedicate my life to research when I have not yet experienced the world and its offerings.” 

Spock’s eyes moved to his cup of tea, Jim trying to ignore the thoughtful stares in and away from his direction. The teen hadn’t been asked about his future plans yet, not even his pseudo parents bothered with it. With a slow and even breath, Jim picked up his tea cup and began gently sipping, hoping the conversation would move away from his lack of direction. Luckily for him, a large platter was set in the middle of their table as well as plates. The restaurant was a family-style tradition that required finger foods and no utensils, not something Vulcans often indulged in unless they were treating themselves. 

“Stonn,” T’Pring practically sang. Jim wondered if Spock felt any hurt at her disregard of their pre-martial bond. “Did you mention a new place?”

“Yes, there is an underground bar, very difficult to get into, but I have been assured we will be allowed inside,” Stonn gave a coy look to them all. 

“I think that is hardly appropriate with Jim-”

“We are only allowed inside if we bring Jim,” Stonn interrupted Spock. 

Jim’s eyes widened and quickly narrowed, preventing a frown from forming on his face. “That does not seem like a reputable establishment if you are only allowed entrance if you bring me.” 

“I agree Stonn,” T’Pring said surprisingly. “What kind of bar is this establishment that entrance is so strict that we must bring a young human with us?”

“It is distasteful. I will not speak more of this establishment. Either we shall go and indulge, or we shall continue with normal courtship activities,” Stonn reprimanded them all for their distain of his idea. 

Jim studied the Vulcan for a long moment, trying to figure out what kind of establishment a Vulcan would find distasteful and yet fully indulge in. There were very few things that were illegal in the Federation, and many more that were considered morally corrupt on Vulcan. Most of those topics surrounded sex and liquor. While Vulcan as a planet did have liquor at the current above ground establishments for other species. A Vulcan, however, could not purchase inebriants for themselves at dinner or at a bar. They often bought inebriants at a market for at-home consumption. Now sex on the other hand. Jim had barely any understanding of Vulcan sexual intercourse besides what was often alluded to. 

“Is that why you said I looked indecent?” Jim asked in the quietest and lowest voice he could muster so others on the other side of the divider could not hear him. 

“This human is smarter than the two of you combined,” Stonn breathed, the closest Jim would ever get to hear a Vulcan laugh. 

“I still do not understand,” Spock tilted his head, looking to Jim for answers for once in his life. 

Jim flushed and gave the smallest of smiles as was appropriate and shook his head ‘no’. “I don’t expect you would,” Jim mumbled. 

“He would not,” T’Pring finally spoke her own face flushed a brilliant green upon the realization. 

The woman’s normally blank black eyes were now molten rock examining Jim’s body a lot closer than she ever had before. Spock clearly was internally panicking as his ocean of chocolate eyes danced between the three that had a full conceptual understanding of where the night was leading and he still seemed to have no idea what they were all sharing. Jim weakly held his arm out, keeping his hand in a fist. While Jim didn’t know exactly all the ways Vulcans indulged in sex, Jim had lived with his own Vulcan parents long enough to know what was offering an androgynous zone and what wasn’t. 

“I cannot say it Spock, but if you’d like to read my surface thoughts, I can accommodate,” Jim offered quietly. 

Ave What Jim was about to do was highly inappropriate, but blond figured it would best for the man to decide for himself if he would like to participate in the degeneracy the group planned to experience. Spock looked at him, eyes wide with his otherwise expressionless face. The man didn’t bother looking at the others while he searched Jim’s eyes for more permission. When Spock finally nodded as dumbly as a Vulcan could, Jim held out his arm which was exposed by the open silk sleeves. Spock another nod as if trying to encourage himself and gently placed his long hand on Jim’s forearm with a gentle grip.

‘Can you hear my thoughts, Spock?’ Jim asked through their connection.

“Yes,” Spock said aloud, voice soft, shaky. 

Jim suddenly sent through the touched connection imprints of lust and concepts of sexual depravity. ‘It’s going to be an underground, illegal, bar that allows for sexual promiscuity. The reason I’m required is because I’m exotic on this planet. No entry without an exotic alien.’ Spock ripped his hand away as fast as he could once, he understood. The look of disgust that was sent to Stonn was almost violent in nature and Jim suddenly felt ashamed for being interested in such a place. Vulcans were the most sexually repressed species Jim had ever read about or seen and most saw him as an unattainable desire. 

“Spock you do not have to attend,” T’Pring sighed into her cup of tea irritated by Spock’s reaction.

“You will not gain entry unless you have Jim. I cannot arrive home without the human,” Spock growled almost possessively. 

Jim’s eyes cast down to his lap before he nudged his elbow into the angry Vulcan. “Spock, you’re going to be heard by others. Center yourself,” Jim whispered and began breathing rhythmically as if meditating. 

Spock’s hardened eyes looked to Jim’s azure before the Vulcan finally melted into his regular disposition. “I apologize for my outburst. I am only concerned for Jim’s safety.”

“James does not have to do anything,” Stonn replied. 

“If you would like to observe and ensure nothing happens to him, you are welcome to, Spock,” T’Pring replied. 

While this conversation went on more food was brought to their table and removed from their table. It was all going uneaten except for Jim’s small portions he would allot himself in public. In private, Jim made sure to eat a lot more, but in public, he still felt strange having others see him eat. It really was a shame to watch all of the food go to waste, especially when Vulcans were having a row at the expense of Jim’s hunger. They didn’t necessarily need to eat as often as he did, but it didn’t make his stomach any less sad. The blond was dreaming about the piles of food he would eat once his pseudo parents “medical emergency” was over not realizing Spock had been defeated by them.

“Jim, you would like to go to this... establishment?” Spock asked quietly. 

The teen found himself suddenly flushed at having Spock’s gentle eyes and two gleaming Vulcan eyes looking him down for an answer. Of course, Jim wanted to go. He felt so suppressed, hadn’t had his lips on anyone since Tarsus IV. Since the day he was rescued. Jim’s tongue darted out to lick his lips that always seemed dry in this desert climate before looking up at them all from under his long blond lashes, looking indulgent unintentionally. T’Pring set her teacup down as she took in his sight and his eyes slowly glided back over to Spock, wanting to see his reaction. The older man looked the same as he always did when Jim was next to him, the tip of his nose and ears flushed with green color. 

“I would really like to go. It has been... Too long since I’ve been able to indulge myself in... in...” Jim paused, unable to think about how to verbalize what he wanted in Vulcan. The teen was fluent, he was sure there were words for what he needed, but at the moment they escaped him as lust moved through his body, just thinking of the potentials. “Spock, if you are uncomfortable, we do not have to go.” 

Spock looked as though Jim had stung him and looked away from the teen. “Then we shall explore this establishment. If not for purely scientific purposes,” Spock replied tartly. 

Jim couldn’t help the burst of laughter that fell from his lips at pure shock from what Spock said. “Okay, okay. We’ll go for scientific study,” Jim winked at the Vulcans going back to his room temperature tea and plate of food. 

* * *

A short lift ride down from the tallest building in the middle of the downtown area led the group to a dimly lit hall and a series of doors. Stonn passed all the questions asked of them and at the last door waved to Jim’s presence to gain final entry. Upon entry, their shoes were expected to be removed and the group was told they would be waiting for them at the exit. Which apparently was a separate entity in order to keep the establishment from being found. After what felt like an hour of traveling to this mysterious place underground Jim almost felt relief from removing his large lifted boots. Upon entry, the teen felt a chill from the tunnels and then sudden heat from the bar as they finally entered. For Jim the heat wasn’t what he was used to on the surface of Vulcan, it was a deep pit of one's stomach heat the kind he felt when aroused. It was the energy of everyone in the establishment.

The lights were dim, a seductive song from a Vulcan lute played across the main room absorbed by the soft drapery along the stone walls. There were tables all over the floor that was at varying levels, all visible to the servers and manager at the bar. On some of the tables were seductive aliens and around those tables Vulcans indulging themselves in a dark drink while they caressed alien skin. Jim knew his mouth was open, tongue almost constantly wetting his lips just at the pure exotic sight of where they were. The teen stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants to hide his jittery excitement at what may occur. 

Spock gently touched Jim’s clothed upper back to lead his distracted mind and body where Stonn and T’Pring were being sat. Once they reached the low table Jim examined it further, the top was soft while the edges were flat and hard for drinks to rest. The tables were meant for alien display. While the three Vulcan’s sat Jim looked around and saw more clearly that the aliens on display were in various stages of undress. When Jim’s eyes were brought back to their table, he moved to sit but the waiter, also curiously an alien, Orion Jim suspected, gripped his arm before he could bend down. 

“[You are expected to be on display],” the woman breathed into his ear in Standard English. 

Jim practically felt himself melt at the pheromones the woman was pulsing out. No wonder the room felt like the heat of lust, if there were pheromone producing aliens milling around, people would have no choice but to become indulgent in forbidden desires. The teen turned his head anyway to look at the woman whose height he matched, maybe Jim still had a few years to grow taller, but right now being small and lanky at the mercy of this Orion woman almost felt right. Azure eyes darted from the table to the plush, pillow covered, floor and gave a slow nod. 

“[Am I expected to undress]?” Jim whispered back in Orion weakly. 

The teen was glad there was music or else the Vulcans might have heard the anxious waver in his voice. Having the ability to speak Orion in this scenario was also helpful, given that he knew Vulcans never spoke more than their own language and maybe Standard English. The woman looked shocked that he knew her language and the look she gave was almost pitying. There were usually unspoken reasons as to why non-Orion's spoke the language. While Jim didn’t fit into those standards, he was not about to correct her, given the situation he was currently in. 

“[No, you are clearly a child over their head. Do not undress if you do not wish. I recommend next time you do not come to Riyeht-aitlun when you are invited. You will not be a child then],” She warned. 

Jim licked his lips again and gave a small nod. The teen wouldn’t promise anything to her, especially not when the heat was already taking away any anxieties or inhibitions he may have had initially upon arrival. The woman gently released him with a pet down his arm and Jim slowly sat on the table, crawling until he was in the middle of it. The teen sat as if he was sitting at a table and not being served as a dish. Examining the Vulcans, he came in with, they were flushed green more than Jim had ever seen before. Stonn and T’Pring were touching each other more openly, hands caressing hands while eyes roamed Jim’s body. Spock looked anywhere else but Jim, hands fisted in his lap. 

The Orion woman arrived again with four drinks. Three were tall dark-colored drinks and one was a small glass that looked like it had two shots of clear liquid. The woman set the drinks down in front of Jim’s Vulcan friends before she handed the clear drink to him with a finger to her lips. A slow blink and nod in acknowledgment. All four of them were underage, Jim especially for Vulcan culture, and yet they were provided alcoholic drinks. Jim watched Spock’s eyes wander to the drink in front of himself and lifted to smell it, deep brown eyes wide in shock. Stonn and T’Pring took no time to drink theirs so Jim shifted and leaned towards Spock and his drink. 

“What do you have?” the teen asked. Spock only waved his delicately long hands for Jim to have a whiff. So, the blond did. “Chocolate?” Jim smiled, “You should let yourself go a little bit.”

“What did the Orion give you?” Spock asked refusing to acknowledge the drink in front of himself. 

Jim, who was now laying on his stomach feet swaying in the air, skin exposed as his loose pants fell to his knees, smelled his drink and made a sour face. “It’s vodka, I think. Not very good vodka,” Jim murmured as he smelled again. 

“Why would she provide you alcohol?” Spock asked curiously. “Are the pheromones not enough to rid you of your inhibitions?” 

A small laugh slipped past Jim’s lips as Spock became openly curious, the pheromones doing their own work on the half-Vulcan. “Humans are run by pheromones and sex all the time Spock. While the pheromones are definitely doing wonders to relax my mind and body, I’m not inebriated.” 

“So, you would still require a drink to... To do as that... Andorian does?” Spock motioned to a blue woman whose ropes were open exposing her body to the table of guests she entertained. 

Jim felt his body flush as he looked over the woman’s body, “That’s so curious. They’re so xenophobic, I wonder what she was given to just...” Jim waved his hand slightly trying to gesticulate what he couldn’t say. 

Before the teen could process what was happening any further, he decided to down his drink before Spock could shame him into not. At that moment T’Pring and Stonn raised their glasses at him taking a few large gulps so they could keep up with the blond’s mode of inebriation. Jim set his glass to the side and shifted so he was sitting upright again, feet tucked underneath his body. Small tanned hands gripped Spock’s glass and lifted it as if he was a servant to the Vulcan. 

“Come on, just a little sip... For science,” Jim winked. 

Spock looked as though he was going to deny the blond, but Jim could see the sweat that prickled at his skin and how loose his robes were becoming. The man leaned forward hands gently grasping the glass, long fingers covering Jim’s own as they both tilted it to Spock’s lips. Jim’s own wet pink lips were open in excitement at the electricity shooting up from their touching fingers and his hazed mind serving Spock in such an erotic way. As Jim and Spock pulled the glass away from pale green and pink lips a hand began slowly moving up Jim’s calf. 

It was a long delicate nail and Jim slowly gazed over to T’Pring who then gripped the whole appendage and slowly pulled it out from under Jim. Spock kept the teen steady as the young woman trailed her small thin hand up his leg, under the thin fabric of his pants. The blond shivered at the feeling of two pleasing points of contact. Jim’s eyes finally found their way back to Spock’s as the older man had shifted closer to the table so that they would be closer, the glass still between them. Air came shallowly as his excitement built until Spock finally pulled himself and the glass of melted chocolate away. 

“Spock, are you enjoying yourself yet?” T’Pring asked as her hand trailed up and down Jim’s leg, while her other tangled and untangled with Stonn’s hand. 

“I understand why the concept of his establishment is so enticing,” Spock breathed eyes fixated on the sliver of Jim’s chest exposed. Then suddenly the eyes pulled away, focusing on a different point. “It is inappropriate for Jim to be here.”

T’Pring’s hand paused on Jim’s leg, the teen releasing a disappointing sigh, frustrated beyond belief being at this place, feeling all the ways he felt. “Spock, Jim was cognizant and able to make his own decisions. Are you upset by my projections of his own emotions?” 

Spock’s eyes finally reached T’Pring’s for the first time that night. “I do not completely appreciate them. I believe I will be taking my leave, with or without Jim,” Spock said shifting his weight to get up. 

Jim jerked away from T’Pring’s soft touches the moment Spock planned on leaving. “If you leave then I have to. I will be punished for not returning with you,” Jim huffed out.

“You will be. So, you must make your decisions Jim,” Spock replied and if the Vulcan had been more human, he maybe would have rolled his eyes. 

Jim chewed on his lip and glanced to T’Pring and Stonn who had pressed their minds together, a meld, the teen examined. The pair were already in their own worlds and Jim really didn’t want to be a part of whatever plans they had for him after Spock left. It didn’t really feel right being around them without Spock, especially because T’Pring was Spock’s fiancé and just flaunting her distaste for the half-Vulcan. Finally, with an almost too loud sigh, Jim slipped off the plush table and stood, smoothing his clothes out as best as he could. Blue eyes rolled over Spock’s tall and lean body before darting away. 

“We shall leave together?” Jim asked despite feeling the vodka beginning to take away his faculties. 

“Yes, I will ensure we get home safely despite your inebriation,” Spock assured. 

“Will you at least hold my hand?” the teen asked shyly, looking up at the other from under his almost wet lashes. This place had been overwhelming and now Jim was intoxicated it was a mixture that his still healing and developing mind could not handle.

“Jim, I will not hold your hand, but you can hold the sleeve of my robe,” Spock mumbled gently, clearly aware of Jim’s slowly deteriorating state. 

With a nod, Jim gripped the sleeve of Spock’s robe like the anxious child he was. Spock crossed his arms behind his back which brought Jim closer to the Vulcan’s body, so they were both aware of each other’s space. Somehow Spock knew where the exit was and sat Jim down on a soft bench so they could both put their shoes back on. As nice as it had been to walk on soft carpet instead of concrete and traditional textile rugs, reality had to return soon. While Spock was distracted with his own shoes a Vulcan man, blond-haired and blue-eyed sat next to Jim handing him a small data chip. Jim scanned the man with questions but could not find himself to ask them as the Vulcan left as quickly as he had appeared. 

“Jim?” Spock asked already standing and ready to leave.

“Sorry,” Jim mumbled.

Jim shoved the chip into his pocket while he followed Spock out of the establishment and up a set of marble stairs. They came out to a garden that rivaled Amanda’s and Jim felt himself in awe again. As the pair walked through, they occasionally stumbled upon couples that had made it out of the bar but barely unable to make it out beyond the garden. Hands and lips wandering where they pleased without much consideration of the fact that they were in public and others could easily see them. Jim gripped Spock’s sleeve to make sure his brain didn’t pull him too far away from the destination. 

“Thoughts?” Jim finally asked once they were away from the garden and headed to Spock’s home. 

“Is that what human bars are like?” Spock asked.

Jim laughed softly and shook his head. “Not bars... But there are brothels and strip clubs that are a lot like that. Obviously, I’ve never been to any of those... Well, I’ve been to a bar, but... There are also dance clubs that kind of have that same energy and then house parties. Most house parties are people getting drunk though, not a lot of sexual activity.” 

Spock gave a slow nod. “I see. I suppose I will encounter these situations on Earth?” 

“Probably,” Jim mumbled then raised his eyes up to the man who looked down at him, both of them equally flushed. “Does that mean you’re going to Starfleet?” 

“It does.”

“But what about that Science Academy interview and acceptance?” Jim asked quietly. 

“I will go to the interview and acceptance. I will do what is expected of me. However, I refuse to be a part of a culture that cannot accept me despite my many efforts,” Spock responded quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I put brackets to emphasize a language switch that is neither Vulcan nor Standard English. When Jim switches between Vulcan and Standard English, there will not be brackets. The Brackets will be based on what languages are being used, and who is using them. I think this will become clearer the deeper into the story we get? (chapter 8 or 9 I believe). If you have better suggestions let me know and I'll see what I can do.
> 
> AS ALWAYS PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS KUDOS OR WHATEVAAA.


	5. Riyeht-aitlun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd 
> 
> here's a shorter chapter (not by much lol) the next one will be longer than all other chapters.... 
> 
> CW group sex, non-consensual mind-melding

STARDATE 2251.140

Jim sat at home with his family a shy smile on his lips as he twisted the soft fabric of the pants he wore. A slimmer fit now that he was an adult and able to choose what he put on his body. The eighteen-year-old fingered the communicator in his hand nervously as T’Hal set down tea and poured it for Jim, Sitaak, as well as herself before finally taking a seat in their living area. Jim had finished at the Vulcan Learning Academy only a month or so ago and told T’Hal that he would find a job. His pseudo-parents did not have expectations for him to join Starfleet or the Vulcan Science Academy despite both having invited him to apply. They knew Jim would want to explore life and freedom before committing himself to space or research. So here they sat as Jim had an announcement, he wanted them both present for.

“I am moving out. I found an apartment downtown that is near my work,” Jim told them after they all drank half their tea. 

“That is a responsible action Jim,” T’Hal acknowledged.

“Will you tell me what job you are doing?” Sitaak pressed. 

“I told you I am a waiter at an establishment,” Jim replied brusquely. 

“If he does not wish to say you will not press him,” T’Hal reprimanded. “He is of adult age and is entitled to his privacy now, Sitaak.”

Sitaak looked at T’Hal for a long moment before he finished his cup of tea contemplatively. “Do you need assistance moving Jim?” the man finally asked. 

Jim gave the too kind Vulcan a small smile and shook his head only slightly. “I do not. Everything fits into two suitcases. I left the clothes that do not fit any longer.”

“Logical decision,” T’Hal nodded, “Will be able to visit you in your home?”

“Yes, of course,” Jim breathed, “Just allow me time to prepare my home.” 

* * *

STARDATE 2252.85

“James?” 

Jim glanced over his shoulder from the teapot on the stove to examine the Vulcan that left his bedroom. The blond was in his black silk meditation robes, loose around his body because the teen hadn’t bothered to tighten the red rope that held the wrap-around tunic closed. Cerulean eyes raked up and down Jim’s body while Jim’s own azure examined the naked Vulcan, a man with no shame. The human raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for the man to continue with whatever he was going to say. When the Vulcan didn’t speak Jim turned back to the tea kettle as the Vulcan settled at a chair on the island behind. 

“I have a favor to ask of you,” Strun finally spoke. 

The human turned with the tray of tea and cups setting it down on the island, pouring the liquid into each clay cup. Jim had bought this set himself after his first paycheck, enjoying the texture and the flavors the glazed clay provided. Long pale fingers, green at the tips grasped a cup and brought it close to his naked body. Strun came into Jim’s life through a small gesture and a data chip, when Jim came of age, he explored the data chip and contacted the man. Strun was the creator of Riyeht-aitlun and saw Jim’s display with T’Pring, Stonn, and Spock. The older Vulcan had told Jim that his skill to seduce Spock so easily while the other resisted so hard had been enticing and Strun knew he needed Jim the moment the teen was old enough. 

Jim had ensured that he wouldn’t be anything but a waiter, and Strun had agreed. Whatever they were now only developed recently, a night of Jim closing the bar side of Riyeht-aitlun led to drinks with Strun. Drinks led Jim to Strun’s apartment which led to many days and nights of exploring each other's bodies in ways Jim hadn’t known were possible. Casual sexual encounters with co-workers were nothing like what he and Strun did. In a way, it had been freeing, but Jim knew men like this, Vulcan or not, Strun was shady and only thought about profit. The teen took a long sip of his tea as he stared at the blond-haired, blue-eyed Vulcan waiting for the man to continue. Strun always expected human emotion from Jim, but being four years older and calmer allowed him to control who got to see the façade break. 

“I will need you to work a table tonight,” Strun finally broke the silence Jim forced upon him. 

With an almost inaudible sigh, Jim set his tea down with a small click against the rock counter. “Do you want me to work the table? Or do you want me to do all the work that encompasses a table?” 

Strun’s eyebrows quirked higher, probably unaware that Jim understood Vulcan microexpressions better than maybe Vulcans did. It was a survival skill and Jim was the best at it. “I would expect you to work the side room with your table if they asked that of you.” 

Jim took a sip of his tea again before setting the empty cup down again, noiselessly. “I assume I do not actually have a choice if I wish to continue to work there?"

“You do not.”

The human considered the Vulcan for a long moment before he left the kitchen and went to the bedroom abandoning his tea. Strun was not as silent as other Vulcans were when they moved, the man followed Jim curiously. As Jim picked up the Vulcan’s clothes from off the floor, he heard the man come up behind him and the large hands that were heavy on Jim’s hips did not surprise the nineteen-year-old. With a twist, the teen faced the man and shoved his clothes into his arms. Strun’s eyebrows shot up high into his straight fringe clearly the man hadn’t expected Jim’s reaction. But Strun did not fully understand Jim’s reaction and it was probably more amusing than Jim would ever admit.

“I believe it would be inappropriate for us to continue our personal relationship if I am to be an interactive decoration.” 

“James,” Strun began.

“You will be there tonight. You will be a part of the tables I entertain, and should they request more personal interaction, you will be there as well.” 

Strun’s cerulean eyes darted back and forth trying to see if there was any waiver in Jim’s decision. When there wasn’t the Vulcan finally pulled away and dressed swiftly. A quick turn on the heel and Strun was in Jim’s small closet, the tall Vulcan reached up to the top shelf and pulled down a box placing it on the messy bed. Jim’s eyes examined the package, having not seen it before. Clearly, Strun had been planning this since he arrived at Jim’s apartment last night. The only reason the human hadn’t noticed was that he had been pretty distracted by Strun’s wandering mouth and hands. 

“[A special robe? Just for me?]” Jim asked in Standard English, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

“I expect you to wear it tonight. You will use the worker's lounge and dress accordingly before you are placed at your table,” Strun spoke sternly, clearly not appreciating Jim’s humor. 

A single nod and Jim ushered the Vulcan out of his apartment. “I must prepare, I do not want to displease our guests tonight.”

* * *

Jim was spread out on a plush table in the center of the room. A robe he had been gifted was of white silk and wrapped around his body with long silk black rope that held the wrap sinched at his slim waist. The robe was full body except there were two slits that specifically exposed his long-tanned legs, sleeveless to show off muscular arms, and loose around his broad shoulders to reflect the dim lights off of his hot skin. Thin white silk hugged his tight muscles and fell off of his legs and shoulders with every movement. Tanned skin was a stark contrast to the other creatures that were splayed out on their own tables. 

Azure eyes wandered to watch an Orion woman doing a slow and seductive dance to the Vulcan lyre that played. Her soft body jiggling deliciously with every body movement. The teen was glad for having learned how to control his own body’s reactions so early in life, or he may have been exposing more than just thick muscular legs. As Jim arched at the feeling of pheromone induced pleasure coursing through his body, eyes fell to the other side where a Romulan woman was walking near him with a drink on her tray. The woman’s own skin exposed with every movement, the underneath of her ass not even covered by her dress, not that Jim could say much for himself.

The woman placed the cup of tea near Jim’s head and gave a small nod. Azure eyes moved around again as he slowly sat up and saw Strun at the bar, clearly awaiting a specific group of people. Strun was not looking Jim’s way, and why would he? There were other objects working harder that were worthy of being watched. The teen sat all the way up and folded his legs underneath his body so he could drink his tea properly. His control allowed time to pass until a group of Vulcans slid into the seats at the table eyes refusing to look at Jim, too embarrassed clearly. 

So, Jim did his best to ignore them as lust enveloped his body. Sahnaa, the Orion woman from two years ago that had warned him about this establishment came to the table and distributed the chocolate drinks to the Vulcans. The tight green bodied woman touched Jim’s skin which shook his resolve and he released a deep sigh. The teen's eyes fluttered open and he glanced over his shoulder to the woman awaiting what she would ask of him. Azure eyes raked over her body lustily, what she wore was barely considered a dress, there was a black reflective front and back piece, tied together by a red ribbon. Her ass spilled with every dip and her breasts fought the confines of the garment.

“[Jim, I’m surprised to see you on a table],” she breathed in his ear in Orion as their arms tangled together in a hold only seductive to Vulcans. 

“[Strun gave me no other option],” Jim sighed back, pressing his cheek against hers.

“[I am not surprised. This has been his goal, you are beautiful. Would you like your tea replaced?]” 

“[Hot sake, they will not know the difference. Lavender will disguise the smell enough],” Jim asked and gave her a small kiss on the lips before watching her disappear. 

The time that Jim had been entangled and enraptured by Sahnaa almost all of the Vulcans present at his table had drunk most of their drink, except for one. Blue eyes ignored the cerulean that bore into his body and turned to focus on the shy Vulcan. A plump young man with too curly hair unable to be tamed by the logic of Surak. With a small slide over to the young man Jim’s legs were now spread on either side of the untouched drink and the man. Azure eyes looked down at the young man while green eyes dragged up Jim’s enticing body only to get stuck in Jim’s eyes.

“Would you like help with your drink?” Jim asked, offering a hand.

The young Vulcan visibly swallowed, clearly, the pheromones were doing their work on his ability to remain unphased, but a look at Jim’s blank face probably provided him a sense of balance. That was one of the draws to having Jim at the establishment, he could be as unreadable as any Vulcan with all of the seduction of a foreign alien. With a small nod, the man reached forward to grab his drink only to lift it with shaky hands. And like Jim had done with Spock all those years ago, held the glass in his own hands touching the Vulcan’s sensitive ones, made the motion steady, and brought it to thin lips. 

Jim’s eyes sparkled as he continued to tilt the drink up, pulsing lust through their touching fingers until all of the drink was gone. The blond set the drink aside, leaning his body in a way that exposed more of his torso. The plump man placed a nervous hand on Jim’s thick exposed thigh and looked up at Jim as if the human would deny him the pleasure that he came here for. Before Jim could provide assurance, his now free hand was taken by the Vulcan next to the curly-haired man and entangled with a much larger hand, fingers too boney for comfort. 

A gasp managed to slip out of Jim’s too pink lips at the feeling of someone else’s pleasure being pulsed into him through telepathic transference. His pink tongue slipped out to lick his lips as his breath quickened from the attention to his hand and thigh. The plump man was definitely inebriated now as his thick small hand gripped and felt along every defined muscle up to his hip. The hand slipped up and under the white fabric to feel Jim’s boney hip before sliding back down his thigh. All the attention had Jim slowly laying on his back, too overwhelmed and drunk on lust to even focus on holding himself up any longer.

“Strun, what a specimen. Where did you find him?” A Vulcan asked that now ran a fingernail along Jim’s round ear.

“He found me. The human was eager to work at this establishment,” Strun bragged, just watching the show. 

“Was he speaking Orion?” The plump man asked now focused on Jim’s calf, lifting the blond’s leg off of the plush table to further examine him like a dissection specimen. 

“The human speaks many languages,” Strun answered.

Jim’s eyes were half-lidded at this point as another hand was touching his exposed chest trying to feel his strong pectoral muscles and emotions. The teen was arching off the table, robe barely covering what was necessary. Cerulean eyes found azure again and the man dipped his pale finger into the chocolate and spread it around Jim’s lips. A pink tongue darted out to lick the drink off and capture the finger that caused the problem in the first place. All of which earned gasps from every Vulcan at the table. The teen couldn’t stay mad at Strun for very long, not when he was completely floating in lust, and the man had ensured he was. Suckling on the finger distracted his mind, nose breathing in the heady scent of lust and sex mixed with chocolate.

“That is-” One Vulcan began.

“-repugnant?” A sour one offered

“There is no Vulcan equivalent to describe what this human is,” Strun interrupted. 

“It is in fact a repugnant act this human engages in,” some Vulcan said, Jim was losing track of who was touching and who was observing still. 

“The human chose to engage in these activities. You should also be careful of your words because he can understand you,” Strun replied graciously as he pulled his finger out of Jim’s mouth with a pop. “You should try that chocolate trick; humans often have oral fixations that are worthy of exploration.” 

Jim’s eyes fluttered open to examine the Vulcan that seemed disgusted by him, face void of emotion except for the soft pants and gasps that left his lips. Hands were gripping his thighs, feeling the difference in muscle mass. Most Vulcans had very thin musculature which was often mistaken for weakness rather than the lack of necessity to build bulk muscle. Jim’s body was a curiosity and Vulcans were nothing if not scientists that believed everything was worth exploration when inebriated enough. The disgusted Vulcan held eye contact and Jim let him until Jim freed a hand and extended it out to the Vulcan.

“You’re welcome to examine my emotions. Indulge if you like. You have made it this far, why not abandon logic for one night?” Jim practically purred. 

It was always a shock to Vulcans when Jim spoke with practically no accent. The language was difficult to master especially for human mouths, but Jim managed and did well enough that Vulcans often gave into his requests. This man was no different and gently placed fingers at Jim’s wrist, avoiding fingers as they definitely did not have a romantic connection. Suddenly the man’s pupils were blown and a hand was groping Jim’s ass which provided a sudden explosion of lust through his body. All men touching him were just as shocked by the eruption of wantonness and Jim was able to earn himself several gasps that were absolutely indecent. 

“May we occupy a back room?” The disgusted, now seduced, Vulcan asked Strun. 

“Of course, you may also meld if you wish once you are all back there. Many memories are worth exploring in his mind, although I will warn, for him in particular, there are many more that should be avoided. If you do not avoid those particular parts of his mind, I cannot promise he will continue to behave,” Strun warned. 

Jim while he could understand and could listen to the conversation really didn’t fully digest it. Easily and unexpectedly his body was pulled to a sitting position and then thrown over the plump Vulcan’s shoulders without ceremony. Vulcans did not often expose their more primitive and savage side, Riyeht-aitlun provided a place for them to do so. Most objects were not used so carelessly as Jim currently was, but it only heightened his pleasure so he made no complaints. A thick arm was around his waist and Jim did his best to examine the trailing Vulcans. The teen hadn’t been with more than one person at a time in the short time he’d been sexually active. He’d had many experiences, but none like what he was about to go through. 

Down a hall, further into the depths of the Vulcan underground were lines of rooms meant for use. The room Jim and the group of Vulcans entered was in its most basic form just a large bed, pillows, and blankets in disorganized organized chaos. The walls were covered in thick satin to provide extra soundproofing. The walls weren’t even really walls now that Jim was being gently laid out and he could look at the room. Rock hadn’t been fully carved away and it was like Jim was being taken in a cave, a funny thought really. Vulcans had come so far from being the cave-dwelling savage types filled with emotional rage and lust, but with a glass of chocolate and a willing human body, they were back where they started. After all, Vulcans were just conquerors. Never been conquered. Wouldn’t ever be conquered. 

Strun sat on one of the few chairs the room provided while the rest of the group sat themselves down around the smaller human. The plump man was between Jim’s legs while the disgusted Vulcan held Jim’s head in his lap, fingers slowly caressing the psi-points of his mind. The teen licked his lips as anxiety began to slip into the forefront of his mind, without the Orion pheromones surrounding him in this dim candlelit room, his mind could think more clearly. Jim really wished he hadn’t ignored the sake tea that had been brought to him. Just when the blond was about to complain about the situation, he was being undressed with finesse. The rope was slipped away from his waist and the robe slipped off discarded distantly in a pile of blankets elsewhere. 

It really felt as though the human was an object, just for Vulcan pleasure and use. It was almost a relief to not have to think anymore, to not have to seduce, to just be used by strong Vulcans who wanted to assert their power over him. While sitting up a man to Jim’s left pulled him in for a human kiss, which was horribly done and like something Jim had engaged in with Kevin on Tarsus IV. The human chuckled deeply and reached a hand up to grip the Vulcan’s jaw to control the movement better. It was then that his arms were pulled back and Jim’s control was taken away. 

Tanned forearms were laid behind his back on top of each other and the rope was being wrapped around to hold their placement. Tightening arms together and then the rope wrapped around his bare chest and upper arms so Jim couldn’t control them at all. This was an aspect of Vulcan culture he hadn’t encountered yet, and these ropes were apart of all lounge and meditation wear. It might have been useful for someone to tell Jim the ropes had an erotic use; he might have avoided wearing them as often as he did. Maybe it was time to hack into some systems and do a bit deeper reading into the sexual practices of Vulcans. There really wasn’t much left to contemplate as he was back into a Vulcan’s lap, fingers back to caressing his psi-points while the thicker Vulcan lifted Jim’s legs. There wasn’t any more rope accessible to them, otherwise, Jim was afraid he’d be wrapped and hoisted up if they could. 

Now the Vulcans sat around and kept their hands to themselves as only two men gave their focus to the teen. It was extremely purposeful to take away Jim’s hands, they didn’t want any accidental intimate touches. They really were focused on controlling and dominating him in every way they could. Jim licked his lips as he examined their handy work with the rope and flushed at how it pushed his pecks out a bit more and tightened almost with every breath. The silk rope, although soft, had this effect to tighten rather than loosen and it was delicious and drew Jim away from his anxiety more and more.

“James,” Strun called out. Azure eyes refocused on the man in the corner of the room, feeling as though he was in a haze again. “Did you prepare appropriately?”

Pink tongue darted out to lick lips the heat overwhelming him, “I did my best... It’s been a few hours since...” Jim whimpered as his hips were lifted and linen was pressed against his crotch. 

“You will be fine then,” Strun acknowledged ignoring Jim’s spike in anxiety.

The teen shivered as he heard the zip of the Vulcan’s pants and watched as a short, thick, dark green cock was pulled out. Compared to Strun and the Andorian man that the blond worked with, this was nothing to be overly concerned about, especially because Vulcan’s cocks were prelubricated. Jim wondered if this was an adaptive feature of a species that conquered often, but his wonder was stopped sort as his legs were spread wider and the cock pressed against his hole. A whimper slipped past Jim’s lips and the emotionless mask he had before was quickly slipping. 

As the man pushed himself into Jim’s body the other at his head pushed into his mind. Both sensations were overwhelming as he felt disembodied. The Vulcan in his mind absorbed his pleasure and any chance Jim had at cumming with the others fucking him was lost. The Vulcan dug through his mind searching for pleasurable experiences. Jim copulating with Strun were the memories that fulfilled the man the most. As the teen’s body arched off of the short cock fucking him, his mind was reliving every touch and thrust from Strun. The mind to body disconnect was overwhelming and exhilarating. 

When his mind was his own again Jim was on his knees face now held by another Vulcan and ass filled with a long thin cock. The blond wasn’t sure how many had taken him since the original mind-meld, but it didn’t matter as his voice was raw. Jim wasn’t sure if it was from babbling and crying out in pleasure, or if his mouth had been fucked during the meld. With his body in a new position, unsure how he got there, anything was probable at this point. The Vulcan that now held his head released his own cock which gave Jim a better chance to examine all that he was working with. Like Strun the man had girth, light green, double ridged, and just dripping slick. Jim moaned and opened his mouth, tongue falling out, ready to accept the cock for everything it was. Maybe Jim had been anxious about this activity at first, but the overwhelming pleasure was something he definitely could get used to.

The head of the cock pressed into Jim’s mouth without much hesitation and continued to push until it hit the back of his throat. The stretch was decent and the blond shut his eyes as the man above him entered his mind at the same time. Jim was familiar with a mind meld being able to loosen his muscles for the pleasure of the cock inside of him. What he hadn’t expected was for his throat and ass to loosen at the same time. Being impaled at both ends with punishing and asynchronous paces had him practically sobbing vocally with the overpowering physical stimulus. And now that he was no longer in control of his muscles it was dominating. Air became less and less important to Jim, or at least his mind was being told so as his throat was fucked raw. 

It wasn’t long until Jim finally, finally came. His body shook and bucked the wet cocks. The shallow meld was abandoned in favor of just holding Jim’s head. The human slumped into the hands that held him up and huffed out of his nose every chance he got until hot seamen spilled and filled him up at both ends. Jim swallowed what he could while the Vulcan pulled out of his throat, letting the rest fill his mouth. Cum was just held in Jim’s mouth as he was released and fell to the pillows, both Vulcans discarding him like the object he was. Jim hadn’t noticed until he was finally left alone, but his body was covered in strips of cum, maybe a lot more time had passed than Jim had originally assumed. He had witnessed a lot of his couplings with Strun all the way through. 

Azure eyes examined the men, the ones that had definitely fucked him looked absolutely wrecked, hair askew and clothing wrinkled. It was then, while they examined each other, that Jim was finally released from his bondage by Strun who at some point had sat near their activities. The blond Vulcan pulled the ropes from Jim’s body and rubbed his skin with lotions to ease the pain of muscles seizing in their position and skin that protested the tight wrap. Another ran their fingers through Jim’s shaggy waves enjoying the feeling of the absolute euphoria Jim was in. Floating in pleasure and release, as the teen finally swallowed the rest of the cum, he held inside of his mouth, he felt more cum in his ass spill out. Strun moved down and pulled Jim’s legs back to expose his leaking hole.

“That is quite a sight. It is quite a shame Vulcan did not decide to conquer his race,” the plump Vulcan growled. 

Jim shivered at the voice, relaxing into the hard body that slipped behind his. The idea of being conquered by a Vulcan or multiple Vulcans might have left Jim sour a year ago. Only new to sex and the many types of pleasures it provided. But now, after having been fucked so thoroughly by these strong telepaths, Jim couldn’t quite imagine why Vulcan hadn’t just taken over their planet. As Jim contemplated the many opportunities of group Vulcan sex in this establishment, deep in his euphoria, his body melted against Strun’s larger one. 

Strun was familiar and comfortable. So, when the Vulcan slipped his cock easily into his wrecked hole Jim didn’t say much about it. It was delightful and Jim released a mewl of pleasure at the feeling of being stretched. The teen’s legs were held up against his own chest while his back was pressed against Strun’s more firmly. They were both sitting upright and the Vulcan was showing off his most prized possession to the rest of the group. Jim’s hands gripped the large ones that held his legs and shook in pleasure with every measured thrust into his body. God the human loved Vulcans, it really was a different experience.

Andorians were a pretty xenophobic race, disgusted with most of humanity and other Hominoids. Jim was generalizing of course because the kind of sex he had with his co-worker had been hard and heavy. Almost angry in nature as they battled for dominance and fucked each other’s mouths simultaneously. Fucking Sahnaa had been languid and almost romantic in the nature of their intimacy. Their sex lasted hours often not seeking a finish, just touching and explorative. Vulcans, however, in Jim’s limited and now more expansive experience, were very precise. The ones in this group sought their pleasure and did it well. Strun, like them all, fucked with measured movements, precise and calculated for maximum pleasure. 

However, Strun was familiar with many types of bodies and wanted his partners to feel the pleasure he felt, unlike the Vulcans that watched. Jim was no different than the slew of lovers Strun had. Exposed like a science experiment the blond was sure the Vulcan was explaining what he was doing, but at this point, his mind couldn’t process any auditory input. When Strun finally slammed into his prostate Jim’s head was thrown back and his back arched hard grinding down on the cock inside of him. There was a vibration that might have been Strun chuckling at such an outrageous reaction, there were gasps of awe from the men that watched. It continued, Jim’s prostate was assaulted and all he could do was sob in pleasure as he was taken. 

After a few steady thrusts and head throwing screams, Strun paused, because the man always did. Strun always wanted Jim from different angles, and with an audience, he seemed keener to show off what his new object could do. Strun had been grooming Jim for this exact moment. The man released Jim and laid back on the bed. A smack to the human’s ass alerted Jim to the fact he was meant to move. Knees dug into the blankets and pillows on either side of Strun’s thighs and with as much strength as his over-sensitive body could muster Jim began rolling his hips up and down on the cock. 

Jim fell forward, hands gripped Strun’s thighs for support to better roll his hips and take in the big cock that just went deeper with every movement. And god all the Vulcans watching him was almost too much to take. Embarrassment flooded his body as he continued to fuck himself. Shaggy blond hair covered his eyes and face enough that he was sure the Vulcans could not see his emotional reactions. Strun probably felt everything Jim did, but the Vulcan was not known to care about how Jim was feeling emotionally. The stretch of the man’s cock was enough to distract him anyway.

“[Fuck],” Jim cursed in Standard English shivering in pleasure. 

Every drop on the man’s cock Jim ensured hit his prostate every time and soon his rhythm was completely off and just desperate thrusting and rocking. As his ass got tighter if felt like Strun was getting bigger. Suddenly there were hands on his body, feeling his emotional transference while others focused on playing with his pecs and lips. Two long digits found their way into his mouth fulfilling his oral fixation. Another found his cock and began stroking experimentally to feel Jim’s reactions. It was all becoming too much and Jim finally came with an explosive cry arching as he fully sat on the cock. 

Fog settled in his mind as he was caught by Strun before he fell back. Vaguely he knew he was removed from Strun’s cock and laid in the bed and pillows without much consideration. It was nice to just escape his body and mind, settle in the fog of pleasure and lust. Sure, Jim only orgasmed twice, but he had felt the orgasms of many others fill his mind and it exhausted him in all the best ways. Muscles ached deliciously and his ass felt empty but full of cum at the same time. Jim never would have thought being used so thoroughly would have been something he wanted, but it felt like he was made for it. 

“How long may we use him for?” someone asked.

“I will give you another hour with his body. The night is young. There are many tables that will need his attention,” Strun replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AS ALWAYS PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS KUDOS OR WHATEVAAA.
> 
> Note: I was kind of thinking of adding some bits and pieces to fill out before this, let me know your thoughts if you want more or you're anxious for some adult spirk?


	6. Consequences of Riyeht-aitlun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd 
> 
> If you don't like other people having sex with Jim probably just skip a ways down.
> 
> next chapter is saucy. 
> 
> happy hondadays

STARDATE 2253.86

It was rare that Jim got to enjoy such a delicious view. But Vulcan women were just on another level of sex appeal. The woman whose tight pussy gripped his pink cock just sat with him fully sheathed and ground her hips back and forth. All Jim wanted to do was grip her plump hips, feel her tiny waist or even the heavy breasts that bounced on her small frame, but alas his hands were tied. Literally. Vulcans knew some intricate ties and Jim’s arms were bound to his sides while the women's dainty hands played with his pecs. Women never came by themselves; it was too dangerous at Riyeht-aitlun. While sex work was legal in the Federation, sex trafficking was still rampant, and Riyeht-aitlun was no different. 

With this green-blooded goddess was her mate, a man that had been constantly diving in and out of Jim’s mind to feel the pleasure the human felt fucking this woman. The Vulcan had been sitting above Jim’s head so he could occasionally play with his bondmates body when convenient. The woman continued to grind on his cock, pleasing herself thoroughly while her man moved around them and sat between Jim’s legs. The Vulcan hadn’t come once while his mate had come an innumerable amount of times to Jim’s mouth and cock. 

Once the man had Jim’s legs spread the woman lifted all the way off of his achingly hard member before turning around and sitting back down. The view of her ass was insane and Jim’s hands struggled for the first time in his restraints just wanting to grope what he couldn’t have. Her legs rested between Jim’s and then spread them further back exposing his ass hole to the Vulcan man who sat between them. Jim lifted his head enough to see the man was stroking himself, what he hadn’t expected was long fingers shoving into his prepped hole with only Vulcan lubricant. 

When Jim was open enough the Vulcan grabbed Jim’s hips around the woman, lifted him up with ease like Jim and the woman weighed nothing. His own member was driven further into her body as the Vulcan man pressed his against Jim’s entrance. The sight of them making out like humans, her small fingers in his bowl cut while Jim was being split open by his first dick of the night had him mewling in pleasure. It was some time until the cock was fully inside of Jim’s body, all parties rested at the new feel. Except for the woman who began rocking her hips again, using her strong thick legs to hold herself up as she did so. 

Jim was familiar with the human karmasutra, but often wondered if there was a Vulcan equivalent that involved intense rigging, or what humans called shibari, and complex sex positions. The man held Jim’s hips in one steady position, having no issue as he began to slowly thrust inside of Jim keeping the human in one place. The woman used the momentum of each thrust into Jim’s body to rock herself up and down Jim’s leaking cock. This might have been the most intense fuck Jim had ever been involved in despite the multiple orgies he had many times a week and a night. The blond could only see a thick ass rocking on his cock and delicate hands gripping the other Vulcan’s shoulders.

Everyone was hot and sweating, moaning at the pleasure, all lost from the logic they practiced. The woman muttered something that Jim couldn’t quite catch and suddenly the man quickened his pace inside of Jim’s body. With every pull out his cockhead dragged along Jim’s prostate which had the human bucking up into the woman and her cunt tightening around his swollen cock. The Vulcans laughed and moaned in response to Jim’s pleasurable reaction and continued to repeat the same actions over and over again. Their lips crashed together again as they fucked Jim over the edge, absorbing his climax to reach their own.

The man thrust deeply, cum reaching deep inside of the human’s body while the woman held tight to Jim’s cock. She ground through her own explosive orgasm, body taking in the small amount of cum Jim’s fucked out dick could give. They gently set him down as they pulled off and out of him. Their sensitive hands caressed his buzzing body as they removed the ropes and rubbed the aches out. The couple laid on either side of his body, massaging his tense arms until they were loose and malleable. They rested with Jim’s arms around their shoulders, kissing each other across his chest until Strun poked his head inside to examine the scene.

“The time is over. The human must have time to clean up to get back to work,” With that Strun shut the door again and left the throuple. 

“You were very pleasing, it is a shame your talents are hidden below,” the woman purred gently stroking Jim’s chest and then his wilted member.

“I often am jealous that Klingons have two penises. It would have been a pleasure to fuck you both at the same time,” the man sighed as he sat up and pulled his mate up from the beds so they could dress.

Jim just barely sat up on his elbows and examined their hot bodies while he contemplated the man's statement. “I did not know they had two penises...”

“It would be easy for you to be double penetrated, human. I have no doubts you would honor their culture with your warrior's body taking more than is expected of you,” the Vulcan man jabbed. 

Vulcans didn’t use the word “whore” in their vocabulary, at least not in their Vulcan vocabulary, and it hadn’t been the first time an allusion had been made about his position in society. To be fucked by a Klingon, to Vulcans, was lower than getting fucked by a Romulan or Orion. Jim was being legitimately honored by getting Vulcan dick every other night. Not that they weren’t necessarily wrong as Vulcans were pretty magnificent sexual partners, but at least to Jim, all beings were equal and worth sexual exploration. The human watched the couple take their leave, stoic as they had been when they arrived. If Jim ever shared what they had done he was sure no one would believe him. 

With a deep sigh and grunt, Jim got up and went to the small washbasin to clean his body off and clean his hole out as much as he could of Vulcan cum. The wrong client next and they’d be disgusted by the smell of Jim having already been claimed. Vulcans hated a used object, other species, like Caitians, enjoyed the scent of something thoroughly marked. Strun came by again to make sure the couple had left and Jim wasn’t being slow. Jim pulled on his pants as the man walked towards him. The pants were black with slits up the sides and the human wrapped the rope around his waist in several loops with the ends dangling to his knee. 

“I have special guests for you. You’re not going to be seeing anyone else tonight,” Strun told Jim hands to himself.

The Vulcan had been pretty irritated that Jim had ended their relationship last year, but it never affected their work relationship. Strun, after all, was a logical Vulcan able to compartmentalize when necessary. However, Jim was pretty suspicious if he was being given “special guests'' and wouldn’t have any more clients the rest of the night. It didn’t make much sense. There was something fishy going on, but all Jim could do was follow to where his new clients sat. Before Jim could get to the table his male Andorian friend walked by with a tray of drinks, offering a cup of sake tea to Jim. The human gently stroked the man’s jaw and took the teacup with thanks and located where Strun was standing impatiently. 

As Jim approached, he sipped his tea casually face stoic and body loose. Strun gently placed his hand on the skin of Jim’s lower back, fingers snaking around his waist almost protectively. Azure eyes looked up at cerulean with a flash of anger, Strun tried to lay claim to him sometimes, days where Jim enjoyed his job most. Cerulean looked back to the group at the table pointedly so Jim did so as well. If Jim hadn’t lived on Vulcan for five years, practicing Surakian teachings and Vulcan culture, he might have dropped the cup of tea. Instead, he handed the empty cup to Strun and sat on the table.

Jim put his hands on his thighs and tried his best to look relaxed and not at all horrified. Spock, of course, was at the table, but in traditional Vulcan garb. In fact, no one was dressed in their Starfleet uniform, but Jim knew every single person at this table was a member. Spock avoided looking at Jim, as per usual, then there was Captain Christopher Pike, the man that often-sent Jim messages asking him to join Starfleet. A human woman sat at his side, Christopher’s first officer and wife Number One, Winona had complained about her a lot when Jim was a young child. Next to Spock was the group's Vulcan escort, a man Jim wasn’t familiar with. 

“[Sesot]?” Chris spoke in Standard English eyes moving to their escort. “[I really wish you would have told me the kind of establishment you were bringing my crew to.]”

Spock looked as though he was seething, maybe it was the bruising that was making its way to the surface of Jim’s skin. Or maybe because Jim was a sex worker and looked as though he didn’t have any choice in the groups he was allowed to entertain. Strun gave this group Jim very specifically and it seemed as none of them knew why. Number One was staring at Jim with just as much anger as Spock. The woman did not know him, but as Jim looked around, despite the intoxicating pheromones and the euphoria he had previously had he could see how horrifying the establishment was. 

“[There was a purpose to bringing you and your crew here, Captain Pike],” Sesot replied in Standard English calmly. “[Perhaps Mr. Kirk could bring us to a back room so we can have a more private discussion.]”

Jim and Sesot exchanged a glance briefly before the human acknowledged the order and slipped off the table. The blond helped Number One up to her feet, despite his multiple lives and emersion in multiple cultures. Rural Earth manners still existed. The woman kept her arm latched around Jim’s looking pensive as she examined him so Jim allowed her that much. Once the rest of the group was standing Jim led them down the hall to the end room. The man opened the door and allowed everyone in first before he shut it himself. It was a smaller more intimate room meant for small groups who were meant to spend hours together. And although nothing quite erotic would happen with this group, hours would certainly be spent.

The group took their seats in what a young Jim might have deemed a pillow fort. Jim kept silent as he poured four cups of tea, excluding Captain Pike because he knew the man wouldn’t drink it, and it was not worth Jim’s effort. The human set the tray down between everyone and sat with his legs tucked under his body at the front of the room, blocking the exit. The Vulcans and Number One took their cups of tea, Jim holding his own, and examined Pike’s reaction to not being offered a drink with the chance to turn it down. Rural charm only extended so far with a culture of logic. 

“[Why have you brought us here Sesot]?” Spock asked with clear disdain. 

“[It is important to see this establishment with your own eyes. So that when I request StarFleet’s interference there is proof],” Sesot explained. 

Jim tilted his head and sipped his tea. “You did not think to ask Spock his knowledge of this establishment? It seems that you chose to come and humiliate Spock as well as myself?” Jim preferred Vulcan, while he was sure Pike had a translator on hand, it was intentionally rude to speak a language half the party did not know. 

Sesot’s brows furrowed, lips tightening at the insinuation. “[I would have not expected a Vulcan of high socioeconomic status and an honored member of Starfleet would know of such a place. Nor did I expect the USS Enterprise crew to be familiar with the human I had concerned for.]” 

“The only Vulcans that come to this establishment are of high social standing and economic status, Sesot. [Did you not do your proper research when coming to complain about this establishments existence?]” Jim reprimanded and shamed. His Vulcan upbringing coming out to its full potential even in a switch to Standard English, a language he often avoided using.

“[Jim is right, Sesot. It seems as though you are shaming a perfectly legal activity],” Chris added. 

“[You were not trafficked]?” Sesot asked as sheepishly as a Vulcan could. 

“I was not-” Jim couldn’t help the switch into Standard English as he became more irritated. 

“Jim you were,” Spock interrupted. “That is the man that provided you the data chip when we visited here as young people, is he not?” 

“I was not a sex worker until last year,” Jim argued unable to hide his shock that Spock knew about the data chip. 

The man had thought he had been able to hide the item from the Vulcan before Spock could notice. If Spock had known why hadn’t he said anything when Jim didn’t pursue a normal career. Before Jim could ponder any longer Number One took a long obnoxious sip of her tea to disrupt the argument. The woman, as far as Jim knew, was quiet and contemplative, she never got involved unless men were being complete dolts. Which was what had annoyed Winona the most, she told Jim to allow women the space to speak rather than only need them for correction.

“So, We have a situation,” Number One began, “Mr. Spock and Mr. Kirk, who are both high profile citizens of the Federation and of Vulcan. The pair are known acquaintances if one properly does their research. What we have learned is that Mr. Spock and Mr. Kirk have visited this place as Federation minors, which is illegal for a brothel to allow. Not only that, but Jim was handed a data chip by the owner of the establishment, and from what I can tell began a sexual relationship with Mr. Kirk the moment he could.”

“How could you possibly-” Jim was cut off again his face and body flushed in frustration. However, Jim’s face never betrayed him except for the imperceivable wrinkle between his brows and the inner corner of his eyes. 

“Strun has clearly not only groomed the sex workers of this club, but there are several aliens that are missing persons cases from various worlds. Now, Mr. Kirk, I have several questions I would like to ask and get your honest answer of,” Number One commanded.

Jim slumped as much as his upbringing would allow him and abandoned his tea to the tray. “Yes ma’am,” Jim sighed, eyes focusing on Spock’s. The man looked as he always did, flushed at the nose and ears, Jim wondered if that was a Spock thing or a Spock around Jim thing. 

“Are safe sex practices used?” 

Jim glanced to Number One with more predominately furrowed brows. 

“Safe sex practices are not discussed on Vulcan like they are on Earth, First Officer,” Spock supplied. 

“Jim was thirteen when he left for the colony. I can’t imagine he hasn’t heard of a condom before this conversation,” Pike said doubtfully. 

Blue eyes widened in understanding and shook his head. “No. Vulcans have no use for safe sex practices,” Jim explained quietly glancing at the two men in the room. “Their genitalia is an acidic and bacterially toxic environment. It’d be extremely difficult for Vulcans to get any STDs that we know of... I don’t know much about what constitutes safe sex practices, but no condoms are used. They do not even block their minds from me when they meld,” Jim continued. 

“They do not-” Sesot began.

“They meld with you? Often?” Spock interrupted practically growling. 

Jim wasn’t bothered by Spock’s reaction, despite Spock being twenty-three, his emotions were just as volatile when it came to Jim’s safety as they had been before the Vulcan left for Earth. “Of course. Of mind and body, sexual release is hard to achieve without it. Or so I’ve been told.” 

Sesot and Spock both remained quiet allowing Number One to return to her line of questioning. They needed to contemplate the information Jim provided them. The blond knew mind melds were intimate and it had crossed his mind they weren’t necessary, but the people he pleased in those rooms enjoyed it so much it intoxicated Jim. Number One looked at Captain Pike for a long moment before returning her gaze back to Jim. The man finished his tea and looked back to her, awaiting what else she needed to know from him. 

“Do you wish to leave?” Number One finally asked. “We can assure your safety and either take you to your family or to Earth?”

Jim felt a primal emotion bubble inside of him that he hadn’t felt in years. “I do not require saving. The Federation is not known to me for actually keeping their promises.”

“Jim please,” Pike almost begged.

“Make them leave or I’ll ask Strun to remove them,” Jim switched to Vulcan again, azure eyes burrowing into Spock. “You can stay if you like, but they must go.” 

Spock gave a nod and looked to his superiors. “[It would be best if you all made your leave. I will remain with Jim for the night, if that is alright?]”

“[Yea Spock that’s fine. We’ll work on shutting down this establishment],” Pike responded, avoiding Jim’s piercing eyes.

The man understood that sex trafficking was an extraordinary problem and would require extensive work to dismantle the system that was in place in the Vulcan underground. The legalization had only happened ten or so years ago, so a solar system-wide dismantling of the underground systems required a lot of work. However, this was Jim’s job and it seemed like he was not being respected for the talented worker he was. If there were other options on Vulcan, Jim would take them, but a human-like him could not get a job without advanced degrees in the sciences. The group, during Jim’s internal musings, made their leave quietly, avoiding the human and his silent fury. 

Once Jim and Spock were left alone the human took it upon himself to move closer to Spock, pouring them both fresh cups of tea from the still heated teapot. Spock graciously accepted it and allowed them to sip in silence, both contemplating their next steps. It had been three years since Jim had last seen Spock. Apparently, Spock was very successful because he was already assigned as a Science Officer to Captain Pike’s ship. Jim wondered how many years Spock spent as a cadet or if they just advanced him straight into his position. The Vulcan was impressive, intellectually, and physically, and he would serve well in any position, Jim could acknowledge this. 

“Why do you work here?” Spock finally asked in the quiet.

Jim set his cup down and folded his hands neatly in his crossed legs. “Is it hard to believe I don’t mind multiple orgies a few times a week?” Jim was trying to pull an emotional response from Spock.

Spock’s face looked a bit sour at Jim’s crassness, but when at work Jim did not hold much of his thoughts and opinions back. The Vulcan looked as though he was crafting a new plan of attack and Jim really was not in the mood for an emotionally draining mental spar. If Spock was trying to get him to quit his job, it was pointless because Riyeht-aitlun would be closed within the week, thanks to Starfleet and the Vulcan snitch. 

While Spock took careful consideration of his thoughts and emotions Jim took the time to fully examine the man he hadn’t seen in far too long. Spock’s hair was a standard Vulcan bowl cut, not a stray hair out of place, perfectly straight and shining black. Spock must have cut his hair right before he left for Starfleet, Jim wasn’t sure, he never saw Spock often. The Vulcan of course had thinned out a lot more, the man wasn’t sure if it was stress or just getting older, but the flush at his nose and ears were still present from when they were kids. Spock just looked pristine, untouched in his regs and Jim was dying to mess it up a bit. Desires which the human blamed the excessive pheromones and alcohol he’d been consuming all night. 

“When was the last time you saw your parents Jim?” 

Jim sucked in air at the question and flushed, eyes narrowed in on Spock’s Adam’s apple instead of his eyes to avoid any harsh judgment. “I have not seen them since Strun forced me into the sexual aspect of the job.” 

“Jim,” Spock dissented, to others might have sounded like a scold, but it was just ennui. 

“Sitaak became suspicious when he went to every restaurant and could not find me working there. T’Hal has never said anything, but Sitaak became very worried about my safety. So, I have not allowed them to see me.”

Spock released a breath and paused until Jim finally looked him in the eyes. “You should take time to see your parents. I know in a few days' time this position will no longer exist. I know you will be upset that this has happened and I by no means knew you worked here, Jim. However, you need time to heal and detox from the pheromones you’ve been exposed to. The pheromones with the mind melds may have warped your perception of the activities you partake in.” 

Jim licked his lips and swallowed nervously. Facing his parents after all of this? Was it possible? Would they still accept him if they knew? It would be another negative mark on his Federation record. Of course, only Spock would be able to clear some of the fog from his mind. Jim hadn’t thought this was permanent, but he had been thoroughly enjoying himself because he figured he was young and could explore sex in all the ways Vulcan had to offer before moving on. It was possible that a job in sex work was not the best way for Jim to explore and find himself. The human wasn’t sure where he would go after this place was shut down.

“I suggest we walk in the garden above. I will walk you to where you live,” Spock basically commanded Jim.

The human nodded and slowly stood with Spock. “Wait by the exit, I have to change into regular clothes,” Jim relayed to the Vulcan as they left the small private room. 

Jim watched Spock walk in the opposite direction to where he knew the exit was and the blond slipped into what humans might call a locker room to change into more appropriate clothes. Somehow the blond managed to avoid Strun’s angry gaze and make it to Spock’s side slipping into his slip-on flats. Jim tried to ignore Spock’s intense gaze fixated upon Jim’s wrap-around black tunic and form-fitting black pants. Maybe it was Jim’s chest exposed that caught the Vulcan’s gaze. Or maybe Jim was just thicker in muscle now, he was a man after all, and worthy of all gazes of desire. 

Once outside, free of the pheromones, the heat, and the lust Jim took in a deep breath, Spock followed with him until they released in unison. They freed themselves of some of the pressures being in that facility caused and began walking side by side through the garden. Jim would occasionally bump into Spock’s shoulder to gently steer him in the direction he wanted, but other than that they never touched. There was a bench hidden in tall and thick trees surrounded by sharp and heavy bushes that would provide the pair some privacy so Jim sat with the Vulcan. 

“I must apologize, I realized I missed your birthday,” Spock spoke plainly.

“You always miss my birthday Spock,” Jim replied easily. 

It didn’t matter, they didn’t have that kind of friendship. They were acquaintances that often-provided comfort when thrust into uncomfortable situations together. Their only commonality was the disgusted stares they received while in school when they did better than full-blooded Vulcan children. Jim’s eyes saw Spock’s hand twitch as if he wished to reach out to Jim, but thought better of it. The Vulcan seemed more emotionally open than he had been before Starfleet, Jim wondered if being exposed to humans caused this. Or if Spock found himself in a relationship that required him to be more open with his emotions. 

“You never miss my birthday Jim,” Spock replied easily.

Jim’s blank face gazed up at the older man and could not stop the small quirk of his lip. “I like to believe I’m annoying you. Especially because I never hear anything back.”

“You could not annoy me so easily. I believe there are many other habits of yours that have the potential to pull emotion out of me,” Spock hummed.

A small chuckle slipped past Jim’s lips, which the human covered with his hands. “You sound like Sitaak when you say that. I suppose I will just have to attempt further experiments.” 

“Jim, please join Starfleet. Much has changed from when you were a child. I believe you will excel beyond any person that has thus been a part of the organization.” 

Jim changed the subject quickly, not ready to address his complex emotions surrounding Starfleet. “How has your time with the organization been? You are already a Science Officer? Did you become a cadet or did they give you a high ranked position because of your superior intellect?”

Spock looked as though he wanted to fight Jim’s deflection, but they were barely centimeters apart hidden behind foliage. The human had a thought that Spock was considering if it was fine to indulge Jim’s deflective and simultaneously intrusive habits without anyone knowing. The blond shifted so their knees barely touched, Jim turned his focus on Spock expectantly trying to get the man’s brain to pick up a bit quicker. Once Spock answered his three questions, the human had many more follow-ups that he needed answered. 

“It is going well, as you have seen. I am a Science Officer intermittently. School is on break for the week, so I am allowed to board a vessel and do my duties. I am still technically a cadet, but I will become a professor next fall. I already have many accolades and wish to reinvigorate the xenolinguistics program as well as a few of the simulations on campus,” Spock answered a bit more fully than Jim expected. 

“I have not been to San Francisco in a long time, I bet you are often cold. Be sure to take the sweaters your mother makes you,” Jim teased, eyebrows perking up a bit while the rest of his face remained calm. “Do you have a girlfriend yet?”

Spock frowned at Jim’s personal question and the human wondered if he had overstepped a boundary. “I am unsure.”

“You are unsure?” Jim said flatly. 

“There is a woman who has joined Starfleet this past year. She is very talented in xenolinguistics and a very brilliant human,” Spock hummed eyes distant.

It was strange, Jim had so many things he wanted to say, so many buttons he wanted to try pushing. But that normal flushed color on Spock’s face disappeared at the mention of this woman. The human was unsure if he understood Spock’s emotional reactions anymore because Jim had assumed the discoloration occurred when Spock felt attraction. When it came to Jim specifically, it was representative of a special connection between them. A connection that felt ancient and old, a connection Jim had read in ancient Vulcan texts but never dared to bring up to the other man. Jim felt unsteady and anxious that the entire time they knew each other, the human had been misinterpreting everything. Which seemed ridiculous with the constant physical contact of their clothed knees, but Jim’s mind was not as clear as it should have been. 

“You have been quiet longer than I expected,” Spock tried to drag Jim from his mind. 

Jim’s face became more blank than the human thought possible of himself. “Have you told her you are betrothed to another?”

Spock’s face pinched and his eyes darted away. “I have not. I did not think it was pertinent information as T’Pring will undoubtedly force the end of our preliminary bond.” 

The human nodded in understanding. To a Vulcan, that was a logical course of action, no one needed to know if the bond existed because it wouldn’t eventually. However, to a human, a human who lived among other humans, it was a betrayal of trust. Whoever this woman is that had managed to entice Spock long enough would probably find an issue with Spock not being honest and open about his culturally significant situation. 

“You should tell her,” Jim finally decided to say.

“It is not logical.”

Jim pursed his lips visibly and watched Spock lean back slightly. “We may not think it is logical because we know there is an inevitable end to the bond. However, she will be upset when the time comes for it to happen and she didn’t know of the situation until that moment.” 

Spock was pulled back into Jim. Their shoulders touched now; hands still folded quietly in their laps. “You are probably correct. Humans do not have such understandings of Vulcan culture. I will have to meditate on this knowledge and come to a decision.” 

“Perhaps we should begin the walk to my apartment?” Jim asked softly.

Spock stood first and gently gripped Jim’s arm ignoring the taboo of their skin on skin contact to help the younger man off the bench. Luckily for the human, Spock pulled away first which meant Jim didn’t have to make the uncomfortable decision about whether or not they remained in contact. They made it out of the garden without incident and Jim quietly steered them to his apartment building in contemplative silence. Once at the door the human shuffled a bit nervously like the end of a date. 

“Do you want to come upstairs?” Jim practically whispered as he examined their shoes.

“That is agreeable. I believe that Strun will stay away as long as you have company,” Spock gave a stern nod.

Jim hadn’t even thought about Strun. The man was probably murderous that his business was about to be destroyed by the wrong guests having been welcomed into his establishment. A deep breath and Jim led them into the building and up the lift, at no point did their distance grow larger or smaller as Spock kept close to Jim. Whether it was protective or something else, Jim wasn’t sure, but once inside his apartment the human felt relief wash over him that no one else was there to surprise him and Spock. The human had to change the locks after Strun forced Jim to work the tables and use his body, no longer extending his open-door policy to his boss. Maybe it was for the best that Jim was forced out of the job. 

“I shall rest on the couch,” Spock announced as he ensured Jim’s door was as secure as it could be. “If you do not mind, may I use your meditation space?”

Jim tilted his head an emotionless expression except for the sparkle in his azure eyes. “You can always sleep in my bed Spock, I don’t mind sharing. There is no need for you to be uncomfortable.” 

The human watched the Vulcan contemplate the offer of sharing a bed longer than any other being probably would. Jim had never been denied before, but Spock had openly admitted that he might have a girlfriend on Earth. Still, it never hurt to try to have a warm body in his bed, something to distract his mind from nightmares. The blond kept his face and emotions locked down examining the Vulcan with calm reluctance. Spock seemed to be doing the same, more shut down than usual and Spock’s normal flush did not betray his emotions further. The man must have really calmed down, for the most part, because the Vulcan still had his emotional outbursts when it came to Jim’s safety. 

Spock tilted his head in mock of Jim’s own and released a slow, steady, breath before replying in Vulcan “I believe that is agreeable Jim. I will remind you-”

“You have a girlfriend. I understand nothing will come of just us sharing a bed,” Jim nodded and shifted towards the bedroom. 

“That was not what I was going to say, Jim,” Spock replied a bit of grit to his voice. Jim turned and noticed a furrowed brow, apparently that had annoyed Spock enough for a facial twitch, and a bit of green to return to his cheeks. “I was going to remind you that I am a touch telepath, if you sleep the same way you did when we were adolescents, I wanted to remind you.”

“Spock,” a laugh threatened to spill past Jim’s plump red lips.

“Jim?” 

“Did you forget what I do for a living?”

Spock looked as though he were about to reply and suddenly felt shame for having forgotten so easily. “I apologize. It is unconscious to assume you do not understand Vulcan physiology.” 

Jim waved Spock to where his bedroom was. “I have sleeping robes that will fit you,” Jim pulled black robes out from the closet and gently placed them on the bed for Spock. 

Spock graciously took them from the spot while Jim pulled his own out and set them down with just as much discipline. As Jim began undressing he hadn’t considered that he was undressing in front of someone that had no intentions of seeing him so exposed. Nor had Jim thought about the marks that most definitely littered his body. So when Spock audibly gasped once Jim’s tunic had been removed the human looked down at himself with worry. Azure eyes finally looked over the shoulder to see wide chocolate that was filled with an unreadable emotion. After being surrounded by Vulcans for five years with no human contact, emotions so openly displayed were a shock. 

“They tie you up like a slave,” Spock spat suddenly. “Like the savages we were.”

Spock, despite his wavering voice the Vulcan was absolutely unreadable, which sent a shiver down Jim’s spine. It was not often that Jim felt afraid anymore. After Tarsus IV nothing really phased him but seeing Spock almost emotionless knowing the Vulcan wasn’t. It made Jim afraid of what the Vulcan might do given the chance to avenge Jim’s body. The human was frozen in place, calculating his next move. Spock had moved from one spectrum of emotionality to the other which meant Jim found himself in a position where he had to rely solely upon what he knew about Spock to turn this situation around and not end up in harm's way. 

“The point of Riyeht-aitlun is to be able to succumb to one’s most basic urges. The rope, as I understand, is a part of a ritual Vulcans believe they have kept secret. It also serves as a method to prevent me from touching inappropriately,” Jim explained slowly and calmly.

The Vulcan gained his composure as quickly as he lost it. “It is the context in which they used these practices on you.” Spock scrutinized Jim more as the human slipped on his black sleeping tunic. “You also should not know of the ritualistic practices and what comes with them.” 

Jim sighed and tilted his head, blue eyes bore into the Vulcan that stood before him. “My father went through it, Spock. They couldn’t keep the information from me if they wanted to. They are both in the medical field, they believed I should know all that is important to Vulcan culture and physiology. Especially if I was planning on spending my life on Vulcan-”

“Then it would be necessary for you to know the intricacies of our physiology as most likely you would have pursued romantic relationships,” Spock figured out himself. “That does not make their activities towards your body okay, Jim.”

“It does not concern you. The establishment will be raided by the end of the week, so in the end, it does not matter either,” Jim sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments, concerns, ideas whateva
> 
> thanks


	7. Descent into Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un beta'd. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this smut filled chapter and also the angst _/o.o\\_   
> Stay healthy in this "new" year lol. Maybe we'll come out less starving and less poor.

The human sat on the bed exhausted from a night's work and Spock’s over-reactivity. Spock sat next to Jim eyes gazing out towards the bedroom window that overlooked ShiKahr’s downtown. The pair participated in mutual breathing exercises, it seemed Spock was just as exhausted by the exchange as Jim. Maybe Jim was out of practice with interacting with real beings rather than those that wanted sexual favors out of the human. The man couldn’t help but slump against Spock, allowing himself a moment of physical comfort and allowing his raw emotions to bleed through his Vulcan hardened shell. Spock easily allowed it, he did not touch Jim but allowing the touch was comfort enough to Jim.

“I will warn you that Captain Pike has information he intended to pass onto you before we found out about your involvement with that establishment,” Spock murmured. 

“Tell me now, so I can avoid further contact with Pike.”

“Your biological mother wanted to alert you that she was ending her time at Starfleet and moving to Deneva where your brother resides. She had hoped you would either join them or ensure the care of your family home on Earth.” 

“Winona and Sam had hoped I would join them?” Jim scoffed and shook his head against Spock’s boney shoulder. “That is quite bold.”

“I agree, but I believed you would take the information better from me than my superior.” 

Jim squeezed his own hands in his lap until his fingernails were digging into his skin to center himself. “You are right Spock. I believe I would have become slightly unhinged if Pike relayed that information to me.”

Spock shifted under Jim until his large and delicate hand rested on Jim’s exposed wrist. “Will you return to Earth then?” 

The electricity that flowed from the small touch was a bit of a shock, Spock usually was so careful to not touch Jim’s skin and feel his emotions. The human pulled away and met Spock’s face with curiosity. Azure eyes searched for the unknown and couldn’t help but lick his lips in anxious anticipation. Both of Spock’s hands reached to touch Jim’s tightly folded ones and gently broke them apart. Jim’s hands now rested flat palm up while Spock’s rested on top of Jim’s palm down. Air became almost scarce at the intimate gesture and the emotions that flowed between both of them. 

This is what other Vulcans had been keen to avoid with Jim. Because the human was not psi-null he was able to project emotion without control. Having Spock fully accept it and share was overwhelming. Jim examined their hands frozen, unsure what the Vulcan had in mind with such an erotically intimate gesture. Something forced the human’s gaze back up and Spock’s eyes were filled with a heat Jim had never seen in the man before him. The flush on Spock’s face was clearer than the light from the moons orbiting a nearby planet in the solar system. Green had spread across the Vulcan’s high cheekbones and his eyebrows were relaxed despite the desire flooded in chocolate eyes. 

“Spock,” Jim whispered. “Are you asking me to return to Earth… With you?” 

The Vulcan swallowed and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. “I would welcome your presence on Earth with me.” 

Jim’s eyes cast down and examined their hands. “I am not sure, Spock,” the blond looked up from under long lashes, “I might need you to convince me of your position.” 

It wasn’t the way Spock’s fingers began to move against Jim’s fingers that melted the human, it was Spock’s lips on his own. Soft lips and a rough tongue asked for access to all of Jim and the man allowed it, opening his lips. All thought of Spock’s potential girlfriend and his betrothed left Jim’s mind as the Vulcan devoured his mouth with fervor. A soft moan spilled from Jim’s lips and he pulled a hand away to cup the back of Spock’s neck. Thick fingers tangled into the short hairs at the base of the Vulcan’s neck to pull him in closer. Jim’s wet mouth worked well against Spock’s dry rough one. Their kissing became desperate as the human allowed soft pants and moans to slip past his lips from the battle in his own mouth. 

Spock’s free hand made quick work of the wrap-around tunic Jim had only just put on. A hot hand spread across Jim’s chest, brushing roughly against nipples to get Jim to arch into him. Another hand joined Spock’s practice to continue to rub against the nubs on Jim’s muscular chest almost soft against Spock’s movements. The delicate hands moved slowly down Jim’s shoulders to shove the wrap the rest of the way off. The blond managed to slip his own hands up Spock’s shirt and get most of his body on the bed to pull the Vulcan closer to him as they never parted from kissing. The electricity of Spock’s hands moving down his sides had him arching and gasping for air in pleasure. 

The pair panted and watched each other to decide their next move. This was unknown territory them actually exploring the ancient pull they had to each other. There was anxiety and deeply unsettled emotion. Spock looked shocked in himself so Jim took the plunge and with both hands firmly underneath Spock’s shirt pulled it off. Fingers moved along the Vulcan’s chest and explored the thick black hair that was littered all across it. Jim surmised that the hair was a human trait just like Spock’s big brown eyes. No Vulcan had quite the hair on their bodies the way that Spock did and it was just so masculine and enticing. 

While Jim explored the man’s chest, feeling every muscle and the heartbeat in the Vulcan’s side, Spock's face pressed into the crook of Jim’s neck. The dry rough tongue assaulted Jim’s jugular, teeth nipping and lips sucking to stake his claim. Fingers slipped into the hem of Spock’s pants and worked the button off to slip his fingers in further. At the same time, the Vulcan’s strong grip on Jim’s hips forced the human to lay down with his legs spread openly. Jim dragged the brunet’s hips down to meet his own and ground his hard-on up into Spock. The feral growl that left the Vulcan and the sudden and forceful bite into his shoulder even more so. 

Jim arched off the bed with a loud cry of pleasure and pain, hands still searching for Spock’s cock. The Vulcan’s mouth moved down to torture one of Jim’s nipples as he pulled his pants off and then the humans. The blond shivered in excitement and anticipation, spreading his legs wider to accept all that Spock wanted to give him. As Jim stroked Spock’s hard and lubricated cock the Vulcan pulled away to examine Jim’s flushed body with wild lust the human had never seen a Vulcan have before. While Jim was panting, still trying to catch his breath Spock was watching, examining, waiting for the human to do something. 

So Jim pulled his hand away from Spock’s cock moaning at the upset groan that left the man’s thin lips and pushed his overly lubricated fingers to his open hole. Spock’s eyebrows shot up in curiosity watching Jim fuck himself on his fingers. The human moaned and writhed underneath Spock as he spread his already loose hole. Long fingers pushed in next to Jim and they both moaned in unison loudly. Jim pulled his fingers out and lazily stroked himself while Spock felt his insides with curiosity. Spock pressed slowly along each tight ring of muscle until he grazed against something that had the human arching off of the bed. 

“Fascinating,” Spock whispered. 

“Fuck,” Jim breathed in Standard English and flowed back into Vulcan, “Please Spock…”

The Vulcan pulled his fingers out of Jim and gripped the man’s hips again lifting him up. Spock lined his cock up with the human’s hole and pushed in slowly so Jim could feel both ridges of Spock’s cock breach through. Hands gripped sheets as Spock continued to push until he was fully sheathed, a moan vibrating through Jim’s body from the man above him. Jim arched off his shoulders as Spock purposefully moved his double ridged head slowly against where the human’s prostate was. Thick fingers dug into Spock’s shoulder, short nails scraping thick skin as the Vulcan rutted against that particular spot 

Jim keened and shook but Spock’s hand held his hips firmly in place to prevent the man from bucking and forcing a frenzied coupling. Spock’s thrusts began moving deeper with each rut into his prostate which was just turning Jim into a buzzing puddle of pleasure. The human knew he was probably drooling at this point, but he absolutely did not care because the way Spock was fucking him was better than any of the hundreds of people Jim had been with. Jim’s grip on Spock’s shoulder grew stronger despite the rest of his body becoming practically jello and managed to draw some blood from Spock. 

The Vulcan must have lost his mind, Jim thought because suddenly Spock was pounding into his body. Jim was sobbing as his body was taken roughly. Lips covered his own to bring his attention back and found Spock’s tongue fucked his mouth like his ass. As Spock moved he managed to reposition them and wrap his arm around Jim’s waist while the other snaked to Jim’s face, cupping the back of his head. Fingers tangled in ear length wavy blond hair. The human took his chance to finally wrap his legs around Spock’s waist so the Vulcan had both of his hands available. 

Jim’s cock was trapped between their lower stomachs rubbing with each thrust and buck into each other. Spock was now kissing and moaning against Jim’s jaw which freed the human’s mouth to babble nonsense in multiple languages. The human barely managed to open his eyes to see the passion in Spock’s that Jim never thought was possible of a Vulcan, not even the half-Vulcan. Jim’s lips traveled along Spock’s flushed cheek, up to his ear to drag his teeth down them. Spock’s hips jerked in surprise which threw Jim’s head back, exposing his neck again to the Vulcan who only wanted to seemingly devour Jim. 

“I want to see your mind,” Spock moaned into Jim’s skin. 

“Go ahead… Please… It’s yours,” Jim gasped knowing and not knowing what he said. 

Spock without missing a beat of his hips pressed his fingers onto Jim’s psi-points and spoke softly against the human’s lips. “My mind to your mind, your thoughts to my thoughts.” 

Normally a Vulcan entering Jim’s mind was almost so shallow that he only could feel the memories being explored. But Spock in his mind caused an immediate orgasm between the pair. The human often required at least a few minutes of peace, but the light and deep emotional connection the pair shared had his body begging for more from Spock. And the Vulcan complied, easily moving deeper and harder. Inside his mind, Spock was gentle and soothing. Heated and passionate. Jim never knew a mind-meld could be so fulfilling emotionally, intellectually, and physically. It was like Jim’s mind pulled Spock deeper, begging for more, asking for something Spock’s mind just could not provide. 

_ Your mind is… Dynamic. _

_ I… It has never been like this before Spock. _

_ They were not us.  _

_ They were not us.  _

_ I want to see it all and am fearful of what I will see. _

_ It’s yours to see. All of it. _

And like many others Spock rifled through Jim’s mind, but not for his sexual encounters but their small moments together until he could focus on the overwhelming emotions the human felt. The Vulcan opened his mind up for Jim and the human reached to feel the man’s pleasure and lust and more indescribable emotions. The experience was so remarkable that Jim was sure they orgasmed again, whether or not their bodies actually did remain to be seen. The pleasure of Spock thrusting into him and being thrust into was a mutually gratifying experience that urged the pair to hold their free hands together. 

The defining characteristic of their relationship, their ancient connection could not be spoken, thought, or acknowledged. Not with the state of Spock’s mind and the dulled haze of Jim’s own. Spock did not comment on the haze either, Jim knew it was an effect of almost daily melds from multiple parties that took no care with Jim’s mind or memories. The experience was beginning to exhaust the human so Spock withdrew carefully, capturing Jim’s lips to keep some sort of connection between them. The emotional drain had the human kissing back lazily which paired nicely with Spock’s slow thrusts. 

“Spock,” Jim whispered against the man’s lips, tired azure eyes searched chocolate.

“Jim… You should rest,” Spock murmured.

With a soft chuckle, Jim’s eyes fluttered closed, “Your cock is so deep and… I’m so sensitive.” The human shivered. 

The Vulcan continued his slow and languid thrusts, sure to drag those ridges across Jim’s sweet spot. “You will cum for me once more Jim. Then I will allow you rest,” Spock whispered against Jim’s cheek. 

A whine slipped past plump wet lips and slipped into a sob as he weakly met Spock’s thrusts. The way the Vulcan held Jim was similar to how Sahnaa treated his body except far more emotionality and attachment. Spock cradled the back of Jim’s head the other slipped away from Jim’s hand to stroke his still weeping cock. Maybe the two years of constantly getting fucked by Strun and others had increased Jim’s stamina. His body was able to do more than his own mind, but Spock believed that he had one more orgasm in his body so he wouldn’t disappoint. 

The Vulcan’s sensitive finger pressed into the head of Jim’s cock causing a distinct buzzing feeling of telepathic connection that was just enough stimuli to push the human over the edge. A soft cry spilled from his lips as his ass tightened around the cock lodged deep into his body. Spock shifted his hips deeper until he was fully inside of Jim and orgasmed, spilling more seed to cover all of Jim’s insides. The human clung to Spock at the feeling of being so full and shivered harshly. Spock collapsed on top of Jim, face pressed into the crook of his neck with his breath slowing. 

Jim shut his eyes relishing in the feeling of emotional and physical satisfaction. After a few long moments of enjoying the Vulcan’s full weight on his body, the human managed to turn them so they rested on their sides. Spock was still lodged inside of him, dick not entirely hard but not soft yet either. With a shiver of pleasure, Jim settled comfortably around the Vulcan and the cock keeping him full. With enough time enjoying the languid bliss of the haze of pleasure, Jim finally relaxed all of the ways and succumbed to sleep. 

* * *

A small moan slipped past tired lips as the Vulcan adjusted their position in the morning. Spock did his best to not jostle the human too much. Jim was laid on top of Spock’s body, cock now most of the way out of his hole, the double ridges caught at the tight ring of muscle. Delicate fingers ran up and down tanned skin, feeling every bump of the human’s spine. An arch and a shift had Jim pushed down fully on Spock’s newly hard cock. Jim sat up so he was seated on the member and looked down upon the Vulcan. It was a rarity to feel like he had rule over these powerful aliens despite the hard dick up his ass. 

“Good morning,” Jim breathed as he began to grind his hips.

“Yes… Quite,” Spock breathed, hands wandered up Jim’s sides. 

Jim’s eyes glanced to the traditional clock on his nightstand as he rocked his hips pleasantly. “Don’t you have a Captain to attend to?” 

The Vulcan bucked his hips up into Jim clearly tired of the human playing around on his cock. “I do, however, there seems to be an issue I must manage first.”

“Yea… Yea I seem to be having the same problem,” Jim panted and placed his palms on Spock’s pecs. 

Fingers tangled into the mess of hair as he balanced himself appropriately. Slowly Jim lifted his hips and brought them down slowly. The human continued the slow and muscle aching pattern to tease himself as well as the Vulcan underneath him. Parted lips panted as a pink tongue continued to dart out and wet dry lips from the morning heat. Azure eyes became half-lidded as he began to pick up the pace, dragging the cock inside of his own body and angling so every thrust down hit his sweet spot. Spock’s deft hands moved slowly up Jim’s thighs to rub out the tense and working muscles. Then wandered up Jim’s sore hips as the human moved, focusing on his own pleasure knowing Spock was feeling it all. Jim never got the chance to enjoy sex to its fullest pleasure unless they had been taught appropriately. 

Jim was dropping down on Spock’s cock with little effort as the Vulcan had successfully relaxed his muscles. The human was shaking in pleasure and overall weakness. Spock’s eyes roamed as his apt hands continued their assault on Jim’s muscular control. As the human examined between deep moans and pleasurable shivers he could see that his and Spock’s chest were caked in cum from last night’s almost marathon of orgasms. Inside of his body was wet with Spock’s natural lubricant. The human was unsure if he had ever dried out internally or if the cum and lubricant were just mixing at this point. The squelch of his thrusts and Spock’s bucking let him know it was definitely sloppy.

The rhythm was hot and the continued internal stretch of Spock’s member deep inside of him and the double ridged head grinding against his sweet spot had Jim throwing his head back. Cries of pleasure tearing through him as Spock’s fingers finally assaulted Jim’s nipples. The Vulcan had been practically ogling his chest and had been working to get to them successfully. Spock had done an incredible job of relaxing Jim’s whole body, so keeping the pace became almost impossible as every muscle resisted. Which left Spock to do all the work with just his hands. Long fingers slid down Jim’s sides and held his ass and part of his hip spreading his cheeks a bit more open. Spock lifted the human up and just kept his cock head inside of Jim, one ridge stuck outside of his body the other inside pulsing.

“Spock,” Jim’s rough voice moaned.

“What would you like?” 

“Fuck me… Please…. Please fuck me, Spock,” Jim said in plain English Standard. 

Spock practically dropped Jim down before lifting him up again. Jim was hovering higher than his body could hold him and the Vulcan was fucking up into his body. The human’s head was thrown back, moan after gasp after groan spilling out past his lips. Jim shook in the effort to keep himself up, hands gripped Spock’s wrists because he could no longer effectively stretch to reach Spock’s chest and have the Vulcan’s cock inside of him. But for Spock, holding all of Jim’s weight was no effort. The Vulcan took on Jim’s pleasure as he pounded into his ass as if it was his job. And god Jim would let it be his job if he could. The human’s hole tightened around Spock’s cock trying to keep it inside, keeping Jim full instead of the pounding he received. 

Jim’s cock bounced across his lower abdomen, pre-cum dotting him every time it connected. A hiss of pain and pleasure slipped past Jim’s mouth as his head fell forward, watching Spock’s hips snap up with horrifying precision. Vulcans were far too precise in their fucking, and Spock was no different, especially as he ensured Jim’s sweet spot was hit first with every thrust. Jim could barely keep his eyes open and his mouth closed at this point, allowing the Vulcan to use his body so deliciously. The most pleasurable experience Jim had in his life. In passing the human wished he could see if Spock had felt the same. If their time together was as intensely pleasurable. 

Then the rhythm became erratic until Spock slammed Jim’s hips down, ass spread to take Spock all the way inside stretching the human deeper than before. Jim came in that moment, a sob fell from his lips, his hole tightened even more around the cock. If Jim’s channel hadn’t been formed perfectly to Spock’s cock from a night of it being inside of him, it was now. The Vulcan spilled his seed into Jim, bucking occasionally as more spilled, surprising both of them. After a few moments of Spock cumming Jim fell on his chest, eyes falling shut. Jim didn’t remember when Spock finally finished but the Vulcan eventually explored Jim’s back again, rubbing tense muscles where he could. 

“Have you been convinced of my position?” Spock asked quietly, breaking the pleasing silence. 

“What?” Jim croaked tiredly.

The human slipped from Spock’s chest to his side allowing the cock to finally leave his body. Jim knew semen and lubricant would soon follow, but he didn’t mind all too much. Right now Jim’s mind was trying to decipher what Spock had asked of him. Where this question had come from out of the blue. Spock had apparently switched back to Vulcan which left Jim trying to figure out if they had been having a conversation and he had not paid any attention to it. Spock must have sensed Jim’s emotional disarray and began to gently pet his cheek and shoulder trying to calm him. 

“I had asked you last night if you would return to Earth with me. By my side. You asked me to convince you of my position.” 

Jim frowned as he was brought back up to speed. That really didn’t sound like Jim, to say something so romantic in the heat of the moment. But he had been running on alcohol, orgasm highs, and Orion pheromones. Jim didn’t usually remember most things that occurred or conversations that were had. Even currently the human was only sober from alcohol, the Orion pheromones would take weeks to leave his system now that Riyeht-aitlun was no longer his workplace. Jim was especially high off of a night of orgasms and mental exploration. Spock was a brilliant bedmate and Jim was still trying to digest all that had just occurred, physically and mentally. Meanwhile, Spock was also waiting for an answer. 

Jim chewed his lip anxiously before finally replying. “I do not believe I am suitable.”

The Vulcan froze, apparently, he had not been expecting that. “I do not understand your meaning.” 

“I am,” Jim stopped and looked down at their tangled bodies that Spock was slowly trying to detangle from. “I am not suitable for you Spock. Nor am I able to return to Earth at this time.” 

With that Spock basically dropped him and got out of the bed, putting as much distance as he could without leaving the room or the conversation. “You believe yourself to be unsuitable, why? Clearly, I have determined you are.” 

Jim sat up and sighed softly rubbing his aching head. It always ached after being away from Orion pheromones for longer than a night. “I must detox my mind and body. You… Are… Were under the influence of Orion pheromones. You do not know what you want.” 

“I do.”

Jim scoffed and met angry chocolate eyes. “You have a bondmate and a girlfriend. I am also not able to return to Earth with you. I cannot be yours. That is clear.” 

“You are meant to be-”

“'Meant to be' does not matter when you are bonded.” 

Spock pressed his lips flat and began dressing in his clothes from the night before. “You know as well as I when the time comes T’Pring and I will destroy the premarital bond we share.” 

“I cannot know that. T’Pring is unpredictable. Life is unpredictable,” Jim started. “It is not logical for me to pursue a relationship that will end.” The “end in heartbreak” was left unsaid, but Jim knew Spock felt those words in the air. 

“You do not care about our connection?”

“Spock,” Jim looked away and stared down at the way his body looked. The human was littered in bruises and the majority weren’t even from Spock. “You can see me. You know I am not suitable. I have not ever been and will not ever be. In this universe, I do not believe our connection matters.” 

“Does sex mean nothing to you?” Spock whispered, the Vulcan was broken, and Jim had done that. 

The human hurt to say the next words. It was only a half-truth, but Spock needed to be protected from someone like Jim. “Sex does not need meaning. It is often meaningless for me. There is no logic in emotion during sexual release. They are separate entities.” Jim had to stop, the longer he rambled about it the more he knew Spock might be able to see through the facade. 

“Do I mean nothing to you?” 

“Last night and this morning were simply relishing in what our bodies can do for each other,” no matter how perfect everything felt, Jim thought in addition. 

Spock assessed Jim for a long time. The human didn’t move to cover his body with sheets or clothing, his shame was there in the air and on his body. Jim knew who he was and what kind of person he’d be seen as. Spock deserved more than Jim. Their ancient connection, the way their katra wished to intertwine and their minds sought each other, did not matter. Jim was not worthy of the kind of love Spock possessed, and Spock deserved someone who would love him just as much. The human was damaged goods, not just because he had been forced into work that he didn’t necessarily hate, but his mind was still chaotic. The abandonment he feared was there and present. The abuse at the hands of cruel men. No amount of therapy or meditation could resolve Jim of those life-defining moments. 

“You are cruel,” Spock finally said. 

Jim looked up at Spock, raising his brow as a mock. “You knew who I was when you agreed to sleep in my bed.”

“Jim, you misunderstand. You are cruel to yourself.”

A breath caught itself in Jim’s throat and searched Spock’s face. “That may be so,” Jim finally breathed out, “But I will be crueler to you. That is all I know. The depth of emotion Vulcans have is nothing I will understand.” 

The Vulcan smoothed his wrinkled clothes examining his own feet as if they were far more interesting than Jim. A small breath fell from Jim’s lips and he grabbed the bedsheet cover himself. Shame finally spread through the human’s mind about not just the state of his body but Spock seeing him in such a way. They had barely been acquaintances, maybe quiet friends who silently supported each other in an oppressive society. For them to suddenly fall into bed with each other was extremely out of place, and Spock was denying how potentially wrong it was because he saw Jim’s mind. 

“You plan to remain on Vulcan?” Spock finally asked.

“Send Winona’s contact information to me. I will go to Earth when I am ready,” Jim murmured softly. 

The more that Jim allowed himself to think about going to Earth, the better it sounded. However, going with Spock was going to be problematic. The human didn’t know himself and Spock did not know Jim. The surprise on the Vulcan’s face told the human all he needed to know about how little they understood each other. Maybe they were fated to be together, but this universe was making it impossible for Jim to feel as though it was possible. The realization was suffocating and having Spock examine him like a caged animal did not help his mind’s focus. 

“I do not understand why you must push me away and wait.” 

Jim scoffed and couldn’t help the roll of his eyes. “Spock, let it go. It was a night of incredible sex that meant nothing. It happens.” 

Having been caught back into Spock’s eyes was dangerous because the way the Vulcan looked at him almost had Jim on his knees willing to do whatever he wanted. It was that hurt puppy look that got Jim every time, no matter who did it. This was how Jim was convinced to steal food on Tarsus and how Jim fell into bed with many of his coworkers. The human had a need to please everyone no matter what might happen to his own. But Jim had to be strong against those big emotion-filled eyes. The human was bad for Spock and would continue to be no matter how the universe turned in their favor. 

“You are saying this was a mistake,” Spock finally said and looked away from Jim.

“Do you think it was not one?”

Spock’s breath was loud and harsh, a shock to Jim’s senses. “You may have assessed yourself better than I ever could. You are unfit. Unwell. Jim you have made yourself unworthy.”

“That is uncalled for,” Jim stood holding the sheet around his body now. 

“You have already stated this yourself, I am merely understanding. It was a mistake to know you and allow you in my mind,” Spock began to leave the bedroom forcing Jim to now chase after him. 

“I am not meant to be saved or cherished so that you will find me pleasing and worthy. You are not my savior and you certainly do not have a claim to my body or mind,” Jim found his voice raised with anger and frustration. 

“It was a mistake to indulge myself in your presence, in your home, and in your bed. I will not make the same mistake again,” Spock growled back as he held the front doorknob. 

“Then leave. You will not have to suffer any consequences of your words. Run as you do when faced with harsh adversity,” Jim spat. “You clearly are unable to comprehend that not all decisions revolve around you and your place in the universe.” 

“Captain Pike will contact you. Do not bother reaching out to me, you have made it clear that you do not care for me. Our entire relationship was a mistake and you are unwell,” Spock finalized and left Jim’s apartment with a slam of the front door. 

Once the apartment was empty Jim sunk to the floor holding his face in his lap. It was quite baffling that Spock could just disrupt Jim entirely. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. The Vulcan apparently held more power over Jim than the human would probably ever admit. It was true despite the fact that he felt as though they barely knew each other. They had both attended the Vulcan Learning Academy only to defend each other when absolutely necessary. There were times they spent weeks together whenever their parents needed to be off-planet or were going through their heat cycle. But did they actually get to know each other or was it just their souls pulling together?

Slowly Jim pulled himself off of the ground. The man would move on. It was just a bad fight between two people who were forced to deny themselves what could have been. No, they didn’t really know each other, but they didn’t need to with how they were being pulled together. They might understand each other when the universe finally forced them into each other. Which meant Jim had to resist that pull with as much force as he could for fear he might lose himself in the Vulcan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments of what you'd like to see. I have up to chapter 10 completed and kind of stuck? I have chapter 11 mapped out but unsure if there should be some stuff in between... Just let me know if you're hoping for something or absolutely hating something.


	8. Star Fleet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd
> 
> enjoy >:))

Stardate 2253.227

The return to Earth had been a strange feeling. While Riverside, Iowa was not entirely unrecognizable, Jim didn’t feel like he fit in. Upon arrival, he had worn clothes that were considered Vulcan high fashion, but to Earth Humans, especially Iowans, he looked completely foreign. Then there were his speech patterns, which were absolutely abnormal for a human who was an Iowan native. So the man spent most of his time updating his family home and avoiding others when possible. He used the money he had saved from his time at Riyeht-aitlun to fund these projects. The house had been left a disaster, clearly, his mother hadn’t cleaned up after whatever hissy fit Frank threw when she divorced him. 

The times Jim did spend with other humans were at bars where he drank himself silly. It was obviously a coping mechanism for Jim, but not because of the work he had done. It was how he ended up treating his Vulcan family, how he allowed himself to be tricked by a man that had shown him pleasures Jim never thought he could experience. Sometimes, it was Spock’s words that rang in Jim’s mind that told him he was only an object to be used thoroughly, not worth the reception of affections or love. Or the detox from Orion pheromones that he had been exposed to almost every day for three years. It all was taxing on his mind and the human did not find his normal solace in meditation. At these bars was where Jim would often find some release.

There were the occasionally lost alien that Jim was able to charm and pull away from the xenophobic stares of the other Iowans. Nights of casual sex with alien and human tourists that wanted to see the last North Americans who refused to “update” their lives. Jim sometimes would go further away from Riverside to indulge himself in pleasures, but he could never escape a fight anywhere he went. The number of times Jim had not expected to be involved in a physical altercation and was and then ended up arrested was far too many to count on both hands. It was something about the way Jim spoke or the air around him, the authorities said. Usually, the word “Vulcan” or “snooty” appeared in the context of the fight and it was always with humans.

It was a more unique day because Jim had finished rebuilding the hoverbike he found when he first returned to Earth. And for the first time in a long time, Jim was able to feel the wind through his hair and find a release that didn’t require sex or a fight. As Jim drove along empty roads he remembered some trade workers gossiping about the Starfleet cadets stopping in Storm Lake for the night until their next shuttle ride to San Francisco. Storm Lake was known for its small shipyard where Starfleet shuttles were repaired and also provided a waypoint for many that headed towards San Francisco. Which also meant more bodies for Jim to attempt to sleep with, without real repercussions. 

The four-hour drive was as meditative as Jim could get these days without having to fully retreat into his mind. By the time the man arrived at the bar, the party was in full swing and it looked as though cadets were fully enjoying themselves. The greater majority were humans which really did not bode well for Jim’s success in the hookup department, but there was still alcohol to be enjoyed. As the night went on Jim moved from place to place, trying his luck occasionally but he knew his emotionless face was a little off-putting to most humans. Jim ended up stuck at the bar, sipping on some beer on tap when the almost silent clack of heels caught his attention. Most humans were almost incapable of silencing their footsteps, especially in heels.

The woman who made her way to the bar was jaw-droppingly gorgeous, with silky umber skin and a tight red Star Fleet cadet uniform. The red uniform was probably the ugliest thing Jim had ever seen, but Vulcan fashion was far more sophisticated so Jim really had no Earth frame of reference. The woman, however, managed to do an incredible job making it look drop-dead gorgeous with her long legs and tall black boots. Jim continued to do his quiet examination as she spoke to the bartender, greeting him in a language Jim was unfamiliar with. She looked like the most uptight human Jim had ever encountered, but maybe that's why she needed a drink. When the woman finally made eye contact with him he was struck by familiarity. No, Jim had never met her before, but spadiceous eyes had a wall that wavered with untold depth and emotion. 

“That is a strong drink for a woman in boots such as those,” Jim breathed, his own brain souring at his clumsy use of Standard English. 

It was like his time on Vulcan changed his management of syntax. Most humans looked at him with distaste, but Jim apparently had piqued her interests enough with that too familiar single eyebrow raise. She was like a human equivalent of Spock which was such a crazy thought. But the emotional wall and the eyebrow. Jim was definitely projecting because Spock had not contacted him since the morning the Vulcan left his apartment. Not that Spock was entirely responsible for the situation Jim was currently in, but the human felt some distaste at being ripped from blissful ignorance. 

“And a shot of Jack,” the woman called to the bartender as she turned her body away from the bar to the door, “straight up.” 

Jim looked down at his empty beer and caught the bartender with a charming smile he forced on his face in order to get humans to respond to him. “Make it two. Her shot’s on me,” Jim slurred a bit.

“Her shots on her. Thanks, but no thanks,” the woman laughed softly with a roll of her eyes.

Jim tilted his head and hummed, “It has been a while since I have received a no.”

God the face she made at his speech pattern, it was like recognition sparked in her own mind but was not sure how to place it appropriately. Jim was a conundrum for other humans, but the drunker he got the harder it was to really think about the order of operations as it made sense to American English speakers. The woman before him was so hot and it made Jim wonder if her air of indifference towards him was a clue to how messed up his priorities were when it came to attraction. Maybe the Vulcans of Riyeht-aitlun had really fogged up his brain when it came to the understanding of attraction versus indifference. Vulcans were lucky they bonded at an early age because then they didn’t have to figure each other out. 

“Then it’s evident the world is out of whack and I have to take it upon myself to rebalance the universe,” a snort came out of her soft short nose. “When I say no I mean it.” 

Jim nodded and looked down at his shot of whiskey that the woman had not yet received, he would have offered his own but figured she definitely didn’t want anything from him. So instead Jim would make easy conversation with the first being he had managed to trap into one. Normally he wouldn’t pester so much but he was drunk enough that any boundaries that had been pounded into him on Vulcan disappeared completely. 

“My name is Jim Kirk,” the man introduced. When he was ignored he chewed on the inside of his cheek before trying a tactic he had seen his brother do on high school girls when he was a child. “If you do not tell me your name I am going to have to make one up for you. I can often be inventive, but I doubt it will be as pretty as yours.” The face she made again was littered with confusion probably about his grammar and syntax. Jim really missed the mark with that one. “So, what is your name?” 

“Uhura,” She finally gave, clearly too exasperated to ask the question she wanted to.

Jim knew if she asked why he spoke the way he did it would seem like she was actually interested and curious. It was clear she would not allow herself to be, maybe it was because she was around her peers, or she was taken. “Uhura what?” Jim prodded.

“Just… Uhura,” Uhura sighed. 

Jim tilted his head and tried to remember an alien he had been with that didn’t have a last name, he was sure they probably existed. “They don’t have last names on your world?”

“That is my last name.”

“They don’t have first names on your world?” Jim pursed his lips, drunk mind trying to sift through Vulcan pod lessons about other planets and species. 

What the man did know was Uhura was quick in mind and hot in body, and the ability to hide how she really felt probably would make any Vulcan intrigued, just as he had intrigued them. If Spock did not know her, he definitely should because she would wrap that Vulcan around her long delicate fingers and perfectly manicured nails. The human stopped the inappropriate thoughts that begged to push to the forefront of his mind. He was having a conversation with a woman that deserved his full attention. She had said something in response to his previous question but Jim was not sure it was entirely important, probably another smart jab at his condition.

“So, you are a cadet. What is your focus?” 

“Xenolinguistics,” Uhura’s eyes met his own again. “You have no idea what that means.” 

Spock would definitely like her, the Vulcan had said something about updating the Xenolinguistics program. “The study of alien languages, morphology, phonology, syntax,” Jim cited like he was at the Vulcan Learning Center. Then modified because he was still flirting and attempting to get a last chance at the woman. “It means you have a very talented tongue.” Jim would know all about that. The human knew at least four languages fluently and another two conversationally which meant he never had a complaint about the work his mouth did.

“I’m impressed. For a moment there, I thought you were just some dumb hick who got let out early from his time at a penal colony,” Uhura teased, apparently she was shocked because that eyebrow went up again. 

“The penal colony was small and required a lot of obscure knowledge,” Jim teased back. Brothel, penal colony, it was all the same to Jim at this point. Work was work and Jim had done it all. 

Just as Uhura had been about to finally ask him a question because humans were far too curious for their own good, a gruff voice and larger man came to her side. “This townie isn’t bothering you, right?” 

“Oh, beyond belief. But it's nothing I can't handle,” good for Uhura, she was clearly a strong woman who knew how to handle a drunken genius.

Jim winked at her and gave her that smile that humans found appealing but felt uncomfortable on his face. “You could handle me if that’s an invitation.” 

The man pushed Jim back slightly, “Hey! You better mind your manners.”

“Oh relax cupcake. It was a joke,” Jim sighed and swung a hand to grip the man’s stiff red cadet uniform at his shoulder. Maybe his English Standard insults were a little dusty, maybe the alcohol prevented his mind from working too hard. It was fine, this would diffuse because Jim wasn’t doing anything. 

“Hey, farm boy. Maybe you can’t count, but there are four of us and one of you.” 

Jim’s hazy azure eyes looked over what the man was talking about and honestly, he was not that impressed. If it had been that many Vulcans Jim would have scurried off by now, but four humans was just a Friday night in a dingy motel. The man rolled his eyes and set his drink down irritated, if they wanted to fight they could. Even drunk Jim knew more forms of martial arts than the average human and had spent time on planets with harsher gravity fields. The blond was light on his feet and ready for a pathetic bar brawl over him flirting with a beautiful human woman. 

“Well,” Jim drawled, “Get some more men, and then it’ll be an even fight.” 

* * *

The blond shoved tissue paper up his bleeding nostrils and stared at the glass of water with disdain. How Jim ended up almost losing a fight to one singular man, he couldn't explain. The rest of the group had been dispatched easily. Jim didn't give himself time to process the fight or the fact that Captain Christopher Pike was sitting next to him like he hadn’t just destroyed Jim’s world five Earth months prior. The human took the glass of water and chugged it down ignoring the intense pain flaring through his face and sides. It was really just a bunch of scratches compared to the fights with Vulcans or the hours of being tied up and used by aliens with the strength of ten human men. 

“You know… I was surprised when Spock told me who you were.”

Jim tilted his head and raised his eyebrows expectantly. When the human didn’t answer him he replied. “Who am I, Captain Pike?” 

“Your father’s son.”

The laugh that tore through Jim was indescribable. The pain and pure irony at the man saying such a ridiculous statement. Jim was a lot of things, but his father’s son was absolutely not one of them. Sure the man’s genetic material assisted in his creation, but he was dead, it was such an illogical and out of place statement. His biological mother Jim could argue, also had nothing to do with who he was. Pike was an illogical being and the human would treat him as such. 

“For my dissertation, I was assigned the USS Kelvin. Something I admired about your dad, he didn’t believe in no-win scenarios.” 

“I suppose he learned his lesson.”

“Well,” Pike tilted his head like he was mocking Jim. “It depends on how you define winning. You’re here aren’t you?”

Jim’s face went flat. “Unfortunately, despite the many attempts against my life by others and myself.” 

“That instinct to leap without looking? That was his nature. I think you got it somewhere in there still and Starfleet is missing it,” Pike breezed over Jim’s self-deprecating comment.

A shift back and a frown marred the blond’s face. “What is the purpose of this conversation?”

“You and Spock,” Pike shook his head leaving Jim confused at the statement. “I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests are off the charts. What is going on? You like being the only genius-level repeat offender and prostitute of Vulcan and the American Midwest?” 

“I love it,” Jim replied without missing a beat. 

“So, your job ends and you just want to settle for an ordinary life in Iowa?”

“I believe you are misrepresenting my life,” Jim huffed annoyed. 

“Well, I know you’re meant for something better. Special. You should enlist in Starfleet.” 

The laugh that ripped out of Jim again, he really must be losing his mind or something, his control was normally better than this. “You must be low on your recruiting quota for the month.” 

“If you are half the man your file says you are, or Spock said you were before that brothel brainwashed you… You could be an officer in four years and have your own ship in eight. You understand what the Federation is, don’t you? It’s a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada.” 

Jim sneered at Pike, baring his teeth. While as a young teen it hadn’t been quite as fear-inducing, as an adult it was primal and almost murderous. What the Federation hadn’t done was why Jim never joined Starfleet or any organization associated with them for that matter. Even the Vulcan Science Academy had it’s attachments to the Federation. “Are we finished?” Jim finally spat at him. 

“I’m done. Riverside Shipyard, the shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow at 0800,” Pike stood and smoothed his uniform and looked over Jim’s form. “Your father was a captain for 8 minutes and saved eight hundred lives, including your own. I dare you to do better.” 

The blond watched as Pike left growling lowly in his chest about the entire situation. What sort of nonsense was Pike spewing? As if the man didn’t know he was a Tarsus survivor. The Federation had already betrayed Jim once and the Vulcans had to step in because Starfleet couldn’t manage a simple delivery. Blue eyes fell down to his feet in almost meditative contemplation. Starfleet and the Federation couldn’t get better if there wasn’t someone there to make sure it did, and even with Spock there, it might not be the worst experience ever. 

* * *

Once settled into his seat in the shuttle Jim’s eyes wandered away from “Cupcake” to Uhura whose wide brown eyes were shadowed by furrowed brows. Clearly, she had not expected a hick like Jim to be aboard the recruit shuttle. Before Jim could make a snappy comment a commotion between a thick human man with sandy skin, looked as though he was fighting a shuttle attendant, who attempted to force him into the seat next to Jim. The argument they had the entire time was pretty amusing, the human hadn’t seen someone react so negatively towards space flight or even just a regular planetary flight.

“I suffer from aviophobia. It means fear of dying in something that flies!” 

“Sir, for your own safety, sit down or lease I’ll make you sit down,” The woman growled. 

Jim was impressed the short woman could make the man sit so easily with such a stern voice. He must not be as hardened as he looked. The man’s stone eyes took a glance at him as he strapped himself down which allowed Jim to admire the human’s facial structure and rough beard he hadn’t shaved in what was probably a week. Most humans were clean-shaven, and all Vulcan men were, so the sight was exotic of sorts to Jim. If he were a child he probably would have tried to feel the texture. The doors closed as the pair examined each other and Pike spoke over the intercom to announce their take off. Suddenly the man looked pale and ill.

“I may throw up on ya.” 

“These shuttles are very safe,” Jim relayed some amusement laced in his voice. 

“Don’t pander to me, kid!” The man exclaimed. “One tiny crack int he hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. A solar flare might pop up and cook us in our seats. Wait till you’re sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles. See if you’re still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger after darkness and silence.” 

Jim tilted his head at this, the man was not wrong. “Unfortunately, Starfleet operates in space.” 

“Yea, well, got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I’ve got left is my bones,” the man growled staring out the window with dis-ease. 

“Jim Kirk,” the blond offered. 

“Doctor Leonard McCoy,” The man responded holding his hand out.

Jim stared blankly at it and felt a flush spread across his cheeks at the thought of shaking the man's hand. Often the human forgot he was allowed to do these gestures without negative repercussions to his being and his status. While Jim was not psy-null, he was no touch telepath, so the human eventually took Leonard’s hand and shook it slowly. The man stared at him like he had a second head, probably because Jim had done exactly the same. 

“You ain’t from Earth are ya?” 

The blond looked up at Leonard and shrugged once they finally disconnected their hands. “You’re a medical doctor correct?”

“You will thoroughly enjoy my medical history,” Jim felt a small tug on his lips.

“Oh god, you look pretty beat up already, what’s wrong with ya?”

“I was born in space and have lived on three different planets in three different planetary systems,” Jim relayed and saw the horror spread across the man’s face.

“The allergies you must have, I can already tell you’re gonna be the death of me, kid,” Leonard sighed. “You probably should learn how to use Standard English better so you don’t get so many looks though. I bet you start a lot of fights sounding like a damn Vulcan.”

“Indeed,” Jim replied, reflecting upon the way Spock sometimes was snarky about his status. “Do you have a preference if I call you Leonard or McCoy, Uhura over there prefers to keep her first name a secret,” Jim teased the woman who was plainly ignoring him with her small headphones. 

“Coming out of your mouth kid, both sound way too formal.”

“Bones then?”

* * *

Stardate 2253.292

“Kid, are you really going out with that Gary Mitchell guy again?” Bones asked as he looked at who was at their door buzzing impatiently. 

Jim walked out of the bathroom after fixing his hair and smoothed his uniform down. If Starfleet wasn’t so indigent about what cadets wore on campus during their free time the young man knew he’d be the talk of the town with the Vulcan high fashion hiding in his closet. Although, humans probably wouldn’t see it for what it was and just think Jim was far too eccentric for their tastes. Bones came up to Jim and placed heavy hands on the blond’s shoulders trying to get his attention and stop him from answering the person on the other side of their dorm room door. 

“We are going to the chess club Bones. I doubt much will occur,” Jim sighed and gave Bones the blank stare he normally held.

“He called you a stack of books with great legs,” Bones grumbled.

“Gary is not a long term endeavor, Bones. I am merely enjoying my time. There are many… sights… to explore on-campus and Gary is a passing phase of that,” Jim remarked.

“God, what did I say about not sounding like a Vulcan?” 

Jim sighed and allowed himself to roll his eyes for the benefit of the man. “I believe you said that I make people immensely uncomfortable when I sound like a robot rather than the human I am. However, it is not my fault everyone assumes I am a hick from Iowa.” 

“I don’t know, I just think you’re gonna attract suspicion that's all.”

The blond raised an eyebrow in a way he knew irritated Bones, it was Jim’s favorite pastime to get underneath his friend’s skin. “Are you afraid someone will attempt to unseal my files and discover my occupation on Vulcan?” 

“Just get out of here. I just want you to know I think that Mitchell kid is a bad choice.”

“I am capable of making my own judgments. As I said, he is a passing phase until another comes along,” Jim chuckled in an almost inaudible manner as he removed himself from Bones and walked to the door. 

The blond slipped out and allowed the door to shut behind him so he could leave with Gary in peace. Mitchell had no problem wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him in close as if he possessed Jim. Really Jim didn’t mind, the contact was nice and he was sure they’d play a chess game and end up in a broom closet nearby for a different kind of exercise. Gary wasn’t good at chess or anything that required an understanding of strategy despite being in a Command track. As they walked the man managed to slip his hand slightly under Jim’s stiff fatigues and get a touch of the skin of his hip. The blond shivered and looked at the man with a lick of his lips.

“You wanna ditch chess tonight?”

Jim sighed and smiled tightly, “I have to make an appearance, I am the secretary of the club.”

“What’s even the point of chess?” Gary complained.

“I’ve explained it to you multiple times you can watch if you want instead of play. Or you can play someone that isn’t me,” Jim teased. No one ever won against Jim, not even the faculty member that was in charge of the club. 

“Well, you are a good view and you get pretty hot when you’re focused on destroying someone,” Gary conceded.

Once they arrived Gary sat with the club members that weren’t the organizers and caught up on the latest gossip while Jim sidled up next to Uhura who was the communications chair. The woman looked him over with a bit of distaste before she refocused on the President and Vice-President who were talking animatedly about their new Professor Chair of the club. Apparently, the Professor that had originally been observing the processions of this club got bored believing there was nothing he could teach if a first-semester cadet could easily beat him every time. The side glances Jim got were, he felt, unwarranted. Just because he was excellent at chess didn’t mean a Professor had to internalize the ego hit.

“Oh, there he is!” The President of the club said and waved at a figure in the doorway. 

The man that stepped through was none other than Spock dressed in grey Starfleet fatigues. Jim hadn’t informed Spock of his entrance into Starfleet, assuming that the Vulcan would have been told by Pike, but apparently not by how wide the Vulcan’s eyes became at the sight of Jim. The human licked his lips and stepped aside to open the group up to their new Professor Chair, deciding he would be as magnanimous as possible. Spock recovered quickly, probably an unnoticeable waver to humans, and entered the group. The President handed Spock their contact sheets with their positions as well as all that had been covered so far. Spock in turn gave what he felt were the new strategies he would teach as he had heard from the previous professor everyone seemed to advance beyond his knowledge. 

With that, the meeting was dismissed and they were left to set up tables so Jim quickly scurried away not wanting to face the scrutiny of Spock. While the blond focused on setting up 3-D and regular chess on the opposite side of the room Gary Mitchell was in his shadow. Once Jim was done the human wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close. One hand slid up the back of his shirt again while the other caressed his cheek. The blond couldn’t help the heat that spread through his body but kept his hands firmly planted on the other man’s shoulders. 

Gary leaned in suddenly, lips brushing along Jim’s cheek until he reached his ear. “That Vulcan is staring you down. What’d you do to him?” 

Azure eyes slid across the room until they landed in pools of chocolate that were swirling with hidden emotion. The moment they met however Spock’s disappeared and refocused on Uhura in front of him who was far too close than was normally appropriate for Vulcans. Jim would certainly have to figure out what was going on there, but before he considered it any longer the man refocused on Gary. The blond slid his hand up to the back of the man’s neck and pulled him into a soft kiss, allowing it to deepen. On Vulcan, a display like this was met with disgust and offense. While on Earth, many people felt the same it was also just the way things were, open and public affection were common. 

“Kirk!” Someone called so he pulled away from Gary completely to meet the person that called out to him. “We want you to play Professor Spock first since you’re just going to beat everyone anyway.” 

“Is that agreeable with you Professor Spock?” Jim asked, some amusement laced in his voice at calling the Vulcan Professor.

“I believe if you are the reigning champion it would be expected to be challenged by someone you have not played in this context yet,” Spock replied in kind. 

Apparently, the Vulcan could also pretend as if they had never met before. The pair sat down at a 3-D chess table and settled comfortably in their seats. Everyone else either sat or stood around them ready for what they thought might be a match of a lifetime. Jim licked his lips in anticipation, feeling Gary stand behind him while Uhura stood behind Spock watching them all with careful eyes. The president pulled out their tournament roster and settled comfortably, ready to make notes about each player's strategy. 

“Kirk are you sure you want to start with 3-D chess?” Uhura asked, feeling cocky over Spock’s ability.

“I am positive. This will be a very enjoyable match,” Jim’s eyes sparkled in excitement, he hadn’t played Spock since he was seventeen. 

“[Kirk is full of himself. You will humiliate him],” Uhura spoke to Spock in Vulcan.

Jim’s eyebrow twitched and held his composure, apparently, the woman was completely unaware of his xenolinguistic skills. The man had successfully tested out of enough languages to not have to take any required xenolinguistics, he only had to take Earth languages which Jim did not predict would be difficult. “You know, Uhura. It is rude to speak languages others cannot understand,” Jim said and chewed on his lip a moment. “Professor Spock, why don’t you take white. Because you are new you should go first.” 

“I am amenable to that,” Spock agreed and the game began.

The game was quiet as the pair moved quicker than anyone had ever seen a game move. Jim had been bogged down by the slowness of everyone else's minds before, Uhura and some underaged prodigy really were one of the only people that proved a challenge in this group. Spock was like a breath of fresh air and he could see that Spock felt the same with Jim as a challenger. As they took each other's pieces students narrated what exactly was going on for other students so they could try to keep track of the strategies being used. 

Except Jim didn’t use traditional strategies and neither did Spock. Jim relied on intuition, what he knew about the man before him, how the man thought and the strategies Vulcans learned about war and games. Jim relied on his own impulses rather than specific strategies which worked in his favor against Spock because the Vulcan would often become confused by Jim’s movements across the multiple boards. Eventually, the game slowed down the closer to a check they became and the room was out of breath watching them. 

The board was completely paused as they stopped chasing each other around to figure out the best course of action to get the other in a checkmate. Jim felt practically giddy at the mental exercise and the way Spock’s eyes were wide and glittering, the human knew he felt the same. The electric current that passed between the two of them was tense until their eyes met and the airflow stopped. Jim wet his lips as he saw Spock bite the inside of his cheek to prevent the same motion. It was almost as if they were trying to read each other's minds to get a glimpse of where this game was headed. Neither wanted to lose on Spock’s first day both feeling as though they had something to prove to the group and to each other. 

As their eyes darted around the board and at each other Jim heard in the background, “Kirk looks like such a Vulcan next to him.” The voice was barely audible and it had him tilting his head in curiosity to see who had said it. While he looked away Spock made a move and snapped Jim’s attention back to him. The crowd began to move away from their standstill of a game to play their own while they waited for the results. 

“Cadet Kirk, I believe the turn is yours.”

“You’ve checked me,” Jim replied in feigned surprise. 

“Would you like to see if you can get out of my hold?” 

Jim’s eyes moved back up to Spock’s and there was that green flush at the tip of his nose and ears. Apparently, Spock had, maybe accidentally, learned some innuendos. Whatever girlfriend Spock thought he had seven months ago definitely was not in the picture with the kind of eyes the Vulcan was giving him. Although, a girlfriend hadn't meant much at that time either, and definitely didn't matter now with how Spock left things between them. The human gripped the thighs of his red pants tightly at the excitement that pooled in the pit of his stomach. Heavy hands landed on his shoulders, startling Jim out of the intense gaze he shared with Spock. 

“Hey, can you beat him already?” Gary asked. 

Jim shifted and sighed giving a small nod. “Yes, let’s get on with our night.” 

Spock stared at the exchange with flattening lips, Jim could almost read the Vulcan’s mind about his displeasure in Gary Mitchell. The game continued only a few more moves when Jim ultimately put Spock in checkmate. That was only because the Vulcan had become distracted by his own sense of self-righteousness over Jim like he always had. It was a ridiculous notion that Spock would one day have to get over. Jim stood and smoothed out his red fatigues and gripped Gary’s shoulder with a tilt of his head and a small smile. The man wrapped his own arm around Jim possessively looking at Spock as he did so. 

“It was a great game Professor Spock, I look forward to challenging you next week,” Jim said as he was quickly tugged away before he could say anything more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol fuckin mitchell this is like just chaos after chaos I'm sorry
> 
> Have fun. let me know if you want anything.
> 
> kudos, comments, they feed me and I need them


	9. A Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd
> 
> TWTW: Physical abuse/domestic abuse
> 
> Also there's sex, Gaila, and a dominatrix outfit.

Stardate 2253.304 or Earth’s Halloween

Jim didn’t think Gary was all too smart, but that wasn’t why Jim messed around with him. The relationship wasn’t meant to be some long-lasting archaically monogamous romance. Gary was rough and brash and the man fucked Jim exactly the same which was all the human wanted in the end. The thick cock inside of him was slow-moving, however, like they weren’t in the most public place ever. Despite Gary being coarse and impatient most of the time, currently, he moved painstakingly slow inside of Jim. This wasn’t because he wanted to make sure Jim was properly prepared to take his cock. No, Gary wouldn’t be so selfless and careful. Gary Mitchell was moving slowly because he hoped someone came into the bathroom while he was buried inside of Jim’s ass. 

The blond shakily gripped the sink, whimpering pathetically with every drag of the cock against his prostate. Jim’s head dropped at a particularly hard thrust that had the man shaking and his own member dripping in precum. How Jim became convinced to get fucked in a stranger’s bathroom at a Halloween party was pretty simple: Gary dragged Jim into the bathroom and shoved the man to his knees so that Jim would suck his dick. While the blond had been successfully distracting Gary with his perfect mouth the human became irritated looking at Jim’s costumed face. Jim had thought it would be funny to dress up as a Vulcan so he donned pointy ears, drew his eyebrows upwards, and brushed his hair so he looked like he had a bowl cut. 

“This costume is stupid,” Gary growled with a particularly hard thrust. 

Jim whimpered and shook as his body pushed back on the cock inside of him, begging for more, for faster and harder. “I thought… It would be funny… Since. Everyone says I sound... Like one,” Jim gasped out with each thrust. 

“That Vulcan professor isn’t gonna be here Jimmy, he’s not gonna think it’s cute,” Gary growled at him and picked up the pace suddenly. 

The blond bit down on his lower lip trying to keep his moans at bay. Gary was dressed like the most basic western cowboy one could imagine and it was such a lame costume especially with the belt buckle that hit Jim’s hip with every buck of the man’s hips. Jim wore loose Vulcan robes that were out of date with the current fashion trends so he hadn’t been too concerned about them getting ruined by anything. And Gary was doing an excellent job ensuring they’d be ruined by the end of the night. Jim gripped the back of the other’s neck to pull his body flush against his own, Gary wrapped his arm around Jim’s waist to comply with the simple request. 

The condom, luckily for Jim, was slick enough that Gary going in dry hadn’t been too much of an issue, but it really made Jim miss Vulcan cocks like none other. Arching his back as Gary shoved one final time to cum in the condom while Jim sprayed into his hand, afraid of getting jizz all over the bathroom. The blond whimpered and panted softly, dropping his head down again, releasing his grip on Gary. As the cock slipped out Jim released a deep moan, missing the full feeling, but glad he might actually be able to join the party for a little bit. Jim washed his hands as Gary buckled up his pants and helped Jim get his own pants up as well, being decent enough to give Jim that dignity. 

“I’m gonna get something to drink. You should probably fix your costume, I fucked it up a bit,” Gary grunted and left the bathroom. 

Jim sighed as the man left and locked the door. Gary had originally insisted that the door remained unlocked to heighten the chances of them getting caught. The blond examined his face, the makeup hadn’t been too disturbed, but Jim’s eyes were definitely red from having his face fucked a bit. Then came to his robes. They were only half of the ensemble considering Jim was a master of looking seductive in traditional garb; he only wore the black thin middle wrap with faded Vulcan textile stitching. He rewrapped the top so it was only tied at his waist with a black rope which allowed his bare chest to be completely exposed. The shoulders were also falling off which he felt gave him an alluring vibe, especially given the sheen of sweat he now dawned. The pants were not really much to look at, just long with Vulcan cursive down the sides of the hem, the words were not much just basic tenets of Surak. This could be considered blasphemy but the concept of a Vulcan art form such as fashion was already blasphemy in and of itself. 

The blond slipped out of the bathroom finally, hands busy with fixing his short bangs. Jim licked his lips at the remaining taste of Gary’s cock. If Jim stayed with that man any longer he was sure he was going to get stuck in a bad situation, so the human was really on the hunt for someone else to taste and play with. Someone maybe slightly smarter and more interesting. That was when he saw her. Pear skin exposed, thick legs in too-tall shoes dressed in an outfit similar to what some of the Orion women wore at Riyeht-aitlun, minus the rope. A front and back piece held together by a ribbon that didn’t look like it could hold up for much longer. Really only the skinner women were permitted to wear such clothing at the brothel, but her hourglass body with ample breasts and a thicker ass really hit Jim where it hurt. So he went over to her. 

“I am impressed by your shoes, maybe you could teach me to walk in them some time,” Jim asked. Azure eyes fixated upon stilettos that allowed the short woman to match him in height. While the woman turned he moved his eyes up and saw her pretty round face with plump red lips and curly red hair tied up, spilling out of a witch hat. 

The woman licked those lips once their eyes met and gave a coy smile. “I don’t know if I could teach you to walk in them, but I could certainly walk on you with them?” 

Jim involuntarily groaned, the high after an orgasm disrupted his ability to regulate his responses. The blond reached out and gently touched her arm as his eyes wandered, “[I would let you do numerous things to me].” 

“[You know Orion?]” She responded in kind, her head tilting as her voice lowered. 

“[I do, it is an important language to know],” Jim shrugged. 

“Gaila? Is that guy bothering you? Ignore him, he hits on everyone,” Uhura stepped up dressed in what Jim could only describe as being donned in dominatrix gear. 

“Oh no, he’s really cute. I think I might peg him,” the woman giggled. 

“Kirk wouldn’t be open to the pleasure of that,” Uhura replied snidely. 

And before Jim could respond the woman replied, “If a human knows Orion, I’d say he’s probably already been pegged.” 

“He knows a little Orion, so what? He knows a few pick-up lines, please Gaila.”

“[Gaila? That is a beautiful name, better if said the way it is meant to be],” Jim said to the Orion rather than acknowledging Uhura’s tactics.

“I think he knows a bit more than pick up lines Uhura,” Gaila replied and shifted closer to the man. 

Jim slipped his hand down to her waist and gently squeezed it admiring the supple skin but the firm muscle underneath. The woman may have been thick, but she could definitely break him in half if she wanted to. Gaila responded in kind, running her fingers along Jim’s jaw and traced his lips a small smirk falling on her face. Jim finally managed to control himself so his face remained emotionless and blank until she tasted her finger. Azure eyes widened as green narrowed while the woman giggled and licked her red lips again with a bigger smile. 

“[You’ve already been busy today, haven’t you? What’s your name?]” Gaila finally asked.

“[James Kirk, Jim. I’m sorry my date tonight decided to defile me the moment we arrived, but if you’d like to defile me some other time… I’d really enjoy it].”

“[You play Vulcan really well. How do you keep your face so flat]?”

“[One might say I grew up there. But… If you do not mind, do not tell Uhura, she thinks I don’t understand her when she speaks Vulcan],” Jim winked at the Orion.

“Your secret is safe with me,” She giggled and pet him some more. 

“I will take my leave. I am looking forward to the prospect of being able to get to know you better,” Jim bowed his head slightly and walked away. 

Being surrounded by that woman's pheromones long enough had given Jim enough of a haze that he really wasn’t interested in a drink. Finding Gaila was like finding ice in a desert. The woman was clearly kind and curious as well as beautiful and daring. Jim would let her run laps on him if it meant being able to feel her heat or touch his lips to her skin. While Jim dazed about being wrapped in her body he eventually found Gary again who shoved a drink into his hands. It may have been possible that Gary had seen Jim flirting with someone else, but the human wasn’t sure how to handle the fact he wasn’t interested in being solely someone else's'. Gary wandered away to his group of even dumber friends so Jim scanned the party for anyone else interesting. 

That's when Jim spotted him, just against the wall in a room with the least amount of people but a hookah pipe being passed around a couch in front of him. How Spock always seemed to remain undetectable to humans was beyond Jim. So despite his better judgment of avoiding a person that had caused some emotional turmoil he sauntered over to the Vulcan quietly until they stood shoulder to shoulder. Jim kept gentle contact that wasn’t overly invasive, mostly to bother the Vulcan next to him rather than actually forgive him for his words. Except there was a problem because Jim’s shoulder spilled out of his loose robe. The human stared down into his untouched drink, still fuzzy from Gaila’s pheromones and the orgasm he had not ten minutes ago. When Jim finally looked up Spock’s nostrils were flared and his gaze piercing. 

“Must you be around me when you smell like that?” 

Jim sighed and looked down at the drink before he took a few sips. If Spock was going to be openly disgusted and sour then Jim needed something stronger than Orion’s sex pheromones. The human shifted his shoulder away so they were no longer touching, deciding that Spock had been annoyed enough just by Jim smelling like Gary Mitchell’s sex. Eventually, Spock seemed to settle whatever battle he was fighting internally and shifted to return the shoulder contact. Azure eyes met chocolate again and Jim couldn’t help but lick his lips as if he were still in the Vulcan desert aching for that ancient connection. Despite Spock’s parting words all the human wanted to do was touch Spock, feel his soft chest hair, and his powerfully chiseled body. These were thoughts Jim also meditated away because they were not only inappropriate, but Spock had made his feelings about Jim clear.

“So you are still engaged with Cadet Mitchell?” Spock finally asked a single eyebrow-raising.

“I was under the impression Professors were not meant to socialize with cadets,” Jim deflected trying to understand why Spock seemed so unbalanced at the moment. 

Spock deemed to allow the deflection because he probably did not want to talk about Gary Mitchell. “I am still technically a student, I just have a teaching position which allows me certain privileges.” 

“Such as dating hot East Africans in dominatrix costumes?” Jim asked and cocked his fake Vulcan brow at Spock. 

“Why will you not tell her you speak Vulcan?” 

“You will think less of my character if I tell you.” Jim’s lips quirked up slightly, Spock already thought low of him, so really it was just funny to suggest Spock’s opinion of him could sink lower. “It is quite enjoyable to watch you remain diplomatic as a Professor. Especially when I know you want to spill my secrets.” 

Spock eyed Jim a moment before inspecting his full body now that they were basically huddled together in their own world. Jim could see his eyes dart from the fake ears down his chest to the rope wrapped around his waist. Once Spock looked back up his eyes widened as if he had been caught and the green flush on his nose and ears appeared. The Vulcan never looked like himself unless he was flushed like that, at least to Jim. The man was a Professor for Starfleet now, whether he was still a student or not didn’t matter, the man remained exceedingly professional so being able to still elicit that reaction meant Spock’s faculties were not fully present. Spock’s fingers found the rope that dangled from Jim’s waist and tugged on it slightly with a barely visible frown forming. The rope, for all intents and purposes, was meant to be able to be pulled off with one swift tug. But after Gary had him in a state of undress in the bathroom Jim had made it so it couldn’t be. 

“As I am sure you have smelled, I did not want to run into another issue of someone trying to fuck me at this party,” Jim breathed quietly.

Spock took a firmer grip of it and tugged Jim so their waists touched and Spock had him trapped by his hold on the rope. The human hadn’t thought he wrapped it that tight but it still managed to dig into his skin through the fabric of the wrap. The tightening was delicious, but with Spock, in control, Jim’s skin almost felt as though it was being burned with the words of a horrible morning.

“If you were anyone else I would have found it extremely inappropriate that you dressed as a Vulcan. I do not have any objections because I know you only specifically mean to mock me and not our culture.” 

Jim’s eyes fell down to examine what Spock might be wearing, but couldn’t figure it out and racked his eyes back up. Soft pink lips parted puffing out air which placed Jim’s entire focus upon Spock’s lips. The Vulcan must have been licking them because they looked wet and far too desirable than might have been legal. There had to be laws against the way Spock looked and how the Vulcan looked at him. It felt as though that  _ something _ that had grown between them since Jim was seventeen called to them to connect again, no matter how briefly. Many Vulcan words came to mind, but none of it seemed logical considering the emotional distance between them. 

“I did not dress like this to mock you, ” Jim lied.

Spock placed the knuckles of his free hand on Jim’s shoulder, innocuously sliding more of the fabric off. “I see,” the Vulcan said with mock understanding.

If this had been any other Vulcan Jim might have been upset that the other touched him to read surface thoughts. “Have you been drinking?” Jim asked softly, finally looking at Spock again. The Vulcan would not dare try to find Jim’s emotions, something was definitely going on.

“I may have had a few shots of a drink Uhura calls Chocolate Milk,” Spock murmured his chest now pressed into Jim’s.

The human still diverted his gaze and instead kept his eyes out for Gary or even Uhura. Spock was apparently dating the woman. Jim might not have thought they would have been a good match if he already knew upon meeting her in that bar. But they clearly were, despite Spock’s drunken haze and need to be closer to Jim. The Vulcan kept his grip firm on Jim’s ropes while the other gently caressed his shoulder and Jim could have sworn Spock was purposefully smelling him more than before. So while the brunet did his thorough examination of Jim, ravaging him in a more Vulcan sense, the human drank the rest of his drink. Glad for the hard liquor and that Gary had provided it for him. 

“Did Uhura know you would get this drunk?” Jim asked, finally facing the Vulcan not realizing there was now no real space between their faces.

Spock seemed to absorb their breaths intermingling and tilted his head in thought. “I believe she thought my tolerance would be higher. Why did you let Mitchell defile you?”

“Why do you defile Uhura?” Jim whispered. 

Spock pulled away then, hand still tight on the rope but their bodies no longer touched. “You are jealous,” the Vulcan said with shock laced in his voice.

Jim was glad that his thoughts were his own again. “Do not speak of jealousy when the thought of me being used by groups of Vulcans made you close down Riyeht-aitlun,” Jim snapped.

“It was a sex trafficking front, Jim,” Spock replied sternly, his hand falling from his last connection to the human. “When will you understand you were not safe?”

Spock’s face gave no emotion away now, that flush that made Jim’s stomach flutter was long gone. The Human’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed, but nothing else gave the distaste in his mouth away. “I can appreciate that you removed me from a dangerous situation. However, you left me that morning as if you believed I had tainted you,” Jim spoke in plain Vulcan.

“I had a duty to attend to my Captain and inform him that you would not be coming to the meeting. I did as I was called to do.”

Jim huffed a breath out of his nose and searched brown eyes for anything. “You believed it was your duty at the time to protect me. Until you saw what had been done to me, then you had to lay your own claim. If you do not respect me, just tell me plainly. Do not act as though you can or do care.”

“How do you always find each other?” Uhura broke the intense silence between the pair that had grown from Jim’s final statement in Standard English. 

“Do not concern yourself. I will not bother Spock any longer,” Jim told Uhura and composed himself completely. 

The rigid posture and blank face were harder to obtain as the liquor flowed through his system, but Jim had been able to do so under more severe situations. As Jim left the scene he could hear Uhura ask what had happened and Spock snapped at her to tell her it did not matter. The woman seemed to take it in stride. Jim searched instead for his date who yet again was by the beer keg, but alone this time. Apparently, the man’s dumb friends had found better things to do than bother with Gary. 

“There you are, where have you been?” The man asked suspiciously.

“I found a really hot Orion woman,” Jim replied, eyes scanning the crowd for her again. “She was a bit turned off that my mouth tasted like your dick though.” 

What Jim hadn’t expected at his remark was the abrupt and painful slap to his face. Others around them who had been previously engaged in amiable conversations stalled in favor of looking at the commotion for some entertainment. It must have been a sight, a cowboy trying to start a fight with a Vulcan. Jim’s face was as blank as it had been when he finally met Gary’s eyes again. The swell of panic that rose inside of Jim was a shock, the abuse he had suffered at the hands of Frank he had thought passed, but apparently not. Fear flashed across his eyes and he knew Gary saw it before Jim could try to hide it. The man gripped Jim’s face and pulled him in close.

“You fucking slut. Do you think I didn't see you getting eye fucked by that Vulcan? What is wrong with you? Dressing like this and the stupid face you have all the time,” Gary growled lowly at him.

Jim gripped Gary’s wrist as he felt the panic choke at his throat, no tears would spill, but the blond wasn’t sure he would be able to get any words out. “We… We are in public Gary,” Jim begged softly. 

Mitchell looked up at Jim’s wavering words and saw people now talking about the situation wondering if they should intervene. The man looked back as if he had made a decision. “Fine, I was going to give you a present but now it can be a punishment. You’ll be treated the way you deserve to be treated.” 

“Gary, I-”

The man released him before Jim could say anything else and walked away. Azure eyes darted around as people looked at him with confusion. Even in the twenty-third century anything that looked like a domestic dispute between two beings of seemingly the same sex was looked upon with apprehension. Were they dating? Or were they two drunk dudes trying to fight? Jim ducked his head before anyone could ask him if he was okay and followed after his date. The reluctance Jim had weighed heavy, whatever was in the room Gary wanted him to be in, Jim was sure he did not want it. As the blond followed Gary through the house he caught the eyes of Spock who looked away from him. Apparently, Jim’s desperation to be saved from himself yet again was going to be lost to the Vulcan. 

The walk seemed like a death march if Jim was going to be honest and Jim had been a part of one before. Up the stairs and Gary waited impatiently at the end of the hall. Jim stood at the top of the stairs feeling weary about Gary wanting him to be in some unfamiliar room. The upstairs of the home the party took place in had no one but the two of them. It seemed that the hallway was dimmed purposefully with no decorations on the walls, Jim did not want to begin to imagine what the bedroom looked like. As the blond slowly walked closer Gary grew even more impatient and ended up closing the gap. The man grabbed Jim by his shirt, held the blond in place so he could land another brutal slap to his face. 

“Why are you taking so long?” Gary growled at him.

Jim forced himself down to the floor as if he couldn’t fight back and couldn’t stand any longer. “I do not want to go into that room,” Jim whispered meekly. 

A small gasp in pain slipped out of the blond’s lips as Gary gripped his hair and tilted his head back. “Stop talking like that. You act like you ain’t from Earth,” Gary growled. “Alls I wanna do is mess up that stupid face of yours.”

“Then mess it up, but please Gary…” Jim whispered softly, “I don’t…” Jim couldn’t finish the sentence. 

He felt absolutely pathetic. The blond could easily win in a fight against Gary if he wanted. There was something about the man that allowed him to hold more power over Jim than anyone else. Jim had expected Gary to drag him into the room, but instead, a fist to landed on his face and broke his nose effortlessly. A curse spilled from Jim’s lips and Gary finally released him and let Jim collapse to the floor on his hands and knees. The pain now evident across Jim’s face pleased the man and appreciated the work he had done to the blond’s face. Jim looked up at Gary, azure eyes boring into him with seething anger and pain daring the man to do it again. So Gary did. Mitchell took a swift kick to Jim’s jaw and the blond met steel-toed cowboy boots.

The pain that rushed through him was a new kind of intoxicating. It touched something in Jim that he thought he had suppressed and worked through years ago. Jim knew he deserved the pain and craved more of it. It was why Jim had probably seduced Gary after the man had openly insulted Jim and why Jim allowed the abuse to escalate for so many weeks. Jim knew he was more than deserving of this kind of pain than anyone else. The music blared louder as blood pumped through Jim’s broken face. Bones was definitely going to kill Jim for continuing with this relationship beyond what the man found acceptable. While lost in thought and pain Gary at some point grabbed Jim by his shirt and forced him to his feet.

Feet stumbled and dragged as Gary tried to pull Jim to the bedroom. With his clearly fractured jaw, Jim could only mumble and beg through the pain and the haze. Weakened hands tried to grab the walls or other door frames, not wanting whatever Gary had behind door number three. Jim looked towards the stairs when he heard heavy footsteps and a tall figure appeared at the end of the hallway. Apparently, Gary’s ears weren’t as attuned to noise as Jim’s were because he was caught by surprise when Jim was yanked back and thrown into the arms of two women. Upon realizing what was happening Jim was annoyed that it took his jaw-breaking for the Vulcan to finally draw the line and save Jim from himself  _ again _ . Or maybe the Vulcan had to be convinced by these soft women to help. 

Whatever it was, Spock was shaking Gary and ready to pummel the man and whoever was hiding behind door number three. It took immense effort that Jim could barely remember doing, but a soft: “Spock” from Uhura’s lips had the Vulcan pause. The Vulcan looked over to Jim who bled everywhere and leaned on two women in the highest of heels. Spock eventually decided Gary was not worth whatever the Vulcan had planned for him. Spock marched away from human scum and wrapped his arms around Jim’s torso to take all of the human’s weight to help him walk down the stairs. It really would look awkward if Jim was carried out bridal style in a house party that was packed like sardines. Once outside Uhura flipped open her communicator calling for a cab and looked weary at Jim. “You really know how to pick them don’t you, Kirk?” 

“Is that really necessary Uhura?” Gaila sighed. 

“No,” Jim grunted out. “She’s right. My taste in men is…”

“Something left to be desired,” Spock finished. Jim was going to say something in retort, but really the pain of talking was too much and being a smartass had got him a broken nose and jaw. 

“Call Bones,” Jim muttered finally. 

Yes, Leonard would kill him, but at least he would get the best doctor to fix his face. A cab pulled up after some agonizing minutes of Jim trying his best to not cry from the pain in his face. The cabby took one look at Jim and went sour, not too keen on having a bleeding mess or possibly a criminal in his cab. Spock said something to the human about a few hundred credits to pay for the cleaning and exposure which allowed the Taxi driver to finally acquies. Spock sat in the front seat to ensure the women and Jim weren’t bothered by the driver in case he ended up being vermin. 

Uhura and Gaila both pulled tissues from their purses Jim had been sure they didn’t have before. Gaila held a few up to Jim’s nose while Nyota tried to clean some of the blood on the rest of Jim’s body and face off. Jim did his best to not complain about the pain of the movements or react. After a year of Vulcans fixing every minute fracture that came from being beaten on the daily for a month by Tarsus guards and a year of growing pains on top of it, Jim was sure he could hide his pain from these women. The blond realized at some point he was probably doing an extreme disservice in his efforts of trying to win Uhura over and impress Gaila. When they arrived at the gates of the campus grounds Bones was already there with a wheelchair and the angriest face the man had ever seen. Spock dragged Jim’s weak body out of the cab and carried him like a bride. It was probably the most humiliated Jim had ever been around Spock. 

“What are you doing-” Bones stopped himself. “Professor Spock you can put Jim in the wheelchair. I’ll make sure he’s taken care of.” 

“Do not bother I can carry him there,” Spock replied snappily and began walking. 

McCoy pushed the wheelchair after him. “Professor, I don’t know what you were doing at that party to begin with, but Jim gets doctor patient confidentiality so you can’t accompany him.” 

“Spock,” Uhura trotted after the Vulcan. “He’s right, you can’t go with him anyway so just put him in the chair.” 

The Vulcan froze and stared at Jim’s increasingly swelling face and then looked at the Doctor. Jim could barely see the wheels turning in Spock’s mind before he finally conceded and sat Jim in the wheelchair. The human arranged himself and lolled his head back to rest on his own shoulder. A sigh fell from Jim's bloody lips at the loss of having the strong Vulcan around him, which Jim would certainly forget he wanted when he sobered up. Jim was pretty sure he heard Bones thank Spock for helping and began running with Jim in the wheelchair to the health center. The blond didn’t really think he was in that much danger. Jim had suffered facial injuries before. So Jim shut his eyes the rest of the way and fell asleep despite hearing McCoy yell at him not to. 

* * *

“Fuck,” Jim groaned softly.

The blond’s head pounded under the bright lights and searing pain from his jaw to the top of his head. Jim threw his arm over his eyes to try to ease himself into the pain of the hospital lights. After a few heavy and painful breaths Jim slipped his arm off of his face and opened his eyes. The man scanned the room until azure eyes landed on baby blues, a sigh of relief slipping past his lips because it meant he was in Bones’ safe hands. The brunet took a seat next to Jim and took a gentle grasp of Jim’s hand. Leonard was the only human Jim allowed to touch him so intimately.

Despite not being Vulcan some cultural practices stuck with Jim pretty deeply to the point he had never let Gary Mitchell or any other hookups touch his hands. But Leonard knew all Jim had been and was probably ever going to be. The man still was there willing to take care of Jim despite all his repeated bad mistakes. Bones deserved to have that sort of affection returned and Jim was more than willing to give it. It was also easy to give the man when he knew Bones never expected anything but Jim’s loyalty in return. 

“Welcome back princess,” Bones grunted. 

The man hovered by Jim’s bed, hand in Jim’s the other waving a tricorder above the young man to assess how he was doing now. A sour look came over his face at the results and sighed with a heavy annoyance. Leonard sat down on the edge of Jim’s bed clasping his hands around Jim’s one hand gently petting his delicate fingers. The rough calluses that ran along his own hand almost soothed the emotional discomfort in his mind. The man did not enjoy feeling so physically and mentally vulnerable, but Bones really was the safest person to be that way around. 

“How messed up is my face?” Jim mumbled. 

“Do you doubt my surgical ability to keep your face as pretty as it is? Your nose is going to be slightly crooked, but it was that way before I got to it.”

“You are too nice to me, you know that?” Jim laughed and his free hand took stock of his slightly swollen face.

“I know, kid. Now you gotta do me a favor since I made sure to keep your good looks,” Bones sighed. 

The blond’s lips flattened slightly and groaned quietly at the displeasure of bad news that was coming. Jim really did not want to hear it. “What is it?”

“You have to let me report Mitchell. I can’t keep covering for you especially when you come in here and I have to use surgical tools to fix you up. Too many resources have been used for me to not report this,” Bones sighed. 

“Can you say I was in a fight?” Jim whined quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear him complain.

“Jim, Captain Pike covers for you almost every time I need him to. This isn't something we can hide at this point. Plus, Mitchell is dangerous. Do you really want that asshole in space?” Bones huffed. 

“No, I do not want him in space! I do not want him here… But Bones, he’s…”

“If you tell me that his dick is worth the beating I swear to god Jim.”

“No, I… He has just become very suspicious.” 

Bones chewed on his top lip, blue eyes squinted at Jim trying to decipher what the blond was trying to say. “Why do you think he cares enough to try to get into your files? He ain’t that smart kid. Your records are sealed.” 

“Strun has not even gone to trial yet. Files cannot be sealed all too well when the case is still open, Bones,” Jim said a bit snottily. “I have barely told him anything about myself because I avoid the topic every time. He’s said that he’ll find out who I really am one way or another. So Mitchell does care enough.”

“Okay, let me rephrase what I said. Mitchell doesn’t even have friends that smart Jim, no one is going to know. And even if he does manage to find those files, and spills them, no one will believe him. Mitchell is a known pathological liar, how he passed the psychological evaluations is bafflin’ to me,” Bones ranted. 

Jim chuckled softly and conceded to Leonard’s point with a slow nod of his head. “He passed because he is a telepath, and can influence others with a few glances. Mitchell told me he managed to get another Star Fleet candidate to swap answers so that he could pass.” 

“Christ,” Bones huffed.

The physician bowed his head slowly and held Jim’s hand up to his forehead as if he was participating in prayer. “Look,” the brunet murmured. Leonard tilted his head to glance sideways at Jim. “I promise that no matter what I got your back. If people become so upset that you did a perfectly normal job, then so be it, I’ll fight the scum off if I have to.” 

“Bones-” 

“The next words outta your mouth better be what happened,” Leonard growled at Jim. 

Jim looked away from prying eyes and an almost grief-stricken face. “You’ll have to talk to other people too. I don’t know really what happened beyond my face getting kicked in and getting dragged…” 

“Jim, from the beginning.” 

The blond released a short huff as the tricorder began recording, the red light flashing at Jim’s puffy face. So, Jim gave in and told Bones about his night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, leave complaints, compliments, and requests. 
> 
> Kudos are cool too lol


	10. Family and Affairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd
> 
> Uhm...idk... I like drama I guess so... I'm sorry. I'm just gonna keep edging y'all until something productive happens. 
> 
> Oh also required Hanukkah episode, that being said If I fucked up anywhere let me know, I tried to research as much as possible between friends and the internet... I kept everything to a minimum so people wouldn't have to be exposed to my ignorance lol

Stardate: 2253.352

Thick hands tied a sloppily hand made scarf around a slim neck and pulled a similar hat down over reddening ears. Jim frowned as he stared at his best friend who fussed over him. The blond was not used to the San Francisco cold yet especially when one considers that in ShiKahr it was summer. This was one of the many reasons why Leonard worried about Jim in addition to the fact that they’d be apart until the academy started back up in late January. Jim had insisted that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but Bones worried nevertheless. Maybe it eased the man's anxieties as he was being allowed to see his daughter during his allotted once a year visit until he was officially stationed on a starship. 

“You are going to miss your shuttle. My own parents will arrive and you will have to be introduced to them,” Jim teased. “They will certainly assume you are my boyfriend and then you will have to explain why I am not suitable enough for you.” 

“That’s not the motivator you think it is. But I definitely don’t want to be under Vulcan scrutiny… I’m just worried about you. Getting stuck with that half-blooded hobgoblin all winter long.” 

“That is a little xenophobic Bones. Besides, what is the worst he could do? He had already expressed he finds me “unworthy”,” Jim sighed. “His mother loves me, so if he’s mean she’ll just pull on his ear.” 

Bones laughed and pulled Jim into a tight hug, his scruffy cheek rubbed against Jim’s very smooth one. “I’m gonna miss ya kid. If you need me to come save you I’m only a shuttle ride away. Or you could hide in Iowa until I can meet ya.” 

The blond sighed in the tight hug, his own grip weak and fingers just clung to Bones’ jacket. “I will miss you so much more. Also if Uhura shows up, I’m definitely just throwing myself out of the Vulcan embassy window. Now go, or you will miss your shuttle and your daughter.” 

Leonard reluctantly pulled away and squeezed Jim’s shoulders with a final examination. Once Bones seemed satisfied at what he saw he picked up his bags and trotted away to get through security in time to board his flight. Jim sighed wistfully when the brunet was out of sight and kicked a few pieces of gravel around thinking about the next week or so. Jim’s parents were visiting with Spock’s family, both finding it serendipitous that both of their children were members of Starfleet and studying at the same academy. And Amanda being of faith invited everyone to celebrate for the first night of Hanukkah. Jim was happy to join, but having to spend any time around Spock could sometimes be painful if there weren't enough distractions. 

“I did not realize you would be here,” a deep voice disrupted Jim’s thoughts.

The blond looked up to examine the tall Vulcan who looked colder than Jim felt. “Why would I not be here to greet my family?”

“I assumed you were not in contact and they would be surprising you.” 

Jim visibly frowned at the Vulcan. Since the incident at the Halloween party, it had become a bit painful for Jim to force his muscles to remain still and neutral. Bones had done a lot to improve the damage done and Jim had done extensive physical therapy, but the muscles ached at being tense. It was often just easier to let his face naturally move and allow the disgust from Spock’s insinuation to become visible. Jim examined as Spock’s face remained neutral except for his lips which were downturned upon seeing Jim’s own reaction. Spock must have really thought Jim was literally scum at the bottom of the ocean. 

“Why do you assume I am not in contact with my family?” 

“Because you were not in contact with them during Riyeht-aitlun and your shame seemed obvious that you would not reach out after,” Spock relayed as if it were obvious. 

Jim audibly growled at the Vulcan, nostrils flared and azure eyes narrowed to search in Spock’s brown emotionless eyes. The more emotional and comfortable Jim became on Earth, the stricter and tighter Spock apparently also became. The audacity the man had to not only speak so openly about Jim’s previous job but to claim that Jim felt shame for any of it. There wasn’t a lack of knowledge that his parents had, of course, they knew what had occurred. And a job was a job, there was no need to feel shame for something he had thoroughly enjoyed, no matter how dubious the circumstances. 

“You have made many incorrect assumptions. I was in contact with my family the moment I left their home. It was not often they saw me, but we were in contact. They were the ones that helped me after the fall out of it all. They were the ones that assisted in my move to Iowa. You made it perfectly clear that you wanted no contact so if you are bitter or feeling shame about our fall out and projecting it upon myself and my own family… Then you must need to meditate and actually examine your emotions rather than suppress them.” 

Spock looked as though he was about to say something in response. The Vulcan’s eyebrows had moved high on his forehead with every pointed breath from Jim and ended up hidden in his beanie that kept his ears warm. Thin lips opened to respond in the heat of the moment when a small and familiar laugh was heard in the near distance. Small feet clicked against the concrete ground and suddenly Spock was covered in a short human woman. She pulled Spock down to kiss his green-tinted cheeks. Jim’s azure eyes were wide at the open display beginning to wonder if Amanda was just an incredibly good actress when it came to being on Vulcan. He pulled his gaze away to find his own parents, T’Hal seemed to walk at an excited pace as well Sitaak doing his best to remain calm in his own curiosity of Earth. 

As far as Jim knew, neither Vulcan had been to Earth before. Yes, they had explored some of the galaxy before they settled into a domestic life with Jim as their ward, but Earth had never been on the exploratory map for them. There were many things for T'Hal to be excited about, but her focus was solely on Jim. It felt warm to be so loved despite his biological mother barely acknowledging his existence. Samuel had tried to develop a relationship with Jim this past year, but upon asking too many questions realized how his abandonment of Jim had really fucked up the younger man’s life in ways Sam could have never predicted. 

“You look well,” Jim expressed in Vulcan when T’Hal finally walked up, looking up at her son. 

“Peace and Long Life, son,” T’Hal breathed quietly. “It has been far too long since we have been close.”

“Peace and Long Life,” Sitaak spoke when he finally stood beside T’Hal, still taller than both of them. 

Jim gave a shy smile to them, embarrassed to even be so expressive in front of them. The time since they last saw each other left Jim with new mannerisms and a comfortability with his own humanity he hadn’t had previously. All the blond really wanted though was that hug that Amanda was still giving her too stiff son. T’Hal did not leave him wanting long. The Vulcan woman obviously felt bold even in front of Ambassador Sarek to wrap her arms around Jim’s waist and press her head against the human’s chest. A deep and happy sigh left pink lips as Jim wrapped himself around his mother, pressing his cold nose into her warm pile of hair. 

“T’Hal, that is too emotional of a display,” Sitaak scolded weakly. 

“Jim is human and therefore requires physical touch in order to reinforce relationships,” T’Hal excused herself. 

The human laughed openly and boldly which had T’Hal pulling away to examine her son proudly. “I am pleased you have found yourself. I was beginning to be concerned that Vulcan had permanently changed your expressiveness and deep emotional breadth.” 

“Mother,” Jim breathed, “Vulcan has changed me, I do not believe I would be so comfortable as I am today with you.” 

“James?” Amanda said softly now that she was pulled away from her own son. 

“Amanda,” Jim said fondly, T’Hal reluctantly released Jim to allow the humans time to greet each other. 

“I am excited that you will be joining us for the first night of Hanukkah,” Amanda preened. 

Jim smiled and nodded, “I am happy to be invited. Used to celebrate a long time ago.”

“I didn’t know that, so I’m glad I could bring you to the celebration,” Amanda sighed and switched to Standard English to say, “Can I have a hug?”

The blond did not even spare her a second before he wrapped the slim woman into a tight hug. Despite her son being the second biggest prick around Starfleet Academy his mother was a kind woman and deserved every hug she asked for. 

“Amanda,” Sarek spoke, “You will have ample time to speak with Spock and Mr. Kirk, we should make our way home.”

“Oh yes!” the woman pulled away and held Jim’s face for a moment before dropping her hands. 

“I will attend to my parents and we will arrive at your home at 1800 hours, Ambassador Sarek,” Jim relayed, having already planned out the least amount of time he could allow himself to spend with Spock. 

T’Hal gently touched Jim’s shoulder to get the young human’s attention. “No, Amanda and Ambassador Sarek have invited our family to remain on their estate during our stay.” 

To say that Jim’s heart fell into his stomach would make light of the dismay he felt. Blue eyes darted to Spock whose entire face contorted with shock, quite a display for a twenty-three-year-old Vulcan. The human managed to suppress any upset or shock from the revelation, often more able to manage his own outward emotions than Spock. This had become a defense mechanism when he started dating Gary Mitchell. The man was paranoid and it required Jim to alter his own outward emotional transference to calm the psychic.

“Oh how nice,” Jim gave a tight nod with a smile, “Thank you for providing a warm home for your stay.” 

Once settled in, Jim admired an estate fit for royalty or a reflection of how the uber-wealthy used to live or do live on other vacation planets. Technically the S’chn T’gai family was ancient royalty and with T’Pau at the highest position of power that Vulcan had as an egalitarian society, they were Vulcan royalty. However, that did not exclude Amanda’s own family who was definitely wealthy in their own right. But Jim had a sneaking suspicion that Sarek bought the estate for the benefit of Amanda to explore her botanical skills. There was a massive garden surrounding the multi-winged house, obviously, someone cared for the garden when they weren’t here, but the woman ensured its care while everyone else settled in.

The home in and of itself was also large, a few wings which gave Sarek and Amanda their own space while also allowing T’Hal and Sitaak their own as well. Which left Jim to stay in the guest bedroom in Spock’s wing of the home. Jim had decided he had no choice but to go back to campus after dinner was over because he could not stand to be in the same house as Spock. The Vulcan always wanted the chance to be alone with Jim and he was not comfortable with the idea. Jim left his bag next to the door of the bedroom refusing to unpack so he could make a quick exit. Cautiously the blond walked down the hall and kept his eyes towards his feet hoping he would be able to get to his parents without incident.

Incident came with a strong hand that gripped Jim’s bicep before he could maneuver away fast enough. “I would like to speak with you, Jim.”

“No, I would rather minimize our interaction, Spock,” Jim replied as calmly as he could avoiding eye contact. 

The man looked down the hall rather than the Vulcan that held him with almost a bruising grip. Spock ignored Jim’s protests and continued to push him back until they were in what Jim assumed was Spock’s bedroom. The Vulcan practically shoved the human until he sat on the older being’s bed and just stared at Jim like a zoo animal. Jim tried to contain the fear and only project his anger, he would not allow Spock to see him vulnerable again. Spock would not know the deep-seated fear that rushed through Jim’s veins in almost any situation. 

“What the absolute fuck Spock? You think it’s acceptable to manhandle me?”

“It is an important matter and you have the tendency to avoid conflict and difficult conversations,” Spock looked unimpressed with Jim’s outburst.

“I’m not here to disturb you nor am I here to cause conflict. I literally came to relax in the company of my parents. I did not expect that they would be staying with you and your family. Do not concern yourself further, I plan on leaving at the end of the night.”

With that, Jim stood with the hope that his statement satisfied the Vulcan enough. Except Spock maneuvered to block his path and the rage that the human felt was akin to when he had woken up on a Vulcan exploration ship strapped down in a straitjacket. The human shoved his hands into his pockets to prevent himself from physically reacting the way that he wanted. Deep breaths mingled in the air as both men shared barely any space between their bodies. They were attempting to calm their emotions before the situation became even more volatile and someone else in the home ended up hearing their row. 

“You should not leave at the end of the night,” Spock finally replied.

“Why shouldn’t I?”

Spock remained silent, clearly unsure of his own motivations for what he said. “Your family will wish for you to remain,” he finally said with little confidence in his own words.

“They will understand that I need time alone given that my roommate is finally away,” Jim snapped back. 

The human’s irritation subsided the longer they breathed each other's air. It was frustrating not being able to hold an emotion that protected him when he was with Spock. Somehow the Vulcan managed to break his barriers and mental shields down every time they were close. Especially only centimeters from each other. Spock’s gaze stopped their hold of Jim’s eyes to fall to the wet pink lips that the blond anxiously chewed on. The Vulcan reached out first, gently fingering the end of Jim’s cotton long sleeve to caress the small sliver of skin between Jim’s shirt and his pants pocket. Nails and tips of fingers brushed against skin to feel any emotional projection from the human. But at some point in the calm Jim had covered the fear with anger and exhaustion. Maybe Spock would leave him alone finally. But instead, the touch drew Jim further in and the human freed his other hand to hold Spock’s side where the Vulcan’s heartbeat was. 

“You piss me off you know,” Jim murmured, his gaze looking at anything but Spock. 

“You are quite frustrating yourself Jim.”

“I’m not the one who doesn’t believe one of us is unworthy,” the human sighed quietly. 

“Jim,” Spock began but it seemed as though he gave up that line of thought. The pair dropped their hands from each other, faces tilted away to avoid any eye contact. “I advise that you do not speak of Mitchell.”

And like always, Spock had to ruin a moment where they seemed to be getting along. “Like fuck I would. Why are you even bringing that up anyway?” Jim hissed

“I had assumed they would ask why your nose has changed shape yet again, and the scar on your jaw.”

“You think my family would be ashamed of me being beaten by another lover?” 

“I suppose that is an illogical assumption.”

“Uhura isn’t coming for the holidays is she?” Jim asked quietly, trying to avoid any talk of Mitchell. 

“She has returned home and will not be back until the start of the next semester,” Spock replied, voice low in volume. 

“Can I leave now?” 

Spock’s brows tightened but maybe something about the situation led Spock to the appropriate conclusion that Jim felt as though he was being held hostage. The human had not consented to a conversation nor had he consented to be man-handled and shoved into the Vulcan’s private quarters. Jim hastily made his exit while Spock was completely distracted by his thoughts. The blond smoothed out his clothes and power walked to where he hoped his parents were. By the time Jim made it to the large living area Sitaak and Sarek were seated comfortably drinking tea while they discussed their work. 

Jim halted his hurried steps and attempted to compose himself as much as possible. The blond smoothed his clothes again out of pure anxiety for being found arguing with Spock and touched his face to make sure it wasn’t flushed. Once Jim felt he had composed himself enough he walked forward to greet the pair. Glad that he had ceased flushing by that point because Sitaak and Sarek openly examined him. Under their emotionless gazes, he felt himself squirm a little bit, being on Earth had allowed Jim to be a lot more open with his emotions which meant the gazes had him projecting his anxiety brazenly.

“T’Hal is in the kitchen with Amanda. I believe the ceremony will begin in a moment. Make sure they are properly prepared,” Sitaak commanded. 

With an easy breath, Jim ambled through the open floor dining room to the open floor kitchen, a very Western Terran style with Vulcan furniture. T’Hal set the table with traditional foods like latkes and braided challah while Amanda finished the matzo ball soup and brisket. All of the smells were just completely enticing and reminded Jim of a time before his abusive step-father, before all of the big T traumas. When his biological family was still somewhat of a family and his mother tolerated Jim. As the blond moved deeper into the kitchen T’Hal entered to remove a few types of salad that had been premade as well as a tureen that held Plomeek soup, Spock’s favorite. The dishes were a nice miss of Vulcan Earth favorites or Spock’s favorite bland meals, and traditional Jewish Hanukkah dinner. 

“Everything looks amazing Amanda. I haven’t had food like this since… Well, since I can barely remember,” Jim sighed in excitement. 

“Oh! I’m glad you’re here. Please take the tea and the Manischewitz to the table,” Amanda told quickly. The woman clearly had provided herself a deadline to get everything out at the same time so they could all eat together. 

Jim gave a stiff nod, “Of course. I don’t suppose you have anything for the Vulcans to have a little fun with?” 

Amanda glanced at him with a sly smile, “Chocolate coins were always one of the dessert options for my family. They will have no choice but to follow strict tradition and eat them.” 

The humans laughed together flagrantly and Jim smiled brightly as he moved to place the tea tray and cold Manischewitz appropriately long floor table so that when everyone sat down they would have access to the drinks they each wish to partake in. The table was decorated with whatever Amanda had stored away and food sat atop heaters that had been placed in the dip of the large table. Jim examined his and T’Hal’s work with admiration, glad to have his spirits lifted so easily after Spock’s strange aside. T’Hal glissaded to his side and looked up at Jim with glittering expectation and the human wrapped his arm around his Vulcan mother’s shoulders to pull her in. The woman easily gave into his affection, of course, she probably had to logic herself into the activity, but Jim was pleased nevertheless.

“I missed you,” Jim whispered, hoping no one else would hear. 

“I am pleased to see you so happy. There are those that may cause you stress on this estate, but you persevere to ensure my happiness. And for that, Jim, I am grateful.” 

Jim sighed with concernment and looked down at his mother. T’Hal’s almost charcoal eyes bore into his too bright azure. The woman practically read Jim’s soul every time she was near. As if she knew the disquiet he felt and the reason for it. It was as if she knew how difficult it was for him to be around those that knew his worst moments and had seen him that way. How others during the celebration might still see him with negativity. T’Hal did not need to touch his skin or feel his mind. And although a familial bond had been considered for the health of their family, it had not been done for fear of Jim relapsing or completely removing himself from his Vulcan family. Jim often wondered how much better his parents would know him if they were connected. 

“I believe, now that Spock has arrived, it is time to light the menorah,” T’Hal expressed quietly and easily pulled Jim from their collective thoughtfulness. 

* * *

The night sky from the Greyson-S’Chn T’Gai estate was the clearest it had been in San Francisco in weeks. The grass that Jim laid upon in the garden was soft under his exhausted body. There were not very many places in California that still had plotted grass mostly because it became unsustainable at some point in the past participating in decades of drought and famine. It was nice to feel and Jim was sure that it was maintained in the best way possible for the Ambassador’s family to be able to keep it. While Jim’s body appreciated the ground, azure eyes watched the stars and the satellites in space above. More often than ever before Jim craved the adventure of searching unexplored star systems for the Federation and meeting new and interesting species for himself. As he cataloged what he knew and what might be a satellite around the earth Jim's quiet footsteps padded over to him. 

“May I join you?” a deep voice rumbled from a meter away.

“You are a sentient being, you are free to do as you please,” Jim sighed exasperatedly. 

Spock began by sitting down next to Jim before finally deciding to lay in the grass and mimic Jim while ensuring they had enough space between each other. The human listened to the rustling of Spock adjusting his robes. While Jim had settled for wearing jeans and a cotton button-down, the Vulcan was still in traditional celebratory robes from dinner and dessert. Jim was a little jealous, he found Vulcan clothes far more comfortable, but if Bones had seen him dressed in those clothes earlier Jim would have never heard the end of it. The human crossed his arms to avoid any accidental or even purposeful contact from Spock, really not interested in having the Vulcan disrupt his mind yet again. 

“I have reflected often upon my behavior since last we saw each other on Vulcan,” Spock began.

Jim didn’t respond because he felt as if all the air was leaving his lungs. The blond was not ready for this conversation, but instead of going into an asthma attack, he flickered his eyes to quickly meet the Vulcan’s so that Spock could continue. Jim settled his gaze on the moon with the hope that Spock would take his cue to continue without any input from Jim. The human really was not ready to have this conversation yet and he was not sure he’d be ready ever. Jim would rather go through life ignoring the almost all-consuming bond they had than discuss what had happened between them. Because that would certainly lead to a conversation around their connection. Jim was pulled from his panic by the openly deep sigh Spock released in frustration and Jim was sure he couldn’t read the blatant emotion any other way. 

“I have regret with how I have treated you in the past and in the present. Rather than consider how I may have taken advantage of a situation, I emotionally reacted to your needed distance and your personal boundaries negatively. You said you were unworthy of our…  _ connection _ … However, your perceived worthiness appears to extend further and deeper than that. Instead, I internalized the information as an attack on myself and someone that means many things to me.” 

Spock stopped speaking to allow Jim the opportunity to intervene, interrupt, or deny any of the Vulcan’s claims. When the human remained silent Spock continued.

“I realize that my words that not only agreed with your personal assessment but further punished you may have had a lasting effect. While I acknowledge many have harmed you and I should not take all the credit… I believe if our positions were switched I would feel betrayed to hear my fears repeated back to me by someone with whom I have a  _ connection _ . There has never been a moment until that morning that we were not in defense of each other. I betrayed your trust with my own emotional instability.”

“Thanks, Spock,” Jim interrupted. 

“There is more I wish to say.” 

Jim shifted to lay on his side and look at Spock who in turn stared intensely at the stars above. “I… I’m not ready to hear more,” Jim admitted, “For now, it’s enough that you understand and I understand. Maybe one day I’ll be able to… to… indulge, but I don’t think it will be for a long time.”

Spock turned his head finally to examine Jim. “It is unfortunate in this universe we cannot seem to be.”

“Spock,” Jim breathed in Vulcan, “It will be easier for both of us if you pretend that  _ it _ does not actually exist. You and Uhura are a perfect match together and eventually, T’Pring will do as tradition dictates or T’Pring and you will force the end. Either way, I cannot see how this is the lifetime that our katras will meet. It is an unfortunate reality you must face.”

Their connection was best explained in Vulcan, English was not useful when speaking about matters of timeless soul bonds between beings. Both of them were afraid of the word. To admit to having some deep bond to someone else in a manner that was so archaic to Vulcan culture and laughable to Human culture, it would be not only illogical but they would be ridiculed. Spock turned to lay on his side and unashamedly touched Jim’s cheek. The pair could not stop the emotional transference between them. Hesitancy was first and foremost, but fear reared its ugly head from Jim, and before the human could feel what Spock felt he grabbed the Vulcan’s hand and pulled it away from his face. Fear ruling the blond’s decision to allow anyone to feel how weak he actually was. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jim sat up quickly to put distance between them while he contorted Spock’s wrist. 

The Vulcan’s wrist was thin and felt too delicate in his thick firm hand, but Jim knew that there was no possible way for him to actually break it even bent in a painful malformation. The Vulcan’s pulse increased underneath his fingers and Jim briefly wondered if Spock felt any fear when it came to Jim. Spock knew fear, Jim was sure of that. Especially when one considers the many terrorist attacks that occurred at the Vulcan learning academy or the man getting lost in the desert as a child. But had the Vulcan ever lost something he desperately wanted because of his perceived and other's perceptions of his inadequacies? Jim had no idea. This was the deepest into Spock’s mind Jim had ever been allowed into without a mind-meld. With his own fear now at the forefront of his emotions again, Jim dropped Spock’s hand as if he was burned. 

“I only wished to have information on what emotions you were feeling. You are far more difficult to read than other humans.” It sounded as though Spock was chastising Jim for not being like other humans. 

The man rolled his eyes and brought his knees up to his chest. Thick arms wrapped around and held them close but loosely. “You do not earn that right after you finally apologize. That is not how that works,” Jim sighed. 

“I apologize,” Spock whispered as he sat up as well. “I crossed boundaries I should not have and I acknowledge that I also require intense mediation.” 

Spock stood and saluted the Ta’al with the intention of leaving the human in the garden. Jim finally became upright as he watched Spock’s back retreat. Except at some point while Jim stared through Spock stuck in another train of thought the Vulcan had stopped and turned to face Jim again. The human froze in place when he realized the intensity at which dark chocolate eyes stared at him with. Maybe the chocolate coins had affected the Vulcan more than Jim had predicted, honestly, Jim had gone as far as forgot they had tricked the Vulcans into indulging their innocent traditions. Spock moved swiftly to stand only centimeters in front of Jim.

“Jim, I would like to kiss you. I understand if I am out of line. However, I am unsure I can end the night with regret in having not asked.” 

“Spock,” Jim huffed and rolled his eyes.

The Vulcan moved closer to the closed-off human but did not make any more sudden movements. “Jim, I understand you are hesitant. We may exchange an os’esta if you would prefer.” 

“Spock,” Jim spoke disapprovingly. “That is reserved for bondmates of which we are not and never will be.”

A firm grip landed on Jim’s bicep to pull him in closer. “You say these words but I do not believe you mean them.”

“I always mean what I say,” the man growled with a warning.

In another instant, Spock pulled the human’s arm so their bodies were pressed together and their faces only millimeters apart. Hot breaths mingled together and fury filled Jim to the brim. He had already dealt with Spock manhandling him once today, another was not going to be tolerated. At least that's what Jim told himself until Spock’s thin wet lips landed on his own plump pink ones. And when the Vulcan licked his rough tongue along the bottom of Jim's lip, the human went to bite what he could except instead, he pulled a feral sound from the Vulcan. The action only encouraged Spock more as the rough tongue entered Jim’s mouth to taste and battle Jim’s own tongue.

Spock's other arm wrapped around Jim’s torso and pulled their bodies flush together. The human shoved and pushed at broad shoulders, but Jim’s protests were weak and lacked any real conviction. The more he felt Spock surround him the less he wanted to battle. Tanned fingers tangled into perfect silk black hair, another hand dipped between the Vulcan’s robes. Spock had no control over himself, that much was clear. But Jim was more than willing to savor in the chaos. It would give him more reason to fuel his dislike for the Vulcan he couldn't resist and fuel the hatred he felt for himself for having no control. 

As Spock moved down Jim’s throat the human was able to get fresh air back into his lungs and regained some sense of self. Jim managed to actually shove the Vulcan off of him and put a decent amount of distance between them. The pair stared at each other with ferocity. They panted and their bodies poised for a fight Jim might have inadvertently been trying to start. Spock came to himself first and straightened his posture and eased his breath. Jim on the other hand continued to simmer in his fury and anger. Every step towards the Vulcan, the alien took a step back. Jim licked his bared teeth and squeezed his fists. 

“Jim…” Spock began apologetically. 

The human quickly moved and shoved past Spock marching his way into the large house. “Leave me alone,” He growled.

“Jim, I am sorry. I do not know what is wrong with me.” 

“Just leave me alone! I’m leaving!” Jim snapped back with a raised voice.

The pair moved through their parents' conversations in the communal area, all of which quieted down to see their children fighting with each other. A sight that none could have predicted, believing their sons to have control over their emotions and public outbursts. Jim hadn’t had that sort of control in a long time. Spock on the other hand seemed to gain control with every slip of Jim’s sanity. It was almost too easy to leave the estate. With his packed bag ready to go and his parents remaining in their seats, Jim stormed out of the large home without another word to anyone else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments/kudos... but mostly comments... 
> 
> I start school again next month so idk if I'll be on Haitus for this or if I'll try to avoid work by writing this. We're almost caught up to what I have fully written/reviewed/edited. There's a lot of plans, but as my carpel tunnel/ulnar nerve pinch gets worse and school gets busy idk if I'll be able to complete this during this spring time.


	11. Friends or Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Enjoy

“I didn’t think you’d check on me so soon.”

“Just thought we could have brunch together,” Jim mumbled sheepishly. 

“Over a transmission?” Bones chuckled, mouth full of a protein bar. “What happened?” 

“Why does something have to happen for me to want to spend time with my best friend?” the sandy blond protested.

“Well, first of all, you should be having breakfast with your family who’re only in town for a few weeks. Second of all, you’re not talkin’ all strict and Vulcan-y so something definitely happened,” Bones grunted. 

The doctor’s displeasure became more evident on his face. Jim hadn’t really processed what had happened the previous night and his parents had not yet reached out as they most likely believed Jim would show up when he was ready. Their short time in the garden together had been nice up until something in Spock had the Vulcan force himself upon Jim. It was so strange, every time they collided together it was as though Spock had no control over his decisions and actions. The human could chalk it up to their  _ connection _ but with reflection, one could recognize that Spock was half-human, and that caused his intense desires to be difficult to ignore and control. Especially when one considers that Spock could not accept those emotions as they came and preferred to push them down. 

“Hello? You still there kid?”

“Yea… Yea, sorry. Just thinking,” Jim sighed with a shake of his head. “So like… Spock showed up while I was waiting for my parents.”

“Oh,” Bones made a sour face. “I was worried this was Mitchell related.”

“God no, I haven’t heard from him since the end of the semester, thank god. So Spock shows up and basically tells me he’s surprised that I’m even talking to my parents because I should be ashamed since I was a sex worker or something…” 

Bones groaned and rolled his eyes. “Oppressed Vulcan. Maybe his parents would feel such shame, but from the sound of it, your Vulcan parents knew what they were getting into when they adopted you. A lot of kids go through trauma and go into the field, ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of.”

“They’re both in the medical field, I think they would have been more concerned about other things if I had been doing it off-planet. Shame is not something Vulcans typically feel, it’s an indulgent emotion,” Jim rambled on. 

“So you punched him in his stupid face?” 

“No, both of our parents showed up before I could. Then they broke the good news,” Jim scrunched his face up into a mock happy one. “They decided we’d all stay at Spock’s family’s estate together!”

“Good god.” 

“So okay, fine. Family is all staying together, it’s convenient and Amanda likes my mother-” Jim speaks rapidly through his voice slurring. 

“Have you been drinking?”

“It’s brunch, from what I’ve read about brunch drinks are acceptable,” Jim countered.

“Drunk Vulcan, great,” Bones rolled his eyes. 

“I ain’t Vulcan, I’m… spacian.”

“Haha, very funny.”

“Get it cause I was born in space?”

“Yeah, I got it, Jim. So I assume you went to the grand estate of Spock’s family?”  
“Right, yes. So we’re there, everyone's settling into their rooms and I refuse to like unpack so I leave to go help set up dinner. But before I can get there, Spock grabs me, manhandles me into his bedroom to have a “talk”. He told me to not tell my family about Mitchell! Like what the fuck is up with that? Like I’d tell my family that I went from one abusive relationship to another?”

“And what place is it of his to decide what you do or don’t say to your own family?” Bones growled.

“Exactly! S’not like they didn’t know the extent of everything that had happened to me from Frank to Tarsus. They’d be sad, but again… I wouldn’t bring them any shame.”

The pair shared compatible silence as they sipped their preferred beverages. Jim examined his best friend who looked a little worse for wear. The purple under his cerulean eyes really concerned Jim about his mental state in Georgia. It was too bad the sandy blond didn’t think more than a few steps ahead when it came to his friend. Bones was staring at him with furrowed dark bushy brows and scratched his scruffy cheek. Jim sipped at his mimosa trying to come up with a misdirect for their conversation, preferring to discuss Bones rather than himself at this point. Jim really didn’t want to finish his conversation about Spock.

“Is that all that happened?” Bones urged. 

Jim frowned and sulked as he stared at his friend through the screen with his convictions wavering. “No… He uhm… I was sitting in the garden just digesting dinner and he came out to join me. Then apologized? I mean I wouldn’t let him apologize all the way…”

“What does that even mean Jim?” 

“There’s just… There’s a lot, Bones. A lot happened before I came to Star Fleet. He apologized for it and then wanted to talk about… More…”

“More?” Bones asked quietly sipping his coffee a bit too loud. “You mean that stupid little dance you two do thinking no one knows what you’re both avoiding?”

Jim’s eyes darted up from his plate of food wide in shock. “I could not speculate what you are talking about.” 

“Yea, drunk you ain’t too good at doing that whole Vulcan blank face. I think everyone but Uhura sees it. Whatever happened on Vulcan Jim before you got here… Maybe you shouldn’t be avoiding that conversation you’re desperate to avoid?”

“Bones, that’s not all that happened... “

“Jim, do I gotta file a report on ‘Professor’ Spock as well?” 

“Leonard, he… Kissed me.”

“I mean that’s not great-”

“For Vulcan’s-”

“Jim, I understand. You shouldn’t punish your family because Spock doesn’t know how to manage his feelings for you.”

“I can’t be in that house.” 

“I’m not saying ya have to be but don’t put yourself in a position of being alone with him, or if it’s really that bad then you gotta tell your family.” 

“Bones, why aren’t you with Joanna?” Jim diverged

“Oh, maybe ‘cause I got a call from my neediest patient and he seemed to be in a lot of distress. Even when you were getting the absolute crap beat out of you, you were never this upset. Whatever Vulcan voodoo bullshit you and Spock got going on, I think you should probably resolve it sooner than later. And I don’t want to hear you deny it again. Either you make sure things are clear, and you make sure you two have distance or you make that Vulcan stop stringing along poor Uhura.” 

“You don’t know how many times I have tried! It’s not that simple. We’re… Not that simple,” Jim murmured softly at the end. 

“Jim, I gotta go see my actual kid. I ain’t the guy to talk to about matters of the heart, and like I said I don't understand Vulcan voodoo.”

Jim nodded, “Okay Bones. Have fun with Jo. Tell her I said hi and I hope she likes the gift I got her.”

“My ex is gonna think you’re my boyfriend.”

“Well, I’m pretty so maybe she’ll realize what she missed out on. Have a good time Bones I miss you!”

Jim turned off the view PADD and glanced at his half-eaten plate with the empty champagne bottle. The human stood from the small coffee table in the tiny two-bedroom dorm and went to his bedroom. He would see his parents, of course, he would, but first, the human needed to do what hadn’t been done since leaving his stable home. Quietly as he entered a state of contemplation, preparing for meditation, Jim created a small meditation space. A thick rug was rolled and smoothed out. In another span of time the man dressed in traditional mediation robes that had been folded and hidden away. After a moment of just allowing his work to be admired Jim folded himself upon the rug in front of a set of candles. The steady fire allowed for easy relaxation and the retreating into one's mind. 

The minds of humans were utterly chaotic compared to Vulcans, or so Jim had been told. What looked like disorganization to the telepaths was just the entanglement of everything humans ever thought, saw, tasted, smelled, spoke, and touched simultaneously. Jim knew Vulcans felt emotions far deeper and stronger than humans, but often they were not mixed with so many as humans often were. Jim’s hypothesis was that because humans were so expressive, often feeling a hundred things at once, it was practically impossible to control a strict adherence to logic because of the mass amount of focus that would be required. 

As Jim moved through his own mind he pulled out what emotions required attention, most surrounded his relationship with Spock. To name what he and Spock were to each other might give validity to Spock’s pursuits. But, there was the slim possibility that Spock might accept a compromise. Jim and he were already like brothers, and friends had always been easy for them before Jim’s time at Riyeht-aitlun. Being lovers in its entire multiplicity was the far more difficult and unobtainable task. So if Spock could be satisfied with having a friendship and brotherhood, the Vulcan may forego his impossible need to have Jim fully and completely. 

It wasn’t Uhura that held him back from this proposal and certainly not T’Pring. Bonding was just not a goal of Jim’s and Spock would need to realize it. Especially after all the melds that had been done mostly without his consent and despite the insanely beautiful meld his and Spock’s minds had. Spock had been right about how Jim felt in regards to their  _ connection _ . Expressing how unworthy he felt for Spock’s affections had been a horrifying emotion to admit out loud to the being it mattered most to. To then have Spock confirm Jim’s insecurities had been a betrayal of their brotherhood and friendship. It was easy to forgive the transgression with how sincere Spock had been. What would not be easy, was feeling worthy. 

Leonard, on the other hand, had been an easy person to become friends with. The man saw his medical record, saw some sealed records because of it, and accepted all of Jim. Despite the abuses in his life and scandalous work he indulged in on a strict planet, Bones respected Jim. They did not need to be intellectual equals, social equals, or even culturally similar; none of those factors mattered when it came to their bond. Bones made it clear that Jim was important and deserved to have a life of his own choosing. Even Christopher Pike had seen that much. However, that did not equalize the twenty or so years of being imperfect and unworthy of his biological mother’s love, of his step-father’s love, of surviving genocide, or of romance. 

Strun and Mitchell had been clear indicators of Jim’s inability to choose good romantic partners, at least in Jim’s mind. Often the man believed he deserved their emotional manipulations and the physical bruises that had come with them. It did not matter whether Spock had apologized for speaking out loud what Jim’s inner demons voiced. Sure, it would help in the process of healing, but it did not make Jim feel any safer in his choice of romantic exploits. One day Jim might feel as though the universe might favor him and favor the entanglement of katras that would one day need to be joined. But the universe did not favor Jim not now and certainly not in the foreseeable future. And somehow Jim would have to get that across to Spock, a man who in all his logic could not understand an emotion so abstract. 

There were no romantic feelings towards Spock if Jim really took consideration in his attempt to further analyze their relationship and Jim’s orbit within. There was no part of his attraction to the Vulcan that was based in romantic need or love. There was no want to spend the rest of his life with the Vulcan. Just pure and unadulterated lust. Which could not a relationship make. And that was Jim’s mistake every time. It was his unworthiness that sought the pain and pleasure together. Physical and emotional. The human would have to combat his trauma in order for the possibility of romance one day. Whether that was with Spock or some other poor soul that fell hard for Jim. 

The human’s mind no longer a magnificent traffic jam but a quick light-rail quick with thought and emotions organized appropriately. Each had been thoroughly considered, tasted, and processed then neatly stored away with understanding. Jim pulled himself back to the present and stared at the half-melted candles. A lot more time had passed than Jim had anticipated, but it was worth the work to feel as serene and calm as he did. Sandy blond hair was shaken to recenter Jim into reality so he could spend appropriate time with his family.

* * *

Night had fallen over the S’chn T’gai/Greyson estate and Jim found himself deeper into the garden than the previous night. The human now leaned on a balcony that overlooked the private beach and contemplated an easy day spent with his parents. Which had been worth the awkward welcome back and the compliments in his sudden return to control. Sitaak checked his mind as he often did to ensure Jim was managing his own mental health accordingly, especially after the Orion pheromones had wreaked havoc upon his neurology. T’Hal had done a quick tricorder scan and complemented Bones’ ability to take care and mend her son. Jim had originally decided to not join Spock´s family for dinner, but the human craved the traditions that had been stripped from him. Dinner had gone without an event which made the event tolerable and easy. 

The man allowed his body to grow cold in the sea breeze wind, breathing wispy puffs of air to entertain himself. Soft footsteps approached from behind him and paused for permission to enter into Jim’s space. The human gave himself a few more minutes of air and contemplation before he turned to gaze at the lithe Vulcan. Spock was in traditional ropes, although the outer and middle robes were open loosely to show only a tunic held closed by a traditional rope. The Vulcan’s state of dress allowed for Jim to fully examine his lithe and tight body. Either Spock appreciated his gaze or the cold was creating the deep green color that had spread across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. 

“Just the Vulcan I wished to speak with,” Jim teased. The human turned around as an indication that the Vulcan was welcome to enter his personal space. 

“I also wished to speak with you.”

“If you are attempting to apologize for kissing me without my consent. Do not. While I did not ask for it or give permission originally I did not hate the interaction nor do I regret its occurrence,” Jim relayed switching to Vulcan as the conversation would need to. 

“You have mediated recently,” Spock replied with a hint of surprise. 

“Have you?”

Chocolate eyes darted away from the ocean to Jim for a half of a second. “Yes, I came to realize how often I have put off the practice being around humans.”

Jim waited a moment to see if Spock wished to pull their conversation in another direction before diving headfirst into the chaos the ensuing conversation might bring. “I wished to discuss what we have not named.”

“I see,” Spock hummed with shock. “What has changed from last night?”

“I meditated on our relationship and my place within what we currently have and the effects it has upon our  _ connection _ . I also meditated upon my emotions and trauma in relation to our relationship as well as my other relationships. I believe we will not find… solace if we continue to go on ignoring the  _ connection  _ and will further cause harm to each other.”

“I understand, however, if possible I wish to delay this conversation.”

Jim’s eyebrows darted up having not expected Spock to deny him. The Vulcan had no way of knowing how the conversation would go. “Explain,” Jim demanded. 

“Jim, I would rather you allow me time to convince against your position.”

“Spock, you could not possibly know-”

“I know when you are resolute for the worst outcome. I have seen you at all of your most basic instincts.”

“I’m trying to not hurt you, Spock.”

“I would like the opportunity to make that decision for myself, Jim.”

“You will not change my mind… or my feelings for that matter,” Jim sighed.

The human leaned on the balcony with his body tilted so he faced Spock. Attention was drawn from the beach to the bold Vulcan who now almost amused the human. Jim was a bit shocked that Spock was trying to delay the inevitable without hearing the logic behind the decisions or conclusions Jim had made. Spock, like any other Vulcan, would ask for clear reasoning and consider Jim’s position from all sides before presenting his own. The opposite, while an interesting direction for Spock, was not helpful in the long run. 

“Last I heard you were still in a relationship with Uhura,” Jim hummed.

“We are in an open relationship. She deemed it the zipcode rule, if we are in the same area we remain faithful, if we are separate then we are not required to remain monogamous.”

“I have heard of this unique human rule for ‘monogamous’ relationships. However, I expect it is more open on her end and even if she expected a Vulcan, culturally bound to be monogamous, to indulge in such a relationship I’m sure I am excluded from the exploratory pool,” Jim pointed out eyes focused on Spock’s chocolate rather than his body that moved closer. 

“That all may be so, but her assumptions are her own. She did not ask further questions nor make additional restrictions when we were discussing the parameters of our relationship.”

“How very modern of you Spock,” the human teased and azure eyes dropped to the ground unable to hold eye contact for long. 

The Vulcan turned his body more openly so they both faced each other, less space between them than Jim would have preferred. While Jim had fully examined his own emotions from all sides, it was almost impossible to gauge his own body’s reaction to Spock without the Vulcan there. Always Jim was pulled in and it certainly was lust, but it felt like something far more intangible that Jim really couldn’t unravel. Spock did not dare reach for Jim, however, being more cautious and most likely worried about chasing the human off again. Jim breathed in the cold air with the Vulcan allowing himself to glance quickly at Spock’s pale moonlit face before he looked away towards the beach again. 

“Have you ever gone in the ocean Spock?”

“Yes, a few times when Sarek has allowed us to visit, mostly when I was a young child. I presume you have?”

“Actually, oddly enough, I might be the only human that hasn’t. We never lived in California and Tarsus didn’t have beaches where I was,” Jim sighed almost longingly for memories he never made. 

“I am surprised your biological mother had not lived here with you and your brother.”

“She wanted us to have a ‘normal’ non-Star Fleet life. San Francisco is not included in that dream. Plus, imagine the trouble I would have gotten into here rather than Riverside… I would have been sent off to a penal colony sooner,” Jim laughed. 

“I believe that a lack of resources and proper home life may have led to your time in a penal colony. San Francisco has many opportunities for prodigy type children.”

Jim grew tired speaking about his troubled childhood. Their conversation had become derailed again, normally that was Jim’s forte, but Spock was becoming quite adept at the task. Especially when it concerned Jim pushing Spock away. The human turned his body back towards the balcony that overlooked the beach, no longer inviting Spock into his space. A glance over the immediate edge of the balcony showed Jim the sand below. The stairs were only meters away, but intrusive thoughts were far louder than the logical aspect of his mind, and they told him to leap over the balcony’s edge. So he did. 

Jim knew he was nothing if not dramatic when it came to maneuvering away from bad memories and even worse conversation. If Spock were any other person he may have flirted his way out of the conversation or redirected the other person’s attention. But Jim was with Spock and Spock often asked for too much emotional labor that Jim had not yet pieced apart. The landing in the sand was the easy part of his “escape”. Getting his feet under him to run in the loose granules was far more difficult and burned his muscles in the most satisfying way. 

The Vulcan may have yelled at him as he ran on with bare feet, but the harsh winter winds off of an ocean tide hid the sound from his weak human ears. It was not long until he heard the distinct thump of a body landing lightly and the scrape as the other darted after him. The human released an unexpected but emotionally releasing laugh as Spock easily caught up to him. Jim pushed his already aching body forward until he became knee-deep in the frigid water. 

“Jim, you should not be in the ocean at such cold temperatures. Your body is not adapted to the chill of ocean water nor are you familiar with this type of climate,” Spock called to him from the edge of the tide, loud enough to be heard over the ocean waves. 

The human smiled at Spock over his shoulder. Hands on his hips were exposed to frigid air and the skin burst bright red. “I won’t force you to join me, you will definitely catch a cold.”

“That is not how illnesses are spread-”

“It is just a human expression of a complicated system, Spock,” Jim shouted back.

Spock walked into the tide bit by bit, his long pants sticking to his ankles as he became soaked in saltwater. Vulcans ran hotter than humans, but they had no hair to protect them from the cold which meant Spock was probably freezing. The air was probably 50 degrees while the water at best was below 30. Feeling pity for the cold man the human met the Vulcan halfway. Jim was careful with his movements, watching his feet as he waded through the water, once he was close to Spock he looked up at the deep tantalizing brown eyes.

“I had kind of hoped I’d be as tall as you when I was done growing.”

“You may have been, however, you had many difficulties-”

Jim released a heavy groan with a more dramatic roll of his eyes. Spock was not going to get the memo that Jim was not interested in Spock explaining what Jim already knew. So he interrupted the Vulcan with a quick press of his lips. A sigh of irritation fell past Jim’s lips when he finally pulled away. Jim hoped Spock was probably surprised enough to not finish his thought. The Vulcan’s thin pink lips were parted, slanted eyebrows hidden in messy black bangs. At least Spock had been left speechless and that was all Jim could ask for. Peace and quiet from the Vulcan who acted as though he knew too much, but really knew too little. 

“Must you always speak about my past? I get it, it deprived me of all the opportunities to be taller, smarter, more responsible, whatever else…”

“I was merely attempting to-”

The sandy blond interrupted again with a kiss. A thick hand reached up to grip the back of Spock’s neck. The firm touch held the Vulcan there in a long lock of lips until Jim finally released them both. It was always a touch Jim appreciated from Spock, he could admit that much. Even if lust didn’t fog his brain up, the physical exchange they shared was always pleasant and always fulfilled Jim. The thick hand dragged down Spock’s body and remained on the loosely tied rope around Spock’s waist. It was an effort to keep their bodies close while Jim took charge of a situation that hadn’t been entirely in his control like he would have preferred. 

“If this is your attempt to seduce me or make me fall in love with you, you’re not doing a very good job of it,” Jim teased.

The blond’s messy head tilted, waves flopping to one side. The human licked his lips as he observed Spock’s eyes following the flow of his hair in the strong ocean wind. Spock was not good at seduction and that was what made Jim’s decisions easier. If Spock were able to be smooth and unbothered he probably would have Jim in a second, but that wasn’t Spock. The young Vulcan was awkward, nervous, and often unsure of himself. Spock had confidence in the academic arena, and while that was admirable, that wasn’t what captured Jim’s interests. It was always smooth talkers, easy to give in to manipulations, and believable lies. Spock could never wish to achieve those traits and that was fine with Jim. It was fine for him because he could put the necessary distance between them that they needed. 

“You have kissed me twice now, I would say I am thus far successful in my pursuit of both,” Spock finally said after a long moment of obtaining his composure. 

Jim’s eyes dropped down from a far too intuitive gaze and instead examined the rope in his hand. Thick fingers slid until they touched one of the longer ends that dangled from Spock’s waist and gave it one swift tug. Intrusive thoughts and a compulsive body had won over the original plan to speak to Spock about what they could not be. Instead, a wet tongue darted out and licked plump cold lips as the rope fell from the Vulcan’s body and exposed a pale green torso. Light that fought against the cloudy San Francisco night sky reflected off of defined muscles which practically had Jim drooling at the sight. Teeth bit down on a fat wet lip as azure eyes raked over the lithe body, entirely man and Vulcan simultaneously. 

“It’s really unfair that you’re so hot. I just don’t think you’re going to get the result you want,” Jim murmured shakily. 

“I often think the same. You seem to only wish for the most difficult path. I do not understand how you do not just give in,” deep baritone vibrated through the air and hung around Jim like the voice was trying to pull him in. 

“You falsely assumed my proposition was nothing rather than a compromise,” Jim whispered with an attempt to bring some strength back to his mind and body. 

While Jim’s eyes finally met Spock’s, a tanned hand wandered up Spock’s cold body. “Does the compromise include your body or your mind?” Spock’s own voice shook at the exposure to the cold air and the hot hand

“No,” Jim sighed. 

“Your emotions?”

“Only those that reflect the friendship and brotherhood I feel for you.”

“So you would rather suppress the lust we share than allow us to indulge in at least that.”

Out fell a laugh of shock and thick brown eyebrows quirked up as Jim was suddenly filled with mirth. “Trust me, I have managed my lust quite well, humans and other aliens find my looks quite intriguing.”

“You are quite exotic of a being, not just because of your eyes. It is unfortunate your hair is losing its fairness.”

“Fine by me, maybe I’ll look less like my biological father.”

Jim’s hand fell from Spock’s body and his gaze left to examine the tide preparing to get the conversation back on track. While the human was distracted the Vulcan took his chance to wrap an arm around Jim’s waist. Spock lifted Jim easily with one arm and pulled them both away from the water. Soft laughter of annoyance left Jim’s lips as he was carried back to the dry part of the beach as if he weighed nothing. This time Spock was doing his best effort to show Jim what he could have, what  _ they _ could have . Jim gripped the Vulcan’s shoulders, with a little bit of strength and a gentle push some space was placed between them, despite Spock’s firm grip on his waist. 

“Jim, give me just a week to have you.”

“And what then? We have sex and meld? What do you think the outcome will be when the week is over?” exasperation laced Jim’s voice. 

“I hope that you will understand our  _ connection _ and will give in so we do not have to pretend as though we don’t have something,” Spock’s voice grew in desperation. 

Air fell roughly between them. The tension sped his and Spock’s heart rates. Rather than allow it to grow and cause more pain Jim reached his hand up to caress a clean-shaven face wondering when hair grew back in. The human couldn’t help the tiny chuckle that fell from his lips at the thought of Spock with facial hair. Jim had only met one Vulcan with facial hair and the human could not say he enjoyed the Vulcan’s company very much, far too emotional for his own tastes. The man didn’t seem satisfied with Jim’s discipline either. Jim shook the invasive thoughts from his mind, maybe Spock was not the only cause of derailment in this exchange. 

“Spock,” Jim paused trying to focus as he made eye contact, “I will not-I can not satisfy your romantic desires. I have meditated specifically upon every emotion I have that involves you. Not one proved to be romantic in nature.”

“But you have lust for me,” Spock protested.

“I have lust for everyone,” Jim countered with annoyance and an obvious roll of his eyes. 

“Do you have the same desire for me as you have for others?”

Jim tilted his head in thought. The hand fell from Spock’s face and back across the Vulcan’s chest while the other slipped around his hip. “It is admittedly easier to give into you, but we are compatible in every way so it is not surprising. But, even if I were able to develop romantic emotions for you, now is not the time. There is too much life I haven’t seen or experienced, albeit most of my experience is shitty, but I can easily imagine it getting better.”

“And you do not believe you can have these experiences with me by your side?”

“Not right now.”

“I believe I am patient.”

“I believe you to be the most impatient Vulcan I have ever met,” Jim laughed.

“You may be correct. I am just confounded as to why you will not acknowledge our  _ connection _ .”

“I will name it then.”

“How could you know?”

“We are obviously T’hy’la. There is no other explanation than what ancient texts describe. However, it seems our desires are different. You seem to want to have me wholly in all possible ways we can be. I cannot. So, I offer you friendship and brotherhood, and you must be okay with these boundaries. Or we must part. We cannot carry on hurting each other like this. Maybe I am worthy of our  _ connection _ but I am not able to fulfill it. I cannot be monogamous, I don’t want to be, I don’t care to try. I do not want you to have hope that one day in my lifetime I will be ready to give you all of me. You must understand. We will never be,” Jim spoke in plain Vulcan with the hope that it would best convey his thoughts.

“Jim we are that which you say. I will not be able to only have pieces of you. It will pain me to part from you, but it does seem to be the most logical route. I will yearn often for your return, but I understand that this reality may have preemptively destroyed anything we could have shared,” Spock replied in kind, pulling away so they could no longer share skin to skin contact. 

“This will be difficult Spock. Our lives become intertwined without and despite effort. I will admittedly miss you as a friend, but I cannot drag you on as if one day I might be able to give you all of me. It is not fair to you. You deserve to have a long and happy life without my inability to give you what you deserve.”

“I wish to argue, but I will not. I hope we can one day entwine our katras that is fit for both of us.”

“I hope that we can too… One day.” 

“Will you be staying at the estate tonight at least?”

“If you do not mind? I would like to spend as much time with my parents as I can,” Jim asked as they walked back towards the large home.

Spock worked on redressing himself and gave a small human shrug. “I could not deny you access to your family, it would be cruel. How am I to convince you that we could be more if I were to do such a cruel action?” the Vulcan teased. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave an annoying amount of comments.
> 
> I'm not as far ahead as I would like. There was a storm that came through really fucked with my arms and stuff so writing was not productive..  
> At this point, I'm a chapter ahead??? But it's all laid out :) 
> 
> thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.


	12. Winona and the Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd
> 
> TW/cw: mommy issues, shitty moms, nightmares, graphic nightmares.

Jim decided that it would be best to stay at the estate for the entire week of Hanukkah mostly because Amanda had practically demanded it. Spock had not attempted to avoid Jim, and the human assumed it was mostly because there was no space to do so. In fact, they often played chess together in Jim’s free time when his parents weren’t dragging him all over the city to see everything. For the human, it was all he had tried asking for from Spock. It was a connection of friendship, reinforcing what they already knew was successful and comfortable. The week in the home had been nice, Jim had seen Sarek in his most relaxed and his parents in their most excitable state. The man felt more connected to reality and those around him than he had ever been before. 

Currently, the human was engrossed in reading some scientific publications Spock had sent over to him because the half-Vulcan and his family were off on their own adventure. Jim had not been expecting a video call when his PADD alerted him. Normally Jim was not bothered by an incoming call he would usually ignore it without hesitation, however, this particular call from none other than Winona Kirk. The last time they spoke was just to ensure Jim had access to the Iowa home, transferring ownership of home and land. Since then avoided every conversation he could with the woman. Sam, on the other hand, Jim spoke with pretty often about mundane things, mostly how Sam’s family was and the older man was careful to never mention Winona. Jim debated answering this call, but he knew if he answered he would get to see his brother, and it was the holidays so it really couldn’t be too bad of a conversation. 

“Hello,” Jim answered blandly as he threw the call on the larger view screen in his bedroom.

“I heard that you’re going to have to be in court soon. Does Star Fleet know?” Winona asked. 

Jim was not prepared for the woman to come out with guns fully loaded and blazing fire. The man groaned internally carefully schooling his features so the woman would not see how easily she got to him. “Christopher Pike is the person who pressed charges and made me join Star Fleet, so yes.” 

“Hooking, Jim? Really?” Winona scoffed with a roll of her green eyes.

Brows furrowed and Jim crossed his arms as his posture tightened. “I do not know how you know the details of the case, however, it is called sex work and it was very lucrative. Although, I do not see how you could have an opinion that is worth acknowledging on anything I have done with my life, especially seeing as I am an adult.” 

“You’re my son I think I’m entitled to have opinions about how irresponsible you are.” 

“Winona, you are not my mother. You have never been my mother if we are both blunt. You have cursed me for looking like George, sounding like him, and acting like him when I was a child who had not even touched puberty. You certainly do not get an opinion on the sort of careers I pursue when you did not care for me throughout any part of my development.” 

“If being a hooker is a good job why are you going to court?” she sneered.

“I cannot disclose information about the case,” Jim replied as if he was speaking with a toddler.

“What laws did you break?”

“Winona, the case is not a result of laws that I broke, in fact, I am a witness. You seem far more concerned about your accusations towards anything you believe I have done rather than concerned about any trauma I may have experienced from those I worked for. This is why you do not get to call yourself my mother, my actual parents, who you gave me over to, have been far more concerned and helpful with my recovery from the work.” 

“Jimmy-”

“You do not get to call me that,” Jim snapped at her. 

“But we’ve always called you that, even Frank-”

“And you all lost that privilege, especially Frank, may he rest in hell.”

“Frank is not dead,” Winona snorted.

“Too bad.”

Winona eased on past the Frank comment and waved her hand to a body behind her. “George, come say hi to your brother.”

“It’s Sam, mom,” came his brother’s muffled voice. “Hey, Jim, how’re you doing? I hope you visit sometime so you can meet my wife.” Sam popped on the screen, hazel eyes marred by sleepless nights and tawny hair with highlights of his younger years. 

“Before this call, I was doing pretty well. And sure Sam, maybe you can visit sometime and I can introduce you to my people,” Jim smiled back. 

“Yea, I’d like to meet your family. Even that Vulcan you complain about,” Sam teased with a wink.

“So you’re still a Vulcan whore. You sound like one too,” Winona interrupted the good feelings. 

“No, I give it away for free now, and I’ve actually sworn off telepaths, especially Vulcan ones,” Jim winked to further antagonize Winona. 

“Vulcan whore,” She hissed again. 

“Mom,” Sam reprimanded with a frustrated sigh as if he had been speaking to her about how she communicated with Jim. “I gotta get ready for work now Jim, but let me know whatever starship you’re on in a few years and if you fly on by.” 

“Sure Sam, that sounds nice,” Jim nodded and stewed on the conversation thus far. “Hopefully you’ll get a break from the colony and be able to see some other star systems on a vacation or something.” 

The man gave a quiet nod and slipped away from the viewscreen. Jim let out a small breath and looked down at his hands that twisted and squeezed to diminish some of the energy Jim felt. A few quiet moments later after Sam left the man realized that Winona was focused upon Jim’s tired and defeated face. With a swallow of anxiety, the man shoved thick fingers through short wavy hair and redirected his attention back to Winona’s pinched face. 

“I don’t understand why you hate me so much,” Winona sounded so small and it was one of the methods she used to lull him into a sense of false security. 

Jim sighed while azure eyes grew wide and he narrowly prevented them from rolling. “You don’t..? I do not understand why I answer your calls. You call me a whore over and over. You also believe I am destined to forever be a criminal as though you did not put me in the situations that pushed me to criminal activity. Baith’paik!” Jim ended with a curse in Vulcan. 

“Jimmy I couldn’t have known about Tarsus IV!” Winona cried out.

“No, you could not have known about the state of Tarsus IV. However, you knew I was being beaten by your husband and you sent me off-planet instead of dealing with the consequences of not raising your own child. Your eldest ran away and left me behind because you gave him no other choice than to survive. What did you think was going to happen? Did you believe that I would forgive you for pawning me off three separate times? That I would thank you for sending me to a penal colony and ultimately into the arms of Vulcans who cared for me when it was almost too late for me to be human?”

“George-James, don’t speak to your mother like that!” Winona interrupted to chastise. 

“You signed your rights away to being my mother the first chance you got!” Jim yelled back unable to control his temper further. 

“Is that true?” Sam’s voice rang through suddenly and shadowed his mother off-screen.

“Not exactly...” Winona mumbled. 

“It is. I barely was a ward of Vulcan for a year before the adoption paperwork went through, Sam. I am a Vulcan, I have Vulcan parents and experienced a Vulcan upbringing. I have more life skills from my family rather than the egg donor who abandoned me for 15 years,” Jim explained before Winona could get a word in edgewise. This call was deteriorating faster than Jim expected and it seemed everyone’s relationships were as well. 

“You really became a prick, you know that?! You’re a shame to your father,” Winona spat. 

“No thanks to you I am sure. And in case you forgot. George Kirk is dead, I did not know him, his opinion of me and my actions are not something I am ever concerned with. Answering this call was a mistake,” Jim sighed and shifted out of his tense defensive position to work the call to an end. 

“Now wait Jim, I had no idea!” Sam called through appearing on screen again.

“Sam, we can talk about it another time if you want, I just…” Jim breathed shallowly, “Peace and Long Life.” Jim ended the call, took a deep breath, and in another moment smacked his forehead against the desk a few times. “Fuck,” he sobbed dryly as he rested there.

“James?” A calm low voice called to him from the cracked door of the bedroom.

The estate preferred old fashioned doors to the automatic ones most homes had now. Sitaak waited for acknowledgment and permission while Jim jumped in surprise. The human had not expected his father to come, honestly, he expected Spock to come and try to intervene during his moment of weakness. It was actually a relief that Spock did not come to his aid again. Jim wasn’t sure he would be able to withstand resisting what Spock wanted at this moment. The human released a breath and dropped his shoulders, slouching more as he rubbed his face on the wooden desk.

“I apologize if the volume of the conversation disturbed the household. I did not intend for the situation to get out of hand,” Jim whispered in Vulcan with his back still to Sitaak. 

“We are just concerned for your well being. Winona is…” Sitaak entered more fully and shut the bedroom door behind himself. This way probably the first time Jim had heard Sitaak at a loss for words.

“A cunt?” Jim supplied in Standard English and turned to examine his father with exhaustion.

“Difficult,” Sitaak replied diplomatically, but with a hint of amusement. 

Jim waved his hand for Sitaak to sit at the bed. “So you have spoken to her?”

“When you were officially made our child and a Vulcan citizen we gave you the opportunity to see your birth mother. She came down despite your request that you did not have any communication with her and confronted us without permission from any of her superiors or Vulcan authorities.” Sitaak began explaining and made himself comfortable on Jim’s bed. “We had to explain what you had endured and she sobered easily. However, I do not believe she is the type of person to blame herself for what happened to her children.” 

Jim could hear Sitaak’s voice laced with what could be thought of as disdain for her behavior towards not only Jim, but Sam. The human had no idea what Sam had gone through really, but Sam really didn’t ask what Jim had gone through. Jim assumed Winona told Sam everything she thought she knew and Sam most likely took it all with a grain of salt. The pair of them found they’d rather speak on their present lives than dwell on the past and everything they couldn’t control as minors. Unfortunately for Sam, he may have been exposed to a lot more truths than Jim had been previously unwilling to share. Speaking about his parents and Spock were one thing, speaking about his work and the subsequent traumas from it were never worth mentioning.

“Do you think I am…” Jim paused his line of thought to trade for a less demeaning phrasing. “I know we have never spoken about my time at-”

“I do not have derogatory thoughts towards you,” Sitaak interrupted, a handheld up to prevent Jim from interrupting. “It was a logical direction for you, I am sure you believe that as well. For you, Jim, directly entering academic study would not have been prudent for a mind that still required healing.”

“Would you judge me if I told you I have allowed another to beat me?” Jim asked sheepishly.

Sitaak’s eyes narrowed slightly and a small frown marred his face. “Never, you are a kind soul and have not known better long enough in your life to expect better. However, I must ask, will this person be punished?”

“Not likely. Despite how advanced humans have become it will be construed as a fight I caused because of my criminal history, and there were no witnesses during the “altercation”. Only those who saw the before and after.”

“Did you touch him?” Sitaak asked because he had to and Jim felt no malice or blame from his question. It was a logical line of questioning for the Vulcan to go. 

“No. I do not have the will in me to fight anything anymore,” Jim dropped his head feeling disgraced. 

“Then I hope those that are presented with the charges will make the appropriate decisions. However, humans often struggle with complex relationships and complex types of people that do not fit millennia-long hegemony. Know that many defend you and will care for your wellbeing.”

Jim stood and sat next to his father quietly. When the Vulcan opened his broad shoulders out more the human rested his head on the other. His parents had learned years ago that humans really required physical touch for hormonal balance. Jim really appreciated it, the extent his parents went to ensure his care and stability despite the fact that they were entirely different species and Vulcan culture really frowned upon actions such as this. The human shut his eyes as long fingers found the back of his neck and squeezed as if the anxiety and frustration were being pulled from Jim’s body. 

* * *

_ “Jimmy? Jim? Jim, are you okay?” Azure eyes opened to the soft lull of a cracking voice.  _

_ Around him, the distorted sounds of blood-curdling screams and children sobbing filled his ears. Warm hands held his shoulders in an attempt to shake him awake. Jim struggled to move as if some force held his body rigid. Eventually, he managed to shift his head to examine the olive-skinned teen with cheeks tear-streaked through dirt and human ash. Jim shakily reached out to touch the other boy’s cheek, but the touch felt empty. _

_ “You gotta wake up Jim, we gotta go… They messed up. We gotta hide.”  _

_ Jim finally was able to sit up and dropped his hand down to Kevin’s arm. A deep breath in was met with a painful wheeze as he smelled rotting flesh around him. “Oh my god,” the young blond sobbed as his eyes darted around to see a crowd of people.  _

_ Four thousand people that were allowed to live, who had been deemed superior, shoved those that had accidentally survived the mass murder into the hands of guards. Kevin wrenched Jim up to his feet, a few kids rose from the ash to follow them as they ran in the opposite direction of the mob. In the haze of running, but never reaching the forest a car suddenly pulled in front of their small band of lost children. There was nowhere else to go because behind them was a mob, to the right there were guards, and to the left… Well, it was far too difficult to understand everything that was happening around them.  _

_ The gang of children paused and while Jim put Kevin behind him, Kevin hid the rest of the children from Kodos who now stood outside of the hover van. It was quiet now, no sobbing, no disgusting smell, just Kodos, and Jim staring at each other. Then out of the hover van came a girl about Jim’s age that he had never seen before. Pale milky skin and curly strawberry blonde hair. She smiled as cruelly as Kodos, barred teeth to match Jim’s defensive position, and pulled out a large phaser from behind her back. Suddenly the children were dropping into piles of ash until it was just him and Kevin left. Jim gripped Kevin’s hand harder despite being a lot weaker than the other, and Kevin squeezed him back.  _

_ “You’re a pretty cute kid, too bad you would be a waste of resources. Winona, I leave it to you,” Kodos hummed and looked at his nails as if he was bored.  _

_ “Mom?” Jim asked quietly. _

_ “No, remember? I gave you away, and now I’m gonna finish the job,” the girl cackled _

_ “What do you mean?” Jim's voice wobbled. _

_ “Winnie just shoot the kids, we don’t have time,” Frank's voice burst through Kodos’ body.  _

_ Pure fear burst through Jim’s body and the child shook and fell to his knees while a sob tore through him. “Please, please. We didn’t do anything. Just let us leave, we won’t bother the colony I promise!” _

_ “It’s okay Jim,” Kevin whispered and kneeled down next to Jim. _

_ The older boy looked down at Jim who was now covered in the ashes and blood of other people. Kevin dropped his hands from Jim so he could stand and step away. The blond boy looked up at Kevin desperately grasping at him to come back. In another second the teen ran towards the horizon where no one was there to stop him and Jim was just a distant memory.  _

_ “No Kevin! Please! Don’t leave me!” Jim cried out. Water-filled eyes fell back to Winona who raised the phaser towards his head. He stumbled back as he struggled to get back onto his feet. As Jim eventually got to his feet with a good distance between them the gun stayed trained towards his head. “Please! Please Mom, please… Don’t shoot me. I didn’t do anything!” _

_ “You’re defective! You’re sick and you look so much like George but are nothing like him! You’re a sham!” Winona screams echoed around Jim. _

_ Frank’s deep and rough laugh burst from Kodos and the Governor shook his head. “You’re such a baby, come on, stand up and fight!”  _

_ “No! I don’t want to! I’m so tired, please just leave me alone! I won’t take supplies, I won’t… I won’t steal anymore! Please,” Jim begged.  _

_ Not sure who he was talking to anymore the teen felt disoriented and crouched down to cover his head. A loud rumble erupted with flames rising from an explosion behind him. Winona and Kodos looked frightened as their translucent skin reflected the orange color of flames. Blood poured down their foreheads. Jim turned to run again only to fall over the dead bodies of his parents; it was impossible to discern if they were Vulcan or colonial humans. The bodies vibrated and seemed to vibrate separately from the rest of his surroundings creating a static connection. As if their bodies pulsed at him.  _

_ Whether the bodies Themisnus’ or Vulcan he wasn’t sure despite the many tries to make sense of what was happening. It ended up not being of any importance because his focus became drawn to his blood-covered hands. A gut-wrenching sob tore through him as he realized that it was his fault. Jim was the reason they were dead. The teen shook in pain and walked away shakily from the scene only to be captured by Kodos, firm hands on his slim and boney shoulders. Winona appeared before him again and pointed the phaser so that it touched his forehead.  _

_ “You were a waste of energy. You’re the reason George is dead. If I hadn’t been pregnant he wouldn’t have made that sacrifice. Sam would still have a dad. I’d still be happy. You wouldn’t have existed. You should have not been saved on that shuttle,” Winona chanted, voice distorted from Jim’s sobbing.  _

_The pair were still covered in blood and Jim felt his legs give out again no longer able to hold him up. The human could only give in and give up on what life had for him. Kevin had left him, the only family he had were murdered, and Winona was just finishing the job, ending Jim’s suffering. So, Jim would let her. It was the only thing he could do to reclaim the suffering of his family and of those that cared for him, that died for him. Jim didn’t want to be in a universe where all he had to live through was suffering and pain, the anxiety that built up in his mind just had him giving in._ _  
_ _“Just do it! Please,” Jim begged pushing into the large phaser. “Please, please… End it please…”_

_ “Jim,” a voice called. _

_ Whoever it belonged to was too important so Jim shook his head to try and get whoever it belonged to out of the situation. No one else he cared about needed to be exposed to death and torture. “No! No no no!” Jim sobbed pushing into the gun.  _

_ “Jim, wake up! You must _ wake up!” Spock shook Jim until azure eyes opened into murky darkness. 

Heavy breaths left chapped lips and the human sat up rapidly. Anxiety continued to fill his mind from the nightmare and Jim ended up shoving Spock off of him. The Vulcan stumbled back but didn’t put any real distance between them. Spock remained off of the bed so he would not startle Jim further. The human pushed himself against the corner of the bed and folded into himself. As Jim covered his head, he wiped his eyes roughly and shook from the harsh pull into reality. Ragged breaths still wracked Jim’s exhausted and sweaty body. Jim listened to Spock’s quiet presence and found himself calming down with every exhale. After a long moment of Jim’s exhausted silence, the bed dipped as someone else sat down. 

“Jim?” Spock prompted in a whisper.

“S-sorry if I woke you up,” Jim’s voice was still shaky from recovery.

“Jim, you need not concern yourself. Vulcans require less sleep than humans. Do you still have these nightmares often? I remember when you had them when you stayed with us,” Spock shifted closer, his back up against the headboard. 

Jim nodded minutely then realized Spock might not be able to see him. “Very rarely, but they do happen. Usually after a triggering event.”

“Are you alright now?” 

“Did I wake anyone else?” Jim deflected. 

“I do not believe so, we are quite a distance from where our parents are meant to be resting,” Spock reassured. 

Jim nodded and slowly unfolded his body to relax the rest of his tense muscles. Azure eyes glanced at Spock with shyness the human usually didn’t let others see. The last time Spock had seen him this vulnerable, he had also been far more feral. After the first introduction to Riyeht-aitlun, the pair had gone home to sleep as if nothing had ever happened. However, Jim might admit to himself one day that the combination of alcohol and Orion pheromones may have altered his mind dreadfully. The teen had the unfortunate experience of one of the worst nightmares he had ever had since leaving Tarsus IV. The exposure to blatant sexuality had dug up the assault he had experienced repeatedly when he was a child trying to feed others that he hid. 

The intense memories had manifested into nightmares. Nightmares that were always filled with disgusting images real and imagined. Jim’s screams always begged for an escape from his mind and the one night he was not home made escape impossible. Spock, however, had not actually gone to sleep when they settled in their separate rooms, concerned about Jim’s well being apparently. And like now Spock had shaken Jim awake despite the culturally Vulcan urge to not touch someone without their permission. Especially someone under severe mental anguish because a Vulcan’s mind could become ill from the exposure. Their relationship had been better then because it was easy to be friends when Jim and Spock were still unsure about their place in the world outside of themselves. Spock, despite the danger, had laid in bed with him, melded with him, in order to ease Jim into a restful, dreamless, sleep. 

Given that they were children at the time Jim had not reflected upon how nicely their minds fit together. How easy it was to succumb to Spock’s psychic influence when compared to other healers that had entered his mind. When they had sex earlier this year it had been far more obvious and shook Jim into the deep-seated fear he had around their relationship completely changing. But back then, as children, the meld had been a necessity for the sanity of everyone in the S’chn T’gai household that night. The apartment had been small and Jim would have eventually disturbed everyone if he was left alone to his nightmares. And it had been a reflection of their brotherhood, something Jim appreciated now with Spock. 

“Jim-” Spock interrupted Jim’s thoughts.

Jim stopped the Vulcan’s thoughts by grabbing the man’s arm. Spock wore traditional meditation robes and the long sleeves prevented skin to skin contact at Jim’s firm grasp. “Please don’t leave tonight. I…” Jim paused to take a deep breath. “I know I said what I said a few nights ago, but I can’t… I can’t be alone right now.”

“Of course Jim, you need not ask,” Spock replied without hesitation in the air. 

Spock gently settled an arm around the human’s shoulders and pulled Jim into his side without complaint from Jim. The man’s head fell to Spock’s shoulder and shakily wrapped his arms around the Vulcan’s torso avoiding touching his skin that was exposed from his meditation robe. Jim felt awkward and rigid against the Vulcan, it wasn’t anything he could really control given their upright position against the headboard. Not to mention they had not touched each other since the decision that they would not benefit from any kind of relationship. Jim was not sure how Spock felt about this moment of intimate contact, but the warmth of the Vulcan’s body melted any anxieties he had about the situation. Eventually, Spock shifted them so they were laying properly in bed again, a comforter covering their bodies. 

“You will end up clinging to me like an octopus, it would better suit you to relax,” Spock’s deep voice vibrated through Jim’s body. 

Jim couldn’t help the watery laugh that fell from his lips, thick with mucus from crying. “You and Bones say the same. He says I grow suction cups when I sleep.”

The human could hear the intake of breath from Spock and then how quickly the Vulcan attempted to go lax before he replied. “I would have to agree. Your hands are very… tactile. I am glad you have someone close to help you manage on your worst nights.”

“I can tell you are jealous that Bones is close to me, but you don’t need to worry. Bones isn’t into me like that. No matter how much I try,” Jim chuckled. 

A huff slipped past Spock’s normally tight and controlled lips. “You tell me we will not function romantically while simultaneously informing me that you have pursued the man you deem your best friend.”

“Well, just figured you'd like to know that there's no competition in the future. No beings that actually care for me are lining up for my attention,” Jim shorted and rubbed his cheek on Spock’s chest to try and settle in more. 

“What was your dream about this time?” Spock deflected to Jim’s surprise. 

Jim grunted and curled closer to Spock. “After my conversation with my mother-”

“Your biological mother?” Surprise laced the Vulcan’s voice. 

“Yes sorry, Winona. She called and I made the mistake of answering. Sam didn’t even know she signed away her rights to me the second she could to Vulcan,” Jim rambled. 

“That is quite the difficult conversation. Although having heard the conversations Winona tends to pursue, I assume that was the easiest part.”

Spock really had Jim pegged, and always attempted to pull the deeper parts from Jim. “She called me a whore,” Jim breathed out harshly. “My nightmare… God, it was… It felt like a premonition honestly.”

“A premonition?”

“There was a girl in it that Kodos called Winona, but in another part of my mind, I somehow knew she was his daughter. I have never heard of him having a daughter before or seen her. If Kodos had a family I don’t know about it. And my family from Tarsus was there, dead, but it also wasn’t them at the same time. They were also T’Hal and Sitaak. It was like I killed them? Like if I knew better, faster, or something… There was just a lot of background emotion to it as if I was being warned of some impending doom, not just my mind torturing me because of PTSD.” 

“Dreams are often mysteries. One can feel many emotions and get many emotional impressions,” Spock started thoughtfully. “Often they are a method of processing what has happened. While you are not entirely psi-null and psychic premonitions have been seen in other species, humans are very rarely known for obtaining that ability. Your parents are and will be safe.”

“I can’t shake it,” Jim mumbled into Spock’s chest.

“Do you need assistance sorting through your emotions like last time? I have not offered yet because last time we found ourselves like this, you were extremely inconsolable.”

“Are you asking to meld?”

“I am merely suggesting it if you believe you need the assistance. You fell asleep far easier succumbing to the influence of a compatible mind.”

“I don’t know. The last time we melded it felt… It was frustrating because we needed… It felt like we couldn’t really connect and I felt really empty afterward.”

“I understand. However, I have been furthering my training in my free time and will not go as deep as we did when we were involved in coitus,” Spock spoke distantly.

Jim nodded slowly and relaxed further against Spock allowing the Vulcan’s heat to soak his body. “Yea, okay. I just don’t want to end up feeling more lonely than I do now.”

“You are not alone now, but I will ensure the emptiness of our inability to connect will not linger. I will only soothe your emotional distress and your mind long enough for you to sleep peacefully tonight.”

Spock’s arm wrapped tighter around Jim’s lax body and the other hand moved up to gently caress Jim’s face. Fingers that touched tanned skin sent sparks of electricity across the human’s skin. No other Vulcan who had touched or melded him had made his skin tingle in such a way. Spock was probably taking a few liberties to linger on the surface of Jim’s skin and thoughts, and Jim would allow it. It was the least he could do for a man that desperately wanted him and cared for him despite Jim’s enforced distancing. The human knew the separation wouldn’t last long, but he had to have time as his own person before he finally succumbed to Spock fully and completely. 

“My mind to your mind, your thoughts to my thoughts,” Spock breathed into Jim’s ear.

The human shivered as his mind was entered without effort. Spock never was forceful or an invasive presence, which most certainly had everything to do with them being T’hy’la. Spock felt like a cool salve that calmed his burning mind. The Vulcan did not bother with sorting through Jim’s emotions rather he numbed Jim’s chaotic mind so the human did not have to process the lingering effects of the nightmare any longer. Spock managed such a shallow depth inside of Jim’s mind that the human had no idea what was inside and what was outside of his body. Really it was as though Jim had taken a sedative without any of the bad repercussions of medicating horrible anxieties. 

Jim could feel Spock gently running his hand up and down Jim's back to completely soothe the man inside and out. It was entirely and completely comforting. While they would have to separate in the morning, Jim would savor every second he could with Spock. It was all he imagined he wanted from a man who might have been his best friend if Spock had given them the chance. The utter calm that befell Jim had him falling asleep within a matter of minutes. Jim clung to Spock throughout the night and although he was not sure when Spock finally left his mind, the feeling of him having been there had been enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea Idk i'm just teasing y'all at this point. Like I knew this would be slow burn, but this is fucking slow. 
> 
> Like We'll get there eventually... but will it satisfy all the teasing I've done? Probably not. 
> 
> I'm sorry for any and all mistakes grammatically/spelling or any sentences that are fumbled or don't make any sense. I don't have a beta reader so I am going through these chapters multiple times trying to check for clarity and tenses, grammar, spelling... Even though I'm in graduate school that doesn't mean my writing is gonna be any good creatively lololol. 
> 
> leave comments, questions, thoughts, concerns, hopes and dreams.... Kudos too... Comments really get my rotors running tho ;-p
> 
> I start school next week so the next chapter might get posted late... I'm a couple chapters ahead now, but with all the school/teaching/medical stuff going on idk how on time things are going to be or if they're going to happen at all ... so a pre-emptive sorry


	13. The Spring and the Orion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd sorry if it's bad

Stardate 2254.80

“Where are we going?” Jim laughed as the bubbly woman dragged him down the streets of downtown San Francisco.

“I found this place that I thought you might like!”

Jim could not stop as more laughter spilled from his lips. Gaila never used her pheromones around him if she could help it. It was her preference to avoid influencing others around her, which Jim was eternally grateful for, even though Gaila might never know why. The man raked his eyes up and down her body examining jeans that had slits on the hips that exposed soft green skin and were laced up with ribbon. Jim had the immense pleasure of examining her from behind, her round ass perfectly held up by those tightly laced up jeans. Her top was a plain pink tube top with poofy tulle sleeves but left nothing to the imagination. The pair had changed out of their cadet uniforms in the cab on the way to their drop off location because it was easier to get around the obnoxious shouts that other beings made when they saw Star Fleet cadets. Jim had only changed because Gaila willed it, and whatever the woman asked of him, he gave. 

“I thought we were going to have a serious conversation or something?” Because really, how was he supposed to have one when she looked delectable. 

“We are! I just thought this restaurant would be a nice quiet place away from prying ears!” 

“Prying ears as in?” 

“Maybe an Admiral, maybe an ex-boyfriend.”

“Ugh okay,” Jim whined, his good mood slightly dwindled at the thought of Gary Mitchell running into them. 

They arrived at a simple tea shop at the base of a large apartment building that looked as though it had not been updated in over a century. As the pair entered, Jim only saw a podium and hostess because the rest of the restaurant was sectioned off into completely enclosed rooms by traditional two paper sided shoji. The sounds were muffled and no conversation could be made out too distinctly from the rooms by at least human ears. While Jim was distracted by the decor and construction of the tea house Gaila managed to get the hostess to see them to their reservation. Jim wondered what kind of people came to this kind of establishment. Honestly, Jim would not have been surprised if this was a front for a brothel given the privacy the rooms provided. Although more likely, this was where people made illegal deals or beings brought their escorts so no one would find them having an affair. Which led Jim to wonder how Gaila knew about it and knew Jim’s preference for more traditional tea practices. 

The table in their private room was a low traditional Japanese kotatsu, well suited for the cold winter and spring of Northern California. Although based on the way Gaila was dressed, she didn’t seem to mind the cold. Jim, however, wore a black knitted turtleneck sweater Amanda had made especially for him and his favorite black pants that had Vulcan cursive stitched down the outer seams. They settled at the table and sat on the same side for the comfort of conversation. At the table, a steaming pot of tea, two cups, and a wooden box that held an assortment of tea leaves waited for their enjoyment. Being the most familiar with the provided materials Jim made their separate cups to their preferred tastes. Once Gaila seemed settled, the human indulged himself and sighed at the taste of the tea. The hot liquid warmed his chest, relaxed his tense body, and calmed Jim enough to finally meet Gaila’s curious eyes. 

“Ask your questions. I know you probably have a few thousand at least that have been nagging you since Halloween,” Jim chuckled. 

“Why do you know Orion?” She started.

“Because I was curious,” Jim said, short, honest, and purposefully vague in his answer.

“Ugh, you are so annoying sometimes,” Gaila laughed. 

Jim laughed openly in kind because he found a little joy in her frustration. “I lived on a penal colony and I had already advanced out of school by the time I got there so I learned a few languages to keep myself busy.” 

“So it wasn’t because you were a sex slave?”

“No, I didn’t learn it because I was a sex worker. However, it did come in handy eventually with Orion co-workers,” Jim finally gave.

“So that's why your accent is so good,” Gaila hummed thoughtfully.

“Even self-taught accents require intervention in order to improve. I had a couple… friends that helped me out.” 

“So, you lived on this penal colony, is that where you worked?”

“No, I worked on Vulcan.” 

Gaila practically spat out the tea. “Vulcan? They have brothels?”

“Not anymore. Well, there was only one that I know of. But, is this really what you wanted to talk about?” Jim asked with an innocent tilt of his head, discreetly trying to change the subject. If Galila really wanted to know, he would tell her, but if he could avoid the conversation about that part of his life, he would. 

“Now it is,” She snorted and winked. “I really got lucky that I was given a choice in what I wanted to do. And usually, someone knowing Orion fluently is kind of a dead give away for someone that’s been a sex worker. So… I was wondering why you chose that?”

Jim dropped his head slightly and poured them both more tea. “It wasn’t my intention. I started as a waiter and was fucking the boss. He decided that I needed to be more… physically involved in the business. But, I think I knew what waitering would eventually lead to, and it really seemed like the best option at the time. I wasn’t ready for more school and certainly not to leave Vulcan, which was the only safe planet I knew. No one else was even willing to give me a job in another establishment because apparently Vulcans and Vulcan tourists aren’t interested in having a waiter that was human that they couldn’t exploit.”

“How did you find it?” Gaila asked softly, digesting what Jim had already said. He was sure she was trying to move the story along so she didn’t have to settle too deep in his admissions. 

“Riyeht-aitlun cannot be found, it finds you,” Jim released a sorrowful breath. “Spock, I, and ah... two others we were with went to the place before we were of age. We were only allowed in because I was with them, and before I left, a Vulcan slipped me a data chip. The moment I became of age, I scanned the data chip and contacted him.” 

“Ah,” Gaila frowned and sighed, “So it is the same on all worlds. Lure the young with the thoughts of pleasures. Probably even more enticing on a planet like Vulcan.” 

“Yea… He was incredible in bed, it was hard to say no when he eventually asked me to expand my work. Just the thought of having sex with others just as talented was more exciting than I maybe admitted at the time,” Jim laughed. 

“Incredible? Don’t most people think that about their first?” 

“Maybe? Vulcans are just… They’re really good and fast learners when it’s their first time.”

“You’ve taken a Vulcan’s v-card?” 

“That's a little archaic don’t you think?” Jim teased.

“Wait back up a little bit. You totally flew past a big chewy piece of gossip and hoped I wouldn't notice! You knew Professor Spock before last semester?” Gaila waved her hands as if she were rewinding a holovid.

“Yes, I’ve known Spock for about five and a half Sol years,” a small smirk spread across Jim's lips.

“So you literally lived on Vulcan, like you kinda grew up there!”

Jim laughed a bit more. The man gently touched the wrist of her stretched out arm and caressed the soft skin. “Yes, my parents are Vulcan, it is hard to consider myself from Earth. I have to learn how to be human again, it’s… It sort of goes against the way I have lived for a while.”

“Honestly, and no offense because it’s really cute, you’re really bad at it.”

“I know, but, if I want to actually have solid relationships besides you and Bones. Well,” Jim trailed off and scratched his cheek as his face heated. 

“Jim,” Gaila purred, “You don’t need to change so you can make friends. You just have to stop being so sad all the time. I know you aren’t this sad.”

“Gaila, what if I am this sad?” Jim sighed, azure eyes stared at the pattern the tea residue left in his empty cup.

“A couple of trials shouldn’t bring you down, there’s a bubbly personality underneath all of that drama and trauma.” 

“That is so-” Jim snorted and couldn’t stop the humorous roll of his damp eyes.

“Don’t say ignorant. I know, I know. Humans suffer from a lot of mental trauma that can change their brain chemistry, but yours is fine. Trust me, I can smell it. If I need to beat up Mitchell I will.”

“It… It isn’t Mitchell or the trials,” Jim mumbled, still refusing to meet her eyes that saw through his hidden walls.

“What is it?” She urged gently.

“I just… Really, it’s nothing Gaila,” the man waved off.

“Are you sad because no one knows your birthday is tomorrow?”

Jim’s eyebrows twitched and a small smile fell easily on his face. Gaila knew that was not the conversation he was avoiding, but seemed Gaila found she had some tact. “Only Bones and Spock know my-Okay and you, I suppose. What do you have planned?”

“Oh nothing really,” she waved off. “But now I have to let Uhura bring her stick in the mud boyfriend since you know each other.”

“I do not think Spock would wish to attend. We have a strict, ignore each other's existence policy.”

“So something happened between you two?” Gaila pouted because she wasn’t getting all of the information immediately.

Jim frowned and groaned into his freshly poured tea. He lifted his cup up to his lips as he stared at Gaila’d hands that danced on the table in anticipation of whatever Jim was about to admit. “We had sex last year around this same time and then he said some shitty things and left my apartment.” Jim tried to summarize in a way that gave her the juicy bits without really going into the more painful parts of his memories.

“No way! You two have fucked!?” She practically screamed in delight.

“It felt a bit deeper than that, but yes, essentially,” Jim sighed and could not stop the emotional regurgitation he was about to spill to the Orion. “And he sort of-He tried to get me to go back to Earth with him. When I refused he got really upset and I said some self-deprecating things to try to get him to leave, but instead, he just reaffirmed them. Plus I think he was with Uhura then, and I would rather that not be found out.” Jim pushed his thick fingers through his overgrown crew cut causing the wavy strands to go into disarray.

“Oh, they were definitely together then,” Gaila hummed. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ll keep Spock banished from the party.” 

* * *

Stardate 2254.81

Jim often drooled over Gaila. Azure eyes raked over her thick curves. Her voluptuous breasts were barely controlled by a tight pink fuzzy bikini top and her ass barely covered by a matching miniskirt. Her too tall stilettos clacked on the ground as she dragged Jim by a rose gold chain leash. Initially, he had questioned the necessity of it, but now as he examined their entrance into the club it was her way of drawing attention to Jim. It was an admirable effort and as they approached a table full of other cadets Jim really had zero shame about being paraded as the woman's pet. Jim had always found it easy to fall into place like this, and maybe his swiftness into submission had been a bit surprising for the Orion that knew the human craved control over the uncontrollable. 

“Damn,” Sulu chirped. 

The sandy blond examined the tawny man who was a year ahead of Jim, but had shared many command and navigation courses with him. Perfectly bowed lips tilted up in a slight smile framed on a strong and chiseled face. Sulu was dressed casually, jeans and a thin white t-shirt that emphasized the insane physique of the fencer. A cough had Jim’s eyes wandering to a man next to Sulu who had his arm draped around Sulu’s shoulders. Azure eyes began at long delicate fingers that framed a thick gold band on the man’s ring finger. Soon Jim’s gaze continued along thick arms to the taller man who Jim could only assume was Sulu’s partner. This man however was in tight leather that groaned with every movement of his thick muscles. 

“Why’re you looking at me when, whoever that is, is fucking hot,” Jim’s eyes widened more as he finally met celestially black eyes. 

“My name is Ben, I’m Hikaru’s husband,” Ben introduced and held Jim’s gaze. “While I appreciate a compliment from random young men, whatever you are wearing is distracting and honestly I cannot blame Hikaru. Who knew the birthday boy would be dragged in on a leash?”

“Seriously,” Uhura chimed in, dressed in that tight full-body dominatrix outfit Jim liked far too much. “Gaila you couldn’t help yourself could you?”

“What do you mean?” She asked innocently as her eyes looked up and down Jim’s body. 

The man in question wore a chain necklace that the leash was attached to. From the necklace fell smaller gold chains at various lengths around his chest to a belt. The belt held up black shorts with a pleated half skirt. A loose mesh crop top covered the chains and all the way down to his feet he shifted excitedly in black multi buckled boots that had a freshly cleaned steel toe. Gaila ran a hand down Jim’s sparkle covered cheek as others examined the hard work she put into making Jim stand out. The man felt like a perfectly sculpted Grecian sculpture specifically to Gaila’s specificities. It pleased him immensely to bring her and others pleasure from how he looked. 

“Jimmy, why don’t you sit down and I’ll get everyone drinks?” Gaila suggested. 

“Oh sure, that sounds good,” Jim hummed, pulled out of his trance of enjoying the group in front of him. 

The young man slid next to Bones who looked at practically anyone but him, except when Gaila handed the heavy chain leash off to him. “Why me?”

“You’re the only other person I listen to?” Jim teased with a wink. 

“You’re obnoxious,” Bones snorted.

The doctor wrapped an arm around Jim’s broad shoulders making the blond feel small compared to the older man. Jim slipped his hand up the older man’s button-up shirt and undid a few buttons off the top to expose his chest a bit more. The young man licked his lips as he pushed the shirt open more, trying to make a new crease so it would stay in place. Bones’ freehand gripped Jim’s wrist to stop the younger man’s movements and Jim looked up with a big innocent smile at his best friend. 

“Just 'cause you’re the hottest one here without showing skin, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show skin,” Jim joked and put his hand back into his lap. 

“So Uhura, is your boyfriend joining us tonight,” Sulu asked with a sly wink.

It was always an ongoing group joke that Uhura was dating the stick in the mud, half-student, half-professor. And while Uhura didn’t appreciate the salacious implications from the joke, Jim certainly did. Because Uhura pretended as though Spock was innocent and incapable of innocuous decisions, but Jim definitely knew better. Especially if winter break had been any indication of the lack of thought Spock had for his actual relationship when the Vulcan was around Jim. Not that Uhura knew that, but clearly Spock’s decision to continue to date a cadet while gaining status in the federation before graduating made their relationship have a bit of a power imbalance. One that neither of them exploited, but if admiralty found out, the relationship would cause quite a stir within and outside of Star Fleet. 

“Gaila said he wasn’t allowed to come,” Uhura muttered with a purse of her lips. “Something about how it was a strictly cadets only event, no half-cadets.”

“Uhoh, am I in trouble for being here then?” Ben asked jokingly. 

“I was not given such a rule, so it’s clearly Professor Spock specific,” Sulu hummed and glanced at Jim who had his eyes drawn to a cage dancer near them. “And naturally, one can assume Uhura invited him anyway.”

Uhura’s eyes darted around the table as the red undertones of her delicate mahogany skin became more prominent. “I only told him where I was going, I assumed he wouldn’t come. Vulcans have sensitive ears and this kind of goes against everything culturally,” Uhura tried to defend her bad decision.

“You really couldn’t help yourself, could you?” Jim sighed, his attention brought back to the table from the public lashing Uhura was doing to herself. 

Azure eyes wandered over to the entrance to watch the aforementioned Vulcan walk through the club. Spock, of course, garnered as much attention as Jim and Gaila had because of the exoticism of his presence. There were very few permanent Vulcan residents on Earth, and Jim could only name one that would indulge in nightclubs. It wasn’t just the sound that was disruptive, it was bodies in close proximity and the transference of emotions that Vulcans sought to avoid. Dance clubs really encouraged close skin to skin contact, so Spock’s presence was a shock to all at the table except Jim. If Nyota had told him what she was doing, whether or not she mentioned Jim, Spock would know what the outing was for and make the bad decision to attend. 

“Maybe I am unfamiliar with Earth customs, but I was pretty sure that inviting someone that you explicitly told to not invite goes against all party rules,” Jim feigned thoughtfulness and ignorance. 

“He’s my boyfriend Kirk,” Uhura huffed and rolled her eyes. 

Bones and Jim exchanged a glance as Gaila arrived at the table with a large tray of drinks. “It’s Jimmy’s twenty-first so we’re all getting shitfaced in the first hour as per tradition! Why is everything so tense? I’ve been gone five minutes!” Gaila whined out.

“I apologize for arriving late,” a deep voice broke through the loud thrumming of the club music. 

Gaila jumped from the resonant voice behind her, but managed to not spill any of the drinks on the very precarious tray. Her eyes narrowed pointedly at Uhura who was instead focused on Spock and had no idea of the intense glare she was receiving from her roommate and close friend. Despite the anger that probably filled her internally she turned to give her biggest beaming, no problem, smile at Spock. Gaila was always easy to try to turn a sour situation around as quickly as possible. Jim wasn’t sure if it was because of the Orion culture to please others or if she just wanted to make Jim’s night go without a hitch. Most likely it was the latter, she rarely cared about pleasing people whose opinions of her didn’t matter.

“You aren’t late, came just in time. We just started. I’m sorry I didn’t think you were going to show up. I would have gotten your drink order!” Gaila replied voice strained despite her effort to remain cordial. 

“Oh,” Spock spoke thoughtfully. “I was under the impression I was invited.” 

For the Vulcan that Spock was, he often had an innate ability to read the situation and between the lines. Sometimes Spock played dumb, only to humiliate people who were usually xenophobic and force them to out themselves verbally. It worked in his favor to present as fully Vulcan so he could get out of trouble in awkward human situations. This was definitely one of those situations. Jim was always amazed by how Spock contorted situations into his favor by his pure talent of feigning innocence as well as ignorance. The human was sucked in every single time because of Spock’s easy manipulations, while obvious to Jim, it was effortless to will himself to believe them for just a moment longer with ignorance. But this moment honestly pissed Jim off. To pretend he had no idea that he wasn’t invited. Spock knew because he had not been directly invited by Jim or even Gaila. 

“Do you even know what you were invited to?” Jim snapped. 

It might have been petty to refuse to make eye contact with the Vulcan. But the sudden urge to sulk was something the man was unable to completely shake off. Others did not seem to see what Jim did, and normally Jim had better control over his emotions. But the club was high energy and the human was amped up in all ways emotionally, and Spock crashing the party left Jim unprepared. The human required control in order to deal with Spock, any time he knew he’d have to even be in the same room as the Vulcan, it required intense mediation. The outburst was almost uncontrollable because Jim had prepared for everything except Spock’s appearance. 

“Don’t be rude!” Uhura huffed in irritation. 

“I am, of course, aware. I brought you a gift,” Spock said and placed a small, delicately wrapped box, on the table near Jim. 

Jim frowned as all the steam rising from the top of his head cooled like a bucket of water was dumped on him. The human had given Spock a gift for his birthday this year but had made sure it had been untraceable so the Vulcan couldn’t thank him without breaking their distance rules or admitting he broke rules to figure out who gave him a gift. Apparently, Spock thought he could get around those rules if his girlfriend invited him to Jim related events. Jim stared at the box which to outsiders might look like disdain, but it was more frustration. Spock had refused to just be friends and while Jim maybe had broken the boundary first his intentions were to support his friend. The Vulcan on the other hand broke the boundary he set himself with the distinct intention of romancing Jim while simultaneously pretending to not know Jim. So much so to the extent that Jim had to stop attending the chess and linguistics clubs for sanity's sake. 

“See, he was told and came more prepared than any of us,” Uhura defended. 

Jim’s lips pressed into a thin line and sighed. “Yea, well he’s lucky I accept bribes.”

While Gaila took the time to hand everyone, but Spock, a drink and two shots, Jim played with the small present. The sandy blond glanced up to his gruff friend who just shoulder nudged him into opening the gift. Jim sighed and took the box and tried to open it in a way that didn’t seem too excited. Once he was able to get to the box and open it, inside was a tea leaf mixture. Thick fingers took the linen bag out and brought it to his nose and groaned quietly. Spock had to have been holding onto this for a while because it was Jim’s favorite mixed tea from Vulcan. It was a bit more flavorful than most Vulcans liked which meant it was a rare mixture and quite steep in price because of the rare flora required. Quickly Jim put it back into the box before anyone saw him looking like a cat with catnip and handed the box to Bones for the man to pocket and keep safe. 

“This is a night to get utterly wasted and enjoy the many opportunities this club offers. We’re gonna pretend like it’s Jimmy’s first time drinking and celebrate a traditional twenty-first birthday! Which is also a great milestone in cognitive development!” Gaila cheered and laughed, able to bring the exciting mood back to the group. “I’m glad that we have a sober friend tonight, thank you Spock for the birthday boy bribes, and thank you everyone else for dressing so sexy. Especially you Dr. McCoy,” Gaila winked at the reddened doctor. “Now drink!”

Jim was familiar with shots and downed them easily, before he moved on to his regular cocktail, going a bit slower. Mostly because Bones tugged on the leash still attached to Jim to prevent the young man from going face-first into a blackout within five minutes of his own birthday party. It was a nice tightened feeling on his throat and almost sickenly pleasurable knowing his best friend was in control of him right now. Others might be bothered to hand control over to someone with whom they didn’t have that sort of carnal relationship, but Jim knew Bones didn’t want anything from him, so control was easy to hand over. Especially since the last party he went to, he barely drank and ended up hospitalized. 

“I think you’re gonna wanna remember tonight kid. Especially because I don’t want to see you throwing up on one of those nice dancers,” Bones teased. 

“You know, the more you hold the leash, the more I think you like it. You haven’t given me my birthday present yet, is it you fucking me? A threesome maybe?” Jim asked and pressed his chest into Bones’ side to tease him. 

Bones rolled his eyes and couldn’t help the laugh that fell from his chapped lips. “Kid, if I wanted to die by Vulcan hands we would already be making use of a back room,” Bones breathed into his ear. 

Jim shivered and tilted his head so he was more focused on the older man. The position made sure he couldn’t really see Spock, but he knew the Vulcan was listening based on the way his ear twitched occasionally. “You know he can hear everything we’re saying right?” 

“Jimmy,” Gaila acquired Jim’s attention again. “There are dancers you can dance with, strangers you can dance with, and there back are rooms that you can hook up with people in.”

“You mean you aren’t pegging me tonight?” Jim pouted. 

“That's for an older, more mature Jimmy. Why don’t you find a hot alien hunk to dance with tonight instead?” Gaila purred. 

Jim tilted his head and nodded in agreement. He could have fun with Gaila any time he wanted. What the human really craved was some masculine domineering energy. Gaila unclipped the leash and petted his cheek as if freeing a feral creature, which really, underneath all the Vulcan instilled control, he was. The woman leaned in with her plump red-stained lips and kissed him slowly to annoy the audience they had at the table. Jim allowed her to control his mouth as she dove a wet tongue into his mouth and pulled a soft groan from his lips. Honestly, Jim felt a little shame with Spock being at the table, undoubtedly watching with fury and jealousy. When she pulled away Jim felt a bit messy and dizzy from her strong grip. He grabbed his drink and finished it off quickly before Bones could stop him and slipped out of the booth. 

“Who else is going to come dancing with me?” Jim smiled and winked trying to pull the group into the dance floor. “Bonesy?” 

“Yea! Oh my god, please Leonard?” Gaila asked and wrapped her arms around Jim’s broad shoulders to show off her best side and all the curves she had to show off. 

“Well, I’m not much of a dancer…” McCoy grumbled quietly but shifted to leave the booth because Gaila was far too tempting to not give in. 

“Well, if he’s dancing, you definitely can dance Hikaru, let's go!” Ben laughed and practically shoved them all out of the booth until Uhura and Spock were left alone. 

Jim stepped away with the group before hesitating with a glance over his shoulder. “Uhura, you’re always welcome on the dance floor. I know Spock will not join you, but no reason you should not enjoy yourself,” Jim smiled and twirled Gaila towards where all the action was leaving the offer in the air. 

As the music blasted through the speakers, the vibrations thrummed through Jim’s body all the way down to the core of his being. It was a similar experience to his time at Riyeht-aitlun where the traditional Vulcan lyre set a sensual tone. The electronic multi-species, heavy bass based, music set a high energy and overtly sexual tone. Sensuality was a slow and delicate dance while this type of setting allowed a freeness over one's body that Vulcan music might not ever achieve when restricted with logic. Jim’s knowledge of dance clubs was very minimal as Iowa had none in his four-hour radius. Then there was sort of a lack of understanding about how beings usually danced in these situations. Jim had seen a lot of holomovies with imagery of what it normally looked like, but he attempted to flow with the vibrations of the music and the movements of the crowd.

Occasionally the young man would allow his eyes to refocus and explore the area for his friends to check on them and admired how well Gaila relaxed Bones in an environment that went against the man’s very nature. Bones had been doing an awkward shuffle until Gaila had successfully intervened and moved her body on his. The young blond admired the sight of his best friends interacting almost perfectly in sync, slowly they moved to the music, probably for the sake of Bones’ minimal dance skills. Sulu looked amazing with Ben and Jim was jealous of how fluidly they moved together as well, just two pieces of one simple puzzle. Which was not an intellectual insult upon the pair more that Jim was jealous that his relationships could not be so easy. When the man finally allowed his languid gaze to fall upon the table most everyone had retreated. 

Spock and Uhura were in a close embrace, odd for a Vulcan who was not a fan of public affection. Arms were tangled together and lips were engaged in a way Jim was maybe far too familiar with. Thick fingers touched wet and plump lips as he remembered the thin and warm touch of Spock’s. Azure eyes fell shut as Jim found himself back into the flow, another hand wandering his body, touching where the Vulcan had dared to. Maybe it was cruel to himself to indulge in the past and in fantasies, but that's what these moments often provided. Energy that allowed for a different type of meditative practice, acknowledging the pleasure of the past and seeking new endeavors with others. 

The alcohol warmed the human’s body up in that a soft sheen of sweat coated his body. As Jim moved the chains jingled on his body reflecting the ever-changing strobing colors. Now that Jim’s eyes were closed to the world, mind and body open to the flow of the club he barely noticed large calloused hands wrap around his waist. Very thick fingers latched into the chain belt and pulled him in. Jim dropped his head back on the thick shoulders of the being that held him tight. Their hips swayed together and Jim shivered as another soft appendage wrapped around his hip and thigh. Jim sluggishly opened his eyes to examine a tail wrapped around him and beige leopard-spotted hands that held him. Flat lips and a cold nose ran up Jim’s neck, pulling a shiver from the human man. The quick examination with his sluggish mind had the human believing a large Catian man found him.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” the Catian purred. 

Jim shivered at the rumble of the man’s chest that resembled a cat’s purr if it could shake the walls of a building. The sandy blond ground his hips back into the Catian and nodded his head slowly. “I know it seems that way. It’s a trick of the light,” Jim teased, completely distracted by the hot and soft body against him. 

“No, I see you. Your body knows what it is,” the man growled into his neck as a sharp nail teased Jim’s nipple. 

“Is that the line you use on all humans you bed?” Jim joked. 

“Only the ones that aren't afraid of alien species,” the Catian replied with a hint of canine dragged along Jim’s jugular.

“Oh, yea? How do you know I am not afraid?” the human breathed out.

The deep rumble of a laugh shook through Jim’s body. “That Vulcan you were sitting with. Most humans are scared of such an obviously superior species. Yet you looked as though you were ready to berate him and he looked prepared for it as if it happened often.” 

“Ah, so you’ve been watching me.”

Jim gasped as the tail flipped Jim’s half skirt and hands spun him around so they were crotch to crotch. The hard-line of the Catian’s cock pressed into his own and Jim licked his lips in excitement as his body shivered in anticipation. A big cock was not something Jim had in a long time and the human was practically salivating at the feeling through the man’s cloth shorts. Jim ran his hands up the bare furry chest and bit down at his own lip as he wondered what it would like to be fucked by the being. 

“I have a backroom already reserved,” the Catian whispered in Jim’s ear before he licked the shell with his rough tongue.

“You are really confident, aren’t you?” A deep laugh fell past Jim’s wet lips.

“I saw you and I knew I had to have you. I acquired it the moment I saw you,” the Catian almost promised.

Jim sighed at the idea of being wanted in such a way by a being who knew nothing about him. While the human was sure it was a lie to get Jim into bed, he let it work and pushed his body flush against the large alien. “Yea, that sounds good. I wasn’t expecting to find anyone tonight, honestly.”

“You must not see yourself. I am sure that Orion and the angry human are very interested in you. Although based on your dressing you very well may be their slave, so maybe you cost some money?” the Catian asked the undertones Jim couldn’t quite get.

“No, I give it away for free these days,” Jim hummed and ran his nose along the man’s strong jaw.

“Good, I am excited to explore your body. I have never touched a human.”

Jim allowed himself to be dragged away by the being. The man barely noticed the laugh and the thumbs up from Gaila who had Bones distracted that he had not seen Jim disappear with a stranger. They wandered through the club and headed down a concrete hallway that had large wooden doors that led to what Jim presumed were rooms. The setting was far too familiar to Jim, but not all memories from working at a brothel were unsettling, it comforted him in this moment. The Catian opened a door at the end of the hall which led them to a room with all types of furniture one might need, especially a low bed covered in blankets and pillows. Jim looked around and hummed out as he dizzily laid himself out on the bed to feel the warmth and welcome of the soft furniture. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 14/15 are ready to go. Working on 16. Again everything is planned out, but my life isn't and my semester will most likely be chaos. (Graduate school will forever kick my ass)
> 
> Pls leave comments/questions/concerns/hate. kudos too if you want


	14. The Compulsion of Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd
> 
> CWCWCW:  
> As I'm sure you've figured out I am really mean. ALso probably extremely pornographic.  
> This chapter is EXTREMELY pornographic like... Alien dick and alien sex. Straight up just skip this chapter tbh if you do not want another chapter Jimmy Kirk fucking someone that isn't Spock. DO I feel a little slimy after writing this chapter? Yes, I clearly am a pervert. Will I do anything about my need to write characters in these situations? No... probably not. 
> 
> I'll do like a little TLDR down at the end for those of you that want to move on from this probably overly self-indulgent chapter.

Jim licked his lips at the sight of Croa naked. The Catian had Jim’s legs spread while a rough tongue assaulted Jim’s muscular thighs. Calloused hands moved under the chains that still clung to Jim’s neck and torso. Croa’s cock at a quick first glance had been long, thick, and covered in barbs. The barbs acted as if they had a life of their own, opening as if seeking the internal walls of a mate while lubricant spilled from their cavities. The mechanics were far more interesting than maybe they should have been in the throes of foreplay. Sucking a Catian cock had seemed a little dangerous as the barbs had attempted to latch on to the insides of his cheeks. That was the only moment Jim had thought twice about the activity. Then the thought of the barbed cock inside of his ass seemed like an entirely different and far more dangerous game. Jim’s face was covered in lubricant and cum from the quick successions of Croa orgasming and honestly was too far gone to really care about the safety of the sex he was about to engage in. 

At some point, Croa had commanded that Jim lay on his stomach and the human had complied without complaint. The command only made his cock get harder. Broad human shoulders and Jim’s face were pressed into the bed while he arched his back and ass up as an offering to the Catian. Jim allowed himself to sneak another look at the sight of the dripping cock, barbs pressed into the member waiting for their next unsuspecting victim. Jim was grateful that Vulcans and Humans alike did not retain the barb feature on their cocks because while the man was excited to try this dangerous type of sex, there was always the awareness it could end badly. The human was also pretty sure that while this sexual encounter would be fun and exciting in the moment, it would also be one time tryst just to say that he had been with a Catian and then move on to other beings who would do less damage to his body. 

“You gotta prep me,” Jim interrupted the Catian’s excited rubbing against his hole. “I don’t just open up easy and wet, especially not with those barbs.”

Croa groaned in annoyance, “Fine, I will do some work, but my cock shall do the rest as is its purpose.”

“I thought the purpose of the barbs was to hold one’s mate in place as you breed them,” Jim asked and shivered as the warm body left his own. 

“Yes, but for you, they will widen your insides as I reach deeper and deeper inside of your body. Then they will ensure that my seed reaches your depths enough to breed you,” Croa chuckled almost wickedly.

Jim shifted a bit nervously on the bed, his cock bounced freely from the nervous movements. The alien stroked his own cock noisily before he pressed two fingers into Jim’s hole without warning. The human hissed out in pain but remained still as possible while the Catian worked him open. Calloused fingers were covered with an overabundance of lube that really helped relax Jim until he was almost numb inside and the ring of muscles were loose. It was a surprising effect that he hadn’t thought he experienced with his mouth having been on the cock earlier. But Jim usually didn’t pay close attention to the effects sex had on his body beyond the pleasure that filled him up. 

“You should feel the anesthetic effects of my excretions working inside of you. I will now enter you. You would do well to be still as I do so. I cannot imagine you want the barbs of my fat cock scraping you open if you try to pull away too fast,” Croa chuckled cruelly. 

Jim held painfully still afraid of what he had gotten himself into with such a threatening warning. Croa gripped the human’s hips with bruising strength and slowly pushed into Jim inch by inch until he was fully sheathed inside of the human. Jim could feel heavy balls against his perineum and own scrotum. The Catian had already cum more times than Jim could keep track of, but the being was still heavy with seed. It would be an interesting experiment to see if Jim could last the length Croa needed to tire and empty himself out. While Jim and his bed partner relaxed against each other the anesthetic effect eventually wore off, alerted by Jim’s loud moan at the pleasure of being stretched so sweetly. The Catian took that as his cue to begin moving inside of Jim with no discernible rhythm. Jim tensed as the barbs began to tug on the inside of his walls with every pull out. The barbs didn’t hurt as much as Jim expected thanks to the overabundance of lube. 

Catian women were probably built differently given that barbs were not sharp, so their anatomy probably prevented any movements when the barbs extended from the phallus. Croa seemed to get used to the way Jim’s body worked, that his barbs would not prevent him from slipping out of Jim’s ass. It did take effort for the other to do so, but it was easy with how much lubrication the Catian’s cock spilled inside of his ass. Croa draped himself over the back of Jim’s body, one hand gripped the sheets above the human’s head while the other slipped around the front of his chest. Jim thought that maybe Croa was interested in Jim’s cock, but really he was interested in holding the chains that hung from his body. The firm grip forced Jim’s face into the bed, fully dominating the human in ways Jim’s bed partners hadn’t before.

No one that Jim had fucked, not even Gary Mitchell, had been keen on pinning Jim face down. Most enjoyed seeing the faces and reactions the man had to how they moved their body inside of him. Croa was different. The Catian took Jim’s body for his own pleasure because Jim allowed him. Maybe Croa had been expecting differently, or maybe the fact that Jim walked in on a leash pointed to exactly what he wanted. A pliant alien willing to be taken forcefully and without regard for their own pleasure. That was certainly Jim to a tee. Yes, Jim enjoyed sex thoroughly and enjoyed getting off, but what really sent him over the edge was people using his body to reach their own pleasurable peak. If Jim could provide that for them, then he finally had use and it sent him to a fuzzy place between living and existing that tasted so good. 

While Jim was lost in the sensation of slick barbs scraping the insides of his hole that had Jim’s hips bucking for more, the Catian’s pace became bruising. The groans that left Jim were pulled from deep within him at every slam of hips against ass. The slick slapping had the human’s cock dripping in pre-cum filtering through his fuzzy place to remind him how easy it was for an alien to take him. Sharp canines hooked on the collar around his neck and licked the sweat that broke across his skin. Suddenly the gasping blond was being filled with cum, how the Catian continued to come and remain hard and fast was almost mesmerizing. Jim wondered how many beings had this ability to just continue to fuck through body-shaking orgasms, or if it was maybe just Croa specific. 

“I will breed you. Fuck, you’ll be full of my cum,” Croa growled into Jim’s before he licked the shell of it. 

Jim came with a deep moan reverberating through his body at the statement. It was sudden and hard, but maybe the best orgasm of the year, maybe top five. The human was still painfully hard and desperately wished to have access to his cock, but Croa had his shoulders pinned to the bed from his weight alone. 

“B-breed me? Jim managed to sob out. 

Croa angled his hips perfectly so that not only the head of the man’s cock hit his prostate, but barbs dragged across that sweetest spot with every drag of his thick member. Jim dug his toes into the bed and bucked his hips in a way that seemed as though he were trying to run away from the dicking he was getting. Croa, the strong and infallible being, was able to keep Jim in place, not a break in his rhythm from Jim’s reaction. Clearly, the Catian was familiar with beings that became hyper-sensitive after an orgasm and the reaction to run while simultaneously begging for more. 

“Oh fuck, you little thing,” Croa panted in his ear. Maybe the Catian was not as infallible as his body led Jim to believe. “I will make you believe you are mine. Your body will be mine. You will be full of my seed and will make perfect kits for me.” 

“Oh god,” Jim whimpered, he had never thought he would have enjoyed a breeding kink so much. 

Croa continued to mouth at Jim’s sweat-slick neck. “Tell me. Tell me you want to be filled.”

“Yes, please. Please fill me with cum. I want to be bred. Please fuck me and fill me. I only want to be full of your cum,” Jim begged and drooled onto the bed. “I’ll hold it in so well, make sure it takes.”

The Catian came in him yet again as they both continued to ramble false promises of kits and ownership. Croa continued to fuck Jim through another short third, fifth, and seventh orgasm until it seemed as though Jim couldn’t hold any more cum. His own cock had spilled far more times than Jim had ever thought was possible for his body. As the Catian continued to fill his ass the human could feel his seed spilling out and coating down his thick muscular thighs and clump in Croa’s fur. The Catian, when his cock finally became flaccid inside of Jim and barbs retreated to their positions, released the chains, and freed the human. Jim shut his eyes as he felt the Catian casually use his tired body with his spent cock, as if to ensure the cum would remain in place. Once satisfied with the mess he made with Jim’s asshole he collapsed next to him to catch his breath. 

After a few long moments, Jim’s legs slid down until he laid flat on the bed, legs absolutely jelly and unable to hold his weight any longer. Croa’s weight shifted and Jim knew the being was examining him, maybe unsure if the human had survived the encounter. Jim wasn’t sure if he had completely survived. It was definitely one of the top five encounters he’d ever had but he probably wouldn’t see the Catian again if he could help it. Croa was a beast beyond Jim’s capabilities. Vulcan’s had been hard on his body, but the Catian had absolutely torn him up without a second thought or deliberate action. 

“Are you still alive, human?” Croa finally asked. 

“Y-yea... Uhm… Thanks,” Jim swallowed to wet his hoarse voice. “That's the best sex I’ve had in like… a-a year.” It certainly would never compare to his night and morning with Spock, but nothing ever would he was sure. 

“It was very pleasurable. For a human you are sturdy and were enjoyable to breed,” Croa chuckled and ran a calloused hand down Jim’s sensitive body. 

“Hmm, yea,” the human replied lamely and kept his eyes closed ready to sleep the sex off. 

“I am leaving now, you are welcome to stay until you are strong enough to dress and leave on your own.” Croa’s heavy body left the bed as did the warmth Jim’s body had been soaking up. 

Jim’s brain was definitely back online as he asked, “Doesn’t the room have a time limit?”

“Not this room, paid for until morning.”

Jim wanted to find that suspicious, he really did, but it was so much easier to just give in and watch the Catian get dressed with tired eyes. The being left his eyesight and he heard the door creak open. Azure eyes slid closed ignoring the nagging in his mind that warned him that the door had not shut. Eventually, the door shut with a quiet click and although the long minutes it took for the door to actually close should have been peculiar Jim was just glad it was shut now so he could pass out in peace. While slipping between sleep and consciousness he felt a warm and wet washcloth run across his body cleaning the dried cum. Clearly, whoever was kind enough to clean his body off from a Catian who had been frenzied by the need to breed, knew Jim personally enough to not mind such a mess. And so, Jim let them clean him off because he was sure he couldn’t move to do it himself anyway. 

“You are still quite incredible at taming other beings with your body,” a deep familiar rumble broke his cerebration. “It is a shame that Vulcan child was so intent on destroying everything we had. Alas, I understand, your body is far too tempting for him to not feel drawn to you and attempt to claim you as his own.”

Jim tried to shake out the fog from his mind and forced his eyes to open. A look over his shoulder had hooded cerulean meeting wide and frightened azure. Jim tried to move his body away from the Vulcan, but his body refused to cooperate. The best he managed was a weak slap on Strun’s hard face from rolling over to lay on his back. Nostrils flared as his fight or flight response began to crowd his mind despite his muscles inability to listen to him. What he could manage was at least grabbing a soft blanket to cover himself from the Vulcan who had a smile that was far too familiar to the look Mitchell got when Jim had “fucked up”. Despite the slap having been the weakest, most pathetic thing he had ever done it may have pissed Strun off. The Vulcan had never laid a violent hand across his body, but a lot had changed in the past year and Jim knew how quickly being devolved into violence. 

“You may have overestimated our relationship and how much I actually enjoyed it,” Jim growled at him as the Vulcan moved over his body predatorily. 

“Well, Riyeht-aitlun could not be remade without you. You are the compulsion of Vulcan. Vulcans will crave your unique body and mind centuries after you have died,” Strun breathed sensually as he pulled the blanket off of Jim’s body to touch his cum-covered skin with the towel again. 

“Fuck you,” Jim literally spat and admired the mucousy wad that dripped from Strun’s eye. “What did you do to me!?”

“I have done nothing to you, James. You engaged in coitus with an unfamiliar species without protection. Catian semen has an interesting effect in that it paralyzes humans when ingested.” 

Jim could have sworn he heard a chuckle slip past those thin pale lips. “So you hired him? To fuck me?” Jim snorted, “Too afraid to face me without incapacitating me? A little pathetic for a being like ten times stronger than a human.” 

“Pathetic maybe, I am not ashamed of my weakness for you, James. Despite the weakness, you are entirely worth indulging in. I know you have this impression that your experience with Spock is unique. You are just blinded. Possibly because you are just not in close proximity with other Vulcans anymore and you do not see what you do to us. The pleasures you experienced with that Catian are all that you have ever craved. You and that half-breed are not special to each other. Your smell is a compulsion that breeds possession and sexuality, all beings crave to hold and own your body,” Strun lectured.

Jim did his best attempt to hear the speech Strun had prepared but could not stop the hysterical laugh that spilled from deep within his body. A gut-wrenching, tear-jerking laugh that left Strun stunned. “Right,” Jim trailed off as he composed himself again. “That’s why my ex beat the shit out of me. Because he needed to possess me. Not because he’s a cretin who craves power over those that he views as a threat and are clearly better than him.”

“You have only proved my point further,” Strun slammed his hand down next to Jim’s face.

The human did his best attempt to hide the fear that spread cold through his body at the near hit to his face. Jim could honestly go the rest of his life without another hand flying at his face. He would give up pretty much anything to never be threatened by someone he had been emotionally and physically intimate with. The man knew he deserved better and wanted better for himself, but somehow he always ended up in these situations that left him struggling through untreated fear and panic. 

“Shouldn’t you be in a detention facility?” Jim managed to punch out. 

“I am a Vulcan and therefore not considered a flight risk.”

Jim chewed on the inside of his cheek contemplating to get out of this very uncomfortable and on the edge of frightening situation. He was sure Strun wouldn’t attempt to traffic him because Jim had arrived with a group of people and there were people in high places that would look for him. However, the sandy blond was unsure if his body was safe from any abuses that could happen while Jim was under the influence of a paralysis toxin. Which left him with many other questions that the human had to choose wisely for his own safety. 

“So, why are you bothering me, I would think it illogical to hit up an ex,” Jim tried to defuse the air in the room with a bit of humor. 

“I have been watching you and waiting to speak with you because I have a proposal,” Strun sat back between Jim’s spread legs. 

Azure eyes wandered down the man’s body and couldn’t help but notice the distinct hard-on the Vulcan was sporting and he swallowed. Strun apparently couldn’t help himself as he ran his hands up and down Jim’s thighs despite the remnants of someone else's mess. Azure eyes looked away trying to calm his mind now that the Vulcan was able to feel his surface emotions. Jim could never give Strun the satisfaction of his fear and anxiety nor could he allow the situation to escalate again if the Vulcan were offended by his emotional reaction. 

“I don’t want anything from you. You should be in a deep dark pit that you can never leave,” Jim murmured, focused on a wall behind Strun’s head. 

Strun’s lips twisted and eyebrows relaxed as if he was attempting to ease Jim into a sense of calm. “Unfortunately for you, I am free and believed innocent until the Federation decides otherwise.”

Jim could feel his muscles beginning to tingle with activity as the feeling was slowly returned to him. Maybe he was lucky that he and Croa had spent a long time just straight fucking rather than the small bit of oral sex Jim engaged in. But Jim had no idea how long the paralysis was supposed to last and if Strun even knew. The human shifted, tensing and relaxing his muscles to see what would work best. After the quick assessment Jim, with as much swiftness as he could manage with his still waking body, stomped the heel of his foot into the Vulcan’s crotch. The being growled in pain and keeled over to the side which allowed Jim to scramble off the bed with a sheet around his body. Jim still struggled to get his feet under his body and practically crawled up a wall to get to his feet properly. 

Azure eyes darted around the room in search of his clothes. Jim felt absolutely disgusting, covered in still wet cum he tried to clean as much of it up with the sheet while he stumbled around to grab his clothing. Any other time he would have had time to clean himself up and leave feeling fresh and ready to continue to party. But Strun had really left him no choice but to leave covered in the seed of another despite every cell in his body begging him to properly clean himself up. Strun had managed to get to his feet by the time Jim had managed to dress and blocked the exit. Jim was growing extremely tired of Vulcans trapping him in situations he never asked to be in and certainly did not want to be in. Whatever part of their logic-filled brains told them trapping a human who had bit their way through a colonial guard force was a good idea probably needed to be examined by a Vulcan healer. 

“I don't want anything from you so I’m going to leave,” Jim told him sternly. 

“James, I am not asking you to work, I just would like to indulge in you again.”

Jim sighed and looked up at the ceiling as he pretended to think about the offer. He sucked his teeth and finally replied, “Unfortunately, it looks like I don’t have you on the docket to fuck. I can only have one Vulcan on my list at a time, and that spot is already occupied by one that won’t ever let me so…” The human made a fake pouty face at Strun. “So sorry.” 

“What would Star Fleet say if they discover your previous line of work?”

“This is the most pathetic threat of blackmail I’ve ever seen. And honestly, you could, but nothing would happen given that my recruiter knew,” Jim laughed at the ridiculousness of this conversation like he was speaking with a petulant pre-pubescent child. 

“What would your colleagues say?” the Vulcan advanced on him as he spoke.

“For how shitty humans are, I think we’ve advanced enough beyond judging someone’s work history,” Jim hummed and used the man’s movement towards him to tease them into switching places. 

“You believe you are human like they are? Then you know nothing about humans,” Strun simpered. 

Jim merely shrugged and swayed backward as he found his boots. “That may be so but I will not be manipulated into fucking you so people don’t maybe find out I was paid to have sex.”

Strun was silent as Jim pulled his boots on, counting down the seconds he’d be able to run for his friends if they were still around. He really didn’t know how much time had passed since he had entered this room. The fear and anxieties were still there, but his fight response had kicked in so he was ready for whatever path this conversation ended up. Jim had never seen Strun desperate for anything before but he was sure the Vulcan had never been denied anything he had wanted in the hundred-plus years he had lived. 

“It sounds as though you believe they would find out whether or not I actively spread the information. Why is that?” Strun wondered openly as if he knew the answer already.

Jim huffed in annoyance in order to mask the panic he felt about the possibility of Strun discovering another person that had it out for Jim. “Besides the fact, people will spread rumors about anyone and about anything? What purpose does it serve to attempt to ruin my social standing at an academy I am top of my class at where I am already known to have casual sex?”

“Becoming a social pariah can often isolate humans to the point they mentally cannot function and drop all activities. You do not know humans. Some may be accepting of your past, others however will demonize you as they have with each other for millennia.” 

“Strun, you do not actually know me nor what I have been through. For one to ostracize me would be incredibly difficult. As I am a human who has spent many years as a social pariah on many planets before you came around,” Jim snorted and remained firmly planted where he stood refusing to fold under the intense pressure and shame Strun put him under. 

“You do not fear your peers?” Strun said with surprise.

“As much as I love having my control taken from me during, I am pretty confident within myself. I am also aware that Vulcan culture relies heavily on shame and fear of one's peers, but I am human, they shamed me for my basic biology. Your attempts to shame me are useless,” Jim snorted. 

Strun examined him another breath too long for Jim’s comfort. The man was unsure why he remained in the room. “You have malformations in your jaw and nose that were not previously there. You already are a social pariah.”

Jim violently rolled his eyes, of course, the barely noticeable damage that Mitchell had done to his face was “proof” of Jim’s status as a social outcast. “That’s right. That's why a whole group of cadets from the academy took me to this bar because I am so deeply hated by my peers.”

“Well, someone clearly hates you,” Strun hummed and strode towards Jim again. 

“Actually, you are first in line so find the others that hate me and make friends with them. That way you all can leave me alone. This is so unbecoming of a Vulcan,” Jim badgered and made them circle each other so he had his own back to the door. 

“Someone will find out about your past and release those documents. You shall see what your decisions will do to you,” Strun warned. 

“Strun, you need to see a healer, your mind is in disarray. I have never seen you manic before,” Jim suggested as he backed up to the door, hand on the handle ready to open and run when Strun became too distracted with his own mind to stop Jim from leaving. 

The Vulcan paused as if he was contemplating Jim’s suggestion. “I will take that into consideration, you may be right. But you too, James, would benefit from calming your mind. Allowing a disgusting being such as a Catian to use you as if you were nothing but a breeding sow.” 

Jim huffed and barely stopped another roll of his eyes. “I am going to exit this conversation and this room. Despite the clear xenophobia you feel around Croa, thanks I guess. He was the best sex I have had this year. Definitely top five.”

“You know how to contact me if you wish to indulge,” Strun’s thin lips tilted up.

A sour taste filled Jim’s mouth at the suggestion, which meant Strun worked here or at least managed the workers that were hidden around the club. “After you made me work for you the first time we were hooking up? You should know now that I will never fuck you again.”

“Then perhaps you will work for me again. This club would be lucky to have a specimen like you. Pliant and willing to be taken so freely,” Strun complimented, his eyes roamed Jim’s still exposed body.

Hesitation to leave the situation arrived yet again. It wouldn’t hurt to have another job, but Jim just did not have time between classes and tried to impress that he was ready to be assigned to a ship intermittently between semesters. Jim would also not allow himself to be put in a situation that would not provide him an exit strategy. The human would be too ashamed to tell someone that he had taken up being a sex worker under Strun again, so he wouldn’t have anyone to save him from himself when it would eventually become necessary. He would not allow himself to have a job, he didn’t need it, but the rewards of sex work for him were almost worth defying his personal rules.

“I am not allowed to have a job while taking courses,” Jim settled upon a half-truth. 

“That is not a no. Courses do end in the summer. I will see you then, I suppose,” Strun conceded, whatever mania he seemed to have been experiencing dissipated. 

“It is not a yes. I cannot work for you nor do I want to,” Jim tried to clarify, tried to insist more for himself because working for Strun had been the worst part of his job.

Strun moved faster than Jim expected and the Vulcan had his fingers wrapped tightly around Jim’s upper arm. Both pairs of blue eyes grew wide at the intense lust being impressed upon Jim. Touch telepaths were the worst sometimes, especially old skillful ones like Strun. The human dropped his head back slightly and released a whine from his body becoming so easily affected by the emotional transference. Jim did not want to give in, but sometimes it was always easier to just give people what they wanted and then disappear before the consequences of giving in could catch up to him. 

“Jimmy!” A high-pitched voice squealed as clacking heels opened the door. “I’m so glad I found you!” The surprise had Strun removing his hand from Jim out of cultural habit to hide one's transgressions and cultural faux pas. “Oh, are you still busy?”

“No, I am actually trying to leave,” Jim growled and stepped back towards Gaila. The man took her hand and squeezed several times trying to indicate he really wanted to leave. “Let’s go before this gets messy. This has gone on far too long.” 

“That sounds like a good idea, you are covered in someone else's mess so probably for the best we don’t make a bigger one,” Gaila winked. “Anyway, it doesn’t seem like it would be nice to meet you, so I’m going to take my cute human and leave. Bye-bye!” 

“Do not be polite to him,” Jim grumbled.

“Oh, then, in that case, fuck off asshole! Hope we never see you again,” Gaila altered as she shoved Jim down the hall. “Dude, you smell amazing, and also who was that guy?” 

“You think Catian cum smells amazing?” Jim snorted. 

“No I think that you covered Catian cum and arousal, smells amazing,” She cooed in his ear. Gaila directed him to the table where everyone was waiting to leave except Uhura and Spock.

“Where are Uhura and Spock?” Jim asked quietly. He refused to make eye contact with anyone in their small group. The shame and guilt that flooded him from being covered in someone’s fluids were beginning to disrupt him emotionally more than he wished it would. A jacket fell on his shoulders and Jim shrugged it on without a protest. “Thanks, Bones,” He muttered and bumped shoulders with the man. 

“They’re waiting outside, something about the smells was getting worse?” Hikaru explained as best as he could without really understanding. 

Jim nodded and shifted to walk out the front door with the group. “So who was that guy?” Gaila finally asked again.

“There was a new guy?” Hikaru asked, “Like, not the Catian you went with?” 

“He’s just an ex,” Jim replied as they exited the club. 

Galia looked at him suspiciously. “An ex? Which ex Jim?”   
The blond groaned loudly, “Just like my ex-boss from a job before Star Fleet.”

Gaila and Bones shared a look that Jim thought was just absolutely insufferable because they really needed to keep their mouths shut. “The boss?” Bones asked.

“Yes, THE Boss. The big man that got me into that line of work,” Jim replied. He tried to remain discrete since Spock was in hearing distance from where he and Uhura stood waiting for them. 

“Jimmy, isn’t he supposed to be in a holding facility until the trial?” Gaila asked softly, holding Jim’s face delicately. 

“Vulcans aren’t really the type to be untrustworthy I guess.”

“I’m sorry Jimmy, I didn’t think your ex would be here,” Galia whispered and wrapped her body around him to try to comfort him. 

“I don’t think anyone but him expected it,” Jim mumbled into her big head of curly red hair. 

A soft breath released behind them and a nervous voice spoke. “Mitchell was here?” Uhura asked. 

Although the woman pretended as though she hated Jim, at least that's what he thought. Uhura was different when it came to those she really hated down to her core, the anger was quiet and calculated. She took measured steps and thoughts on how she wanted to navigate them on behalf of someone else. It was the same way she played chess, smart but secretive and overly cautious. When it came to them being frenemies with Jim their dance around each other was sloppy because she didn’t have all the information necessary, which sort of made them friends. And that meant any threat to Jim was a threat to her. 

“No,” Jim said firmly as Gaila pulled away. “Another ex. Don’t worry about it, he’s not worth anyone’s energy.” Spock visibly frowned and Jim hoped everyone was still drunk enough to not notice. 

“Jimmy has a definite type though, bad vibes all the time,” Gaila hummed.

“Are we surprised Kirk has bad taste in men? You’re the only sweet thing he has to compare to, and no one compares to you Gaila,” Uhura practically cooed as they walked away from the club. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay basically Jim has sex with the Catian from last chapter. And dun dun dun Jim's trapped and who appears? It's fucking Strun. He's being a weirdo... Offers Jim a relationship, jimmy says no and then offers Jimmy a job. And thats kind of it. Not much to it....
> 
> BTW THIS IS ENDGAME SPIRK. I'm just cruel and have to go through hoops before characters are allowed to be where they're meant to be. IDK Man my brain is WACK. 
> 
> I have 15/16 written, but not thoroughly checked. 17 is well on its way to being written. And everything is almost fully planned out (no end that I really can acknowledge tho so :?? )
> 
> Again I'm in graduate school so can only do so much as far as staying on time and getting these chapters out to y'all. My load is weird this semester + with medical shit going on. I'm having surgery on my elbow so idk how well my writing abilities will be. 
> 
> AS always please leave comments. I fucking love comments. Kudos are nice too, but comments make me drool.


	15. Descent into Madness Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd
> 
> hi, i gave you plot. enjoy the plot

Stardate 2254.134

Jim stared at Captain Pike’s office door with a deep frown. The man hadn’t been assigned to field duty for the summer. No first-year cadet was given any type of posting usually, but Jim had spent the time to do extra courses so he could catch up to be in the same year as his friends. Bones, who already had his medical degree, was only taking courses in xenobiology and the most basic additional training that was required of him. The rest of Jim’s friends were second years assigned to ships and ready to live exciting lives out in space in some miserable capacity. Jim had complained to multiple hire ups and instead, Captain Pike had requested Jim’s presence. Which really was not great news for Jim because most likely he was going to be told bad news. Decorum was not broken unless Jim was about to be severely disappointed. 

The man shifted and his worried eyes fell to his shoes waiting for whoever was currently in Pike’s office to leave. His semester had ended up uneventful after his birthday. Jim was still top of his class and acted as though he wasn’t. The man had spent a lot of his free time buried inside of books or Gaila if he were going, to be honest. There hadn’t been a real reason to leave campus without someone by his side and he refused to acknowledge that was mostly because of the fear of running into a few unmentionable men. As Jim began to play with the communicator in his pocket he heard the office door open and took a step back to allow the other person to leave without being completely in the way. 

“Jim,” a deep voice greeted.

Azure eyes landed on clean black boots and slid up the lean body to finally land within swirling chocolate. A small uneasy sigh fell past Jim’s lips. “Professor Spock,” Jim asserted, reinforcing the distance Spock had asked for. 

Spock had officially graduated from the academy and was a full-fledged professor. Jim had also heard through the grapevine that the Vulcan had become Captain Pike’s first officer. The human wanted to be jealous, wanted to feel some sort of disdain towards the Vulcan, but Spock deserved everything he got. The years of torture on Vulcan from his peers meant Spock most definitely deserved to have good things in his life. And Jim couldn’t fault him that the universe had not yet blessed Jim with a single break. They watched each other for a long moment, it looked as though Spock wished to say something to him but instead gave a nod and walked away. The human released a breath, glad to not have to have whatever conversation the Vulcan wanted to have. Rather, he watched Spock walk like he always did, admiring the view while yearning for himself to be able to give Spock what he wanted. 

“Kirk, you can come in now,” Captain Pike called, disrupting Jim’s musings. 

Jim quickly moved and shut the door behind himself to sit down as relaxed as possible. “Chris, what are the honors of you dragging me in here?” he gave his best lazy smile trying his best to compartmentalize his emotions. 

“I’ve only got bad news,” Chris sighed and leaned back in his chair. 

Jim bit the inside of his cheek and squeezed his hands together in his lap. Then smoothed his red cadet uniform as he leaned back ready for whatever Chris was going to tell him. The man did not see a point in responding verbally when Chris could just tell him what was going on. For all the work Jim did to understand Standard English and all of the minor intricacies that came from native life-long speakers, he still never understood the need for acknowledgment that he was listening. 

“Okay…” Pike murmured awkwardly when Jim never gave him the go-ahead to speak. “So, the Federation is dropping the case against Strun.”

Jim swallowed and nodded slowly, “Okay. Why?”  
“Well, you are the only person willing to be a witness to the case. We couldn’t get any of the other workers to speak out. And some we were tracking in the trafficking ring we lost before Strun shut Riyeht-aitlun down.”

“Okay, but he’s also being charged with child grooming, which Spock witnessed. Why is a witness and the victim, not enough?” Jim soured.  
“Because that victim has a criminal record and a record of violence. You were also in a relationship with him beyond the club-”  
“Which just further reinforces the evidence towards grooming because I was barely eighteen when I went to work for him. Then we became engaged in a relationship that was ethically questionable given that he was my boss. My criminal record proves that he could easily manipulate me-” Jim protested.

“Jim,” Pike interrupted waiting for the young man to take a breath. “The domestic violence stuff with Mitchell is what is making them pull it. They think that your psyche needs work and you’re an unreliable witness because of the situations you get yourself into.” 

“So, I end up in yet another abusive relationship which means that a sex trafficker and child groomer gets to run around free? That doesn’t even make any sense Chris. If they’re so concerned they should just pull me from the Academy.” 

“I know, Jim. I am still fighting them about it, but as far as they’re concerned there’s nothing to convict him with. They won’t pull you from the Academy because you alone are pulling the whole class average up, you’re a talented cadet, they just see your past as an issue in this particular case.”

“You know he’s back to his old tricks right? He’s literally here in San Francisco trafficking and selling people’s bodies!” 

“Jim-” Chris tried to interrupt. 

“But does the Federation care? No. Star Fleet just wants to keep me on a leash because my taste in partners is terrible and I need constant evaluation. I’ve worked really hard to catch up to my peers and I’m being held back on Earth because of my shithead ex. Does he get to go on a ship?” Jim ranted. 

“Jim, I am just as frustrated as you. I tried my best to defend you. I really did. But the admirals outnumber me. I’m just a Captain and a Professor. Not even your status as a Vulcan or child of two exemplary Star Fleet officers can save you right now. And as for Mitchell, he does not get to fly this year. He’s actually been suspended pending everyone’s witness statements,” Chris tried to calm Jim down. 

The blond sighed and looked away in frustration, feeling his mind escape his control. “What am I supposed to do? Just go hang out in Iowa?”

“How do you know what Strun is up to?” Chris rounded back around to the conversation at hand as if he realized he missed a major bomb Jim dropped. 

Jim pursed his lips and glanced at his mentor. “Strun apparently has been stalking me since my arrival to San Francisco. He hired someone to hook up with me at a club on my birthday so he could corner me afterward.”

“Did he offer you work?” 

“Yes,” Jim spat. “After asking me to take him back as, like, a boyfriend or something.” 

Chris was silent for a long moment and sighed. “Well, I can speak with the higher-ups, see if we can put you on a ship for your own safety, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.” 

“You’re going to tell Admirality I was offered another sex work job?” Jim glowered. 

The older man shrugged. “Strun may be seen as a danger if your story moves them enough, but unfortunately whenever the topic of you comes up they’d rather ignore it.”

“I mean they did such a great job with Tarsus IV, leaving Vulcans to pick up the mess, so that is not entirely unsurprising,” Jim snorted. 

* * *

“I must reaffirm that I am displeased with this idea. Jim will not agree, even suggesting could damage his fragile mind further.”

Jim had been called a few days after his short conversation with Pike to meet and hear about the decision the Admiralty had come to. The man had heard arguing voices in the office and quietly stood outside the office to listen to Spock criticize his Captain. It was rare for Jim to hear Spock speak out of turn to someone that held any kind of rank over him and especially when that person was Chris. Spock had worked with the man for years now and held the man in the highest esteem. If the Vulcan was disagreeing with something on behalf of Jim, before Jim even had to say, it had to be a horrible idea. Jim most of the time had no problem taking an order from Star Fleet, especially if it came from Pike, but if Spock was saying Jim wouldn’t agree, it was probably highly unethical. 

With a deep breath, the blond sauntered into the office as if he hadn’t heard the men speaking about him in hushed argumentative tones. Jim gave his best-feigned surprise when they abruptly stopped speaking about him. As the room grew awkwardly quiet the pair obviously wondered how much the young man had heard Jim gave a small smile and clasped his hands behind his back to stand at attention. Honestly, at this point, any decorum Jim had for the system was always going to be perceived sarcastically so he played into it so he wouldn’t get into too much trouble for the little bit of eavesdropping he did. 

“Sorry if I’m interrupting, I can leave if you like?” Jim teased.

“No, Spock was just leaving,” Chris declared. 

“If either of you does not mind, I wish to stay as I have now become involved,” Spock snapped back. 

“Jim?” Chris asked hopefully. 

It wasn’t a real secret, at least to Chris, that there was weird energy between Jim and Spock. So the man clearly hoped that Jim would banish Spock from this conversation, however, Jim was not feeling particularly nice. This conversation was clearly not going to go in any appropriate direction. Jim would not be aboard a ship for the summer and instead would be sent to do something else far worse than living in the lower decks. The young man drew his gaze over to Spock who looked hardened and pissed if the human was going to be honest with himself. The hard flush of Spock’s cheeks was different from how the Vulcan normally looked at him, they had been arguing, and for quite a bit if Spock’s physiological reaction was any indication. 

“Professor Spock can stay,” Jim said and took a seat with a nod to the Vulcan who sat in the other free chair in front of Pike’s large chestnut desk. 

“You want my death don’t you?” Pike groaned. “Look, kid, Admiralty will not let you be a cadet on a ship until this Mitchell stuff blows over. Instead, they believe that it would be prudent to see what Mr. Strun is up to.”

Jim frowned, he had expected this conversation to be sour, but not outright disgusting. The man hadn’t expected Strun to be brought up and felt sick with the knowledge of where Chris was headed. He allowed a glance towards Spock who looked angrier the closer the admission came in the conversation. The Vulcan’s long delicate fingers were clasped tightly together and Jim couldn’t help but mimic his posture. Azure eyes turned back onto Pike’s anxiety-ridden face. The man looked as though he had not slept in days since he received the news. Jim remained silent, wanting Pike to say what the Federation wanted rather than Jim jumping to conclusions and offering himself by accident to do something irresponsible and damaging.

“So, they figure you wouldn’t mind going ‘undercover’ to get names, figure out where people came from, and how he’s trafficking them,” Pike said almost hoarsely. 

Jim snorted. “The Federation wants me to sell my body to do a job they couldn’t do because you idiots got my last workplace shut down before any real research could be done? The Federation is asking me to fuck not only johns but Strun himself, to get information?”

“You don’t have to have sex,” Pike said quickly.

Jim deadpanned to hide the anxiety and fear that threatened to overtake his mind and body. There was the danger of the human falling back into the same patterns of not just meaningless sex, but meaningless sex with people that felt entitled to his body in an environment that also encouraged mindlessness. Jim had spent the past year not only detoxing from such an environment but had worked hard to have meaningful relationships with the people he sometimes had sexual relationships with. Gaila was a close friend and he was friendly with other cadets that he had indulged in after Mitchell. Frustration overcame him and slyly glanced to Spock who made eye contact and seemed to feel all that Jim felt.

The quiet exchange seemed to push Spock to have an outburst as if Jim had compelled him to do something about the injustice. “That is exactly what they are expecting from him! How else do you presume he will acquire this information?”

“Spock, please, this isn’t about you,” Christ breathed exasperatedly. 

“With all due respect Chris, Spock is the reason I didn’t just hop to the nearest pleasure planet when Riyeht-aitlun was destroyed,” Jim huffed. “Spock, with all of his minor misdeeds, has been far more helpful to my recovery from my traumatic life than you or anyone in the Federation has been.” 

Chris ground his teeth quietly and stared at his own loosely tangled hands. “I can’t ask you to do it, Jim. But the Federation is, it might help get Strun put on a rehabilitation colony where he can’t traffic people. It might help save others from being groomed or moved planet to planet.”

“Sure, but I have to sacrifice my physical and mental bodies that I’ve worked to heal. The Federation, yet again, would like to compound upon the trauma I have,” Jim sighed and scratched his cheek. 

“As I said. It is unacceptable and Captain you cannot allow Star Fleet or the Federation to ask this of someone. Especially someone who they left to die on a colony after the system failed to acknowledge his own mother’s failings. I suggest you take this idea to the planet where his citizenship belongs.” 

Jim laughed. “Spock, they do not care. The mention of sex work and the entire planet ignores even the concept of it. That is how I ended up in Strun's hands in the first place,” Jim replied in Vulcan forgetting his own manners through the frustration he felt. 

“They will care because your parents will care and mine certainly will,” Spock replied in kind. 

“Spock, you really believe Vulcan will even acknowledge I am a citizen? They were glad to be rid of me the moment I stepped foot on a shuttle. You too for that matter,” Jim reminded. 

“English, please?” Chris pleaded. 

Spock and Jim removed themselves from their little world and were reminded that someone else was present in the room. “We are just having a lovers spat,” Jim snorted. 

Spock’s eyes widened at the comment. “We are not-”

“He knows it’s a joke, Spock,” a small laugh fell from Jim’s lips. “It doesn’t matter, Captain Pike, what was said between us. It is of no consequence to the conversation at hand. How long do I have to think about it?”

“Right now is when you decide. Either you help or you don’t. But Strun will not have a case against him unless you help,” Pike said seriously. 

“Jim, you cannot be thinking about this, seriously?” Spock scoffed.

“Spock,” Jim sighed and looked away from his soul mate. “I know you have a lot of thoughts on how I use my body, but you kind of lost the chance to have an opinion,” Jim waved his hand at Spock dismissively. “If this is the only way to get to those traffickers, then I’ll help. There are cameras in the club anyway so I’ll hack into the system and they can have all the tapes they want.”

Pike looked as surprised as Spock. Well, Spock was probably more furious than surprised, if Jim was honest. He had been sure he couldn't surprise the Vulcan anymore if he wanted to, but Jim was often proven wrong. It wasn’t necessarily bad that the Vulcan was surprised by Jim’s actions, but something in the back of his mind told him that Spock’s surprise represented how terrible of an idea it was to agree to this. And maybe it was. It wasn’t Jim’s job to save everyone. This was something that should be the responsibility of planets that didn’t have protection laws for sex workers. But, if he could at least destroy one line of abusers maybe it would mean something. Maybe it would make destroying the other lines of kidnappings easier.

“Jim, are you sure this is a good idea?” Chris pressed, clearly not pleased that Jim had been presented this idea.   
“I think it’s a fucking terrible idea, but how am I going to get this man out of my life if he just gets to keep ruining other people’s lives and stalking me?” Jim asked with a deep frown. 

“Alright, well Spock will be your contact for everything. Spock and I leave for our summer exploration in two days. We should always be able to receive your messages on time,” Pike relayed.

“Spock really?” Jim frowned, brows furrowed. “I am sure he does not want to hear my exploits.” 

“I don’t want to either. At least you and Spock have some sort of… relationship that I’d rather not know about,” Pike waved his hands as if that was the end of the conversation. 

“Spock, are you amenable to me communicating with you?” Jim asked with a rough sigh. 

“I believe it would be best for us to communicate. I also am far more skilled in decryption of sensitive materials as well as coding, should you need assistance,” Spock pointed out.

Jim nodded and acquiesced. Spock would be a helpful resource if their security system was strong, but very few groups had stronger security than Star Fleet, and Jim had already hacked into Star Fleet systems multiple times in his life. 

“Okay, great. I’d rather talk to you than someone higher up,” Jim teased. 

“This was our case originally, so unfortunately, it falls upon us. You do not need to give graphic details about what you do unless it’s relevant to the cause. Do your best to catch anything on record or video. You and Spock communicating will certainly be better for all parties involved in this investigation,” Pike confirmed. 

“So you will be informed of the progress then?”

“I will have to be, yes. Spock will provide brief reports, and I will sign off the evidence we will continually submit.” 

“Cool,” Jim sighed and stood. “Alright, awesome meeting, I will email you when I’ve got news.” 

The blond left the office to go to his cadet apartment and prepare for a night of asking Strun for a job. It would go against everything Jim wanted but if it helped other people he was sure he could do it. Jim had sacrificed himself before for the good of others and there would be people on the other side to catch him when it invariably ended up in flames. Halfway through the courtyard, he could hear the quiet but quick tap of faux leather shoes. Jim paused to turn and looked over Spock with as blank of a face as he could muster. The Vulcan looked perfect in his regulation black Professor uniform. Jim allowed his mind to wander and wonder what Spock looked like in his First Officer uniform. Maybe the Vulcan wore blue instead of gold because of his science background, he had always looked better in blue. 

“Can I help you, Professor?” Jim asked and stood at attention. 

“Please,” Spock sighed as he came up to him, their bodies too close for Jim’s comfort. “I implore you that you do not do this assignment. You do not have to.”

“Who's going to get him? Vulcan does not concern themselves with the affairs of others especially when they involve rouge Vulcans,” Jim muttered. 

Spock looked away as if he were actually considering Jim’s words. The Vulcan parted his slim lips to release a quiet sigh. “You are correct, but you do not have to sacrifice yourself for the safety of others.”

“Spock, this isn’t the first time I’ve been the bait and it won’t be the last time. Plus, if I document everything, then I can hold this whole thing over Star Fleet’s head.”

“Jim, there is no evidence of this 'mission',” his voice fell to a low whisper, and a firm hand gripped Jim’s shoulder. 

The human laughed softly and shrugged Spock’s worries away. “All calls made through Star Fleet phones are recorded to an encrypted file and then “deleted”. But nothing is permanently deleted. I have the record of Pike’s call with Admiralty and a recording of our lovely conversation today.”

Shock spread across the Vulcan’s face, eyebrows hidden under bangs and chocolate brown eyes wide like the child Jim had met all those years ago. “I see your ability to play chess has not disappeared despite the lack of practice.” 

“Life is chess, strategy is always required, and I am always ten steps ahead. This is not my first rodeo with the Federation. I’ve saved all communications since I was thirteen. If I ever need to prove how disingenuous the Federation is, I’ve got plenty.”

“You plan to blackmail Star Fleet?”

“You were right Spock,” Jim began and held the hand on his shoulder. “This will cause significant damage to my psyche. If the Federation plans on leaving me in the cold, I will need the evidence that they told me to do this.”

Deep brown eyes examined their touching hands and Jim tried to calm himself as much as he could despite the soft electric flow that passed through their gentle connection. It was beginning to become painful to avoid what they were meant to be to each other. But it was clear with Jim’s decisions, he wasn’t good for Spock and would never be worthy for the being he desperately craved. The human dropped his hand and his head unable to maintain any sort of contact any longer for fear he would do as Spock wanted. But the Vulcan had made clear their friendship could not exist without the addition of romance and whatever they danced around in quiet moments in empty courtyards was quickly becoming untenable.

“I understand, that is a logical course of action. However, even if the Federation does not take responsibility for anything that occurs, you must know I, your family, and your friends will be here. I will not abandon you as I did selfishly a year ago.”

Spock’s hand slid down to gently grip Jim’s thick wrist to check on the human. Jim did his best to focus on his emotions around the mission itself, the confidence and determination he felt so that Spock could remain grounded in Jim’s firm decisions. The human certainly did not read into the promise the Vulcan was giving him, that maybe Jim had always been worthy and they had both pushed at each other. It wasn’t worth focusing on because Jim was about to do everything he had thought he had happily given up for sanity. 

“Don’t worry about me. Have fun in space. Say hi to my family,” Jim finally said with a wavering smile. 

“You are admirable in what you are willing to suffer through for yours and others' greater good. You deserve better than Star Fleet and me,” Spock reaffirmed. 

“It’s about time you said that,” Jim laughed wetly and pulled his hand away. “I promise, I’ll be as safe as possible. If I’m not in one piece when you get back, you know what to do.” 

“Indeed.” 

* * *

Jim wandered into the club from months previous dressed as casually as he could be so he wouldn’t be distracted by strangers but could be spotted by the man he needed to see. The human wore the first garment Strun had bought for him. A silk like white wrap-around robe and a traditional black rope to hold it closed. Two delicate slits exposed Jim’s muscular and long legs with every move, the fabric gliding along the floor. Of course, Jim got looks, he was, after all, still dressed sensually with his chest exposed and shoulders barely inside the fabric. The man had grown broader and thicker since the gift had been given, but it accentuated his body in ways that were masculine now. 

Thick hands landed on the bar as he explored his drink options, not planning on having anything in reality because he had to be sober to deal with Strun. The Vulcan was quick-witted and would catch on to anything Jim did that wasn’t genuine. Working Strun required intense focus if he was going to trick Strun out of a job and friendship. Jim had lied in a relationship before and had lasted in many situations he had hated being in against his will. Starting up whatever this was going to be with Strun was not going to be any different for him if Jim really took the time to consider what he was doing. Strun was a difficult being, but he had yet to lay a single hand on him which meant he only had to protect his mind from the touch telepath. 

A gentle touch to Jim’s shoulder shocked him out of his internal musings. The man looked over to examine a Trillian who looked up at him expectantly. Azure eyes assessed the soft face and slim body before acknowledging that he was being summoned officially. So he turned and followed the being to an upper level of the club and down through the locker rooms of the dancers and other employees. Jim did his best to not stare at those that couldn’t help but allow their own gazes to fall upon the human. It was rare for an outsider to speak directly to Strun so Jim dismissed the thought they were looking at him with desire but rather curiosity. It would definitely be a closely held secret that the club was run by a Vulcan. The Trillian stopped at a frosted door and waved a delicate hand. 

“There, go on in, he wishes to speak with you,” the Trillian muttered and quickly scampered away. 

Jim snorted at how quickly the being had wished to escape from whatever was about to happen. The sandy blond opened the door after a moment of ensuring his mind was prepared for what would happen in this meeting. Upon entering Jim paused to examine Strun at a desk as if he was an academic studying, rather than a warden examining the security cameras to ensure every employee was where they were meant to be. At least the human knew where to hack first. Strun looked away from the view screen long enough to wave Jim inside of the office. The man shut the door behind himself and remained standing in the room despite ample seating for him to choose from. 

“You have changed your mind as I predicted,” Strun happily pointed out. 

“Yes, I was denied a position upon a Starship and would rather spend my time doing something I enjoy rather than spending another summer on a farm,” Jim replied dryly. 

“So you have come for work, not for me?” Strun asked as disappointment marred his features. 

Jim tilted his head as if he were considering Strun, checking him out with an obviousness the Vulcan should have been able to pick up on. “I had hoped we could remain friends and all friends can encompass while I work diligently here.” 

“You acknowledge I wish for you to work the rooms, yes? The aim is not for a dancer or server, your body and its skills are what make me money.” 

“I am aware, yes. As you are aware, I enjoy being fucked by many and used by them,” Jim hummed his voice dropping in octave as if the thought turned him on. “This club will provide a far more unique clientele than Vulcan ever could. Your demonstration with Croa was proof enough of that.” 

Strun nodded and leaned back in his chair, clearly an open invitation. One Jim had to take in order to convince the man of his sincerity in a working friendship. The human walked around the desk to where Strun sat legs spread waiting to see what Jim would do. Jim shoved everything on the desk to the side and sat himself down on top of the desk. A foot hooked around Strun’s leg and dragged the Vulcan forward so he sat between Jim’s spread legs rather than the other way around like he had expected. Jim planted his feet on either side of Strun’s hips on the chair to hold the Vulcan and the furniture in place. 

“If I’m going to work here, things will be managed differently than last time,” Jim began.

The man switched to speaking in Vulcan because he knew it turned Strun on and the more aroused the Vulcan was the more Jim could get out of him. Strun’s hands landed on Jim’s exposed thighs, eyes wandered over what the robe still managed to cover, clearly hoping to undo it soon. Maybe Jim was being lulled into a false sense of security but he felt more in control of this interaction with Strun than he ever had before. So he allowed himself to relax under the heavy and dexterous hands. 

“We will fail without you James, you will receive whatever it is you wish.” 

“I want time with every single worker here,” Jim said seriously. “It would not do if I did not know who else worked here and the unique services they provide. I do not want them to feel as though I am stepping on their toes.”

“Agreed,” Strun said easily. “I am sure they would be pleased to spend time with you. You are quite the sight for all staff members.” 

Jim nodded. “Alright, I want to be able to pick and choose my clients. If I don’t want them, then I don’t want them, they go to someone else. As fun as Croa was, I need to ensure the safety of my body.” 

“That seems reasonable, most clients are not trustworthy on Earth, I will accept your judgment,” the Vulcan’s breath ghosted across Jim’s sternum. At some point, Strun had moved in close enough to press his lips to the human’s chest to smell and taste his.

“Finally, Strun. You will not meld with me, ever. I do not want you in my mind. Star Fleet already believes I am mentally unstable, I do not need your presence further destabilizing what sanity I have,” Jim said seriously and gripped Strun’s face to ensure they made eye contact for confirmation that the Vulcan had received the message. 

“I understand. Your emotional state has always been fragile. For the sake of your health as well as my own psyche I will refrain from melding with you. But I feel I must ask,” the Vulcan paused as his hands slid higher up Jim’s thighs to force the fabric to fall from his legs revealing hip bones taut with muscle. “When was the last time a Vulcan melded with you?”

Jim planted his hands behind himself and just relaxed into the easy touch. The Vulcan knew his way around Jim’s body, even with all the physical changes, and it was nice to be touched by someone that drew so much pleasure without effort or concentration. No wonder it had been so easy to fall into bed with the older being. It was most likely a century's worth of experience with many bodies that led to the Vulcan’s success in pleasure. 

“December,” Jim murmured, eyeing the Vulcan cautiously. 

Cerulean eyes met Jim’s own blue and a small hum passed his lips. “You are not bonded to that Vulcan are you?” 

“As far as I know it’s impossible with his premarital bond already in place,” Jim laughed and spread his legs further as thumbs needed the soft but hairy skin on the inside of his thighs. 

“That would be correct. For what reason was this meld?” 

“I had a nightmare and needed help calming my mind. So he did, which is not something we have not done before. I am familiar with the presence of healers in my mind,” Jim laughed as Strun’s lips ghosted along his chest again. “It does help that we are T’hy’la, so it was effortless for his mind to soothe my own.”  
Lips paused in their place and ghosted over the soft fabric where Jim’s nipple was hard and visible. “T’hy’la, I have not heard that in many years. How could you know of such a thing?”

“Strun,” Jim laughed. “I read the entire ShiKhar Vulcan library, at least what interested me, while I went to the Vulcan Learning Academy. Translating archaic Vulcan isn’t that difficult if you have the tools,” Jim rambled on. “It fits with Spock. As a man that has experienced many Vulcans, and now other species. I can say he is unique to my own mind and body.” 

Teeth scraped along the fabric and his hardened nipple. Lips latched on and sucked, the Vulcan working hard to produce enough saliva to soak the robe. “I regret the words I spoke to you previously if you regard that Vulcan so highly. I oft forget that you are also a child of Vulcan.”

“I only went to school there for a few years…” 

“That is all that is needed to completely mold a child culturally, emotionally, physically, and of course mentally. The remnants of Vulcan are embedded into your skin. You fall easily into the literalness and intellectuality that is required of young Vulcans. I admire your ability to resist your T’hy’la. Must be difficult.”

“Not really, he’s a pain in the ass,” Jim hissed as the rope of the robe was tugged open and his body was left exposed. 

“I am going to fuck you now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like please leave many comment
> 
> also next chapter is in a different format, it is also plotty... so is the chapter or two after that. Lots of plot, very little porn. I continue to do my best to be a couple chapters ahead. I do have surgery next week so the chapter may be posted late.


	16. Letters From Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd

To: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

From: James T. Kirk, C1

Stardate 2254.140

Hello Mr. Spock,

Attached you will find the live feed of Club Compulsion. Not a very creative name if you ask me, he just hit English translate and copy-paste. I have also attached clips from the past six months I found innocuous. Additionally the recording of Strun asking me to work for him and the terms of our contract. Unfortunately, as one could guess from how the recording cuts off. Strun did not create a physical document of contractual obligation as is required by law, and thus, Strun requires a signature in the form of sexual exchange. Soon I will meet with every single employee and get as much information as I can from them.

On a more personal note, and hopefully redacted note… I heard the USS Farragut will be stopping at Vulcan at some point. If you wouldn’t mind extending my affections to my family, I would appreciate it. Also… I may need more tea, I finished what you’ve given me embarrassingly quickly. I have never been able to control my need to indulge. Tell my mother to go shopping for me as well, she knows my new sizing and I desperately need to be updated on the latest trends that Vulcan’s fashion experts have declared. 

Cordially yours,

James T. Kirk

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.141

Hello Cadet Kirk,

I appreciate the swiftness in which you have acquired access to the security feeds and received job accommodations. It is quite troubling the name of this brothel is exactly the same and escaped detection of investigators. Contract laws are minor offenses, but many minor offenses often lead to larger more salacious deeds. Please be as careful as possible, if he breaks the verbal agreement of your contract you must document it. 

For personal matters I would not use the same line of communication, however, I understand that you prefer your private communications, no matter how innocent, be encoded. The USS Farragut will reach Vulcan in approximately two Sol months, I will update you with what I am able to provide for you. I am sure my own mother has gifts she wishes to give you. 

Spock, S’chn T’gai 

First Officer, Science Officer 

USS Farragut

* * *

To: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

From: James T. Kirk, C1

Stardate 2254.151

Hello Mr. Spock,

Attached are the interviews I conducted with all employees, with their individual recorded interviews is as much demographic information I could collect that is pertinent to their case. Hopefully, this assists in finding any missing or trafficked persons. Most seem to have a career in this work and have a physical contract with Strun. Others however have a similar story to my own, recruited by Strun either at a young age or in other innocuous ways. No physical documents, no physical trace of them working at this establishment. Unfortunately, if I explore more into them I will need to “deepen” my “friendship” with Strun, and as I am sure you are aware. I do not want to. Unless I receive explicit orders from higher up, I will not allow that relationship to go beyond what it must be for me to remain in this job. 

I feel inclined to mention, while I am aware drug use is not criminalized, it is highly encouraged in this establishment. While Riyeht-aitlun used methods of Orion pheromones that could not dissipate in an underground concrete dungeon, the Compulsion Club uses ingestible substances beyond alcohol and weed. Substances that I haven’t seen before. I do my best to be careful to not ingest anything given to me that I did not get myself, but… The more time I spend here I worry that I’m going to end up stuck here 24/7. 

How is the Farragut? Gaila, Uhura, Bones, and Sulu are all assigned to it, I found out. I’m sure Bones is a big pain in your ass… I hope Pike isn’t working you too hard. I am sure you have a lot on your mind. Please don’t worry about me, I am just… Doing what I was told to do. And don’t worry about getting anything from Vulcan. At this point, I just want to go to Iowa and be bored in dried-up cornfields. 

James Kirk

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.152

Hello Cadet Kirk,

Thank you for the update. I admit I grew concerned when I did not hear from you for ten days. The information of the employees will be logged away, sent to the proper authorities, and I will, of course, explore these lines of inquiry myself. Your reports concern me deeply. Captain Pike is of course aware and is debating how to proceed with others that are watching this case. Do not do anything you are uncomfortable with. Your safety is of the utmost importance. Please remain in contact more often even if you feel as though there is nothing to report. 

I have already informed our mothers of your requests and they have promised to have a package ready for me to transport on your behalf. Even if I wanted to relay your message to not be concerned with your requests, I do not believe they would listen. 

Spock, S’chn T’gai 

First Officer, Science Officer 

USS Farragut

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.160

Hello Cadet Kirk,

I have not received any additional communications from you. I have been examining the security feed and found many troubling actions. Many against your specific person, I saved the files that clearly broke your verbal agreement with Strun. I also have visual evidence of employees and patrons being drugged by both respectively. I do have a message, attached below, from Admiralty that are examining the unfolding of this case. They wish you to do what is necessary to gain more information from Strun, if you must deepen your friendship, they ask that you do so.

Jim, I am compelled to speak informally. Please do not follow this course of action. I am not concerned if I lose my position, you need to care for yourself and I believe if you force yourself into a relationship with this being… There are many fears I have that I cannot express easily through standard communication methods.

I realized I did not answer your question in my last correspondence. Bones has become concerned himself as he has not heard from you at all, or the doctors you are apparently meant to see while he is in space. The other three are receiving high praise from those that they work under. Sulu and Uhura, unsurprisingly, are advancing quickly and proving to be invaluable members of the crew. Gaila is… She is Gaila. If you were stationed where you are meant to be, I do not believe this ship would run as efficiently with the both of you, but this would be a far better place for you. 

Spock, S’chn T’gai 

First Officer, Science Officer 

USS Farragut

* * *

To: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

From: James T. Kirk, C1

Stardate 2254.165

Spock,

I’m losing a lot of time. Honestly, I’m only lucid because I did as Admiralty requested and have gotten close to Strun again. I’m living with the asshole and he is very fucking pleased with the turn of events. Attached are scanned documents from a handwritten ledger of the trades he does. I tried to take as many pictures of it as I could. The Vulcan doesn’t leave me alone, honestly, he’s probably caught on to what I’m doing… Which is why I’m… I’m not sober. I can’t even type with how shaky my hands are, this is all transcribed. 

Thanks for the update on everyone. I miss you all, even your dumb girlfriend who thinks I don’t know that she insults me in Vulcan. Please don’t tell my parents what's going on… They’d… Sitaak will steal a shuttle and do something he regrets. 

Jim Kirk

  
  


* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.166

Jim,

You have provided more information than anyone thought you would be able to acquire. Please remove yourself from the situation. Star Fleet insists you are fine given your history of recovery after Riyeht-aitlun. I, however much you despise this truth, know far better what you are capable of handling, and I believe you are beyond your limitations. Star Fleet is more than pleased with your sacrifice, I am not.

There is also the concerning matter of Gary Mitchell, who appeared on the club security cameras. I put in a restraining order request on your behalf, but they are still reviewing the case so I doubt the request will be acknowledged. You deserve better Jim. Please remember that you are far more than what the Federation has done to you. 

Spock

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.176

Jim,

It has been eleven days since your last communication. I am formally requesting an update from your person. We have grown extremely concerned for your well-being. There is no evidence of your presence on security cameras nor on San Francisco's CCTVs. If you do not make contact with me in ten days I will be forced to report your disappearance to the authorities. 

Spock

* * *

To: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

From: UNKNOWN

Stardate 2254.181

I mailed old ledgers to the farm. Several workers have gone missing, I updated their information for you in the attached document. I am still on Earth, for now. Not too sure where I am, but I’ll figure it out soon enough. Do not attempt to trace this message.

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.190

Jim,

Attached is a photo of your parents and my mother. T’Hal requested that I take pictures of them shopping for your photo album and so that you may live vicariously through them. It seems very illogical but T’Hal must have experience being such given that she is your mother. I have many parcels for you and I will hold onto them until the USS Farragut crew comes back to Earth for the Fall course semester. I do hope to see you there. 

The Federation is now alerted to your trafficked status. If you do not show up to the Academy by the first day of courses I will have no choice but to remove myself from the academy in order to search for you, as we agreed. 

Spock

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.200

Jim,

I have often thought about our personal battles with each other in the short times I have been left to my thoughts. I recall a memory during our time at the Vulcan Learning Academy when Stonn attempted to start a physical fight after classes had ended. For whatever bizarre reason you decided that you needed to involve yourself in the situation, as you always did when it came to protecting me from xenophobia. Stonn was so shocked, I have never seen him make such an emotional expression before. Before he could even throw a fist you used the martial arts I taught you to turn him on his back and knock the breath from his lungs. Ever since that moment, Stonn had been taken with you. I do not mean in a romantic sense, T’Pring will always own his heart. Although I am sure he has some physical attraction for you, as all Vulcans have for a human like you, he was infatuated with your inability to feel fear when the odds seemed entirely against your favor. 

Maybe you believe I see you the same. Find you attractive for your face, or your ability to physically defeat the odds. What I saw that day, Jim, what I see in you often… Is… Your willingness to put yourself in danger when you see an injustice, no matter how small, inconsequential, and when it has no effect on your person. Yes, you are smart and beautiful… But you are so much more. Maybe that extends from being treated as if you did not matter and you refuse to allow others to feel that way. Even if we were not T’hy’la, my perception of you would be the same. Every time you stood up for me against Vulcans ten times stronger than you, I felt cared for and as though I mattered and deserved better. 

I have done you many disservices. I have many regrets, Jim. You will never be one. 

Spock

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.210

Jim,

I am sure these are being read by Strun and not by you. However, as a particularly peculiar cadet told me, saving all communications is important. You may not see these now as they come to you, but maybe eventually. Recently Nyota complained that I am not romantic. I wonder if you would say the same. Would I take her to the many botanical gardens on Vulcan and watch her examine the plants with wonder? Most likely, no. Not because I don’t find her beautiful or interesting, but few things seem to bring her wonder, even in the vastness of space. You, Jim, were in my mother’s garden for a week on Earth and, although maybe I shouldn’t have, I often watched you tending to it on her behalf. Looking at each plant with excitement despite their indigeneity to Earth. You had that same look as we explored Downtown ShiKahr. You have a sense of wonder about you that no being can match and I wish you could be on the Farragut with us. 

Spock

  
  


* * *

To: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

From: UNKNOWN

Stardate 2254.211

There is so much I want to say to you… Strun reads your messages to me… It’s disgusting hearing them from his mouth. I just… I wish I could read them for myself. I never expected Spock would wax poetic over me… 

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.212

There is a stardeck that I believe you would spend all your free time at when given the chance. Never have I told you this, at least I don’t believe I have. Space reminds me much of your mind. We have only fully shared minds once, but it is an experience I will never forget. To an outsider, someone who does not understand you or know you may see your mind as disorganized. It is like the vastness of space. Ever-expanding and seemingly chaotic. But there are laws and rules your mind follows. Organization in ways that make sense to who you are. It is overwhelming to say the least. T’Pring’s mind is the only other mind I have explored with such depth and it seems empty in comparison. I am afraid to see Uhura’s… It may completely destroy our relationship if I see her mind so entirely. 

I have tried to understand the phrase “waxing poetic”. Maybe when we meet again you can recommend Vulcan poetry to me, so that I may understand? Or even human. Do you read Romulan and Orion? During the time I have been meditating about our relationship I realized I barely know anything about you. It is frustrating. You were right to deny access to you romantically, I am undeserving when I barely know anything about my friend Jim Kirk. Maybe I am self-centered? This requires further meditation. 

Spock

* * *

To: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

From: UNKNOWN

Stardate 2254.220

you are self-centered. 

but so am i. 

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C1

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.221

Jim,

As I have said previously, you are not self-centered. You do not care for your own wellbeing except when it comes to me. I believe the boundaries that you set with me are as selfish as you get. As you should be. You deserve to be self-centered for once.

The USS Farragut will dock at Earth Stardate 2254.232. I expect you to be at the Academy 2254.240. Remember, if I do not see you I will believe you have been trafficked off-planet and will have to find you myself. You do not want me chasing you across the star system. Jim, you may believe that I follow rules too closely, but recently as of late, I realize a lot of rules are not here to protect you or me. If I must break every Federation regulation to ensure your safety, I will. 

Spock

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C2

From: Spock, S’chn T’gai First Officer, Science Officer

Stardate 2254.233

Jim, 

I suppose I forgot to mention that I have not updated Doctor McCoy on your status. He will be in your shared quarters by now and wonder where you have gone missing. Days will pass and Dr. McCoy will grow anxious about your disappearance. Does Dr. McCoy have access to your home in Iowa? I am sure he will go to the authorities before he asks anyone in Star Fleet questions. Your parcels of requests from Vulcan will remain in my home until you are available to collect them. Captain Pike is growing increasingly anxious about your lack of communication, information, and whereabouts. It does not need to be said that I feel the same. Maybe I would be less anxious if we were to deepen our connection, but that is an illogical thought. We are not, so I will remain as anxious as I am. 

Please be safe.

Spock

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C2

From: McCoy, Leonard Medical Officer, MD

Stardate 2254.234

Jimmy, we’re all getting worried over here… I understand not emailing me cause you’re avoiding physician appointments (not really but your guilt trips are weird). But you haven’t said shit to Gaila all summer? That ain’t like you. You communicated with that woman non-stop over winter break, I know cause she told me several times over the summer complaining about not hearing from you. You act like you like to mess around and leave people wondering where you are, but you’re not like that. Gaila is worried. I’m worried. I don’t want to talk to that…. ugh The Vulcan, but I will. 

Jimmy I better see you when classes start. 

Leonard McCoy

* * *

To: James T. Kirk, C2

From: Gaila, C3

Stardate 2254.235

Jimmy… I’m really worried about… Mitchell keeps running around saying things about you? I really hope you didn’t end up back with him this summer. Bones said he can’t find you. Since when do you ignore us? I really missed you, I hope you know. You should have been with us, you worked too hard to not be up there… But, I think, and I probably shouldn’t say this with Uhura right behind me getting unpacked… I think Spock missed you. He was irritated the entire trip. I’ve never seen an FO yell like he did… I’ve never seen Spock yell, period. Uhura even avoided him like half the time, I think she might break up with him if he doesn’t get better… 

Please be safe Jimmy.

* * *

To: SF SF ACADEMY; ALL

From: SF SF ACADEMY Alert System

Stardate 2254.240

This is the all-campus alert system. There is a student on campus that all should be aware of. James Tiberius Kirk, rank: Cadet 2. 

Attached to this notice you will find video and photographic evidence of the cadet working for a known brothel. 

Cadet is known for violent outbursts and will accept money in exchange for work. James T. Kirk is wanted for breaking Federation regulations. 

DO NOT INTERACT WITH STUDENT. 

IF STUDENT IS SEEN, ALERT THE NEAREST AUTHORITIES. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having surgery tomorrow so I gifted this to you a day early. 
> 
> If I'm feeling nice I might give you another chapter becuase this is such a different format, thus shorter of content. 
> 
> but I'm also an asshole so I may just make you gobble this up and leave you hanging for more. We're slowly getting into the thick of it. The juicey bits if you will... Or back to the juice. IDK. 
> 
> Leave comments kudos.


End file.
